Sober October - Penguin huddle and chat

[goldfinchonthelawn]

@brightspice has a great thread going on how to do Sober October with a difference, with inspirational actions to take each day.

I'm on there but also fancied a general chat and penguin huddle for anyone up for it, so as not to hijack that focused thread with other stuff.

penguin huddles came about on a Dry Jan thread a couple of years ago. If you feel like a drink and struggle, come to the huddle and we tuck you up in the middle and surround you until you feel ready to waddle off into sobriety again.

Yesterday I had cranberry and soda while all around me were dirnking gin and wine. I loved waking up with a clear head.

Here are some penguins for Day 2.

That sounds lovely bookaholic.

@EndlessTea thank you for those tips. A few people have told me that Nozecco is very drinkable so I will give it a go. I love Brooklyn AF lager, even when I am drinking DH usually buiys that for me if we have a curry as he knows I like it as much as any other lager.

Good point about being thirsty after a day of drinking coffee. I fancy a cranberry and soda now,. Actually genuinely fancy it, rather than a glass of wine,. More refreshing.

Interesting what Adrian Chgiles said. I think I see drink as a sort of medication. Recently i've noticed choosing it to blur and blunt my evenings and I want to stop that and figure out what it is that I want to be desensitzed from and deal with it. Not coping brilliantly with an empty nest, and though I love my job it is 90% WFH so I get very bored and lonely, then end up watching TV with Dh and not seeing anyone from one week to the next. Need to build in more evening activity, I think.

But meanwhile, back on TV... We've been watching Karen Pirie (good); The Inside Man (ridiculous) and Crossfire (passes the time) which DH calls Keeley in Corridors because that's what it is, mainly - Keeley Hawes sneaking around hotel corridors with a gun for three episodes.

@Bookaholic Happy Birthday in advance. All of those sound like good plans. You could order a really gripping book to your Kindle and make a big pot of fresh mint or other herbal/fruit tea and take them to bed with you.

@Bookaholic73 sounds like a wonderful birthday to me. Except cake. You need cake.
Happy birthday!

I'm tired tonight so I'm planning dinner then an early night with my book. This is when I start thinking about buying wine. "Oh I'll just have a glass with dinner". Only, I won't.

@Bookaholic73 - your birthday plan sounds great. Will you be all alone or do you have DCs? You could always include "log on to Sober October" to read birthday messages from fellow SOers. 😀

@PaperwhiteTheGhost - agree with you about late night mindless drinking and phone scrolling/ You Tube. I always find sleeping difficult when I don't drink - my main problem is getting off to sleep and wine is good for helping with that but then you wake up at 4am. I couldn't sleep at all last night and when I eventually did drop off I then overslept and was almost late for work.

Hoping it improves with time.

Thank you everyone.

@PaperwhiteTheGhost my son & I are going to be making a cake, double chocolate 😅

@Cherrymix ah, I like that idea, I’ll add it to the list!

Had a lovely evening this evening at my running group, and have plans to meet them again Friday. So that’s 3 evenings a week that I’ll be too busy for drinking.
Currently feeling really positive, and have all my plans ready for the temptation tomorrow.

@Cherrymix Sorry to hear about your bad sleep. If you really need a guaranteed good night's sleep, I find an antihistamine knocks me out quite easily.

@Bookaholic73 - running sounds good. 3 times a week is brilliant! I made it to Bootcamp today after a break of way too long. It was lovely. I'd forgotten how fun and lively everyone is.

@PaperwhiteTheGhost - I know that, 'Oh I'll just have a glass with dinner,' feeling. I'm trying to be more conscious of how much is learned behaviour. There's been a big marketing push over the past few decades to suggest that a glass or two or three of wine on a school night is normal, sophisticated, what the French do (they don't!) A sign of living well and enjoying yourself. But actually it's a fuzzy head, sour breath, poor memory and balance, weight gain. I would love to mix more with people who don't drink.

Tonight was the first night when I didn't want a glass of wine. I just thought, ooh cranberry and soda. Didn't even twitch when DH poured his. Hope that continues.

