Sober October - Penguin huddle and chat

[goldfinchonthelawn]

@brightspice has a great thread going on how to do Sober October with a difference, with inspirational actions to take each day.

I'm on there but also fancied a general chat and penguin huddle for anyone up for it, so as not to hijack that focused thread with other stuff.

penguin huddles came about on a Dry Jan thread a couple of years ago. If you feel like a drink and struggle, come to the huddle and we tuck you up in the middle and surround you until you feel ready to waddle off into sobriety again.

Yesterday I had cranberry and soda while all around me were dirnking gin and wine. I loved waking up with a clear head.

Here are some penguins for Day 2.

Evening all penguinos. So lovely to find you. Have been a DJ penguin for several years now but then it all goes pear shaped over the summer and here I am definately needing to get on board the iceberg.

Could be tricky this month as have family gathering plus a holiday - just me and DH for the first time in many years but i'm telling myself that staying sober will make the hols more memorable (and more money to spend on local food delicacies).

@Bookaholic73 - shove that wine to the back of your cupboard - maybe rediscover it when you are fumbling around in a winter power cut looking for some candles.

I actually started a day early and have lined up some good telly catch up to get myself through to Halloween ....

Good morning. God damn it, I drank the wine.
I’m so annoyed with myself. I went out for a walk, met a friend and chatted the evening away.
Then I came home and drank the bottle.

Trying not to beat myself up, no point really. I am just going to try and learn a lesson here.
I use alcohol in the good moments as well as bad moments, so I need to have an arsenal of other ideas to fall back on in each situation.

Thanks for all of your ideas, I’m writing them down today for future reference.

Don't beat yourself up Bookaholic73 today is a new day reset and start again 😘

@Bookaholic73 Don't worry about yesterday.

Back into the huddle

I almost caved when getting beer for son and DH but I got some cordial instead Robinson raspberry rhubarb & Orange blossom down to £2 in the co op 😘

@madmumofteens Oh nice tip. I am going to the co- op in a moment. I'll look out for it.

Evening all. Going well so far. With no DC at home DH and I are eating later in the evening and this is making it easier for me to avoid boredom drinking. Plus its only Tuesday - the danger zone for me will be Thursday/ Friday.

Off to watch Bake Off with cup of tea

Well done @madmumofteens
I am so glad I haven’t had a drink this evening.
Just lots of juice and water. Cups of tea.

I've decanted upstairs started watching diiary of a gigolo some eye candy instead Bookaholic73 😂

I’ve rediscovered Appletiser… I always forget how much I like the taste! I think I like it more than white wine!!
All good here, off to bed with a peppermint tea. Nite nite all!

Hi everyone,

Well done on the tea and Appletiser. I struggled today. Both DC back at uni after a long summer and then DS2 had a wobble and I so wanted a glass of wine, But had a cup of tea instead and watched ^hours6 of rubbish TV. I need to get out in the evenings and do stuff.

Nice one @goldfinchonthelawn can’t beat a cup of tea. I’m the same, I need to get out in the evenings. So I’ve joined a running group twice a week.
plus I’m moving my gym sessions to evenings.

The cravings always start as I’m making dinner. I’m just used to pouring a glass of wine as I’m cooking.

Hello
I've only started today, because I am thoroughly ashamed of my lack of self control when it comes to wine. I'll start with a glass, but I can't stop at one or two. Before I know it the bottle is gone and I've opened another. And then I end up staying up late, watching mindless YouTube videos or scrolling social media.

And I drink so often. Far far too often. It's costing me money I can't spare, making me a shit friend/sister/partner, making me knackered all the time and has caused me to call in sick for work too often.

I want to regain some control. I don't drink at all when I'm working (shift work, mix of earlies lates and nights, so usually no drinks between shifts, but its started to creep in a bit on earlies) and I don't ever crave it when I'm on a run of shifts, so I know it's just a habit. I'm so used to sitting down at the end of the day with that first glass of wine and dinner. It's become something I don't even think about.

Anyway, today I got home from looking after my sisters kids this afternoon. I didn't buy any wine. I've had a tea and an orange juice. It feels good.

Welcome @PaperwhiteTheGhost You're right - so much of it is habit. And false logic. It feels like a treat after a bad day or a reward for a good one. But you end up feeling rougher. I had some family stress to sort out today and really wanted to reach for a glass of wine but realised I'd end up tired and woolly headed tomorrow and that wouldn't help at all.

Thanks 😊
I slept really badly, I feel like my brain has decided it needs wine to sleep!
I'm appreciating the clear head this morning though, and trying to really notice how much better I feel than I would if I'd had wine.

I hope it’s okay to post here. I stopped drinking in the middle of June this year and I have found loads of coping strategies which I feel might help, although I am not struggling myself atm.

i just wanted to share. So regarding Appletizer totally get that - if you get through loads - a glass of 30-50% apple juice made up with sparkling water, or apple squash with sparkling water really hits the spot.
My favourite alcohol free beer is Moretti Zero, alcohol free gin is Tanqueray, Nozecco is a really nice alcohol free sparkling wine and I am still working through the de-alcoholised still wines.

What my strategy has been is to fill my fridge and sideboard with alcohol-free versions (I order a 24 bottle box of Moretti Zero from Amazon) and if I fancy a glass of wine, a G&T, glass of Prosecco or a bottle of beer - I can have one. I feel no loss or lack. I can now drink gin without the thick head.

