Alcohol Explained. Day one

[onedayiwillflyaway1]

Hello,
I'm a long time lurker and long time drinker. I've had the day off work today and after another boozy night and my anxiety this morning this lead me to have a beer for hair of the dog. I suddenly realised this is heading only one way, so I downloaded Alcohol Explained and spent the afternoon listening to it whilst sipping my last bottle of wine. Even though I know my own journey of how I got here, it was truly an eye opener and is one of those books that once read, denial is now not an option.
I'm now wide awake with one beer left but I've decided that tomorrow is my day one of quitting alcohol altogether. I've tried moderation, occasional abstinence etc but it always sucks me back in and now I know why. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I know I can get through it hopefully now fully armed with the knowledge I've just heard. My plan is to use this thread to track my journey and share my experience. Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have shared your experience over the years.

Hi borrowbox sorry, I had 2 mumsnet tabs opened and didn’t see your message.
Spring is nearly here! You can feel it in the air and the lighter hours, hooray!
I’m really enjoying knowing I’ve not drunk anything - and brilliantly, it wasn’t hard ! Like you all say, it’s soooo nice to imagine waking up feeling ok. I also didn’t like the disappointment in dps voice last night when id cracked open a new bottle. I thought he’d been a pain recently, but maybe it was a reaction to me being a drunk old bag, and not the glamorous witty wonder I imagine!
Well done all, and thank you so much for being here and being fab.

Pinch, punch, first of the month! I'm going to sow some peas in pots today & have a swim. Last night DH & I watched the first episode of season 6 of Peaky Blinders. For those that follow the program, it saw the main character sober, having forsworn alcohol for the previous 4 years. It was so affirming! There is a lot in film & TV to do with alcohol that reinforces what the book, Alcohol Explained teaches us. It's everywhere & the ability to stand back & watch & actually feel what it means is such a powerful defence. Have a good day all.

Morning, i watched peaky blinders last night and i was thinking the same.
So happy to see the 1st of March arrive I've always struggled with winter so starting to feel lighter.
Ooh i love home grown peas they taste so much better. Think I will look into what I will grow this year. Last year i tried but didn't have much success. Enjoy your swim.
@Cleanbedlinen12 well done on not letting your resolve drop because of a few glasses. We may all have moments like that at some point, it's important as others have said not to berate ourselves and think all is lost.
My carpets are gleaming I've become the shoe police. I'm going to service my bicycle today and go for a short ride I want to get back to my daily commute on my bike its about 10 miles there and 10 miles back, all cycle paths just not a fan of the rain but it always makes me feel better.

@borrowbox it was very brave of you to be so honest with your GP. I haven't seen mine in over 10 years too scared to go which is silly i know. I'm going to give it another few months then go and get an MOT as I overdue a health check. Im also as blind as a bat but have never been for an eye test. This is the sort of self care things I really need to be doing.

I've been reading this thread in February and today is my first day.

I've just reread all of onedayiwillflyaway1 's posts and I have to say you have done amazing and thanks you for starting this thread.

HealthyNewMe I'm so grateful to have found this thread too, it seems to be a good fit for me. The book Alcohol Explained by William Porter is a turning point for me. I listen to it on Audible. Let's remember that the longest journey begins with the first step so yay to your first day.

Thank you.

I have a party on Saturday but I've already told my DH that I'm driving. I think this thread will keep me more on track. I want to feel healthier, save money and if I lose a bit of weight eventually that's a bonus. I'm greedy with wine and to be honest I feel like if I never drank it again I would be so happy. I know it's not going to be easy.

TheOriginalChatelaine

Have reread your posts too and you are doing really well too.

I'm going to download a book on my kindle, have a shower and get a nice snack later.

I want to head into spring feeling positive.

Hello all, and welcome @HealthyNewMe Today is a great day to start, one of my favourite days if the year, the beginning of Spring and hope for warmer weather, longer days.

Alcohol Explained was also a turning point for me @TheOriginalChatelaine So easy to read and lots of moments where the penny dropped. I am reading Annie Grace too but seem to have got stuck, a lot doesn't seem relevant to me. I feel like I am cheating if I skip parts.

So jealous reading about the carpets @onedayiwillflyaway1 I think a health MOT in a few months is a great idea. Hopefully you will be in great health by then after all the self care, and bike rides. I am personally trying to eat healthily, drink lots of water, taking lots of vitamins. Maybe by the time I have my blood tests and ultrasound I will be amazing

How is everyone doing this evening? I am watching the football so not going to be a relaxing one! How are you feeling @Cleanbedlinen12 Hope you have kept the positivity.

Hey everyone!

So after years of drinking, and about 2.5 bottles of wine a night for 2 years, I now have significant fibrosis

On day 11 AF and feeling much healthier, going to sleep sober, waking up with no hangover.

BUT even though I'm scared my liver may not heal completely, abstinence forever seems such a long time.

Have ordered the Alcohol Explained books and waiting for them to arrive!! Am hoping for some magic words to help me keep strong.

