Alcohol Explained. Day one

[onedayiwillflyaway1]

Hello,
I'm a long time lurker and long time drinker. I've had the day off work today and after another boozy night and my anxiety this morning this lead me to have a beer for hair of the dog. I suddenly realised this is heading only one way, so I downloaded Alcohol Explained and spent the afternoon listening to it whilst sipping my last bottle of wine. Even though I know my own journey of how I got here, it was truly an eye opener and is one of those books that once read, denial is now not an option.
I'm now wide awake with one beer left but I've decided that tomorrow is my day one of quitting alcohol altogether. I've tried moderation, occasional abstinence etc but it always sucks me back in and now I know why. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I know I can get through it hopefully now fully armed with the knowledge I've just heard. My plan is to use this thread to track my journey and share my experience. Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have shared your experience over the years.

OP try listening to the Soberful podcasts. They were an absolute lifesaver for me in the early days. I've been alcohol free for just over 2 years and never been happier.

Thanks @CiderWithRosy I will try them out. I love the way people keep telling me how much happier they are without alcohol it really does keep spurring me on. Day four done in bed with a cup of chamomile tea. Hope you are all well.

Well done @onedayiwillflyaway1 getting to day 4, one day at a time and all that! I found myself chatting to some female work colleagues today about starting HRT and then quitting drink and how for the first time in years I've felt happy. Properly happy. I feel like I've found myself again.

Though I admit that I'm a little anxious about it being my birthday soon and the pressure that I'll feel to have a drink.

[quote onedayiwillflyaway1]@coodawoodashooda, good morning. Im not sure if they are the same, I've not watched that programme will take a look later. Alcohol explained for me was just very factual about how alcohol affects the brain and sets up the addictive loop in your sub conscious. Interesting how you say you are addicted to being down on yourself, I did the 2nd day of the alcohol experiment yesterday. It focuses on how we talk to ourselves and our perception. I read through some of my old journals (mostly written in a drunken stupor) it was sad to read how horrible I was with myself I would never dream of speaking to anyone else like that it was really sad to read. I have a lot of things to unpick and although I had a good day yesterday however I more than aware that I am going to have to face some things I've been numbing with alcohol. I too would like a partner, nice clothes and get fit. Nice clothes are my first goal .[/quote]
It's the audio book version I've got. He is so animated and interesting. I feel more accepting of myself. Each month I plan on buying one new decent thing for my wardrobe. Gradually smarten myself up.

@givemyheadpeaceffs, so glad the hrt is making a difference the freedom from not drinking is probably contributing too. I understand what you mean by pressure some of my colleagues were going to the pub after work and as usual invited me along I went for one had a lime and soda. I was for a split second tempted by just one glass of wine won't harm . But i remembered how bad i felt last Sunday and the other times before, why would i through away how good I'm feeling right now?
@coodawoodashooda, how are you getting on with the audio book? I am really looking forwards to treating myself according to my app I've saved £32 in 5 days! So not long i will have £100 to spend. That doesn't even include takeaways I've not had to buy.

I’ve listened to the first audiobook and a lot of what he says makes complete sense. I am just starting listening to book 2
I would recommend reading/ listening to them.
The tricky time will be when I face my usual weekend triggers but will check in here next week.

@jentree3000, I listened to the 2nd book the day after the first it really helped hammer the message home. I will revist them if I feel like I'm having a wobble. Have a nice weekend.
I'm thinking a lot clearer and getting bits of tidying up round the house but going lightly on myself and it's getting there. When I was drinking I would make a huge task list then feel overwhelmed and defeated so drink instead and get nothing done. I was kidding myself that I was functioning to be honest I was barely surviving.

It’s been 32 days since I read that book. Consequently I’m now 32 days sober. I only know because I have an app tracking it. I’m no longer counting as I don’t see myself as “trying to stop” anymore. I’m now a non drinker. I don’t miss it one bit.

