Day 1 - Breaking the habit

[BacksideInParsley]

I am on Day 1 here. Looking for others who are at this initial stage of recovery.

I am here because I admit that my life has become unmanageable. I cannot cope with the crippling anxiety and chaos from nights drinking wine in front of the telly.

I called my Dad this morning and told him that I have been drinking 1.5 bottles of white wine on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday night and I can't do it anymore and want to stop. He said he is worried about me and it's positive that I've got to this stage of wanting to stop and is going to support me to do that.

I'm going to work on other things that can physically get me to break the habit. Move the TV into another room for the summer. Don't allow alcohol in the house.

I live with my DH who I would say is an alcoholic. We don't have kids. DH is working on his own sobriety separate to mine.

Well done @Nomorebeer22 ! Imagine if you had been drinking WITH covid how crap good feel.

I'm on day 7 now and it felt amazing to get up with a clear head early on a Saturday drive up to the garden centre with DH and come back to work in the garden. We are being so mild mannered and civilised to each other it's hilarious!! No ratty comments or mooching about with a hangover longing for the evening so we could drink again.

You'd feel not good feel.

Also. My anxiety and fear, which has been a constant in my life for years is slowly disappearing ....❤️

Well done!

Yep, the anxiety has dropped massively even within a week. Would never have believed it possible so quickly.

Was up, showered, dressed, bacon toasties made, grass cut and some yoga done all before 1pm. I much prefer this than getting up late then lying on the sofa feeling like shit! It has really pushed me on to continue.

Well done everyone, we can do this!

I got up this morning and went to boot camp at 9...I'd never have done that before, boot camp with a hangover, can you imagine?!? My 0% alcohol gin is chilling in the fridge and I'm looking forward to a couple of them this evening. So far, if I'm honest, I haven't missed alcohol.

Odd conversation with a close family member this morning though, encouraging me to stop for 100 days but then moderate drinking afterwards. Even though I explained that I can't do moderate drinking. I was really surprised especially since she's not a big drinker and due to her job would have a lot of experience dealing with addiction particularly alcohol. Still, I'm not changing my mind!

Morning everyone, this is my Day 7. How did everyone's Saturday night go?

I was told to keep it in the day. Just do 24 hrs at a time. But in the early days I couldn’t. So I had to keep it in the hour. Just an hr, that’s all I wasn’t drinking for and that felt manageable. I also got told to ‘fast forward the video’ from that first drink- so I knew where I’d end up if I just had even one tiny sip. And the last thing was no matter how hard it was I was in such a shit place that I couldn’t stay or go back, I had to go forward. And you know what? It’s been completely worth it. I have a life I could have only dreamed about. But I’m not complacent I know if I ever touched a DROP again, I’d go right back there. Been 14 years now. But I remember those early days well, they can be long days. So keep busy. I found AA brill as I got a lot of phone numbers so I picked up the phone instead of a drink. I didn’t even know what to say when I called, but it stopped me from drinking. You’re doing a great thing, it’s not easy, but worth it x

14 years is fantastic @Dollgiraffe what an achievement! I find more and more that I'm visualising myself down the line, feeling better, looking better and having a life that doesn't depend on my next drink. It seems to help me, setting that goal. Every day counts, any change always happens with small steps.

Inevitably, I had more than one drink last night. 3 glasses of red wine or 3/4 bottle.

I say inevitably but looking back, I had planned it and wanted to do it. I wanted my "wine time" on a Saturday night as wind down after a hard week at work and a productive day in the garden.

I deliberately chose to have steak for dinner so I had the excuse to pair it with a good red and savour the whole experience.

The first sip went to my head. I said to DH that I needed to be careful because it was going to my head already. By the time dinner was ready at 8pm I'd almost finished the glass. I was hungry but thinking back it wasn't the ribeye I was savouring it was the merlot.

And from there I slipped onto the sofa put on "Gaslit" with Julia Roberts and Sean Penn. I polished off the bottle over 2 episodes and fell asleep. DH woke me up and told me to go to bed at 11pm which I did.

I couldn't tell you much about the episodes and I only know that I fell asleep because I asked DH. He went to bed at 11pm too and was up early this morning but I didn't get up because I felt crap.

When you told me not to do it @manlyago I did listen. I knew you were right but I thought I was in control. When you said "people like us can't do moderation" or something along those lines I thought "but I'm not people like us, I'm not that bad. I can have a civilised meal and then stop!".

It wanted to drink until I passed out. I didn't have enough alcohol for that and it was the hard labour in the garden during the day that made me fall asleep. I wouldn't have done that hard labour if I'd been drinking on Thursday, Friday.....

After feeling absolutely brilliant all week I now feel regret and I feel I've let people down. I'll get through these negative thoughts and feelings today.

Back to Day 1 today and I do feel I've learned from my mistakes. I feel positive about excited and positive about last week - the clear head, the productivity boost, the new-found confidence, the improvement in relationships, the self-respect. I want that version of me more than any other.

Well done @GiveMyHeadPeaceffs and @Nomorebeer22 and everyone else on here for persevering and making better choices.

Thank you again to @manlyago for your support.

