The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Well done all on another day done and dusted and another lovely morning dawning.
During trying times - and there were many in the early days – I would shut myself in the loo and read two or three posts from these threads.
I had already cut my teeth on the Brave Babes thread a couple of years earlier and when I found this thread I went right back to the very first one started by @Drybird, so I have literally seen you all join and have followed your journey alongside mine.
I downloaded the Annie Grace podcast and listened to one or two every single day through my headphones.
It helped me to not feel alone.
This is a very personal journey and can feel very isolating – this thread and Annie’s podcast made me feel part of a community.
In the very early days – literally when counting days – I found it inspiring to have a visual representation of the days.
My family had no idea this was a serious attempt to go alcohol free forever.
They’d seen it all before remember?
It’s actually incredible how invisible you can make yourself when you are surrounded by people who drink alcohol. They literally are not interested in you – even those who love you and are invested in you don’t notice.
I have a crafting area in the corner of our spare room and I used the tiny little clothes pegs strung across a piece of ribbon to represent my days.
I used to read the thread, rejoicing in seeing the time clock up for my sober sisters, but did not dare to imagine my own days becoming weeks or months.
In no time I’d run out of pegs and I then had to use a hair clip to represent a week and then – seriously – you just stop counting.
I can’t even tell you when that was but now I see that it was a massive moment – and it will be for you too.
I would add my tiny peg in the morning when I got up.
It gave me such a warm, pleasurable feeling I can’t tell you and every time I went into that room – several times a day – that feeling would return.
When I was struggling, I’d go along and run my fingers along the little row of pegs or the bobbly hair clips and metaphorically give myself a high five, grit my teeth and get through the next few hours.
Keep on keeping on - ODAAT

Morning all, hope you are all ok. Thanks to this thread I'm carrying on going. Day 37.
The little peg thing sounds like a great idea @Ameretat . I have a diary I was writing the days but now the diary has disappeared (kids drawing on it). My close family don't have a clue what I'm going through tbh. They just see me as Name changed normal reliable kind generous giving funny blah blah but they never know about the dark thoughts and feelings and self loathing (sooooo much of that ) blaming myself for things that go wrong, marriage troubles everything you name it. So yeah goes to show what goes on behind closed doors. You never know who is struggling whether it be this alcohol bastard addiction or another one. I think I will try counselling again. Might help process all these mumbo jumbo thoughts I have at times. I fully raged at DH the other day but I have PMT too but it definitely was worse when k was drinking 100 per cent. I also feel at a loss sometimes with my work and everything I used to drink to block those feelings so one counsellor did say you have to sit in those wretched feelings and deal with them. It's not easy tho. Anyway hope everyone has a great alcohol free day!

Good to hear from you @Breathmiller - glad to hear all is well.

Well done on another day @EileenFH and good luck tonight- I like that you’ve identified other sources of pleasure, in the tinkle of ice. I think it’s human nature to need something to look forward to - for me, I always think about how lovely it will be to sit in bed sober with a cup of camomile tea at the end of the day. Not very rock and roll, but I had so many nights where I woke up on the sofa at 2am that this is a definite improvement!

Morning all, Hope everyone is well. @Breathmiller your story of the wedding is so familiar!!! I had exactly the same experience recently! (Minus the vomiting husband as mine was at home watching the kids😅). I did find it hard at first, partly because loads of people (who I hadn’t seen in ages) kept drawing attention to me not drinking, and partly because everyone was SO hammered. I just felt on a different wave length! I think people drink so much at weddings because they are always slightly awkward, so many people you don’t know, lots of waiting around etc. I will admit I did feel a little left out (though I did dance and join in and have a good time) but I was sooo glad I didn’t drink, especially the next morning when everyone was hanging and I was up early and out for a run!😃

Oh @Namechanged12344 how right you are.
Good morning by the way to another early bird!
So many feelings running so, so deep. And that awful gut wrenching feeling of isolation. Alone in a crowded room.
Look at how @Breathmiller felt at that wedding! That was such an eye-opening post.
I hope this thread fills the gap – it does for me.
Like you and @Jesus my relationship is being tested but as I said yesterday, I do think (hope) we have turned a corner.
This is a new you emerging and that is bound to upset the apple cart.
People find comfort in familiarity however f@cked up that might be at times.
And please do seek counselling to try to unravel those thoughts – think of it as spending your wine money on buying a precious hour for yourself a week.
That’s what I did.
I am having weekly counselling and I’m convinced it is working.
However, I am currently really concerned that I am about to run out of HRT gel (I’m peri too!), so I am going to need to call on those reserves to get me through until the new prescription arrives.
I might have to start a new thread about negotiating life without alcohol and HRT!
I’ve got to start my day now but can’t resist saying “Come on Eileen!” now try and get that song out of your head for the rest of the day!

