Alcohol Explained. Day one

[onedayiwillflyaway1]

Hello,
I'm a long time lurker and long time drinker. I've had the day off work today and after another boozy night and my anxiety this morning this lead me to have a beer for hair of the dog. I suddenly realised this is heading only one way, so I downloaded Alcohol Explained and spent the afternoon listening to it whilst sipping my last bottle of wine. Even though I know my own journey of how I got here, it was truly an eye opener and is one of those books that once read, denial is now not an option.
I'm now wide awake with one beer left but I've decided that tomorrow is my day one of quitting alcohol altogether. I've tried moderation, occasional abstinence etc but it always sucks me back in and now I know why. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I know I can get through it hopefully now fully armed with the knowledge I've just heard. My plan is to use this thread to track my journey and share my experience. Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have shared your experience over the years.

Just got home and checking in. Cup of strong tea and a packet of ginger nuts for me tonight. My pants are getting a bit tight not a bad thing I lost a lot of weight through drinking as I wasn't eating properly when I'm anxious I don't eat. I'm on day 27 not really had any cravings at all today and feeling super calm, I definitely think my cravings peak during my period and just before I'm going to track this on my app so I can be prepared. Sat on the sofa with the cat purring away and a brew.
I watched the house of commons debate the other morning about alcohol harm on society it's on bbc iplayer it was very interesting only watched the first 20 mins will watch the rest on Sunday.
The highlight of my weekend is ive booked to pick up a Rug Doctor definitely feel like spring is in the air so want to have a freshen up. Enjoy your crisps and relaxing evening.

I would very much like to climb aboard. I've been reading this thread since my day 1 on the 15th February and I'm so glad I came across it, the first thing I did was buy Alcohol Explained & I listen to it on Audible. Thank you for that. Lots of tools & tips are being gleaned from you all, thank you again. My relationship with alcohol has sadly been a happy one for many years inasmuch as I was a social drinker since a teenager & three decades after that. In recent years I have become a lone drinker, where I would sit & mull things over in my mind. I've got away with being a functioning alcoholic, a wife, mother & holding down responsible jobs for a variety of reasons which I am still processing. A functioning alcoholic that was screaming inside, putting a lot of energy into covering up hangovers, sweating bullets really. A big one is that my husband has put up with me & neither of us referred to my drinking. Another is that I could afford it which is such a sad thing to say because obviously the money could have gone towards something more constructive like a hobby. I managed 6 weeks AF a few years ago including over a Christmas because I wanted to loose weight and I did. Other breaks have not been longer than a month and there have been very few of them. One thing I have learned from trying to give up before is to not to live in a constant state of regret. Ten years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer & that did not make me stop but made things worse. I pushed it all to the back of my mind. I had no symptoms of bc but it was picked up on my first mammogram. I was successfully treated but remain on Tamoxifen. I did go to see my GP about eight years ago and on their suggestion I self referred myself to Addaction. It helped to make me think but classically once I stopped attending the cycle began again. Now it's crunch time for me, I know I can not continue to avoid this addiction any longer. For my health I have reached the point where I need to turn away from alcohol and begin a new chapter. I'm just going to refer to the date I stopped because that works for me. This morning I'm going to cancel my Naked Wine subscription. My husband only has the occasional drink and can stop at 2. I accept that I can not moderate or drink responsibly and I am unpacking and processing the reasons why that is. My withdrawal is still going on after day ten, a morning head ache mainly which dissipates with a coffee and a banana and I know there are yet the benefits to be felt. I really like the phrase "play the tape forward" I was drinking a bottle of wine a night for years, at my worse two. For the last two years it has been whiskey, about 1/3 to 1/2 a bottle. When I haven't been working I would drink in the day. Well, that's the outline written down in black and white & a therapeutic exercise in itself. The feeling of going to bed sober, sleeping better and waking without all consuming guilt and self loathing is doing me no end of good.

