Day 1 - Breaking the habit

[BacksideInParsley]

I am on Day 1 here. Looking for others who are at this initial stage of recovery.

I am here because I admit that my life has become unmanageable. I cannot cope with the crippling anxiety and chaos from nights drinking wine in front of the telly.

I called my Dad this morning and told him that I have been drinking 1.5 bottles of white wine on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday night and I can't do it anymore and want to stop. He said he is worried about me and it's positive that I've got to this stage of wanting to stop and is going to support me to do that.

I'm going to work on other things that can physically get me to break the habit. Move the TV into another room for the summer. Don't allow alcohol in the house.

I live with my DH who I would say is an alcoholic. We don't have kids. DH is working on his own sobriety separate to mine.

Trying to moderate is hard isn’t it. The penny dropped for me when a friend was talking about the three things she thinks about every day. I thought - one of mine is “am I having a drink tonight?”. That was massive for me and made me realise how much of my life I was wasting thinking about it/drinking it/hungover from alcohol. Also there’s a condition in my family that alcohol is a risk factor for.

What helped me

• Not hating myself


• Trying to see it as giving something to myself rather than taking away (podcasts/books help here)


• finding a passion (this has been huge gif me) - the outdoors camping/climbing etc..


• Seeing it as a journey. Not a straight line.


• celebrating my achievements


• telling supportive friends


• a supportive husband


• Counselling helped deal with some of the fallout of not drinking


• the realisation that I drank to help me deal with certain situations (noise, new things) and how I need another way to deal with those challenges.


• Early days- one day at a time


• being genuinely interested in finding out more about myself now I’m not numbing it all with alcohol.


• the realisation that I enjoy nights out (with good friends) more now. Although I am going out less as I can’t be bothered with some people now I’m sober!

Sorry - long list! It’s been 2.5 years for me now. Changed my life really. Life can be a bit raw without the blurring effect of alcohol but I’m learning to deal with it. And all my good friends are still my good friends. ❤️

That all sounds quite amazing @manlyago thank you for your time to post. I've realised also I attract toxic people because I'm a pushover and people pleaser and I get anxiety but then the drink then converts that into more anxiety and then it's a vicious cycle! I honestly wish it was never invented or like super expensive or illegal.

@Hahahehehoho I get where you are coming from. I was feeling absolutely like I was on fire and free for 8 weeks then thought oh I've done 8 weeks so now I can moderate er no. I can't. When do you think I'll learn? We can do this but it's so hard.

I think realising I couldn’t moderate was a massive (positive) changing point for me. So if it takes falling off the wagon to come to that realisation then it’s worth it, I think. ❤️

Some people can moderate but not people on these threads. And if they think they can they’re kidding themselves , all the rules they create for themselves to follow. Alcohol is still ruling their lives.

@Namechanged12344 I think exploring the reasons you attract toxic people with a counsellor would be really beneficial. It’s exhausting but rewarding.

Day 28 today for me and I'd a bit of a test for the first time. I'm staying with family and there were drinks happening and a barbecue but I'm so glad I came prepared clutching my 0% gin and swanky tonic! It also means I'm awake early and heading out for a beautiful country walk while the rest of them are clutching their heads.

Oh well done @GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

How did you find it when everyone was drinking?

@manlyago the offer of a glass of wine was hard to resist but I knew that if I said yes it would just get messy. I followed some advice that I saw on Instagram about "walking yourself through" having the drink, then another and another, then the late night, the anxiety at 3.00am and then feeling awful in the morning...it worked. I had one alcohol free gin, I chatted and laughed and when it started to look like everyone was starting to get pissed, I went to bed.

I've just walked 5k in beautiful countryside in warm sunshine and without a hangover. Now for a coffee and some toast

Bloody awesome @GiveMyHeadPeaceffs so great! Well done. It’s the peace that comes with not drinking. I love it! ❤️

@manlyago it really is, really feels like I'm actually investing in myself for a change. To be honest I'm actually enjoying things at the moment.

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs this is so good to read!! Love the playing it through to the end thing. It's so helpful to get over the first drink time zone. Did you find a nice 0% vodka? I need to get prepared like you.

@BacksideInParsley the "walking through" has been really beneficial this past weekend but it's also helped that I'm off on leave and feeling very chilled out too. I'm hoping it's as helpful when I'm back to work but for now I'm taking the wins.

I haven't found an alcohol free vodka in fact I don't think I saw any in my local supermarket but tbh I thought the selection of AF anything was poor. But I'll keep an eye out!

Today has been a whole calendar month AF. My positives are that I feel much more present (not waiting for DS bedtime and a drink), my memory is better, my skin is better as is my sleep. My decision making is better because I'm not tired, anxious or hungover.

The guilt has lingered though, replaying all the things I said and did when I was drunk, not being sober enough the next day to do things with DS. But I'm working on it.

On Sunday I'll be 6 weeks AF. I can't believe I'd 3 weeks off and didn't drink (normally would have drunk just about every night).

