Alcohol Explained. Day one

[onedayiwillflyaway1]

Hello,
I'm a long time lurker and long time drinker. I've had the day off work today and after another boozy night and my anxiety this morning this lead me to have a beer for hair of the dog. I suddenly realised this is heading only one way, so I downloaded Alcohol Explained and spent the afternoon listening to it whilst sipping my last bottle of wine. Even though I know my own journey of how I got here, it was truly an eye opener and is one of those books that once read, denial is now not an option.
I'm now wide awake with one beer left but I've decided that tomorrow is my day one of quitting alcohol altogether. I've tried moderation, occasional abstinence etc but it always sucks me back in and now I know why. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I know I can get through it hopefully now fully armed with the knowledge I've just heard. My plan is to use this thread to track my journey and share my experience. Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have shared your experience over the years.

@borrowbox amazing 53 days! I know the tired feeling I'm same as you plodding on. I really do look forward to my nightly tea and book all cosy and sober.

@Easterdaffsx looks like we are all tea drinking bookworms, sounds like good company.

Gah! Starting feeling unwell yesterday, fatigué & a bit of a chill, no cold symptoms just so tired. I pray I'll just shake it off. Probably getting away with using public transport for a week without picking up a virus was too much to hope for. We have been invited out for birthday drinks at our local tonight & I was really looking forward to the socialising. So here I am in bed, unable to concentrate on much. Wish me luck. I hope you all enjoy a healthy weekend.

@TheOriginalChatelaine oh no I hope you are feeling better soon. I'm in work all weekend and it's freezing. Home and straight to bed wrapped up. Been feeling a bit iffy myself lately all I want to do is sleep.

Oh no, hope you both feel better soon. Seems so unfair to be unwell when you are both trying so hard to improve health.

We are on holiday and have managed to not drink so far. Actually had a good night's sleep last night which is so unusual for me on the first night.

Really hope everyone has a lovely Sunday.

Good morning all. Feeling much better thank you, nothing developed after a day in bed. Something was out to get me but I shook it off, I'm sure the vitamin D & Zinc I've been on has helped. I did wonder during the covid panic what my immune system was capable of in view of my drinking. it amazes me how capable I was of ignoring good sense & pushing that thought to the back of my mind to just carry on my merry way of drinking. The recall is so helpful, in a nutshell it's literally a sobering thought. I hope you are doing okay OnedayIwillflyaway ? Borrowbox have a lovely holiday full of enjoyment. I'm finding AF life is much more enjoyable, not wondering where the next drinking opportunity is. Being present in life. I've yet to encounter all my previous triggers but I have gone through a few safely & thanks to the book I have the skills to overcome them all even when feeling fragile, which is the whole point isn't it. I sincerely wish the same for others whatever you are contending with & in spite of false starts.

Glad you are feeling better @Theoriginalchatelaine. I've tested positive for covid and it has completely floored me. So just resting at the moment and sleeping lots.

Onedayiwillflyaway that's bad luck, I hope it's of short duration & mild & that you are not too bored. Sleep is a marvellous medicine.

Hello all. Hope you feel better and less tired , or poorly every one.
Sheepishly admitting I’ve fallen off the wagon. It kind of crept up on me one stressed night, and then the next..am frightening myself now, can I really not stop? You all are doing so well. I was going to hide, but I think it’s better to admit it to myself. Definitely agree about reading the literature. Tomorrow I’m not starting again, I’m tweaking my attitude!
Well done you guys. You are inspiring!