Wow. Massive respect theoriginalchatelaine well done for writing it all out that’s really cool. If it helps, you are not alone! The books are great arent they? And, as you say, waking up feeling ok ish is like a secret joy! I keep hugging myself with glee.
onedayiwillflyaway you sound very cozy! Rug doctor is super exciting! Let us know how it goes!
One thing about being sober for a whole week! Yay! Is that I’ve noticed how depressing and disorganised the house is. Need a rug doctor too. The other thing is that I’m beginning to feel like I might be able to cope with some excersise instead of feeling crap!
Friday night! May well be looking for support later!

P.S theoriginal I have been drinking through tamoxifen too. What’s that all about? Alcohol increases oestrogen and tamoxifen is to get rid of the stuff. How in any way are we being sensible? That’s how crap alcohol is.

I did it! Very hard as Dp drinking and being a grumpy arse. I’d normally knock it back!
Ran out of crisps so ate my body weight in samosas. I hope you are all ok and enjoying a cozy Friday.💐

@cleanbedlinen12, you're amazing well done! Im here again and with my tea early morning tomorrow going for a run before my marathon carpet cleaning.
@Theoriginalchatelaine thank you for sharing such a frank and honest post. It will help other lurkers in similar circumstances I'm sure. I'm so glad that you are here.
I'm really tired tonight hectic day at work and I'm in early again tomorrow. But I will be sober so that's my bonus.

onedayiwillflyaway so nice to hear from you! Now I’m sober I’m on mn far too much! A run..now that’s a good idea! May try a gentle stroll tomorrow am definitely feeling all the stiffness that the alcohol hid.
What a nice comment re the original chatelaine s post. It’s inspiring me, I am sure it will help others.
Sorry work is so hectic. But yes! Sober must be a lot easier! Have a good night all

Evening on, and welcome @TheOriginalChatelaine Your post was really moving and glad you are here. I think I was really struggling at at Day 10 but the cravings and withdrawal really lessened just after so hang in there.

I am way too invested in your weekend now @onedayiwillflyaway1 and this rug Doctor I also am now noticing the state of the house. It is really bad today as DH's birthday so random boxes etc. everywhere.

I made it through DH's birthday without drinking and only slight cravings. We noticed the bill for our night out was cheaper than we would have expected, took a while to realise it was because there was no alcohol on there!

I had to speak to my Doctor today about my past drinking. It came up during a conversation about pain I have been having in my upper right side (where the gallbladder and liver are). I have ignored it for months but need to do something. For once I was honest and up front when the subject of units came up. He didn't comment on that as I guess I said I knew it was too much and that I had given up. I have been referred for tests and an ultrasound. I have always been such a good girl so really mortified that it will be all over my notes now. Makes it more real too.

Hope everyone is having a lovely evening. I am in pjs and drinking a lovely new tea.

Hi borrowbox I’m STILL on mumsnet! Learning loads!
That was brave to tell the doctor, but am so glad you did. Keep us in the loop re the tests. I believe the liver is very good at healing itself, ( if that’s what it is) and I recommend getting a juicer ! Not that I remember to use ours. It’s a bit of a faff. But you do feel instantly better after a shot of carrot juice! Oh and drink lots of water! As I’m sure you know.
Enjoy your tea. Am now on the lookout for golden Assam which was what they had at last weeks posh hotel. Need to tell teens to go to bed.
Hmm, your cuppa has inspired me.

Hi @Cleanbedlinen12 we are both doing the same thing, distraction!! Did you find any more crisps? Oh wow, we have eaten out today so just realised I haven't had any crisps. That must be a first for me in years!!! Normally after getting in I would continue drinking and then the crisps would inevitably come out. Two bags tomorrow, I am not a Saint now

A juicer sounds good, especially with veg in there as well. I am very good at drinking water, have always guzzled it. Even when drinking I would have loads of water too (after though in case I diluted the effects before )

I have even craving a posh afternoon tea since reading the hotel tip. Might have to do it. My Mum would love coming, so would the kids. Although the idea of me and book is also good.

Ha! Recommend you and a book, it’s like a mini holiday!
I’m on the crisp hunt tomorrow, I’ve even eaten the dodgy onion ones not even the kids liked! Will look at making my own…
Going to get a cuppa and a book. This is brilliant this sober lark isn’t it!

Oh how did the birthday go?

