The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

You have been phenomenal @rockingbird you should be very, very proud of yourself.

I too made a promise to myself last year and didn't even manage to complete Dry January. Then in February 2022 I finally did it!!! I finally pulled the plug on the major thing that was ruining my life.

It's not to say being AF is a magic cure (it isn't at all and I have several other issues in my life I need to tackle) but drinking was my ultimate demon. I never, ever want to go back there.

I'll be raising a AF glass at Midnight knowing that I don't have to have that exhausting battle with myself about my drinking.

Ha yes @Crunchymum I too will be raising an AF drink and celebrating the fact I’ll wake up without a hangover, with no Dry Jan guilt, I never managed a whole month and used to lie or make excuses why I HAD I have a drink on certain days.. I have loved sober Christmas, genuinely, had the odd pang as I still do for a fag after 17 years.. bit may have been more boring in some ways but I engaged with everyone here, made time for my kids, played with my DNs, was only slightly irritated once (with DH). I’ve cleared my inbox this morning and feel rightly rested.. long live sobriety!

rockingbird you should indeed be very proud of yourself. What a year for you!

As for embarrassing stories, I think in time you find them less embarrassing or at least I do. But there are the odd ones that come back up in my mind sometimes and I feel my face go red with the memory. But I tell myself that I can't change that it happened but I have done what I needed to do to make sure I don't do it again. I also figure that everyone, whether to do with alcohol or not has done embarrassing things, it's human.

I have a friend and neighbour who keeps going on about a time when my car wouldn't start and I had to be at the hospital with my son. I lost it because I was so stressed. She brings it up all the time. It does rankle because it was one moment in my otherwise zen character 😉. I figure she brings it up for a few reasons...one is that she is highly strung and loses it on a constant basis so it makes her feel better that someone who is usually calm can do that too. And partly because it's so out of character that it stands out to her. I'll give her both of these to be honest. I laugh when she mentions it, agree that I was an arsehole and it passes. I think she would be devastated if she knew it bugged me. So, I try to think it's her thing, not mine and I choose to not let it annoy me. Not easy though.

This amused me today

Checking in again - Wendy, I’m sos sorry about your friend and your DB being unwell - such a shitty time of year for sad things.

I’m ticking on ok - Christmas was fine, though I did accidentally pick up what I thought was my AF drink and it was DH’s white port and something which was so disgusting that I spat it back into his glass (would have done that anyway, even if I was three sheets to the wind) so it went down the sink anyway. Poor guy.

We host NYE drinks every year so need to get some “good” stuff in for that - people don’t get too wasted these days so should be easy ish I hope. Just going to have to fend off questions about why, why but why, but can’t you just? What about just one on celebratory occasions? What about your birthday? Surely you’ll have a drink at my wedding though? What never again?

I’m quite keen for that questioning bit to be over really. I also think that friends believe I’m rocking and whimpering inside my head thinking how desperate I am for a drink and I really am not. The odd pang where I play the tape forward and I’m just glad I’m sober. But it’s not tactful to say to someone slurping their 4th G&T.

Love that onewildandpreciouslife 😅

Hello lovely sober sisters
I had a reasonably stressful day at work. Fleeting thoughts of drinking on my arrival home when the OH decided to unload his own stress onto me before I'd sat down but now finishing my work and drinking tea. Pretty ok all round

Good to see you @Tramma - the questions are a bit painful arent they?

Well done on surviving your stress and OH’s @wanttobesober !

I got a bit fed up of DH moaning about being tired today. I made the mistake of pointing out that perhaps the daytime drinking wasn’t helping. Was asked if I was being judgey- no, just truthful. Probably better to keep quiet on that front!

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife @WendyWagon @Stircrazyschoolmum your comments have made me feel much better!

Tonight's thing is the ridiculously crap AF drink selection in bars across the Uk and maybe the world! I've been to a wedding reception tonight and wonder why the only proper AF drink that bars stock is Heineken 0. I would have loved a fake gin but nope, there was no choice at all. It seems mad when the sales figures for AF drinks prove that people want them. I would have happily paid the same price for an AF gin. Tonight's party was at a distillery too. Just poor. And boring!

I completely hear you

precious
I am outrageously intolerant of and judgmental about OH's alcohol related ailments.
It's just so obvious that his irritability, tiredness, heartburn, and any number of other problems are caused, in no small part, by drinking and it's so tedious to listen to him complaining while he refuses to even keep my "preferred " and most triggering poison out of the house
I am mean 😆

Morning all checking in with my early morning cuppa in bed. The wind has been howling all night here..! I was just thinking about the 'why don't you have one' excuses 🧐 being a new year approaching I'm going to put it out there that this coming year I have decided to go a year AF. No one needs to know about the black outs, the mis-haps or embarrassing incidents. But they could actually benefit from hearing about my experience of living alcohol free. It's a game changer right? Imagine being the one who others aspire to be.

