Alcohol Explained. Day one

[onedayiwillflyaway1]

Hello,
I'm a long time lurker and long time drinker. I've had the day off work today and after another boozy night and my anxiety this morning this lead me to have a beer for hair of the dog. I suddenly realised this is heading only one way, so I downloaded Alcohol Explained and spent the afternoon listening to it whilst sipping my last bottle of wine. Even though I know my own journey of how I got here, it was truly an eye opener and is one of those books that once read, denial is now not an option.
I'm now wide awake with one beer left but I've decided that tomorrow is my day one of quitting alcohol altogether. I've tried moderation, occasional abstinence etc but it always sucks me back in and now I know why. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I know I can get through it hopefully now fully armed with the knowledge I've just heard. My plan is to use this thread to track my journey and share my experience. Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have shared your experience over the years.

Hello all, how are you doing?

Just finishing Day 10 so really pleased, particularly as the cravings have been awful the last couple of days. Proper want to cry with frustration stuff. I am OK atm though.

I agree about drinking being normalised, and people are so invested in others drinking too. I have told a couple of friends I won't be drinking this Friday as I am not drinking atm. I didn't say permanently as not ready to tell everyone. I was really disappointed in their reaction, implying I was a bad friend as it was a special occasion They won't change my mind about drinking, but they may make me change my mind about going out.

Morning, not posted for a couple of days been really low with pmt which makes me really unsociable. Feeling a bit better today. Still not drinking but the cravings have been very strong the past few days. After feeling on a high the first few weeks I'm a bit forlorn and sad that I may never be able to drink responsibly again. I know after listening to alcohol explained that this is just part of the processes and that alcohol doesn't actually add anything of value to my life but I cant help sometimes remember the happy times i had whilst drinking before it turned to shit and i was having to drink sometimes in the morning to take the edge off withdrawals. Sorry to post what seems like a negative post but I wanted to share with you. @cleanbedlinen12 and @borrowbox the fact that alcohol is so normalised is what makes it so dangerous. It is what makes this whole process so hard for me, the fact that its the only addictive substance where its not the drug but the user who is deemed to have the problem. I feel shameful, weak and at fault because I can't seem to take it or leave it as the advertising and media suggest. Why can't I be that care free person in the film or advert enjoying a few cocktails. I swing from feeling angry to sad. I'm sure I will push through this thanks again for sharing your experiences.

Hi oneday I understand what you are saying it is a bit like grieving for a different life. I have been listening to drink by Proff Nutt it really helps to put things in perspective. I am coming up for 7 weeks sober and have told myself I can drink at Xmas. I am thinking and hoping that as I will be nearly a year sober I won't want to. Forever seems so sad but I do need to quit. I know as soon as I have one it becomes much more.

I think PMT makes it difficult also, get yourself some nice treats and be kind to yourself. You have done so well. The benefits do really keep coming. Today will be a better day.

Hello all, so wonderful to read this. Struck with overwhelming gloom and anxiety today, though it may be the letrazole I started yesterday. It sounds like we all need to be kind to ourselves!

@cleanbedlinen12 I hope you're ok it's always unnerving starting new medication. I agree we do need to be kind to ourselves as well as each other .
@Rupertpenrysmistress thanks for the recommendation by proff nutt i will take a look. Ive been considering some therapy for childhood trauma. I'm a bit sideblinded how its reared it's head now. I've always been quite stoic and just cracked on. I'm a bit frustrated with myself that I'm not able to do that at the moment.

@Cleanbedlinen12 I love your comment about being kind to yourself. Yes, yes and yes. If you take care of yourself and find the kindness and good points in making a change you are far more likely to stick with it permanently.

Think about when a child first starts writing (because I will posit that learning to drink less is simply a new skill you're acquiring, like writing): we don't yell and scream at them that they'll never learn to write the first 100+ times they create messy writing... we encourage, we look for what they've learned, we reinforce, we're kind.

Sounds like you're having a tough day - so be doubly kind. Sending you

@brightspice your analogy of a child learning to write is very helpful thank you.

Morning all, checking in on Day 13. I have been feeling low too, for similar reasons @onedayiwillflyaway1

I am so glad to see others share that they feel the same. I am just so sad that I can't be like others. We are planning a holiday and it is putting a downer on that as I want to be able to drink a treat bottle of prosecco like others do. I am sorry that you are feeling like this though.