Welcome Brave, and well done on the 11 days. I am glad you are feeling better. I know what you mean about no alcohol forever. I know a lot of people break it down into one day at a time. I found Alan Carr's book really interesting and it made me not want to drink at all. Unfortunately I stopped working at it and ended up back where I started. The William Porter book is similar, and this time I am actively working at it rather than it be a passive thing. I keep challenging my cravings and it is working. I can't honestly say I am happy never drinking again, but I am OK with it. I am hoping that develops into something more.

Welcome @bravefacescaredinside and @healthynewme. When i put my first post on here I felt so wretched and alone. I thought I would be posting my own ramblings and woes into the internet abyss. I'm a month alcohol free now my life isn't perfect but it's better. I'm so glad to read that other women who are in similar situations are making decisions to make changes that will empower them to take back control.
I'm just coming to terms with my emotions at the moment and why I spent years drinking and numbing them out. A lot of buried emotions have come to the surface, it has been tough facing them but also necessary.
I had such a lovely bike ride today, took some butties and a flask sat by the river and enjoyed the moment.
@borrowbox I've been taking my vitamins and dusted my juicer off not made any juices as yet it was a drunken amazon purchase a few years ago feel compelled to make good use of it.
@cleanbedlinen can't thank you enough for your daily post's they truly have helped me step away from the wine aisle however my quavers consumption has increased radically .

Hello all! So lovely that you are inspiring people and spreading the lurve onedayiwillflyaway( and the carpet cleaner) and everyone actually, this is a lovely thread.
I’m wondering if carpets are a side effect if more energy and maybe less depression? I hope I get the urge to clean mine!
Agree with everyone that Alcohol explained is very good. Also that Annie grace didn’t quite do it for me either, like you borrowbox couldn’t say why though.
I have kept the positivity - you were so supportive when I caved the other day that I now feel proud for caving and not letting it derail me. Ta!
healthynewme it’s not easy - it’s taken me far too long. I think what’s working this time is the book above, this thread, but also changing my mind set. I am working very hard on my confidence and have found a few freebie courses on digital skills which is helping, surprisingly. Somehow feeling like I’m learning useful stuff somehow filters in to not needing to blank out everything. It might help.There is also filming yourself if you want to give yourself a real kick up the wotsitsit! Seeing that you actually don’t look like Taylor swift but more dot from eastenders somehow inspires a gal. And last one, is making yourself see it as sour poison and imagining sick or slugs ( eewww) when you see a bottle. Ugh, made myself feel a bit grim! Sorry, but I think it helps.😀

bravefacescaredinside well done for stopping!11days! I am sure giving up can help. Friend recommended milk thistle. Well, it might do something.
And borrowbox bike rides and vitamins sound super nice. I’m sure you will have beautiful blood and ultrasound that sounds like bluebells of happiness.
Well done us!

Morning All,

I didn't switch my Kindle off till 1am but did manage to get some sleep. Had a really vivid dream which was a bit bizarre. I loved the feeling of not feeling as anxious this morning. I know why I turned to the wine bottle, a sad thing thing happened a long time ago but I'm not sure I can talk about it on a public forum. I probably should have had counselling at the time.

I've joined Kindle Unlimited and have a started a fiction book and also have Alcohol Explained which I haven't started yet but will do asap.

Hi @bravefacescaredinside

I'm at work but will reply properly later. Have a good day everyone.

Thank you for the warm welcomes, it feels like a big step just making an account and posting. When i was told about the fibrosis the first thing that came to mind was my children and grandchildren, however hard this is going to be they are my encouragement to keep going.

Thankyou cleanbedlinen12, ive been popping them for a few weeks like they are going out of fashion lol.
Im also on meds that can effect the liver but really need to stay on them for my mental health. Learning to just rely on these rather than self medicate as well?!
Its a lonely journey we are all on, just being here and reading others posts are helping immensely.

Good morninng all. Welcome Brave I'm a newbie here too. I get what you say about the AF forever thing & as Borrowbox It used to daunt me but now I view it as maintaining health & true happiness (including feeling emotions as they arise) as being a highly desireable thing to maintain. This way I'm not setting myself up to fail. OneDay Processing emotions is something I can now begin to tackle objectively without the fug & fuel of alcohol. Cleanbedlinen Re: carpet cleaning; chores are made much easier for me because of the increased energy I find, also it fills some of the time. I'm working on being more sociable without alcohol. Nice routines, like when DH makes himself a cup of tea or coffee and asks me if I would like one, I accept. Such a small thing but a positive change.

BraveFaceScaredInside how did you find out you had fibrosis? Did you have symptoms? I totally understand if you don't want to say.

Also, did you all read the book all at once or read a chapter or two a day? I don't want to get bored whilst reading it and not take everything in.

@HealthyNewMe

I don't mind being asked any questions.
Medication I take can effect the liver, I've been on it now for about 6 years. Before taking them and yearly I have to have some bloods to check certain levels. Also I have always been honest with my GP about my drinking.