You are right not to hide cleanbedlinen good to hear from you. Carry on with the AE books. I listened to them on Audible from my phone in small instalments at various times of day, whenever feeling tempted. I even took it into the loo! It was the best me time ever also like listening to the most caring person in the world who is telling you that you matter. Such a lovely way to relax & unwind in bed. If you don't have Audible it will pay for itself. We are all at different points with alcohol. Personally I've come to the end of the road with alcohol, it ceased to be a pleasure for a long time as guilt took over & I eventually recognised it was just a psychological habit driven by the cycle of physical dependency. The book explains this so well. Viewed in this way a switch flipped & I saw alcohol as poison. I surrendered & it's a huge relief. I had stored up health issues which now I'm addressing. On occasion I'm allowing past issues to come into my mind & can put them to bed. Stay with it, be comforted, you are never alone.

Thanks. That is a beautiful and thoughtful post. It means a lot as I obviously was feeling all manner of shame and stupidity. That you have been through it too and are so clear about your direction now is reassuring. I’m proud of you 👍
I like your idea of constantly listening to the book. It will help avoid the myriad of excuses.
Life, like you and everyone else is saying, is a million times better when you wake full of beans. Ugh I’m and idiot. I have a big day tomorrow and I’ve had no sleep and a barrel load of self sabotage. Drink just makes everything harder.
Thank you very much for encouraging me. Am about to write that I don’t deserve it, but that’s definitely not the right thoughts! Am going to think of it as self care. Oh yeah, and actually practice some self care! Many hugs to everyone here, and anyone lurking too.

Ugh I’m and idiot.
Watch that self talk, you're not an idiot at all. You can do this @Cleanbedlinen12. I've stopped and started so many times, as @Theoriginalchateline says revisit the book when you feel a wobble coming on.
I'm so glad you posted and are still here.

I hope you have a better night's sleep tonight cleanbedlinen I read your post early this morning & really felt for you. I remember crying in the shower, praying for the strength to stop drinking, having to face a demanding day, pretending all was okay but sweating bullets. It's exhausting. I hope you can have an early night if you feel so inclined & start afresh.

Oh gosh, thank you both. I feel included! It’s so nice! I’ve been telling myself off and sort of felt pants, as you are doing so well. For your honesty too about your struggles. I’ve just had a new day 1! like you, have realised a drink out with a mate creeps up into just one the next night..and the next..
Listening to book is a goody. Putting it on now!

Good morning @Cleanbedlinen12. Sorry im typing this message blind because of the annoying ads that have suddenly appeared on here. I am really glad that you have been honest and open and are still here ive lost count of how many times ive stopped and started. The biggest problem for me was the black and white thinking that if I had one drink i had failed so i might has well have a bender then try stopping again.
I nearly succumb the other week I was out for a meal and bottles of wine were on the table, my friend poured me a glass and I took a mouthful it tasted vile. So I left it and had a lime and soda. Alcohol will always be around I'm still a bit vulnerable to it, but aware if that makes sense.
Remember we are not the bad ones or stupid it's an addictive substance that is advertised as a glamorous product the brainwashing runs deep.
Just keep those mornings you wake up with a clear head and the money saved in you mind.
I'm treating myself to a new pair of jeans as soon as I can go out again. What are your plans today?

Oh thank you! So nice of you to write. I hope you’re feeling better too. And very nice of you to share some of your story. It’s incredibly helpful t
Very very well done in having a sip and realising it was vile. And for Most wine is really. You are right that it’s everywhere and normalised. Madness. Very well done for enjoying a lime soda instead. The pressure can be on to knock it back regardless to fit in.
I still am resetting my mind. I didn’t want any of dps posh wine,tonight, I sort of forced myself to knock back half a glass quick. ( what? Why?!)
As you say, it’s horrible. Sour and immediate numbness and yuk feeling along limbs. Luckily thoughts of you all brought me to my senses.
I will think of those lovely mornings feeling energetic and good solid sleep. Tonight was lovely the kids and I snuggled on the sofa and had one of those lovely funny conversations when we just enjoy being together. Now that’s an incentive!
I think I will put £3-4 away each night physically in a jar.then oooh, newjeans! Or a manicure. Or a lippey! What a good idea.! What are you up to? Good things I hope.

