Alcohol Explained. Day one

[onedayiwillflyaway1]

Hello,
I'm a long time lurker and long time drinker. I've had the day off work today and after another boozy night and my anxiety this morning this lead me to have a beer for hair of the dog. I suddenly realised this is heading only one way, so I downloaded Alcohol Explained and spent the afternoon listening to it whilst sipping my last bottle of wine. Even though I know my own journey of how I got here, it was truly an eye opener and is one of those books that once read, denial is now not an option.
I'm now wide awake with one beer left but I've decided that tomorrow is my day one of quitting alcohol altogether. I've tried moderation, occasional abstinence etc but it always sucks me back in and now I know why. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I know I can get through it hopefully now fully armed with the knowledge I've just heard. My plan is to use this thread to track my journey and share my experience. Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have shared your experience over the years.

Thank you for the tip! Will watch now. Reading the thread because it’s Friday night. Danger! Yucky Ill, no sleep, anxiety, depression, hidden goodness knows what it does. Ethanol . Slug juice. Sour. Expensive. …
that’s working! Plus a LOT of crisps!

I hear you! Fridays. I live next to a pub too! I can hear the beer garden is busy.

Thanks for tip!
I'm still not well so don't want a drink but I'm finding the Friday routine being disrupted difficult. I am being just a wee bit grumpy with my dh. He's not drinking but he's having a smoke. I don't smoke anymore. I don't mind but he can be a bit irritating when under the influence.

Really noticing all the memes and fb stuff about drinking/drinking too much. It all feels a bit surreal.

Also mourning the loss of crisps. I can't eat them anymore. Normally they get me through af nights
Google box and Have I got News for you is on though. That should help

well survived! Not easy as Dp is drinking. realised I’m still living in denial. I really think I can have a glass and it will all be lovely laughing people and fun. It won’t it’s just me and Dp in a beautiful area, but I am so..bored! Still, sunny today! More housework then I will fiddle in the garden. I hope you are all doing well.

Well done! @Cleanbedlinen12
The boredom is so relatable.

Sunny here too today. I've got seeds waiting to be planted but I really don't have the physical energy.

My dh on the other hand seems to have loads of energy since not drinking. He's done loads of admin tasks for work (self employed) and is amazed at how quickly he got through it.

Got a couple of things to watch on Netflix tonight and a good book for bed time.

Delighted to be on Day 7 now. 😊

@Nouveaunew 👏👏👏👏👏👏💐

@JesusSufferingFuck22
Thank you so much.

Your night tonight sounds fab - you will be all cosy in bed (& sober!).

@Nouveaunew it makes is manageable having a good distraction. I went ahead and planted a tray of lettuce seeds. Which is another good distraction but now I've used all my energy. Oops.

Can't wait until bed time lol.

My getting to sleep tactic is listening to an old favourite audiobook and playing Ludo online. Mindless game has me nodding off in no time. If not, I switch lights off, lie down and listen to the book for an hour.....and repeat as necessary.

Checking in with my cuppa. Really well done nouveau seven. That’s incredibly brilliant.
I can feel depression trying to grab me by the ankles. Is that normal? Or more tricks!
lettuce seeds sound lovely Jesús. I don’t have the energy, though I think that may be something to do with Dp not being able to do any thing on his own without involving me. Grrr! Look irritable AND depressed. Must be the booze, or lack of!

@Cleanbedlinen12
Yes, depression is creeping up on me, which I kind of expected. Though my anxiety is A LOT less. Me and dh were pretending to have an idyllic evening. Him with headphones on editing a music track and me planting a few seeds. We are both a bit twitchy but it seems manageable for now.
We are having family over next weekend. Should be ok. We don't always have alcohol for day time gatherings. It was my birthday recently and some are bringing my present. I hope they don't bring vodka.
Well done everyone on your continued af days.

Hello Jesus. I’m glad you were expecting depression, if that doesn’t sound too awful! It’s like mr alcohol is saying, ‘ here’s Another trick to make you come back to mee, mwa ha ha’

Yes @Cleanbedlinen12 I was feeling slightly euphoric at actually stopping for more than just a couple of days. I expected a low. It's not as low as I would feel if I was drinking though, so there is that. I suppose the realisation that this is it. I HAVE to keep staying stopped. It'll get easier. Longest I've ever stopped for apart from when I was pregnant was 3 months. I don't remember why I started again.

Maybe it’s all the chemicals adjusting too. I don’t know, I’m teary, exhausted anxious…but that’s a good point, it would be worse with booze. Think we need to be super nice to ourselves. Easier said than done!