Morning all. Day 5 now and the longest I have gone without a drink since before the pandemic. @EileenFH that is a good plan! I will check in too later.

One thing - I am feeling so much more tired than usual, could that be related to stopping?

you have to sit in those wretched feelings and deal with them

Thanks for posting that @Namechanged12344 Something to think about when I am next tempted.

@Ameretat I like the peg idea too. Something tangible to represent the good work.

Have a lovely day everyone!

@Ameretat
i Just re-read the thread and noticed your kind words to me. Sorry I missed those. I appreciate that and thanks for reminding me that I no longer have to go through those horrible hangovers.

someone said upthread that they didn’t like being drunk. I always liked the early stages of drunkenness as I felt less anxious and just generally better and happier … I guess it’s a sign of depression and anxiety … drinking to self-medicate isn’t such a great idea!

i am struggling a bit and I’d be lying if I said I feel great (mentally) but I do know, deep down, that I’m doing the right thing and that it’s about the long game.

Day 39. Best of luck today to you all. X

Morning all.
I personally don't take HRT (breast cancer in the family) but if anyone is struggling up the fish eating, its what the Scandinavian ladies do. I only get a hot flush in bed now and again.
I have counselling most weeks since February and it has helped me to make some important decisions such as new home , new job. I have a good group of friends but they are boozers. I couldn't have discussed the drinking with them bar my bestie. She lived with an alcoholic until that person because violent. She suggested getting my drinking under control not my long suffering husband. My relationship with DH is much improved. I never really talked to him when I was upset. He is a worrier. I now have a chat daily about my sober journey.
I also buy lots of lipstick!

Just shutting my machine down to start my day but could not go without just very quickly responding to @LydiaLurk.
Yes, absolutely the exhaustion is really common.
Just think about what we have put our poor old bodies through.
In the early threads I read a piece of advice about treating yourself like a toddler – I blooming love my early nights.
It does mean early mornings but I am so much more productive in the mornings now.
Have a good day all x

Yes @LydiaLurk - when I did Dry January I felt absolutely exhausted, and I posted on the FB page to ask if it was just me. It definitely wasn’t. You read a lot about people feeling bright and alert, and I felt very cheated!

For me, at the end of Dry January I still wasn’t sleeping great, and I still felt quite flat emotionally (despite being on ADs), so I spoke to my GP and went on HRT (I’m 53). In this second sober spell, I feel much better but I don’t know if that’s down to the HRT or being AF longer.

Sorry you’re not feeling great @Nouveaunew . But 39 days is awesome! I think one of the benefits of being without alcohol is that when we’re drinking we don’t know how much of our issues are caused by the booze, and how much they come from a different place. Now that you’ve got period of sobriety “under your belt” is it worth looking at other causes? Are you having any counselling, for example?

Good afternoon all.
I was going to tag people and reply but there's so many of us now😂
Re tiredness-mine is still causing me issues.
My hormones are all over the place. I'm the average age for menopause starting (51) I can feel it in the works
Not saying this for pity but I don't have a social life unless it's people visiting us. The majority have to drive so alcohol not an issue there. So my experience of not drinking at weddings was when I was pregnant about 25 years ago lol. I feel like I could handle it but I'm thankful that I don't have to deal with it.

Finding it a bit difficult today. My ds is going to be staying at his gf for a few days. It's just me and dh on our own. First time since we stopped drinking. Previously we'd feel like celebrating a bit because we had the place to ourselves. I'm not sure how the next few days will go. I keep imagining what it would feel like to go through the process of having a drink now. From buying it to drinking it. I don't want to do it. I'm actually scared to. I need to be vigilant though. Keeping an eye out for the wine witch being ultra sneaky.

Does anyone else feel like time is moving more slowly since they stopped? I'm thinking it's because I've been getting up earlier which makes the days are longer....and the days are longer.
It really is ODAAT

Thanks everyone for the advice re: tiredness.

@JesusSufferingFuck22 and DH - hang on in there!

@EileenFH hope all well with you. i went shopping earlier and managed to avoid the lure of the wine aisle. Now home and no drink in the house. Slight craving, but it is pissing down so no danger of me nipping out again. So I think day 5 is safe!

Checking in with tinkly tonic and bowl of cashews. Hoping @LydiaLurk will join me to celebrate Day 5.

Just wrote a long post about a sober wedding several years back but lost it so am going to post his now and redraft while sipping aperitif

My wedding story - a few years back in the middle of a dry spell, I went to a couple of weddings and had a great time. Just felt happy with myself for staying sober and joined in all the frantic dancing. Then, when I was leaving I offered a friend a lift and she said she didn't think I should drive as I must be over the limit.