We are in a red warning here for the wind so preparing for a day of cabin fever. It is actually sunny and not that windy so have sent the kids out to get their exercise and fresh air now. I should probably take my own advice and get out for a quick walk, buy just can't be bothered to move! Settling for the window open!

Have a good day all

Thanks bright space. It’s probably booze affecting my mood. - had a beer, kidding myself I’m cutting down. So tonight is day 1 again. It is dawning on me that this is another thread where everyone moves on and I’m STILL kidding myself. Think that may be the case in other areas too. Your analogy is very helpful, thanks for that.
Rupertpenrysmistress, thanks, that looks good. Amazing that when I looked for effects of alcohol not long ago, it was really hard to find. Good that things have changed!
Boo row box, you’ll enjoy the holiday more because you’ll remember it and have the energy to properly rest😀 and actually most Prosecco is quite sour, not at all what you think you’re going to get!
Hope no ones blown away🙂💨💨💨🌊. 🏠

Hi everyone.
So glad I found this thread.
I am on day 4 today of no drink. I am no longer responsible on alcohol anymore. I black out. I don't remember anything. Today is my fourth consecutive day sober in an extremely long time. I can't even remember how long. I never drank in the morning but would start in the afternoon at weekends. I'd get a drink at 4pm if I was at home on a weekday.
Can I join you all? I'm so ashamed of myself that it has got to this point.

BigRedDuck you are in the right place. It is really tough. I am sure you have read through the advice on here. I really can't recommend listening to quit books enough, I did it all the time for the first few weeks. I prioritised my sobriety. I treated myself to nice treats and coffee out. I spend more time on self care now (helps that I am awake). You can do this. Well done for getting to day 4.

Morning @Cleanbedlinen12 I'm still here, I've had many day one's. I'm struggling with the black and white thinking that I'm a doomed alcoholic and I will never be able to drink again. I've been doing a lot of reading about PAWS and kindling and I am scared I have completely messed up my brain chemistry. I felt so positive at the beginning and resolved to the fact alcohol is a poison and i would never want it again but I've been having some major cravings this week and my initial euphoria has disappeared. I'm hoping that this will pass soon. Welcome @BigRedDuck well done on four days @Rupertpenrysmistress is right about the self care, it isn't something I've been good at doing for some time my self care was a bottle of wine and doritos...
Also just realised ive got £110 in my naked wine account. Think I'm going to do some ironing whilst listening to alcohol explained again .

Thanks all. I am going to clean the bathroom this morning while listening to one of these books.

@onedayiwillflyaway1 I had some. Money left in my naked wine account but when I cancelled my subscription they refunded me the money straight away. They were very good about it.

@borrowbox sorry I meant to reply to you too. What kind of holiday are you going on? I understand where your coming from. Hope you stayed safe through the storm it's been really bad near me. Ive done my ironing and im settling down with a chai tea. My bathroom could do with a scrub and may have a bath with some candles and a sober podcast.
I've been writing a list of my triggers and my workplace is definitely one of them. It's very toxic and riddled with backstabbers. I need to focus on getting out so going to spend the afternoon updating my CV and start applying for new jobs.

I've been doing some research on how much money the alcohol industry is worth in the uk. According to sources it was worth 9.3 billion in 2019, 68% of this was generated by people who drink over the recommended guidelines and who may be problem drinkers. So the whole 'drink responsibly' really isn't in the industries best interest is it. This was a sobbering thought! I did try to share links but unable to on my phone.
When you look at the advertising not just the direct tv ads but all the subtle references in social media, tv series its everywhere it's no wonder we fell into this subtle trap.
Doing this research is helping to not blame myself to much. I hit a rough patch and got sucked in yes I did have some accountability however the odds were stacked against me. We've been conned by this snake oil it doesn't deliver what the advertising industry say's it does.
Anyway that's my Sunday morning rant over with feel better now.
How is everyone doing hope you are all ok.

It's day 1 for me and have just logged on to mumsnet to see your post from last month pop up.It must be fate! My drinking has increased dramatically over past couple of weeks from 2 to 3 nights a week to every night (a bottle and a half wine each night). I was seeing it as my treat for getting through another day! I look terrible (puffy, bloated face and squidgy, bloated belly) and feel pretty terrible (anxious,shaky, irritable) plus have spent so much money that I can't afford and eaten so much crap. I will read through the whole thread properly for support today. Many thanks

Morning @catrice and welcome, it does creep up on you without realising.