My Serum ALT level has been raised most of the time, and a few years ago I was sent for an ultrasound which just showed a fatty liver.

Mid last year they tested my Serum Gamma GT as well as this is more likely to show long term problems. When they saw these were raised they referred me for a Fibroscan.

I had this Feb the 7th this year. Which now shows the fibrosis and its just under the scarring for cirrhosis level but glad it is hopefully slightly reversable.

During all this time the only problem I have ever had physically that I knew was most likely Liver related was slight pain now and again where my liver is. So although I knew there was an issue I never expected to have the news i did I've never had any other liver related issues (jaundice etc), but in hindsight I often felt 'not very well' headaches, nausea and lightheaded.

I won't blame any of my drinking on real life issues, but there has been an awful lot of crap going on for a long time. Mainly now that my mum is terminally ill with stage 4 cancer, and although things aren't to bad right this minute, the day of my diagnosis coincided with her coming to live with me and hubby for a week while her pain meds were being adjusted.

I have an appointment at the liver clinic the end of this month for more in depth blood tests, I'm hoping they redo a fibroscan and its slightly better!!! Wishful thinking..

I actually read bits that I found on the web, and that was enough to put me off! May buy it as a treat though. Funny can’t justify buying anything ( I’m a job hunting sahm) except..you guessed it. But if I shut my eyes, pretend it’s for Dh must be ok. So am NOT going to the corner shop!
Reading for support during witching hour! Massively down today. Friend going back home and I’ll miss him. I turned down a last hang out together as Dp came in from work early and I felt guilty going out. Then mum rand from the home she is in. She is very forgetful and I miss her. Just feeling shite. Maybe it’s the lack of booze and things are starting to unfreeze?

Thank you for sharing that BraveFaceScaredInside. I hope you see some improvement next time.

Just been to the pub with DH and he had a couple and I had a lemonade. It didn't bother me at all but normally if I drove I would nip and get a bottle of wine. I don't even want one which is good.

I'm really weird as pubs don't bother me and when other people are drinking. It is the habit I got into of relaxing in front of the TV.

I've told DH I want to quit wine forever. I'm not saying I will never have the odd beer one day but for the moment no way.

Gosh so sorry bravefaceinside and healthynewnpme not sure how I managed to post and not have seen your posts. Oh, we were posting at the same time. I’m so sorry you are going through so much, that’s a massive amount to deal with. Like healthynewme I hope you see some improvement next time. Massive hugs to you and your mum and all.
Well done healthynewme

Evening everyone, such a busy day here, exhausted.

So sorry to hear about your liver @BraveFaceScaredInside Really hope you see improvement next time.

Sorry you are down @Cleanbedlinen12 I hope things pick up and tomorrow is better

I am the same as you @HealthyNewMe as pubs don't bother me, it is all about the bottle of wine at home. I do seem to be cracking it though.

Hope everyone is doing well. I am off to bed. Day 25 done.

Insomnia kicking in here this is probably hormone related. I could feel my ovaries twitching today so im probably ovulating which is pointless at 48,single with four adult children . This peri menopause is crap. However I'm going into my 2nd month alcohol free. Work is a demoralising as ever but due to my my hormonal state and being sober my level of giving a fu# has gone so managed to get through a tough day and have a laugh. @bravefacescaredinside*, you are brave. I've been thinking how to reply to you. I've cared for close family members with terminal cancer it's so very hard. I spent the last moments with them and I am eternally grateful for that.

Ahhhh, hormones! My ovaries are similar lately, like they are in their panicked death throes at times

I am glad you managed to get through a tough day with some humour to be found. I feel like my life hasn't changed, still regular chaos with the kids, but my resilience in coping has. I think Spring arriving (nearly, has been terrible weather here) is helping.

Hope everyone has a good day. I still haven't decided what to give up for lent. I am grateful for the ready made excuse of lent for giving up drinking though, makes it much easier to shut down any comments.

I have been sleeping better AF, such a good thing. However I couldn't settle so I saw your post onedayiwillflyaway before switching off. Awake at 6.30 this morning. I didn't get any exercise yesterday so aim to do better today. I browsed through some other Alcohol Support threads & recommended the book & this thread. Not entirely sure of the MN etiquette on such matters but it felt right. There is so much suffering out there. I finished the book last night, I listened to it on Audible over the last 2 weeks. That's how long I've been AF. It's so soothing to be read to, I love Audible. I'll start book 2 this evening. Has anyone got any observations on it to whet my appetite?! Talking about Milk Thistle...it's something I've taken over the years, washed down usually with a bottle of red. Ironically I've always avoided sugary things, cakes etc...because that's bad for you right? Now I enjoy the occasional sweet treat & realise what I've been missing all these years. A physical response happened to a trigger yesterday. Planning over the phone a short break with some old friends & thinking of the inevitable hotel bar & I felt a response, anticipation, an excitement almost in my throat. I was able to slow it down and bring it into my consciousness . Recognising it for what it was I was able to throw it away & plan my strategy ahead. Rain on rain here but I will go out for a walk.