Day 1 - Breaking the habit

[BacksideInParsley]

I am on Day 1 here. Looking for others who are at this initial stage of recovery.

I am here because I admit that my life has become unmanageable. I cannot cope with the crippling anxiety and chaos from nights drinking wine in front of the telly.

I called my Dad this morning and told him that I have been drinking 1.5 bottles of white wine on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday night and I can't do it anymore and want to stop. He said he is worried about me and it's positive that I've got to this stage of wanting to stop and is going to support me to do that.

I'm going to work on other things that can physically get me to break the habit. Move the TV into another room for the summer. Don't allow alcohol in the house.

I live with my DH who I would say is an alcoholic. We don't have kids. DH is working on his own sobriety separate to mine.

I’ll come back and read everyone’s comments tomorrow but day 3 and had no booze. Really craved red wine tonight but DH said no and I cracked a Diet Coke and then craving went away

According to The Naked Mind after 10 days "the poison" has fully left your system...on that note, good morning Day 11!

I've now told quite a few people that I'm abstaining from alcohol for 100 days and pleasantly surprised by the support. Some reactions have been telling but in the most part they've been really supportive and encouraging. I was disappointed by the reaction of a family member but I think it was because, in their own head, they justify their drinking in comparison to mine. Well, no more.

I haven't really craved a drink but I think it's still early days yet. I stopped for 6 weeks at the start of the year and then caved mid February. I'm hoping I can manage 100 days this time and then hopefully just stay stopped.

@Maisa45 Thank you so much. That’s good advice. It’s just Friday to Sundays that are my worst days. After that I’m fine again. I’m hoping I can stop drinking all together now for a long time & have the confidence to do so in big social situations.

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs I've read The Sober Diaries, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, and Sunshine Warm Sober and found them helpful. I've tried Jason Vale Kick the drink a couple of times but find it hard going - preachy maybe?
I've just started the Naked Mind.
I'm now on day 4 (5 by the end of today). I've had Covid for the second time which has meant not drinking has been easy as I've been feeling so awful. Inspired by The Sober Diaries I've substituted my usual wine for posh hot choc in the Tesco shop.

@Bizzywater oh that's grim that you're on your second bout of Covid, hope you're feeling better soon. But well done in abstaining!

I really enjoyed The Sober Diaries and felt it was a bit of a lighter read. I haven't gone for the hot chocolate but have bought myself another alcohol free wine and I'm hoping this is better than the last. I'm still loving the Gordon’s 0% alcohol gin though!

Hello x

I was similar to you this time last year. In the depths of despair, feeling hopeless, guilty, anxious and physically like shit. I had read quit lit before but always with the intention of cutting down

It was around this time last year the realisation hit I was going to either have to stop drinking or accept the realisation that I was going to keep getting worse. it took me a while to decide what to do.

I chose the former. I’m 306 days sober.

Good luck. You can do it. Quit lit and surrounding yourself with support is key.

Day 14 and I fallen off the wagon and opened a beer 😢
Have managed really well including a meal out last night with no booze. Was so proud of myself when I woke up this morning.

It's all gone to shit because my ex has yet again been a knob and really upset my DD. Feel so bad for her and listening to her talk for half an hour about all the things he does that upsets her had me reaching for the beer. 🤬

So tonight I'm aiming for just have the 2 to calm me down. Not getting on it to just block it out.

Sorry, just here to have a rant, really disappointed in myself.

Hows everyone else managing this weekend?

@Nomorebeer22 I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your ex.

I had a bit of disappointing news this week, nothing major but enough to make me think that wine was the answer. But I didn't follow through. Woke up this morning and just felt glad I'd got through another day without it. I'm coming up on day 14 and time is slowing down a bit but I'm still determined to stay off it. I've a bottle of AF wine to try tonight so that's my treat sorted.

@BacksideInParsley how are you getting on?

Thanks @GiveMyHeadPeaceffs. Well done on not giving in!

Sat telling myself that it's only a blip and will start again tomorrow. At least I now know I can go 2 weeks without it so that's a good thing 😁 Having the odd blip is still a massive improvement from every night. Got to look at the positives.

@Nomorebeer22 absolutely the way to see it that it's only a blip, a bump in the road and two weeks is a good achievement!!

