Hi
I haven't seen a dedicated thread for the families or partners of alcoholics / problem drinkers so I thought I'd start one for people to check in for support.
My mother was a problem drinker from when I was 12 until she died when I was 36 2 years ago . I was nc at the time
Currently divorcing a drinker and feeling quite low about it all suddenly. I know there was nothing else I could do but it doesn't make it easier .
Have given al-anon a thought a few times but I'm not sure in person / zoom meetings are for me.
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Alcohol support
Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking
fedup078 · 02/07/2022 07:37
pointythings · 17/07/2022 21:37
@fedup078 I understand where you are coming from - the disintegration process seems to have been much faster than it was with me. My husband managed to well and truly kill any remaining love I had for him in the last 4 months of our marriage. There was a brief period while he was in rehab when I saw the old him coming back, the man I married, but the way he behaved after his relapse killed that off. (BTW what did it for me was not the relapse into drinking - I could have handled that. It was the relapse into the lying, the gaslighting and the manipulation that made me end things).
When I got the news that he had died, my main feeling was relief.
pointythings · 18/07/2022 09:48
@Mememene I could bore you for hours with the last 6 months of his life, so I won't. What I do know is that it is possible to find sobriety, because my Dsis' partner did - he's 11 years sober.
My husband never got past the stage of admitting he had a problem. He was in rehab for 6 weeks (not enough) and never took that first step. All he did was tough it out and pay lip service, thinking he could go back to his old ways and I'd stay with him. He didn't realise that there was more than one rock bottom involved and I'd hit mine.
fedup078 · 23/07/2022 07:34
Weekend check in
How's everyone doing?
He's pretty much stuck to the no contact though the few phone calls I've had were certainly not emergencies
Quite upset I have to wait til the end of the year to process the divorce as this is the new system
I thought it would be done and dusted in a few months
fedup078 · 23/07/2022 09:31
Ah that reminds me @pointythings
I now have a first class degree and need to arrange my graduation
Cyberworrier · 23/07/2022 10:58
Hello everyone,
Well done to your daughters Pointy.
Oh I didn't realise this Fed Up about no fault divorces. Hmmm. I am going to see a solicitor next week. My husband still is refusing to talk to me. I went by our house when I knew he'd be out and it was filthy and kitchen surfaces covered in booze bottles. Quite upsetting though not surprising. I'm just hoping he will realise nothing is to be gained by refusing to engage. Time away from him is making me realise how strained everything was and how everything revolved around booze.
I'm meant to be moving back to our house next weekend and god knows what will happen, if he will have found anywhere to go to/refuse to cooperate. It's quite scary. And sad.
Fancydancer1934 · 23/07/2022 13:51
I'm really glad I found this thread. I divorced my husband 18 years ago due to his drinking. Despite this I have found myself using alcohol as a coping mechanism - coming out with all the shitty excuses he did. I don't know why this happened but something has kicked in and tonight will be my third night in a row with no alcohol after at least two weeks consecutive drinking. Im going to try my hardest not to be the person I loathed all those years ago.
KangarooKenny · 02/07/2022 07:51
No, they think he’s great and funny. They don’t see him slipping out for a bottle of wine at night, spilling wine on himself and the carpet.
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SortingItOut · 23/07/2022 21:33
Apologies, I thought with the new no fault divorce that was just an extra way to divorce and not that everything would go this way.
At least you don't have to actually write down 5 reasons and how they impacted you. It can be quite triggering.
fedup078 · 23/07/2022 21:42
Yeah mine talked me out of applying for the real reasons as he was scared of having it down on an official document and worried it would somehow get back to his employer
I should have just gone for it last year . Would have been sorted by now
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