Day 3 for me and I'm quite chuffed as Wednesday would normally be "Wednesday wine" night. I went to yoga last night and have Pilates booked for tomorrow. Friday and the weekend will be a challenge but looking forward to the company and support of you all this month.

What a lovely thread. I missed out on 1st too so day 4 for me whoop.

I had the wine. I feel so annoyed with myself.

But, it was less than the usual amount, went to bed at a decent time without scrolling and I got up at 8.30 when I didn't have to and have had one of @EndlessTea s suggested "sacred mornings" (a modified version, just a cup of tea in bed I'm afraid, I'm not good at meditation)

I'm starting a run of early shifts this weekend and will have to be up at 4.45, so hopefully my sensible brain will take over and stop me drinking or I'll be knackered and useless.

So just tonight and tomorrow night to get through...

Ah never mind about the wine @PaperwhiteTheGhost - and as my namesake suggests, a nice cuppa is pretty sacred to me.
If you find meditation difficult, something that really helped me to start off with, was to sit up in bed, gently do a series of neck stretches and spine twists until I felt my spine, shoulders and neck were in a good alignment (about 1 minute), then I check in with myself. How do I feel? Is something bothering me? At this point I might need to take some gentle deep breaths. Is there a niggle? I try not to dwell on anything, but often this is the time I make some good decisions which don’t occur to me when my thoughts are crowded. I might suddenly decide ‘right, this weekend we go to visit my fil’ even though my daytime head would think it was too inconvenient/difficult to organise at such short notice.

I think it’s wonderful you had your morning time though, if you keep at it, you won’t even be tempted by booze because you’ll by far prefer the feeling of being connected to yourself and your life.

Happy birthday 🎂 @Bookaholic73 !
Have a most wonderful day!
One more thing - get a bottle of Nozecco chilling in your fridge. Nothing feels like celebration as much as a popping cork and a glug glug fizz of bubbly into your champagne glass!

@EndlessTea Thank you so much. It’s been a lovely chilled day.

Almost 3.40pm and the cravings have just started. I’m about to head out the door with the dogs, to walk them. I’ve also arranged to meet a friend at the gym at 5pm, and I have my bottle of AF wine chilling in the fridge.

I keep reminding myself that the best birthday present I could have, is a sober one. So that’s all I’m concentrating on at the moment. I'm literally taking it one day at a time, one minute at a time today.

I’ve started follow some sober and sober curious people online, and I’m finding that helpful.

Deep breaths.

I’ve had quite a number of changes in my life since I’ve not felt like drinking and one of them is the feeling that ‘this is as good as it gets’. What I mean is, in the past, I’d have somewhere, in the back of my mind, “I’ll have a glass or two of wine later”.
This knowledge that I would be altering my mental state later on, looking forward to it, meant part of me was already writing off the present by promising myself this thing in the future. I didn’t realise I was doing it until I stopped doing it.
Now that I don’t give myself the option, I have this spontaneous thought of ‘so this is as good as it gets’, my awareness of my surroundings comes to life and I get so much more out of the moment I’m actually in.
In practise, what this means, is that I don’t rush through stuff, don’t cart the kids to bed to get them out of the way, don’t give my pets the brush off, etc. I spend much more of my time in a state of marvel and wonder, appreciating everything. This has happened completely naturally and has been an unexpected surprise.
Other things that have come from this change is that I am more up for trying stuff out. For example last weekend I went to Centerparcs with the fam (one of those morning strokes of genius) and in the past, DH and I would have settled in, cracked open the wine, slept in the next day fuggy headed and not given into the kids wanting to go to the pool until the early afternoon.
This time, we went for a beautiful nature walk in the morning, played badminton!!! (Seriously I would never have dreamed we’d ever do that as a family- especially after all the lock-down weight we put on), tried archery, had a boat ride and swam loads. I really loved every minute of it and I just don’t think I would have loved it so much if in the back of my mind was ‘I’ll crack open a bottle of wine later’.
I know this thread is for sober October people rather than teetotallers, but I wanted to give you a bit of encouragement. If you feel a bit flat and like ‘I’ve got nothing to look forward to’… maybe soon, you’ll start thinking ‘so I may as well appreciate now’ and it will turn out to be the best part of not drinking over all.