This time last year I would have been staggering around by now, probably nodding off on the sofa ready to wake up feeling like utter crap at 2am. Tomorrow would be a write off. I’m so relieved that is not me anymore. Relieved and grateful

@SnotRags which app are you using?
That sounds like you are in a good place and haven’t “ given up “ anything but actually gained something.
It’s so true what he says about drinking to counteract the depression caused by drinking the day before and I like the way he acknowledges that drinking does provide relief- but it’s short lived and so the cycle continues

It’s the NHS drink free days app. You put in what you’d normally drink and then it tells you how bad you are lol … from then on you track your drink free days and the app tells you how many calories you’ve saved and money.

I’ve so far saved 16,200 calories and £300.

I think the lightbulb moment for me was when he pointed out that only the first couple of drinks give you the buzz, the drinks that follow are just you trying to keep the buzz going. That was so me! The first 2 drinks would feel amazing … then I’d binge downing drink after drink trying to prolong the feeling but actually filling with guilt, shame and anxiety instead. Wake up the next morning absolutely mortified at the shit I’d posted on social media, drinking my coffee thinking “I can’t wait to have a drink tonight, I’ll feel better about it all once I can have a drink”.

I feel like the wool has been pulled from my eyes.

I'm using one from google play my progress so far.

snotrags that is exactly it, chasing that buzz.

I was out earlier looking for af drinks and spotted my fave wine but when I looked at it, it just made me feel sick. I am so happy and peaceful waking up hangover free and content. I think I am at day 24 today and it feels amazing. I just hope I can keep it going. Still really tired but also unwell at the moment so probably that.

@Rupertpenrysmistress

snotrags that is exactly it, chasing that buzz.

I was out earlier looking for af drinks and spotted my fave wine but when I looked at it, it just made me feel sick. I am so happy and peaceful waking up hangover free and content. I think I am at day 24 today and it feels amazing. I just hope I can keep it going. Still really tired but also unwell at the moment so probably that.

I also feel physically sick when I see or think of my favourite drink. I remember the buzz but I remember the nausea, the headaches and the anxiety more

Good Morning, well I have my first week AF under my belt. The first few days were tough and my sleep has been a bit iffy however last night I had the most glorious sleep. I nipped to the shops last night and my brain was saying it's Friday no kids no work tomorrow wine time.. The urge was strong but I could see it clearly for what it was, its just a thought. I bought some appletiser instead and a posh bubble bath. Had a lovely evening and now I've got the whole weekend to enjoy without hangxiety and guilt. I'm going to dig my sewing machine out and give it a good clean book it in for a service then plan some sewing projects then do some batch cooking for the week. What has everyone else got planned?

@onedayiwillflyaway1

Good Morning, well I have my first week AF under my belt. The first few days were tough and my sleep has been a bit iffy however last night I had the most glorious sleep. I nipped to the shops last night and my brain was saying it's Friday no kids no work tomorrow wine time.. The urge was strong but I could see it clearly for what it was, its just a thought. I bought some appletiser instead and a posh bubble bath. Had a lovely evening and now I've got the whole weekend to enjoy without hangxiety and guilt. I'm going to dig my sewing machine out and give it a good clean book it in for a service then plan some sewing projects then do some batch cooking for the week. What has everyone else got planned?

That sounds lovely oneday. I have been listening to my Russell Brand addiction book and a lot of it resonates. Not the addiction stuff as such but the self image I have somehow created and latched on to. I am wondering about reading the Alcohol Lied to Me book but honestly the thought of never drinking again is also unnerving. That probably sounds awful. I am a single parent considering, 3 stone from now, dipping my toe into online dating and the idea of 'advertising' myself as someone who is a non drinker seems confusing. Dont know. Thinking out loud I guess.

What about the naked mind? Has anyone read that?

@coodawoodashoodaes I'm listening to it at the moment and ive signed up to the alcohol experiment its a 30 day course. Try it commit to just 30 days see how you feel after.

[quote onedayiwillflyaway1]@coodawoodashoodaes I'm listening to it at the moment and ive signed up to the alcohol experiment its a 30 day course. Try it commit to just 30 days see how you feel after.[/quote]
Yeah it feels easy just now. I think I am going to write a list of small jobs to keep me busy in the evenings. How are you getting on op?