As time’s gone on I am less likely to want any of it, but it’s still there if I do.

For me, the thing that really helped was making my early mornings my sacred time - where I get up before everyone else and meditate, light a candle, check in with myself. I love that time and I know that one drink and that time would be obliterated, so I have almost developed a shuddering kind of aversion to the thought of drinking booze now.

The other thing, is giving myself the present of going to bed early and reading a novel, making everything cosy. In the past, I think I was often using booze to kill time or unwind when I was downstairs, when really I would have been happier turning in early. There are many other situations where I would use booze to drown out an inner voice that I wasn’t comfortable in a situation- boundary-violating friends, doing things on others’ terms, etc. Since streamlining my life and developing healthier boundaries (including my internal boundaries) I really have lost the desire to distance myself from reality through drink. I don’t say this to gloat or something, I just think that giving up booze is pretty effortless if you address what’s driving it.

Good luck everyone and be loving and gentle with yourselves.

Thank you so much for the tips @EndlessTea
I’d love my early mornings to be like yours. They used to be, before drinking.

I haven’t found a good AF wine yet, so think I’ll continue to experiment with soft drinks.

Last night was AF, and I had so much trouble sleeping. It’s odd, because I don’t sleep well after a bottle of wine, but I don’t seem to be sleeping any better without it. Maybe that’s something that’ll come with time.

Bookaholic73
Yes I think sleep will come once you adjust. I recommend treating yourself with love and adoration. Making your bed a cosy nest, using pillow spray, take up a camomile tea, play some relaxing music and treat yourself like a queen- avoiding looking at your phone, avoiding anything that might prey upon your mind and reading a novel instead. Really spoil yourself at bedtime and fall into a delicious sleep.

Thank you for sharing @EndlessTea I agree that having a lovely cosy bed makes a difference, I put clean sheets on yesterday and it felt luxurious! My watch has a mindfulness/breathing thing on it that I’m trying to do each morning, it really helps now it’s dark!

Completely hear you on the sparkling water and Apple juice - less sugar and expense in the long term. Can’t say I’ve ever tried Moretti - more a becks blue girl - but every recommendation is useful and having lots of options helps. I know by tea time I’m usually dehydrated from too much tea/coffee, so it’s useful to accept I’m thirsty.. I need a drink but it can be non alcoholic!

Whats everyone watching on telly? I’ve just binged watched AIBU, which certainly reinforced why I’m not drinking anymore!

@Stircrazyschoolmum I’ve been going back and watching my old favourites on Netflix.

Ghost Whisperer (why did I not realise how rubbish it was?)
Buffy
Charmed

But now I would like to watch the new Dahmer series, but worried I’ll get nightmares.

StirCrazySchoolMum
it’s useful to accept I’m thirsty.. I need a drink but it can be non alcoholic!

This is so true. I actually find it alarming how much I need to drink in the evenings - to think that most of that liquid would have had alcohol in it before. I also quite like diet caffeine free coke or a hot barley cup if water is too boring and I’m not in the mood for fake booze.

I watched The Suspect - pretty good, now I’m on Karen Pirie - also pretty good.

@Bookaholic73 I slept badly last night- I think my subconscious thinks I can't sleep without a drink. Also, I've got into the terrible habit of going to bed and sitting on my phone (still drinking) until I'm literally falling asleep. I need to train myself into a better sleep routine- starting by banning screen time in bed!

@EndlessTea thank you for your insightful post. I've never been a morning person- maybe I'll give it a go!

I saw Adrien Chiles on Loose Women today talking about his own drinking and he said something interesting- he became mindful of his drinking and thought about home many drinks he's actually wanted and enjoyed, and how many have been habit, or for the sake if it. I definitely think I drink mindlessly at times. And that in my head sitting down to chill in the evening needs to involve wine, whether I actually fancy a drink or not.

@paperwhitetheghost Examining habits/mindfulness is so much the way to go. I used to have a habit of thinking I wasn’t a morning person, in fact I was a night owl. In my younger days I was an opt-out subversive party animal (so I thought) - but now I realise the desire to escape, free to the wind and get off my face was actual rooted in pain, like the death of my dad and other crappy situations. I think my party animal persona helped me cope back then, but I don’t need it any more, yet the lingering habit of mind “stay up late, be a night owl, mornings are for squares” still persisted until I began my ‘sacred mornings’. I think I needlessly kept my self up drinking until I crashed out on the sofa, just to keep my personal ‘coping myth’ alive.

@PaperwhiteTheGhost tgats actually interesting, re drinking because of habit or because we actually enjoy it. Definitely food for thought there.

So, tomorrow is my birthday. I’m worried I will drink. Hubby is away for work, and I’m not celebrating in any way apart from getting a takeaway.

I REALLY don’t want to buy a bottle of wine. So I’m going to spending an hour this evening coming up with all the things I can do to prevent it.
I have bought a bottle of AF wine, in case I feel the need to have something in a glass, if that makes sense.

I need to plan tomorrow evening as much as possible in advance, so that I don’t cave.

So far, my plan is from 4pm onwards, which is when my cravings always hit.

4pm: Take the dogs for a walk.
5pm: Do dinner.
6pm: Go to the gym.
7-8pm Have a shower, do some heavy duty self care (moisturise, skincare etc)

Then I plan on having a nice early night, take a book to bed and maybe do a little writing (my hobby is writing).

What do you all think?