The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[ChampooPapi]

Adm1010

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

Thank you to @Adm1010 for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Thanks througthesquarewindow and bunnies . * *
I spoke to soon, yesterday wasn't so much fun with her. Should never let your guard down with a narcissist. Give then an inch and they take miles and miles and miles. Lesson learned again.

I'm going to read back and see all the newbies and really hear what you are saying.

The tiredness is a thing at the beginning, or it was for me this time. I didn't get the pink cloud or whatever it's called this time round but I did accumulatively just start to go on an upward slope of feeling better.
Sometimes I'd think is this worth it as I don't feel that magical feeling of everything is bright and fluffy and wonderful. But, when I did think hard and looked back, i realised that my skin was better, my energy levels were getting better and I was feeling generally better. It just took a bit of realistic thinking back. I think as well that sometimes we think we're not getting better but what we're doing is not getting worse. And that to me was a win. Each time I didn't drink or didn't have a massive hangover I wasn't dropping further into ill physical and mental health.

And of course when were not masking all our issues with booze, sometimes it feels like we're going backwards and wonder what the point is. But, we need to clear the fog of booze then face our demons with a clear head. It can feel really challenging in the short term but we do get through them, eventually. Or in stages. Whereas with booze, we mask them and push them down and never let them come to the surface to be dealt with. We'll never get rid of them that way.

Day 4.

I am sleeping a good 9 hours since giving up. That’s after an hour reading in bed. @Namechanged12344 That’s really tough, re your DH, wish I had some advice but just do it for you. @Throughthesquarewindow thanks for the vitamin B tip, I have some unopened Busy Bee tablets from H&B in a cupboard. This thread is so helpful.

I should have declared this when I joined (bit embarrassed), I was on this thread briefly under a different name two years ago when it was DryBird2020 (I think). I didn’t last more than a couple of weeks. Pretty sure Bunnies was a newbie then! Just to get that off my chest.

My anxious thoughts at 3 am have stopped. Those were vile, my heart would pound.

Jennyact3 well done on day 4. That's amazing!

And welcome back. If you read back there are many (if not pretty much all) who had a few jaunts around the block before something seemed to stick. Don't be embarrassed. It's a hideously addictive substance, not just physically but emotionally. It can drag you in. And sometimes it takes being dragged in a few times before you see that you can go in the other direction.

I know not the exact same but I got fooled into lowering my boundaries for a second yesterday with a challenging person. And they could have sucked me right in again. When i didn't allow that to happen it went badly. As it always does.

I then came home angry and upset at yet another confrontation. But today with a clearer head I can see that people with narcissistic tendencies (although this person may more than likely actually have a diagnosed personality disorder) I can't blame myself. They are charming. They do everything they can to get what they want. And booze is the same. The drinking part of your brain does everything to trick you into drinking again. It's clever and it's charming. And even the strongest of people get blindsided by it's charms sometimes. But, now I have stepped back from drinking for a period of time, I can see more clearly. How to stay vigilant, how to keep my boundaries clear even in the face of some strong pulls to have a drink. How to see that it's lying to me. Nothing my drinking voice says to me is true or real. It's only saying whatever it can to get me to drink again. It can be angry, it can be kind, it can lovebomb me, try to get me to believe I can moderate. It will take many guises but it's true nature is to get me to fall back into bad drinking habits. And I sometimes can be slightly lured in, if my resistance is low for many reasons but I know what it's really saying. Because I've been there before. It lies to get it's own way. And depending on my mood I tell it that it can fuck right off , or laugh at it or the best one (for that voice and for narcissists) is to ignore and act like it is inconsequential.

Sorry so brief but starting placement tomorrow at the hospital so turning off to bed now.

Wanted to check in to stay accountable.

🙌

Well done @JennyAct3 , let's do this!

Good luck with your placement champoopapi

Hi all, hope you are all good. Good luck with your hospital placement @ChampooPapi . Thank you @Breathmiller for your posts very helpful to read ! Today even though it's been hectic was better and maybe because of that clearer mind? I am actively trying to be a better person in terms of my behaviour (which I'm pretty sure even when I'm not drinking is an effect of the drinking if that makes sense) thank you @JennyAct3 well done for day 4 I am day 7 today and proud. How are you @Nouveaunew ?

Well I see from all of your posts that the tiredness is normal enough so! In fairness, my diet isn’t helping me right now! I’m sure once I cut down on the sugar it’ll improve…not to mention the body readjusting to no booze.

@beargryllshasabigrope
wow! 6 months is amazing & you did your body so much good during that time.

Day 8 here. Delighted (& a bit worried too!)

