The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Hi @hangingover. You won't remember me but I was here in December 2020 for a few months under a different name. Your posts always inspired me in those early days. You spoke honestly about your struggles and how important it was to be af for you. You told us about your adventures, your amazing days without needing to drink, and you seemed so proud of yourself - rightfully so!

I fell off the wagon after about 6/7 months and it was not worth it at all. All the old, terrible habits came back, quickly. It was far too easy to become reliant on alcohol again, to lose memories, to act like a complete twat and embarrass myself. I lost my weekend mornings, I spent far too much money and emotional energy thinking of reasons to drink, reasons to buy more. I drank until bedtime because I had no off switch, and I drank faster and harder than others. I put on weight, my face aged, my skin became worse, my hair thinned. And it was SO FUCKING EASY to just let it happen.

Continuing isn't easy, but it's so much better than the alternative. I really wish you all the best for staying strong. If you can make it this far, you can keep going.

There is far more to be lost in running back to an old comfort than there is to face whatever is currently troubling you with a sober head on.

What a wonderful post beargrylls. So useful for many of us further on. I do admit to having fleeting thoughts that I have proved myself and Ive grown and have a different attitude to alcohol now so would be okay to moderate. It usually happens when I think of coming off this thread because well...i don't need it anymore do i?
But when that thought comes in I read and realise how well you are all doing and how hard these first few weeks are and I know deep down that i don't really want to moderate. And I would fall back heavier and faster than before. I've proved that in the past.

hangingover . I have* *a few times where the thought has come into my head. Sometimes they are meandering thoughts of one glass now and again and other times it's a thought that life is too short and a couple of times where it's been that big old "fuck it" voice because life is hard for whatever reason.

None of these voices or thoughts are right. They're there now and again, yes, i won't deny them or fight them. I will notice them and this is the trick (for me) not act on them. That's 'all' I need to do. Notice and let them be there then let them go.

@HangingOver healing/anti drinking vibes heading your way xx

@Breathmiller wise words indeed. You have to feel the feelings and not bury them away. That's what got me here in the first place. "Let it go" would be my favourite mantra if it wasn't for that bloody song

@HangingOver

Reaching out as I'm sure in time to come I'll be sending out an S.O.S of my own. This AF malarkey isn't linear is it? No matter how long you've been doing it.

Will it help to talk about what is triggering you at the moment? Is there anything in particular going on? Or is it just a general feeling

I find it sometimes easier to explore the reason why I'm AF and why I need remain AF. Ultimately I don't think I could pull myself out of the pit of despair again. So I need to stay well away from the pit to begin with.

We're all here for you ❤

What's going on, @HangingOver? I'm sorry to hear that life is trying to trip you up. Big squidge from me.

Here for you @HangingOver , another one whose been inspired by you for a very long time. and for you.

@HangingOver

Sorry not quicker response. Bloody phone doesn't update me.
You made me laugh in the early days, morning lads etc.
You can stay af, or if I am too late get a nice cup of tea in you now.

When I have had a blip it has made me poorly. Sav blanc can no longer be drunk, too heavy and fusty.
TBH if anymore had vintage champers (certain brands) I would need restraining. We all have our demons. It is the most difficult journey I have ever been on.
I hope today is OK.

@HangingOver AF vibes coming towards you big time!! X

Evening all, I hope you don't mind a newbie joining in. Tonight is hard. I'm on day 6 and have had my first proper wobble. I really wanted a drink this evening and confided in my partner. He doesn't understand why I can't just drink in moderation. I can't, I know I can't, I've tried before and just end up right back where I started. I've previously quit drinking and managed 3 months sober last year before falling off the wagon thinking that I was safe and could just drink now and then. I was wrong and it's taken me until now to bite the bullet.

I hadn't told DP that I was quitting again as he doesn't think that I have a problem which I have previously taken as "permission" to carry on as I pleased. He thinks I'm being overly dramatic about my alcohol consumption. I know that there are people out there who drink way more than I do, but that's not the point, it's more than is healthy and I don't want to do it anymore. The irony of it all is that he's practically tee total himself!

Please tell me that I'm not alone in finding the people around me less than supportive.