Positive mindset today 🙅‍♀️ much love xx

Morning all.
I ventured out to the shops yesterday. Nothing in them. Husband on hols this week after the strikes. First morning without someone in my sitting room hogging the sofa. Not sure anyone drank anything here. The boys drink tiny amounts of beer and the DD hates alcohol. Should be a walk in the park for me but I am not good with bereavement trauma. Brings it all back. I have nothing in the house but it is a struggle. I can look at the sherry etc and be okay. Avoiding offers to 'cheer me up' as I am so near my year. Have a good day my friends.

@wanttobesober I'm the same with DH. It's so obvious to sober me that a lot of his health niggles are alcohol related but I have to bite my tongue. He's doing a 50 mile running race in April and reckons after NYD he won't drink until that so I'm hoping that after 3 months AF he'll see the benefits.

He keeps trying to persuade me to moderate or says he reckons I won't stay dry permanently. We shall see.

I kind of had an epiphany recently about where my unhealthy relationship with alcohol stems from. The first time I got drunk I was 11 - my dad was determined to find me an alcoholic drink I liked for Christmas. I was ELEVEN. Fucks sake.

Morning all.
@Newmum738 it’s irritating isn’t it. I used to be really uncomfortable asking for AF options, but I make a point of it now!
You are really living up to your username @rockingbird - you go!
Hugs @WendyWagon - hang in there.
The thing is @wanttobesober my DH doesn’t drink much, but he doesn’t realise how much better off he’d be without it. Mind you, because it’s the holidays he did rack up a fair few units yesterday (yes, I was counting- at least I refrained from telling him the score!)

@MyGhastIsFlabbered port and lemon, 14.

Newmum - couldn’t agree more about AF options. Apart from the fact there are plenty of people who drink less or not at all, what about drivers? Virgin Marys are next on my rota.

precious - my DH also doesn’t necessarily link being tired to his sporadic drinking. He put away quite a solid amount yesterday finishing off with a slug of brandy from his Christmas presents and is still in bed now. He was always most sympathetic to any hangover I had (surprisingly rare considering how much I put away) so I let him be. He is drinking slightly less though since I’ve stopped. One glass at dinner out instead of half a bottle and a Campari or whatever.

Ghast - 11 is unbelievable. Wow. I’d be so resentful of that.

wendywagon <hug>

Wow @MyGhastIsFlabbered sorry to hear that. You didn't stand a chance!

@wanttobesober @Onewildandpreciouslife 1 bottle of AF gin on the shelf does not seem too much to ask. There was plenty of room on the shelf. I might write to them 😂 Or start an index of places with AF drinks where I live. There are some really great places and some dreadful places. One gin bar has about 10 AF options!

@WendyWagon thinking of you x

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I hear you. My mum started giving me Malibu and pineapple around the same age (I’ve still no clue why other than we grew up in an alcohol soaked environment and I lost a large potion of my teen years parenting my parents) My teens showed no interest at all in drinking over Christmas so I guess I can feel relief that I’ve not corrupted them!

Interesting to hear the thoughts on dryjan. Personally I find it takes the pressure off for a month as everyone goes gung-ho healthy. The really fascinating bit is it shines a light on those who are far more dependent on alcohol than they realise, by the second weekend the excuses start happening, the slips, the golden passes… and I say this as someone who has most definitely been there!!

Morning all,

Interesting to think about having the first drink. I remember being allowed to have a Babycham when I was about 10.

My family are all drinkers. Mum was very restrained but drank daily (albeit 1 weak beer or Guinness) dad the same but drinks more now mum is gone. Brother 1 and SIL drink every day and binge at weekends, Brother 2 and SIL are weekend bingers. Sister was teetotal for most of her 20's but now in her 30's drinks daily. No-one is a "down and out alchie" but they all have issues with booze.

DP's side is worse. He has lost two uncles to alcohol related illnesses and has an aunt who will be dead within the year if she ever drinks again. He has a cousin who 'drinks upon waking' - this is on his mums side. He also has a cousin in and out of AA on his dad's side as well as the usual binge drinkers and daily drinkers.

No non drinkers on either side of our families!!!

It leads me on to my friends. One I think has a drink issue akin to my own, a few daily drink moderate amounts, a few binge. Only one is totally AF and has been for several years (she is the child of an alcoholic).

So in a quick count up of aprox 50 people [siblings, aunts, uncles, adult cousins, friends] I can name two non drinkers!! Myself being one of them. That is bloody terrifying.

Sorry I've gone off on a bit of a tangent there.

Thankfully DP is not a drinker. He used to drink in his 20's (we all did) but as we've got older and had kids etc it's just not his thing. He'll have a beer sometimes and drinks if he goes out, which is rare nowadays. It does help. I cannot imagine how I'd have felt if he was a heavy or even a moderate drinker so respect to you all dealing with that!