@coodawoodashooda im doing ok thanks. I'm nearly at the end of day 8. My brain still say's its drink time at around 5pm so ive been having ginger beer or grapefruit and soda in a wine glass and let the thought pass. I do the daily lessons on the alcohol experiment at around 7pm then get ready for the next day and clear around kitchen etc. My sleep is so much better and I am more mentally alert. Im also feeling more creative, ideas to do things are popping into my head and I'm making plans. Rather than worrying about my next drink or recovering from my last. I can't honestly think of any negatives apart from the odd niggle that i want a glass of wine but it passes quickly. How has your day been?

[quote onedayiwillflyaway1]@coodawoodashooda im doing ok thanks. I'm nearly at the end of day 8. My brain still say's its drink time at around 5pm so ive been having ginger beer or grapefruit and soda in a wine glass and let the thought pass. I do the daily lessons on the alcohol experiment at around 7pm then get ready for the next day and clear around kitchen etc. My sleep is so much better and I am more mentally alert. Im also feeling more creative, ideas to do things are popping into my head and I'm making plans. Rather than worrying about my next drink or recovering from my last. I can't honestly think of any negatives apart from the odd niggle that i want a glass of wine but it passes quickly. How has your day been?[/quote]
I've had a lovely day too op, thanks. I am enjoying feeling brighter and having more time to get some jobs done. It's at the weekend when I catch up with friends and wine will be involved. They wont care but it does change the tone and I can't quite work out why. My cooking is also really improving and I am looking forward to some baking. Not sure what yet though. Im planning on getting up and doing a youtube walking video in the morning. We'll see....

@coodawoodashooda, youtube walking video enlighten me never heard of that. I know what you mean about meeting friends where drinking is involved. I'm still a bit apprehensive with that but also don't want to live like a hermit. It's just going to feel strange at first I suppose but I'm looking forward to going out and being fully in the moment, taking everything in rather than having it dulled with alcohol.

I'm back in work today and it's our Monday meeting (which i normally dread) im up early and fully prepared with homemade lunch and snacks feeling a bit righteous . I watched the day 9 video from the alcohol experiment last night about self talk this is a big thing for me and definitely plays a big part in why I reach for a drink. So even though I'm feeling good physically I know I have a lot of emotional work to do.

Enjoy your walk today .

[quote onedayiwillflyaway1]@coodawoodashooda, youtube walking video enlighten me never heard of that. I know what you mean about meeting friends where drinking is involved. I'm still a bit apprehensive with that but also don't want to live like a hermit. It's just going to feel strange at first I suppose but I'm looking forward to going out and being fully in the moment, taking everything in rather than having it dulled with alcohol.

I'm back in work today and it's our Monday meeting (which i normally dread) im up early and fully prepared with homemade lunch and snacks feeling a bit righteous . I watched the day 9 video from the alcohol experiment last night about self talk this is a big thing for me and definitely plays a big part in why I reach for a drink. So even though I'm feeling good physically I know I have a lot of emotional work to do.

Enjoy your walk today .[/quote]
Op I didn't get up in time but will at some point soon. If you search for walking on YouTube there are tons of ways to burn up miles with cheerful exercise coaches. It's just enough if you've been absent from exercise for a while. Im enjoying the headspace free from thinking about alcohol. Still feels early days though.

Can I just watch this thread? I need to stop, but once ahapgain, I’m sloshed.

@coodawoodashooda oh they sound good I will take a look. I do quite a lot of steps at work so on my days off I turn into a sloth so might be just what I need. Glad to hear you are getting some headspace I'm still thinking about alcohol but not as much obviously as you say it's early days my app tells me I'm 9 days and 20 hours. I've been going to bed ridiculously early so I'm going to try and stay up until 10.30pm tonight. I spoke to a friend tonight and told them I'm taking a break from drinking they went straight on the defensive. I was quite taken a back they started justifying why they drink as if was was judging them. It was an eye opener. .

@Cleanbedlinen12 of course you can watch. I was probably sloshed this time of night 10 days ago reading through peoples posts. Take care

Good morning just a morning muse whilst writing my journal. I never wake up regretting not drinking, but I would always regret wake up regretting drinking.
I've had a few cravings over the past few days but this thought is my pause and reflect, I rewind the tape in my head to how I felt when waking up a few weeks ago I never want to go back to that hell.
Hope everyone has a good day.