Well I'm on day 21 and so far, so good. I did have a moment during the week when I thought I'd love a glass (bottle) of wine but I went for a walk instead.

Hope everyone else is ok even if they've changed their minds or are struggling.

Day 22 here! DH had some beers yesterday and my cravings really kicked in. I reminded myself of how shit I'd feel getting up for work as I can't moderate and the cravings wore off after a while. I'm glad I resisted! Sadly I still look like shit (no sober glow for me...) but I think I'm performing better at work.

@BacksideInParsley How are you getting on?

Hi! Sorry I haven't checked in for ages. I went to friends birthday bash and ended up drinking last Saturday and then nothing until Friday. I was at a work lunch and everyone was talking about wine. I totally didn't need it but had more wine with bbq on Saturday .

With me, if I have one drink then I'll be like "woo hoo party on!" do an excited jig from the fridge to the sofa all night and drink for the rest of the night watching some drivel on Netflix or YouTube until whatever wine is in the house has gone. I pass out after a bottle and a half of wine.

If I don't buy it and run out after a bottle then I go to bed.

This is not an effective way to control alcohol. If DH buys wine for the weekend or a neighbour pops in with a bottle of bubbles and you are scuppered. Or a birthday or anniversary...

I'm absolutely sick of it.

@BacksideInParsley don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s all part of the process of rethinking your alcohol intake. How do you feel about cutting it out completely for a while?

Hi @BacksideInParsley I read your post and I am in a similar boat if not a worse one! I have been up and down with alcohol for the past 20 years and I just recently was AF for 8 weeks and then I planned to bugger it up by going to a party and getting so drunk I don't remember things except remorse, shame and major anxiety I felt sick with nerves. Why do I think I can moderate I have no idea. So now I got to start again but if you want to you can too! I'm just fed up and exhausted by this all now.

@Namechanged12344 don’t beat yourself up. You’ve got The Fear! 8 weeks AF is a great achievement. This is just a blip. Keep strong. 💪🏻

Thank you @manlyago you have been supportive to others up thread so nice. I am feeling really despondent at the moment. Maybe the after effects? I don't think I will ever drink around people I don't know ever again. And I don't think I want to anymore but it's again the baby steps starting from the beginning again .

That’s nice if you to say @Namechanged12344 I remember the self loathing well. The amount of brain space thinking about alcohol took up.

I know you feel bad now but it’s the residual come down hangover and the worry about what you’ve said and done. It’s a horrible feeling.

Just think of it as a journey into understanding your relationship with alcohol. Very few people just give up like that. Lots of us try to moderate, give up, fall off the wagon, humiliate ourselves, give up etc… it’s not a linear process.

I think do some nice self care things and maybe read some quit lit/podcasts. When are you truly happiest? Think about doing some things for you (that don’t involve alcohol!) I have much better nights out now, sober. I still struggle with the chaos of family life without a drink but I am managing it better.

The main thing is to be your own best friend. No one is perfect. ❤️

Thank you at @manlyago ive done it for nearly a year before so can do it again. Just everything seems so daunting again. I'm going to count my blip and minus 2 days so I'll count later . I'm not feeling good as haven't slept well and there was mayhem in the house yesterday I'm just not coping so I might try and get counselling...

Good luck @Namechanged12344 how
old are your kids? I had counselling myself and it has helped.

@manlyago they are 8 and 5 but my H is not really good with talking stuff out and taking out anger I'm just fed up of it all and don't want to be in a bad situation. I've had counselling before too and it did help so going to try again once the stresses at the moment will settle but will they ever!

@Namechanged12344
The not drinking means no hiding from relationship issues any more. I found that. It can be tough. Could you do couple counselling? Your kids are still
little, it’s hard work at that age ❤️

Thanks at @manlyago yes I was looking into it but I haven't done more research since the times weren't suitable for something I was looking into. But I did get in contact with another and they said I have to ring so I did and was on hold waiting for someone for 30 mins and then had to get kids etc.

I want to be you! ^^

day 1 again. As soon as I begin to feel better then I start again. It’s exhausting and I don’t want to do it any more so plan to hang around here, being a massive drip 💧