Thanks @Breathmiller @Namechanged12344 , I'm very excited and scared all at the same time. Going to listen to a podcast in the dark and do some mindful breathing, usually works to calm the nerves!

Welcome back @JennyAct3, there are quite a few restarters, don't worry. But I admire your honesty, being honest with yourself is the most important thing if you are going to make it work, so go ahead and use this place for confessions!

The tiredness in the bones is something I remember really well. And then the PAWS hit a few weeks later. It's worth it for the energy further on, I still enjoy noticing how well I manage my busy-ness. Exercise really helps with that too.

I'm still struggling with sugar, tho. 🙄

hello! I haven’t checked in for a while, but still following…
hello to all newcomers, this thread is great for support and inspiration.
And for all those going through tough times, remember it’s all be worse with a hangover.
@ChampooPapi well done for climbing back on, I also last caved at about the 40 day mark, I do think that there is something in the “wall/obstacle course “ analogy.
@BunniesBunniesBunnies I can definitely taste the freedom

Argghh
lost half the post! Will be brief this time

still a rollercoaster, and a few problems to deal with, but, big win here the other day. DP offered me wine with the posh meal he’d made, DS (14) said “why would mum even want wine?” It’s already become more normal for him that I don’t drink! I was so shocked and pleased!

so keep on keeping on folks 😊

And to those struggling for whatever reason, everything is far worse with a hangover!

Hey @JennyAct3 most of us had a few false starts so there’s really no need to feel embarrassed! I had many many many false starts before I found this wonderful thread. If only I had found it sooner I may not have had as many…

@ChampooPapi good luck with the placement!

@Breathmiller sorry this person is being tricky still, just hold on tight to your boundaries and don’t take any shit, as I’m sure you won’t.

I had many many many false starts before I found this wonderful thread. If only I had found it sooner I may not have had as many I agree with this bunnies I was just thinking about older family members of mine with severe alcoholism and I feel very sorry for them, one in particular … the one I feel most sorry for is the one who really wanted to stop and tried so hard with AA but I really feel she didn’t have as many tools as we do. She’s very introverted and a thread like this might have stopped her in her tracks and been helpful instead of the face to face meetings.

to be honest, I feel like I might be saving myself from full-blown alcoholism by stopping now. I’ve definitely become dependent but I know it’s been gradually getting worse over the years and my reasons for drinking have changed.

on Day 8 it feels like the days are crawling but. I’m meeting a heavy drinking friend for coffee tomorrow & we’ve both vowed to stick with coffee. I hope friendships can sustain and life takes on a new flavour.

much courage to you all. I’m in awe of those of you who are staying sober so long. I actually can’t wait to get to that stage. 👒

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thank you! Just about to leave now. Happy Tuesday all 🙌

Morning @ChampooPapi all the very best for your new placement hope you slept well. I’m pretty sure we feel excited and scared if it’s important to us and you wouldn’t be doing this unless you were really committed.

have a good day all - so much good advice and support here and keep at it newbies the days all add up but focus on just one st a time.

@ChampooPapi yay it's going to be a wonderful day! Enjoy it all too.
@Nouveaunew your words are resonating with me, day 8 here and still feeling that groggy sensation when I wake up but I feel I'm handling things better. This time it is different and yes of course I'm scared of the future and I want to be able to say I don't drink years later but for now 1 day at a time makes sense. One of my friends also seems to have some issues and she had that reframe app (which I can't get as it's only on Apple) but she used the app to do moderate. But she did it for a week and then went back to her normal drinking (every day) she was then out at her friends and she said she had been drinking since 1pm and showed me videos of her friends pad and her kid having fun and food etc but I didn't feel jealous at all this time! Before I would be fuming taking it out on everyone how why cant I drink 'normally'. This same friend and others are arranging dinner and she really wants me to come because I'm fun but I'm only fun when I've been drinking (well recently I've discovered I'm still fun without it lol) I have declined to go and other events and I feel like I'm being anti social but for now I can't as the temptation will always be there but I'm a newb lol. Can anyone give any wise sentences to when they're offered a drink (other then I don't drink). I did say that the previous time I stopped and my fil laughed in my face and thought I was hilarious for stopping and couldn't understand it.
Have a great day all x

Morning everyone! Day 52 here and I’m doing ok but my brain is a bit of a mess.

I booked a weekend away for myself yesterday in my favourite place, and now I’m just panicking about whether I can do it sober. It’s at the end of July, so I know I’m doing exactly what I advised against a couple of days ago! But the mental struggle to be in the moment is hard.