@cleanbedlinen12 morning, I'm still ill with covid at the moment it's absolutely floored me still testing positive after 5 days. So i've just been resting but I'm getting cabin fever. Your evening sounds lovely i used to love those types of evenings my children are all grown up now so we don't get many of them together. I have moments where I feel confident in my sobriety and think I can have a drink in a few weeks if I want to. But that's the thing do I really want to? Or is it just my subconscious brain chemistry tricking me. We are good at remembering the best times when alcohol was involved but not that bad ones. Because I drank nearly everyday for nearly five years (this crept up) not always in excess. I'm have to retrain my brain. I would spend a lot of time just scrolling on my phone when I drank so now I'm very strict with my phone use and if I feel that itch I put on my boots and go for a walk just get out of the house and leave my phone at home. Almost like a pivot. It's slowly working and it's helping my confidence too i no longer feel like a drunken hermit if im not working. Anyway sorry for the long post you're doing great and should be very proud of yourself.

Thank you! I’m sorry you still feel rubbish. I suspect with booze it would be worse, so well done.
Please don’t have a drink ! It’s what I did and I think it’s the mind playing tricks - one one night, meant to me, weellll I’ll have one tonight..and before I know it I’m eyeing the bottle greedily.
I am still struggling. Dp is opening wine a lot as he is stressed which means I wasn’t mentally prepared so just have a cheeky half a glass, but then I’m trying to pinch a bit more. I’m hiding from myself rather than him. It’s crap. I fall asleep on the sofa, can’t sleep at night and wake up knackered to a kitchen full of crap I didn’t tidy. Not good! I’ve given up giving up, but I so want to stop. Getting the book out again. I’ll get the audio version too. And start again. I can do this. Also going for a walk sounds like a good idea. I’d like to be proud of myself. I will be next week. I’m proud of you! And thank you for writing. Means a lot.

Hello you inspirational bunch. Hope you don't mind if I join you! Don't be fooled by the username, it is very much wishful thinking. I've been reading this thread over the last few days, I didn't want to post until I had read it all. Well I finally have. I am on day 2 AF, and on chapter 12 of "the" book (thanks for that tip too!). Like many of you, the every day wine habit has crept up on me over several years now. I've had the odd day here and there AF, but it never lasts more than a day or two.

So, here I am. Overweight, lethargic, but looking forward to that changing in my new alcohol free future. I have hit the chocolate raisins hard over the last 2 days, but rather a chocolate raisin than a fermented one eh?!

Hello sobersue! I’m not so sober but tryinghardcleanbedlinen. You are in very good company here.I like the username, I’m sure it will soon be reality! Raisins sound good. You have just reminded me I ate crisps till they came out my ears and it seemed to work, will go back to that.
Hope it’s going well.
Oneday, hope you feel ok. And the same to all.

Nice to "meet" you cleanbedlinen good shout on the crisp front. I think I will get a load in - prawn cocktail I think, definitely doesn't go with wine!

Now that is a good idea! Or chocolate that make s wine taste crap too.
Hmm. Good thinking and justifies endless nibbling

Huuaha, at last! One night af. No sneaky sips or shutting my eyes and gulping. And what a difference to sleep! Lovely! Hope everyone else doing well.

Good Morning @Cleanbedlinen12, well done, its such a good feeling waking up early and fresh isn't it. Hi @sobersue nice to have you join us. I've been having nibbles in the evening my tastebuds are on overdrive now the nightly wine isn't dulling them. I've really got back into baking again keeps me busy in the evening. Have a lovely day everyone.

Good morning
Well done cleanbedlinen and nice to meet you onedayIwillflyaway

Day 3 done and dusted for me. I am finding that having a biscuit or chocolate in the evening seems to keep me awake it must be the sugar. Ah well, will have to stick to savoury snacks in the evening!

Nice sunny day today, keeping positive ahead of the long weekend which traditionally is a booze fest for me