@BacksideInParsley it's hard, it really is but by seeing that you set yourself up for it then maybe next time take steps not to. Don't beat yourself up about it; it was a step backwards that's all. Dust yourself off and start again. I remember when I was trying to quit smoking (non smoker for 6 years now) my dad told me to never quit, quitting when it comes to stuff that hurts you and he was right.

You can do this @BacksideInParsley we all can!

@BacksideInParsley I think it was good that you did it as you’ve proved something to yourself! Onwards and upwards. Just a blip not a major setback. It may be day 1 but it doesn’t negate the 6 days you didn’t drink.

Take care. 💐

Hi all. Hope you don't mind me joining you. Here goes another day 1.

Hi @Notabsolutelycertain welcome. Our little group is growing. Do you think we should start a new thread for Couples struggling with alcohol abuse? There might be one already.

Thank you @manlyago! You're right I did accumulate those 6 days and I still feeling the benefit of them. Feeling good again today. Ready for a sunshine sober week ahead x

Hi @Bizzywater the more the merrier!

I’m kind of in the same boat. I just want to stop the binge drinking. I’m fine Mon to Weds & then I hit Thursday & I start thinking about opening the wine bottle. So I can go through 4 bottles over those 4 days and then I hate myself for it.
I have two small kids, so I feel guilty when I drink too much and I feel rubbish the next day.
Any advice to quit all together would be greatly received. I would just love to quit drinking all together but I’m just finding it hard to get started. I want to do it for my kids, health & weight loss. I’m almost 11 stone & used to always be 9 stone. I want to get back to that & feel healthy again. xx

@Lizzy1981 im the same. I work almost FT and have 2 kids under 4 and I love them but find parenting hard. I find it far too easy to open a bottle of wine to wind down but then I sleep rubbish and find parenting even harder. It’s like a vicious circle.

im also 11st 3 and just unhealthy and none of my clothes fit

but I also love the taste of wine!

think I’m going to start by trying only to drink on a Friday/Saturday night and go from there

@gracedentssketty That’s a really good start. We have to start somewhere & that sounds good. Do you drink in the week or is it mostly weekends?

mine are 2 & 5, so it’s stressful at times. I just have to try & tell myself that wine won’t fix my stress in the long run. I’m going to take it a weekend at a time. I’m really going to try not to drink at all this weekend but it’s so hard.

@Lizzy1981 it used to be weekends only but we found ourselves drinking every night last week bar Monday. It had been a particularly stressful week with one of the kids poorly meaning time off work for me and having the kids on my own 3 days rather than 2 which kinda finished me off!

but am looking forward to not drinking this week at least until Friday and going to try to stretch it to Saturday night if I can

yes I’ve come to the conclusion that wine actually makes it worse

Morning everyone!

No booze last night and a very deep sleep with lots of quite distressing dreams! Kids woke at 0530 and I’m off with one of them today and the other from 3 when nursery ends so am grateful for no drink last night

i poured a glass of sparkling water at 6pm then cracked a Diet Coke at 730 which I think helped me not want booze

@gracedentssketty it does make a massive difference the next day doesnt it!

Day 10 here. Almost gave in last night after a proper stressy day in the office. Managed to distract myself with a massive mug of tea and a packed of chocolate cookies (the whole pack) 😂 So glad I did because today wasnt much better and i couldn't have coped with a hangover.

Hows everyone else coping?

Hi all, I hope you don't mind me gatecrashing the party here, but I am on Day 1 today and found your thread so helpful! I have had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol for a while, but recently it's got completely out of control. I have anxiety, and always feel I 'need' a drink to help me relax. 1 glass of wine turns to 1 bottle and then the second gets opened, and before I know it my anxiety is through the roof. I used to be confident in myself, but now my self-esteem is at rock-bottom. Your honesty in sharing your journeys has really helped me, and I recognise myself in so many things other posters have said. I'm sending you all positivity and strength, we can do this x

There is a good app it's free called sober up and it shows you the good effects abstaining from alcohol has on your body. It's good if you are target driven like me.

I'm on Day 9 and had an absolute shitshow of a day at work, honestly I was just glad to get home. Normally I'd be cracking open a bottle of wine about 8.30 after I'd got my DS to bed. Tonight though I'd a long shower, washed my hair, got my lunch sorted for tomorrow, made a big cup of ginger tea and I've gone to bed early(ish) to read my book and check in on MN.
I'm feeling really down but don't think it's to do with not drinking and know for certain that if I did drink it wouldn't help my mood. So I'm off to sleep and hoping to feel a bit more positive tomorrow!

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

Well the app says heartburn decreases on day nine, anxiety decreases day 10 so you might feel happier in the morning.

@limitededitionbarbie well here's hoping today at work is a bit less stressful, that would definitely go a long way to helping my mood! I haven't really had any physical symptoms like heartburn.

Have any of you read any books that you felt helped or listened to podcasts etc?

@Lizzy1981 I found reading books that challenged my thoughts and beliefs around drinking really helped. "Drunk on a Sober Planet" was my favourite and "This Naked Mind" was very good too. There are loads.

I also find anticipating a craving in advance and distracting yourself helps so if you know you will crave a drink around a certain time, plan an activity in advance.