For anyone who is wondering about how to avoid drinks & awkward conversations at weddings/ parties, the fact is that after the first drink, most people don't even notice what you are drinking.

I am here - earlier name change fail! 😀

@LydiaLurk - have you changed your name? Hope so - congrats on day 5!

Agree that rain is a disincentive to going out but beware - my preferred drinking hours are late in the evening when everyone in bed (started that to avoid drinking in front of kids). Now I never feel quite safe with a day until it's past midnight.

Re tiredness - if only I could be tired. I am really struggling to get to sleep and then feeling knackered in the mornings. So tired - but at the wrong time.

@EileenFH I created a user name just for this thread, then forgot to change from my usual MN user name! No chance of me sneaking to the shop now, am in PJs, so am in for the night, thankfully.

@EileenFH
Re tiredness - if only I could be tired. I am really struggling to get to sleep and then feeling knackered in the mornings. So tired - but at the wrong time
I feel you. I’m the exact same. I do have this feeling that it’s going to gradually get better though … I take prescription melatonin but only at weekends as it can make me feel extra groggy in the mornings.

I'm also up when I never stayed up past 9 930pm...it makes.me anxious I got to wake up for work in the morning lots to do etc but at least we are doing it without the hangover etc!

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife I’m not having any counselling right now but I have done in the past. I stopped it once I went on antidepressants as I was exhausted from all the analysis and felt more benefit from the meds than the therapy by that point (I had got to a fairly dark place). But I do know what you mean about sort of ruling alcohol out … I still have bad PMS but it’s not quite as despairing this month as when I was drinking. I’m hoping as time goes on there’ll be more mental health benefits of being dry! I really do … as that’s what’d make me stick to it.

That’s great you’re feeling better - whether it be due to the HRT or being AF longer (or maybe a combo of the two).

Just had some exciting news about one of my DC - queue cravings to open a bottle of something to celebrate. So annoying.

Night all - at least is day off tomorrow so not so bad if sleep eludes me.

Loving all the wedding/party stories. It's a really good point that after the first drink, no one else notices what you're doing. Also how amazing to dance around totally sober, and even run the next day! That must be such a freeing feeling.

Has anyone done couch to 5k? I'm tempted to start but I have shitty ankles and no cardio stamina at all. But I love fast walking so maybe running would be a good progression. I did a lot of yoga on my last sober attempt, hoping to get back into that soon.

Really interesting to hear about people struggling to sleep in the early days. I'm on day 4 and I've found that if I wake in the night, it's a real struggle to nod off again. And if I do, it's even more of a struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Hadn't connected the dots with it being related to not drinking.

@beargryllshasabigrope
Not being able to sleep when I'd stopped drinking previously before greatly contributed to my attempts failing. I've mostly got it sorted now. I'm a bit addicted to audiobooks now though. I get a bit twitchy when I can't find my headphones at bedtime. I've got my routine that works about 90% of the time.

I listen to favourite books I've either read or listened to before so I'm not staying up too long waiting to find out what happens next.
The Handmaids Tale is a surprisingly soothing listen.......which is maybe a bit worrying lol.
Goodnight all. Wishing you all a wonderful and successful af weekend xx
I'm less anxious being af so that helps being able to sleep too.

Morning, I finally nodded off at midnight to be woken at 4am with one of my DC being sick ...so we were just clearing sick for the past 40 mins sorry tmi. But I felt sorry for my DC and DH is raging at 4am shouting at home why did he over eat and he could have made it to the toilet etc. When you need to go you go! I wanted to remind him of the time he got drunk abroad at a wedding and nearly fell into his own sick. Let's not go there right now but we both have work early so now trying to go back to sleep is like overthinking everything about drinking and why why why why can't I moderate etc . Hoping to catch some shut up for next hour or so at least. Happy Friday all! Not sure what day I am on...39 I think? If I am then @Nouveaunew you are 40 DAYS!!!? WHOOOPPP!

@beargryllshasabigrope I did couch to 10k about 20 years ago, and have run on and off (mostly off!) ever since. I’ve really got back into running since becoming sober, and there’s a “virtuous circle” - running is easier when you’re not hungover (who’d have thought?!), so you feel pleased with yourself when you’ve done it, so you’re less likely to want a drink, so …

I think the same is probably true of any form of exercise because you’re focusing on your body, not wrapped up in your own head all the time.

What's really great about couch to 5k is that the mental skills you need to do it are very similar to going AF. Don’t worry that you think running 5k is impossible right now, concentrate on the next walk / run on the schedule. Sound familiar?