I've been really upping my exercise; 3 classes a week and 15k steps each day, haven't lost weight per se but definitely toning and my huge, bloated, alcohol tummy has pretty much gone.

Back at work next week so I'm sure it'll be stressful but I know from experience that it's much worse with a hangover.

Most of you have moved on from this thread but I'm just kind of using it to track how I'm getting on. I really hope everyone is doing ok.

My advice would not to try to be perfect and to expect to slip up from time to time. If you've been drinking for a while you've got really good at it. It's likely become a subconscious habit like cleaning your teeth. I used to pour a glass of wine at 6 when I stepped through the door without even being aware of it.

But if you do have a drink when you weren't planning to, ask yourself what happened. Evaluate and learn from it then pick back up. There is no need to "go back to day 1".

My podcast 90 Days Later covers different aspects of how to stop overdrinking, reflecting all the things I learned and now cover with my clients.

I'm really proud of myself, tomorrow I'll be 100 days alcohol free. Here's to the next 100 I hope everyone one else is doing ok.

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Thats amazing, a great achievement. I've just found this thread and read every post. I'm inspired by your success and its day 2 for me.
I have tried so many times to stop drinking but I always justify it by saying what's the point in denying the one thing I enjoy and of course there is always someone to encourage and agree with you. I am terrified when I add up my units and every morning decide today's the day but I get to 5/6 o'clock and the want overrides the decision I made earlier.
I did stop a few years ago for 6 months but I planned I would celebrate at an event on a certain date and naturally didn't stop there, so I have proved I am not able to moderate.

@anewlifestarts thank you, it's been hard sometimes but I think it's just been the right time for me. I did read a bit of literature and listen to a few podcasts but what really helped was keeping a journal. I didn't write daily but tried to keep it fairly regularly. I note the good stuff, focus on the positives. So for me it meant sleeping better, no more anxiety, no more palpitations, no more feeling guilty that my ds wasn't getting the best of me. I joined a fitness class and properly committed (class first thing on a Saturday was unheard of before!). To be honest planning to stop helped me immensely.

Good luck and well done on day 2, every single day counts.

Well done on 100 days @GiveMyHeadPeaceffs !!! Great achievement. I've been on the thread before different name but I'm also up and down I just wish it was up up and away! Easier said than done.

@Soberoct thank you, I'm really chuffed that I did it and now counting towards the next 100. I'm 50 next year so I see it as investing in my own future.

What I've found hard is explaining to people why I stopped. To people I love and care about I made sure I explained my decision. But I don't feel I owe an explanation to randomers, it's strange how nosey people are!

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Yes it's weird how total strangers can feel they have the right to quiz you on your drinking preferences. I still find that funny and I haven't drank in so long. Rather than feeling put on the spot about it I tell my clients to think about it in this way: the nosey person is full of AMAZEMENT at your ability to commit to yourself, they MARVEL at you and would secretly know how you do it.

Exactly the way to think about it @brightspice My mantra is now "alcohol is the only drug you have to justify not taking". People's reactions are very telling about their own relationship with alcohol.

Well, I have just completed a full week. Its been really tricky at times, especially meal times. After years of wine being a big part of a meal, I really had to dig deep to not open a bottle, especially when we had steak or Sunday roast. I am thrilled I've done my first week and I am really hoping in time my first thought at a meal isn't "where's the wine?"

I feel like I am rewarding myself too much with cakes and biscuits though. I have been telling myself one thing at a time and its better to eat than drink. I must rein that in this week.

I've followed your advice @GiveMyHeadPeaceffs and started a journal. I think just taking the time to reflect back has helped and I have some sober lit on my audible that I listen to when I'm walking the dogs or driving.

Your podcast @brightspice is great, I found myself nodding along to it and recognising so many situations. Especially about alcohol being everywhere, decorative signs for the kitchen, birthday cards, every tv show it seems and even my language course! Its all wine, beer, glasses, bottles. you really can't escape it.

Hope you are all doing well and thanks for all the tips and advice.

@anewlifestarts so happy the podcast is helping. If you have any topics you'd like me to cover I'm happy to add them to my content list.

What you say about turning to cakes and biscuits instead of wine is very common. It's all to do with the brain seeking the dopamine that you are not delivering in the form of wine (this is why so much of what I teach around drink is directly applicable to food too). So when you find yourself turning to cake (as a kind of alcohol surrogate), pause and ask how you're feeling at that moment... what are you trying to escape from? x

@anewlifestarts a week is a good start, well done! I finally remembered to write my journal up for hitting my 100th day, nearly a week late but it's done. My DP has been really supportive but he still drinks a lot, I think it'll become a deal breaker for me eventually.

@brightspice oh I hadn't realised you do a podcast! What's it called and I'll definitely give it a listen. I've recently started to listen to Fearne Cotton and enjoying it. Only now am I starting to feel like I might actually deserve to be happy.

I'm now on my next 100 days. Then I'll do another 100 and then it'll be a year. I stopped on my DS's birthday so it's really significant for me.

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs It's called 90 Days Later, available on all major podcast platforms. I release a new episode every Tuesday... it would be an honour to have you as a listener!