Woke up ! Slept! No hangover!
Thanks SO MUCH a onedayiwillflyaway. Hope work is ok x

Hello again everyone, thank you for the words of welcome and encouragement. Good luck with the Rug Doctor OnedayIwillflyaway think of the satisfaaction & it's a bit of a work out too!
Cleanbedlinen Reflecting on drinking whilst on Tamoxifen give rises to very sobering thooughts which I am able to let in now & not bury. There are so many tools to employ in building up the armour against temptation before it even begins once I begin to recognize them.
Borrowbox Getting through a celebratory meal without alcohol is quite a milestone, and I bet it feels great, well done. Also well done for confiding in your GP. Good luck with the tests. I've been aware of a grumbling liver on ocassion after too much. I hope I haven't done irreparable damage. I do have peripheral neuropathy in the toes of my right foot which my GP said was most likely due to alcohol. I was so shocked but that was over two years ago. The ability for self deception knew no bounds. Honesty from now on. I hope everyone enjoyes a pleasant weekend that includes doing something that gives them joy. I find it's often the smallest of things.

P.S I am enjoying some crisps and chocolate recently too! Something I can sit and share with DH.

@Cleanbedlinen12 really laughed at eating the dodgy onion crisps! I always used to have the disappointing crisps with salad cream to mask the taste. If I was really disgusting I would come down to the evidence still sitting on the kitchen worktop in the morning. Nothing like a hangover and a dried up splodge of salad cream to make you regret!

The birthday went really well thanks. And I bounced out of bed this morning which was nice.

Thank you @TheOriginalChatelaine It was scary admitting to myself and the Doctor but determined to face up to it now. It isn't going to get better if I don't.

I also agree that the smallest things are giving me pleasure. I am finding I am more mindful. We had a lovely picnic out in the sunshine (and mud and wind, can't have it all!) and it was so peaceful, could feel it in my soul. The kids were happy too which always makes a difference.

Hope everyone else has been able to enjoy their weekend.

This is so wonderful to read!
onedayiwillflyaway not only are you a goddess for starting this post but spurred on by your shiny carpets ( tell all!) me and Dp cleaned out the garage!
theoriginalchatelaine if you ever want to chat about tamoxifen and related stuff let me know! It’s Massive to go through and I think all the pink wearing marathon running crap is really damaging. It certainly made me feel like a total failure and yes, that led to depression and the booze. So am with you x also peripheral neuropathy can be a side effect of treatment, may not be booze!
boorowbox crisps and salad cream! My turn to laugh. I’m glad you are feeling more mindful, id forgotten simple pleasures like the wind and a picnic.I’m wondering if the kids are happier - I can’t believe we tidied tha garage then took them to get clothes AND had noodles! We are like a proper family!
9 DAYS!!!!!!!! Oreos tonight!
Have a lovely evening all.

Sounds like you have had a great day @Cleanbedlinen12 Well done, and love your plan for the evening. I am being very good tonight and not snacking. Although now regretting it as it is 10pm and I am hungry. Too late to do it now so will just have to suffer. I will be grateful tomorrow.

I am sorry you have been through all of that, and certainly understand your feelings about all the pink and cheerful runs. I have no experience of it personally but it has always felt a little strange. I felt similar at a stroke walk we did with my Dad. Just walking slowly around the track was such an achievement for him due to his stroke, but some people decided to raise money by running around lots of times in ridiculous costumes. They meant well and am sure had been affected by stroke, but it was hard to watch the comparison between that and my Dad who prior to the stroke would have been able to run with them.

Major tangent there! Hope everyone is having a lovely evening. I am off to bed. Hoping my drunk neighbours don't keep me up. The noise level is steadily going up!

Well I went for my early morning run (more like a run for 30 seconds then walk etc) , then boxed off work. I spent the rest of the day carpet cleaning, living the dream . Seriously though sucking up dirty water from my carpets is soooo satisfying.
@Cleanbedlinen12 @Theoriginalchateline @borrowbox I sat down about 11pm to read the posts on here. You are all so amazing and supportive here is to another alcohol (poison) free day.