I also realised yesterday that I’ve moved into the “scanxiety” zone. I had cancer 3 years ago, but (to quote Claire Pooley) “I am (so far as we can tell) cancer free”. But every 6 months I have scans to check (brain MRI and full body CT PET). So next week I will have a morning of hospitals and machines and cannulas to remind me of the uncertainties of life. On the upside, I won’t have to fib on the forms about my alcohol intake!

So you may have to put up with my meandering thoughts on here quite a lot over the next week!

Day 80 something here, I am not even sure what day exactly and I am still in a bit of a funk?

I can't put my finger on it. Bored, restless, fed up, short tempered? I did a bit of reading about PAWS and whilst I'd like to put it down to that I think I am just being a miserable cow

I won't drink, I am not going back and doing this all again but I am certainly not feeling like I thought I would after almost 3 months AF. I am a stubborn, old(ish) bird so I am quite confident I am going to plough on but I just wish I felt a bit 'happier'

(I did wonder if I was depressed but I don't fit the bill for it, my anxiety has lifted almost completely so it's not that, I think I am wee bit young for peri menopause so it's not that. I have a lot going on etc but I am not overwhelmed. As I say I think I am just a grumpy cow!)

@Onewildandpreciouslife ”scanxiety” sounds really tough. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

@Crunchymum I relate to your post as I can be a grumpy cow too😂 It feels unfair to be sober and still be grumpy sometimes. But I tell myself at least I’m not grumpy AND hungover AND making awful booze fuelled life choices🤣 I’m just a straight up grumpy cow instead🤣

@Crunchymum I relate to your post as I can be a grumpy cow too😂 It feels unfair to be sober and still be grumpy sometimes. But I tell myself at least I’m not grumpy AND hungover AND making awful booze fuelled life choices🤣 I’m just a straight up grumpy cow instead🤣

Thank you @BunniesBunniesBunnies I 100% agree - I know being in a alcohol free funk is always going to be better than being hungover and feeling guilty and anxious. I feel a bit low at the moment but it is nothing like how I was feeling at the end of the year (my drinking always reaches a pinnacle in December!!). Compared to the Crunchymum who woke up on NYD after drinking for 21 out of 31 days in December, the current Crunchymum is a bloody saint

Day 5.

@Onewildandpreciouslife Best of luck with your scans, that is stressful. Thanks for the welcome back from @Drybird2020 @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @Breathmiller @Namechanged12344 , and understanding the trying again.

Still really happy here, just relief. It took me about 4 hours to fall asleep last night but it was good to lie there without overwhelming anxiety, racing heart, need to pee and achey shins (a recent odd problem).

@Crunchymum I think it’s normal to get low sometimes or at least I hope it is! My mood still fluctuates quite a bit (though not NEARLY as bad as when I was drinking).

I don’t know about you (it sounds like you’re similar - lots on your plate) but for me it’s just a matter of being overwhelmed by life sometimes! It’s bloody knackering looking after small kids/elderly relatives/trying to see my OH occasionally🤣/and oh yeah doing my job. It’s just exhausting and sometimes it all gets too much!

I do all the right things now (usually!), I try to get sleep, I exercise, I mostly eat right, I’m aware of my feelings etc etc but sometimes I still go OH MY GOD IS LIFE MEANT TO BE THIS HARD and I just cry!!! Then I get low for a few days and then I pick myself up again.

I think this is normal or at least I hope it is!!!

I hold on to the fact that those moments are less frequent now. At the height of my boozing I truly hated myself and cried every day! Now I quite like myself and sometimes a week goes by that I don’t cry🤣 I see that as an improvement!

Each time I didn't drink or didn't have a massive hangover I wasn't dropping further into ill physical and mental health. thank you @Breathmiller for putting that so eloquently why i don't want to drink again. also the sense of achievement i have for actually STOPPING, stop stop stopping, not moderating not trying to control it or having a break is massive and I congratulate myself and have a little discreet jig most days. i can't say my life has changed, but I could change it, I CAN change whatever i want to and that feels like empowerment.

Today is day 93 and for sure the pink cloud has gone, but i don't desire a drink like i did at the start, i no longer sleep as well, i am not as tired. BUT i don't wake up with the groggs (bar today when i have a migraine thingy) I wake up clear headed and with energy. I am calmer, clearer and capable of dealing with life - mostly. BIG difference to January! I think i may finally be starting to grow up. Given i am mid 40s it is about time.

@Crunchymum hope the sadness passes - might be the wine witch having a wiggle... don't let her in. @Onewildandpreciouslife good luck for the upcoming scan, you've put yourself in the best possible place to get an all clear.

to all the newbies, hello or hello again /still. The first 50 days are slow but after that it starts to speed up.