Morning- I’m here today as fell out of the French doors last night, smashed on gin, wine and Prosecco and have injured myself as well as suffering with massive anxiety over my steadily increasing drunkenness, and know I need to take back control of me and my life. I’ve read all the posts since waking up and the first 5 chapters of Alcohol Explained and will download when I get up. So, Day 1 for me and hope to be able to support and encourage you as you have me. Am going to be 50 this year and have had enough.

@icanseeyoursoul, welcome on board hope you're feeling a bit better this evening. I've had a fair few injuries over the years and bruised pride. I could laugh them off for a while but then it became just well embarrassing for me. How are you getting on with the book? I've given it another listen and feel a bit better today. The weather is atrocious so that doesn't help as i love being outside. Look forward to hearing from you.

Evening. HelloIcanseeyoursoul love the name. I am sure I speak for us all when I say we have all been where you are. I have done and said many things that's still shame me, years later.

If I can do this you can. I am 44 and really owe my poor body more respect. You are starting well. Loads of support here.

Sorry hello to catrice too. You describe vividly the way I have felt to many times. At day 43 now and cannot go back. I remember that awful anxiety and bloating like it was yesterday and the wasted days. Yes yes to listening to audio books that is all I did for the first few weeks. So far something has stuck.

I don't want to get to cocky as I know how easily I can slip back.

Hello all! It’s so reassuring to hear everyone is at different stages. And yes, another one who has been embarrassing, puffy faced old housewife and not the glamorous film star I think I am. Ouch! If it helps, I’ve been trying to give up but not really for about 5 years, probably longer , have been on different giving up threads, and there is something about this thread that has just , I dunno, clicked. And I hope it stays clicked. but it’s very helpful! Thanks onedayiwillflyaaway.
Anyway, day 3 for me, am so chuffed to see big red duck, I canseeyoursoul and cat rice. It really does creep up on you without you realising. I hadn’t heard of naked wine, or the amount of money involved! no wonder you are ranting one dayiwillflyaway., the homepage is all smiley healthy people drinking wine in the sun somewhere beautiful. No mention of hospitals and liver disease. It IS invidious.
I checked out prof nut as a pp suggested. Strongly recommend. somehow I am now seeing wine as a disgusting con. And am working hard at visualising a shrivelled liver ( yuk!) and a hospital bed when I look at a bottle of sour plonk.
A lovely poster on a previous thread had actually damaged her liver and wrote a hrpeartfelt plea to others not to go down the same route. To her, and to us all I send hugs.
Fwiw, I had a really good nights sleep last night and already feel a lot better. Maybe the thought of a good sleep can help others!
Well done! We’ve got this!

Evening all, and welcome @Catrice and @Icanseeyoursoul

We are hoping to go to Scotland for our holiday @onedayiwillflyaway1 I am starting to believe that it will be possible to have a sober break. Last night I had my first social challenge and managed it easily. I am under no illusions that it will always be easy, but it is so nice to know it is possible. The cravings around Day 10-12 were horrendous, so such a relief.

Just about to complete Day 15 here. I am actually staying up later now which is weird. I guess I am not drinking myself to sleep.

I totally recognise the puffy faced, bloated belly look. I haven't lost any weight this past couple of weeks but I do look slimmer in face and tummy so that is a bonus.

Totally agree about the alcohol industry with their glamorous images and tiny "drink responsibly". Imagining the unhealthy liver is a great tip @Cleanbedlinen12 I haven't seen the poster that had already damaged their liver, must have been so hard for her, and to read. It is reading stuff like that keeping me on the right track!

@Cleanbedlinen12 so glad you're feeling better today. Yes it's really helping me to channel my emotions into anger at the alcohol industry at the moment. I don't want to become completely evangelical about it and not be able to go to parties or the pub etc or preachy to people who do drink. But it's helping me feel this way right now. It's so sad when you hear about people who's lives have been ruined.
On a positive note my sleep is amazing right now so blissful and refreshing. My eyes are brighter, my skin a clear less make required. My sense of taste has improved massively I look forward to eating and get excited for tea. I do have the odd pang of oh what about that cold glass of sav blanc on a summers evening so I know im still vulnerable however I didn't drink today so that's a win in my book. Well done everyone. Even if you're back on day one its one more day that's a win.

@Rupertpenrysmistress and @borrowbox you're both amazing keep it up. I look forward to checking here for your updates.