That is such a lovely post. Thank you, @EndlessTea . Taking pleasure in the moment and feeling at your most alive in the moment are two really great benefits.
What I'd love to manage is being sober socially. I never think of myself as having social anxiety but I do drink very quickly and a lot (whether it's water or wine) as a sort of nervous habit in company. I would struggle at a party with just a glass of water, or at dinner. I really, really would like to learn how to not just get through but actively enjoy and relax at a social get together without wine. I can;t remember when I last did.

Happy Birthday @Bookaholic73 . Have and and

and of course 🐧🐦

@PaperwhiteTheGhost

Come back into the huddle. Don't worry about having had wine. Just have a go at a sober night tonight.

Thank you @goldfinchonthelawn
The way I see it, is maybe you don’t really like those kind of gatherings in reality and the alcohol helped you to kid yourself that you did.
I don’t say that to be annoying, I think it’s worth being honest about what you do and don’t actually enjoy. They key is to do more of what you do enjoy less of what you don’t, and the need to disconnect from reality will disappear.
On the other hand, I’ve found myself much calmer, less anxious. Although I haven’t been to any drinks parties, I have been to a music festival and I think key to feeling okay about is the thought ‘if I’m bored or don’t feel at ease in the company I can always go home, have a nice barley cup and read a book’. There’s no pressure to stick it out if you’re uncomfortable.

@EndlessTea that is such a great post. My relationship has been up and down like a yo yo with alcohol and everything you said about marveling in the now is so true. I'm actually able to deal with some situations especially with kids not so emotionally and think oh they're stressing me out I deserve wine. That has always been back of head too I'll have some later that'll calm me I'll be ok then etc but in reality it made everything worse. From stupid texts to fighting with family. Everything was left and messy in my head and house when all I want to do is drink. I also agree with @goldfinchonthelawn about the social stuff I never thought I had social anxiety until I used to watch myself drink before the event, drink too fast, talk rubbish and feeling so much remorse next day and depressed. And @EndlessTea you are correct I think I'm avoiding all social situations but maybe I just don't enjoy their company! Does that make me unsociable though? Day 5....

@EndlessTea you are very wise. You should write a book- or at least an essay!

Oh
Bad times
I accidentally had some wine 🤦🏽‍♀️🙄😢🤷🏻‍♀️

Ooh can I join please?

I started the 2nd like someone upthread and I ALMOST caved tonight, I even went so far as going to buy a bottle of red.

Drove home and had second thoughts, it's still in the car!

I have been feeling so much better in the mornings, no hangover fug.

Well done to everyone and to those who have had a glass don't beat yourself up, the cravings are real, we've all done it!

Hi @lifeturnsonadime that was me too started on the 2nd, also have a bottle of wine in the car (from before though) well done for not caving !! And don't worry the ones who have ! It's all a learning EXPERIENCE. We shall get there one day. day 5 tho it's been tough not going to lie. Also @Bookaholic73 I hope.you had a lovely AF birthday my aim is to have one this year(December)

Hi @lifeturnsonadime - welcome.

You to recap: people are welcome to join any time. If anyone lapses and has a drink, there's no failure. You just jump back in the huddle and take it from there.

Tips on nice alternatives to wine-as-a-reward are very welcome. I've been drinking cranberry and raspberry with soda and loads of ice but fancy a change.

You to recap? I meant Just to recap. Can't even type when I'm sober!

@Bookaholic73 - belated birthday greetings. I hope you read this in the morning with a lovely clear one day older head.
@EndlessTea - thank you for the lovely posts - especially the ones about living in the moment.

I'm late on tonight because I have spent the whole evening doing stuff - meeting an old friend and preparing for the arrival of MIL. Got to the end of all that and was hit by a sneaky idea that maybe a glass of wine from the bottle I bought for MIL arrival would be a good idea. After all, I thought, I have done well so far and have excelled myself in cleaning the spare room on a weekday evening. Hmmm

Fortunately I came on here and remembered that I'm doing sober october. Sleep tight penguionos.