Hi @Ciderandskatesdontmix that's so strange and great you posted as I literally just had yet another conversation with DH about my drinking. We were talking about vineyards and he loves his wine etc and I said well I don't drink so I wouldn't be able to taste any and he said yeah but you will soon right? I said do you know why I have up drinking ? He said yes but didn't have an answer! I said few years ago I went to AA do you remember. He said yeah but I was too harsh on myself and why can't I moderate. I've said a few times upthread that people who do not have the same wavelength as what we are going through just won't get it! I was fine never rowdy (well I was at uni many years ago) but the most recent drinking every day bottles, sometimes the hard stuff when I ran out, not knowing or caring what I was saying , being lazy, no regard for kids or DH etc and a few weeks back he commented saying I'm drinking too much and I had some tummy issues and then we are back to square one. Oh it's not forever is it. You will be drinking at some.point etc etc they just don't get it I'm afraid and this is where this amazing supportive thread comes in. I have got to 41 days with it so far. And going strong. Well done for posting and for day 6! X

Hi @Ciderandskatesdontmix and welcome! Congratulations on getting to day 6, the early days are so hard. Sounds like there’s a story to your username!

Yes. It seems as if there’s not much middle ground between partners who are desperate for us to stop drinking and partners who are don’t understand why we’d want to stop drinking. In my case my husband was a bit reluctant to lose a drinking partner. I was unhappy with how drinking made me feel, and I couldn’t justify not even trying to stop. In the end I showed him a graph about hrt and alcohol and I think he understood a bit more. The support here was brilliant and to be honest more understanding and helpful than I would have got at home, especially in the early stages when it was all “it’s a great idea and I really support you But…..”. Whereas if I’d said that I was going to start running or go back to the gym or eat more salad it would have been unconditional support from day 1. Funny. So no, you’re not alone. The cravings do pass though, even though they are so hard at the time. How are you doing?

💐@HangingOver

Hi @Ciderandskatesdontmix
Well done on day 6 xx
When I first told dh I was stopping drinking he was sceptical that I would stick to it. He kept saying "So you're stopping for good?" and then make that face as if to say "yeah right."

Fortunately now he's with the program for now anyway (he drank as much as me and has stopped too) but I can't rely on him. I'm kind of on edge waiting for him to try and persuade me to "just have a wee one" or minimise the damage alcohol was doing. Any previous times I stopped drinking, he kept on drinking. Albeit he drank wine, which I can't drink which was him being supportive

Very late but just checking in to say day 8 done. Very tempted this evening as DH bought a bottle of wine. But I thought of everyone here and thought FGS - surely I can manage a day without - some people have done weeks/ months/ years. Feeling pleased with myself.

@HangingOver good morning to you and hoping you are okay 😊

Morning everyone checking in. Hope all is well. Day 42 which is 6 weeks I am pretty sure so going to do weeks now!

Well done @EileenFH for resisting temptation.

Good morning all. Day 43 for me. I really need to count days right now to stay on track. May you all have a lovely day .. I used to drink on Sunday nights so maybe some of you, like me, get to enjoy the novelty of a hangover-free Monday morning. X

Cross post @Namechanged12344 😊X

Morning all.
Another sober weekend.
I bloody resented that initially. Valuable wine time wasted. Weekends were for sitting with a cold glass. I am finally hoping to move in September so will be able to use weekends to decorate. Must keep busy.

Day 9! Well done @EileenFH for resisting the lure.

Name change Fail again😄

Thank you for your support everybody. I just feel pretty disappointed in DP...I had hoped I would have his unconditional support but it seems not. When I got tearful about feeling the way that I do he blamed my hormones, as if that is the reason a woman can be upset ever . He thinks i should try drinking AF or just having 1 instead of stopping completely. I used the fact that he vapes as a way to try and draw a parallel in his mind that he couldn't ration his vaping or just use nicotine free, but I don't think he really sees where I'm coming from.

4 months for me today (120 days)

I still feel a little wobbly [no desire to drink but still not 100% sure I can do this forever - I want to though] and feel a little bit cheated that its not been a quick fix for all the other issues in my life [I know I'd be absolutely mentally battered if I was still drinking though!]

On the whole things are better. I feel and look better. I am coping better, I am more present and calm and patient.

I just don't feel like I've settled into the 'new' me yet though? If that makes sense.

I am so glad I am doing this, I am so proud of myself and never, ever want to go back to where I was before the 13th February 2022. BUT yeah it's still a work in progress.

4 moths is epic crunchy!
don’t dwell on the ‘forever’ or worry that you feel wobbly. Please read what you have written and focus on all the positives you have noted.
its not a quick fix you’re right and this probably isn’t a new you as much as the real you. Change is generally a difficult process for humans and being AF is a fairly big change for most of us. Give yourself time to get to know the real you and celebrate the very real changes and progress in your life. You sound as if you think deeply about issues and are self aware as an individual so you may be ‘feeling all your feelings’ at the moment.

Have a good day all - checking in 👍