Wow @onedayiwillflyaway1 a run and major house clean, impressive! I love how excited we all are about your Rug Doctor, am just imagining the satisfaction.

I am now into my 4th week and feeling really good for it. I have been reading Annie Grace and that book is making a lot of sense too. Really noticing new habits forming and challenging cravings. Doesn't it take 21 times for a habit to form? I am hoping I am making sober the norm, and alcohol is no longer the default setting.

We are off out for a Sunday lunch today with family. It shouldn't be too hard not to drink as even in the past I would only have had one. I seem to be OK around others drinking too atm. The next big test will be in a couple of weeks, a night out with friends.

Have a lovely sober Sunday everyone

Oh no! Cooked without crisps..was hungry..open bottle in fridge..writing this to remind myself ITS JUST NOT A GOOD IDEA! After one glass I was talking nonsense to a friend on the phone and after 2 more I felt, eww. I used to feel like this all the time. It’s not a nice feeling! Then being awake, to day a dull ache and fuzzy head and face feels all puffy, eyes half closed. How did I ever handle life feeling like this? SO much better to have energy and sleep and feel..clean. Got to function feeling exhausted and grim.
Well that proves it, alcohol is poison in a glass and a big NO. Got to go through all the cravings again too, I suspect. I’m an idiot.
Hope you guys did have a super sober Sunday! Digging out Annie grace today!

Don't be too hard on yourself @Cleanbedlinen12 Think we often need these reminders to reinforce why we stopped, and my cravings were really bad around the time you were (Day 10?) so it is understandable. Hope you aren't feeling too rough today.

I am super tired today, not ready to start the week. I hate Monday mornings, when the family start going off to their various places separately after a lovely weekend. I am usually over it by tonight, but it never gets easier.

Having said all of that, it is nearly the day of year I long for during the winter. 1st March, always a symbol of hope when it is cold and dark. And the weekend was a real sign of Spring in the way. Have a lovely day everyone.

borrowbox thank you so much for the wonderful message. I wish I hadn’t caved but it’s certainly reinforced how crap nasty sour wine is. Anxiety is back big time too. I shall treat it as a learning curve.
Agree with you re Mondays! Kids slouch off to school Dp trudges to his computer. I look at the Bombsite of a house before trudging off to mine. Sigh!
The sun was beautiful wasn’t it? There are snowdrops popping up and tweety birds.
On with the cleaning! Have a good, productive Monday all.

Good morning lovely women. I'll second what Borrowbox said Cleanbedlinen don't be too hard on yourself. Self recrimination is counter productive so don't be discouraged. Having a drink whilst cooking a nice meal has been a habit for me for decades, all my adult life. I would linger in the kitchen. Applying the "fast forward" idea I am breaking this habit knowing it to be a massive trigger.I feel all the pleasure of cooking now & have room to think of other things. You will find your own way. Distract yourself today whilst it works out of your system, self care is where it's at. Love yourself. I'm eeking out the book, listened to the chapter on AA in bed last night. The reinforcement of the main points is really helpful. I can relate to it all now both physically and mentally. In the words of Scarlets O'Hara, "tomorrow is another day," Envisaging oneself waking up tomorrow having not drunk the day before is a gift to ourselves that we deserve.

Evening all, hope you have had a good day. Well, Monday is nearly over and tomorrow is the 1st March. I hate wishing time away, but really want Spring to arrive.

How are you feeling now @Cleanbedlinen12

Loved that last line @TheOriginalChatelaine It does feel like a gift that we deserve. Every day I wake up sober is really special.

Thanks theoriginalchatelaine that’s very encouraging thank you. I’m the same - trying to recreate happy nights cooking when shattered. Fast forward is a great idea- I’ve used it tonight! ( along with a fresh supply of lidls crisps and lemonade. Yum!) Self care is so important isn’t it? I though it was having a spa day, now I know it’s saying, ‘well done me! I got the kids lunches made!’ Or ‘well done me, I’m not hiding from this thread and telling myself off!’
You are right, envisaging oneself waking up not having drunk the night before is a real gift. It does actually feel like when you get a present and feel loved.
Thanks so much for being super lovely.