Oh ffs. You are all doing so well and I drank half a bottle on Monday night what was I thinking? It’s stress, hunger, tiredness. It’s when I neglect myself.it’s kidding myself. It makes me so I’ll and achey. You would think I’d have learnt, I get so far and then kid myself it’s fine. Back to day 1. I’m such an idiot. I REALLY hope this is bringing me closer to realising that I’m in denial and I DO NOT DRINK. When I do, I get grey and tired and life loses its joy..so from now on, I AM ENJOYING BEING FIT AND HEALTHY AND FULL OF BEANS. I’m embarrassed to be admitting on here ( again) but if I hide now, I have a feeling I’ll keep hiding. Sorry guys!

No need for apologies @Cleanbedlinen12
Shit happens.
Dust yourself off and get back on the horse. Two steps forward and one step back.

Also well done for coming back and saying you f**ked up. That takes some courage. I hope I'm that brave. I feel it's almost inevitable for me to have a blip. The major difference this time is I have threads on here that are supportive and not judgy. Doing it 100% on my own is probably why I failed before. I perused AA. I found the website confusing though. I'll look again when my heads clearer.
Don't beat yourself up too much xx

@Cleanbedlinen12 half a bottle isn't a full bottle so it could have been worse. Just take each day at a time, you are mindful and aware which is half the battle. Please don't beat yourself up though it won't help. You've cut back a hell of a lot which is a success. Definitely don't hide, dust yourself off and just don't drink tomorrow.. Then come on here and celebrate.

@JesusSufferingFuck22 and @Nouveaunew you're both doing great.
I've been planting some lettuce and herb seeds with my youngest he checks every morning for the shoots to come through.

I've been having thoughts of maybe having a few drinks especially with the jubilee approaching and a few parties planned. I know it's just my brain remembering the few good times i had when alcohol was involved. But I just read my first post on here and remember the state i was in and realise it's not worth it.

Aww, thank you. That’s so encouraging, especially as I’ve been here, on this thread, before. And am super embarrassed to be here yet again. But each time, I’m getting more focussed. Totally agree that’s doing it on a non judge thread is sooo much better than in your own. This thread is great, very small and very brilliant somehow.
i really hope you have got far enough not to blip - don’t blip! - it totally makes everything harder and challenges all the hard work you’ve been putting in, and your own self esteem takes a knock. But obviously you know this!
i haven’t Tried aa, though maybe now it’s online. I believe it’s very supportive. Let us know!
I am proud to say I am counting this time and it’s..day 2. Go me ( again) and go you jesus and everyone else who may be reading.

oneday we have just cross posted, I wasn’t ignoring you!You have such a lovely way of writing. How lovely to plant seeds with your youngest. I loved them being little, sometimes I miss it, how can it just..go?
well done for remembering why you wrote your first post, you have come such a long way and done so well, it would be such a shame to risk all the negative stuff that is the reality of swallowing cell destroying, cancer inducing chemicals into your system. It totally needs a few grim adverts like they did with cigarettes.
and thank you for the kind words. Enjoy your good nights sleep!

I wouldn't have thought you were ignoring me btw these threads are often cross posted. My youngest is 15 but loves gardening and cooking so I'm blessed 😂.
Goodnight @Cleanbedlinen12 enjoy your sleep too.

You are lucky! Mines 14 and just plants stuff on minecraft!
day 3. Gosh! If I can make it through dinner it’s ok. Dinner just got earlier and simpler ( pesto pasta!). Looking forward to bed sooooooo much. Good luck all. I’m thinking of you, this thread is being a bit of a rock atm. So thankyou everyone!

@Cleanbedlinen12 for the first few weeks i was tucked up in bed at 8pm, this was easier in the winter.
I've been having lemon and honey with hot water alongside a bowl of porridge every morning for a few weeks rather than my coffee and toast. It has made a massive difference to my energy levels. My hormones are still a bit all over the place but because I'm not tipsy 70% of the day I've been tracking my cycle on an app and noting symptoms. It's been a bit of an eye opener I definitely crave alcohol just after I ovulate and my mood just nose dives. It has helped me to prepare for this and have some emergency plan in place.

Thanks oneday that’s well worth knowing, I’m now going to find that app. Knowing what is coming would be much easier to handle.
did notice depression has eased a bit, maybe it was alcohol.
ditto porridge and water advice, I will try that. You have reminded me I used to juice a carrot and whatever and it would really give a gal a zing! I will look at diet next, at the moment I am saying, you are worth it, you deserve to look after yourself as often as I remember! It’s mad but I caught will smith saying something about once you start to tell yourself how much you love you, you start to naturally take care of yourself more - rather than battling your mind with will power ( your mind will always win). Have a good night all.

@Cleanbedlinen12
pesto pasta sounds yummy! I’ve been really enjoying food since going AF. I’m on Day 10. I’m afraid I’m just substituting with sugar, coffee and food in general but I went for a brisk walk today and it did me the world of good.

@onedayiwillflyaway1
ah the lovely hormones. I feel a little less nuts from hormones (it has been a monthly rollercoaster for the past few years). I think maybe alcohol affects them. I’ve also been taking starflower oil which I really feel has helped me