Alcohol Explained. Day one

[onedayiwillflyaway1]

Hello,
I'm a long time lurker and long time drinker. I've had the day off work today and after another boozy night and my anxiety this morning this lead me to have a beer for hair of the dog. I suddenly realised this is heading only one way, so I downloaded Alcohol Explained and spent the afternoon listening to it whilst sipping my last bottle of wine. Even though I know my own journey of how I got here, it was truly an eye opener and is one of those books that once read, denial is now not an option.
I'm now wide awake with one beer left but I've decided that tomorrow is my day one of quitting alcohol altogether. I've tried moderation, occasional abstinence etc but it always sucks me back in and now I know why. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I know I can get through it hopefully now fully armed with the knowledge I've just heard. My plan is to use this thread to track my journey and share my experience. Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have shared your experience over the years.

Morning all, lovely hearing about all the baths and self care. I haven't done a face mask in years.

One month today (thank you February for the 28 days!) And the sun is shining, need to find some energy from somewhere as it will do me so much good to be out in it.

Hope you all have a lovely sober Sunday

Thanks for the welcome! I have so much skincare stuff it's embarrassing, but I hardly ever use it as too pissed most evenings. I will try to do that tonight.

Great to wake up hangover free. I have been reading and doing housework instead of drinking, so feeling quite productive.

It's weird with my friends. I don't think they will try to pressure me to drink or make out like I am a dreadful bore who needs to get new friends. I suspect they will label me as The Alcoholic of the group and act like it's such a shame I cannot drink "sensibly" like they do.

Sensibly being falling over in the street, breaking bones, having huge violent arguments with their DPs, having their handbags stolen, that kind of thing. I don't think they will see it as shining a light on their drinking habits - more like they will want to keep the spotlight firmly on me and my "issues" with booze.

Hello, just catching up! So nice to hear everyone’s musings. 2022 Thats interesting - I’ve put on 2 stone too and am now just avoiding mirrors! Now that I’m not bloated by booze I’m realising that bread, and maybe milk is making me feel rough, so that’s good to know! I think everyone’s right, it seems that part of not being drunk all the time is you start to feel like you want to eat veg, move a bit more. Fingers crossed we lose a bit of lard!
This might be useful? tonight I had a teeny sip of red out of dps glass. Within seconds I had a sore tum and heavy arms and then a headache developed for a few minutes. From one sip! I only didn’t notice before cos I’d chug it back and be too sloshed to notice I felt crap.
Lent sounds like a great excuse ! Also for those that feel like they are losing the fun side..have you noticed that with some people you are just funny and lively and with others you need a stiff drink so you feel like you are having fun? 2022sucess it sounds like you are in with quite a crowd! I would have to drink too to keep up with that level of ‘fun’ ( and have done) now I’m a snuggle up with a book kind of gal. It all just seems a bit dull now. Oh dear! Pass the digestives! And, apart from one sip…another night af, hurrah!
I’m also wondering if I’m getting on better with Dp now…hope so!

Omg, I’ve developed a sudden onset of exclamation marks. Very worrying. Need me crisps (!) 🤪

Hi @Cleanbedlinen12 nice to see you, was thinking about you.

Agree about the weight, and a desire to be healthier now. It is like I am better at listening to my body. I did an intolerance test last year and was gluten and dairy intolerant. Cut them both from my diet and then reintroduced. I can't handle the gluten at all, makes my face and tummy bloat and I feel so tired. The dairy is ok in small amounts, so I have cheese but not milk, ice cream, yoghurt. It cleared up a lot of health niggles. Anyway, that was the long way round of saying that after doing that I am better at noticing when I am off. Of course, when I was drinking that was all totally ignored!

Also made me think with the stiff drink to fake fun. That is so true. I am getting better at saying no to doing things I don't want to do since lockdown stopped. My tolerance is a lot lower now for enduring things. I wonder whether that is why I haven't really had any real tests in a month, as if I was already cutting out the things I didn't enjoy.

Nice that you and DH are getting on better clean I am so much more balanced now, and am a more relaxed person to be around, so much less snappy with DH and kids.

Thanks borrowbox what a lovely email. That’s v interesting re the intolerance test. I think I’ll have to do the same. Actually I really will, didn’t occur to me so thank you!
Ditto enduring stuff didn’t really enjoy. I am learning not to people please so much, I suspect that’s sometimes why I drank - id get so tied up about not upsetting people.
Am v pleased to hear you are getting on better w Dh and kids too. All good stuff.
We seem to be on the same page in the book of life atm have a lovely night.
See, not a single exclamation mark.

!

Might help someone? Helping me!
gutscharity.org.uk/advice-and-information/health-and-lifestyle/alcohol-the-digestive-system/

Thanks for that link clean Really interesting and scary stuff. Much easier to read after quitting though. I have noticed so many improvements to my skin and sleep, but no health improvements yet.

How is everyone doing? I have had a really busy day and now just want to relax. The kids have other ideas

Day 30 now, can't believe the '3' at the beginning. So excited about it, feeling really positive.

@Cleanbedlinen12 Exclamation marks are just another of my many addictions!!! Thanks for that link, I will have a good read through.

The book has arrived and I am loving it, although my post menopausal evening eyesight is struggling with the rather faded print on it. I have got as far as chapter 6 which is about alcohol and sleep, so I will go upstairs in about an hour and read that before I hopefully sleep.

Hello all, this thread is positively cozy! ( feeling freer to use exclamation marks, thanks 2022success!
💐⭐️🥳🥳❤️❤️💐🎄🥳👍Borrowbox! That’s terrific! Go you! What’s the improvements to skin and sleep?! Need details!
Am snuggled up too. Dd all stressed and ds tired and ratty, Dp stressed at work, I feel like I am constantly helping everyone else! And after I made dinner, didn’t have the energy to nag everyone to tidy so, guess what! It’s still there. But I’ll be able to cope in the morning because.lANOTHER DAY free!! And I didn’t even notice! Such a change, fingers crossed.
Also borrowbox trying to avoid wheat today..maybe I feel better? Certainly not so puffed up. So thank you.
Well done all, hugs to everyone on the thread, and you lurkers.

Evening ladies, so nice to come online and see you're all still here.
I haven't been posting as much lately as life is hetic makes me think how did i fit in being drunk most of the time .
I've had a burst of energy this week so whilst the weather was nice I did some jet washing, so not only is my carpet clean but so is my patio. I'm seriously thinking of setting up a cleaning business it has become my new therapy.
Work is still a nightmare but I no longer let myself get sucked into the drama and now my head is a lot clearer I am more able to deal with any conflicts. In fact my boss has noticed my change of mindset and suggested that I'm due a promotion.
My general anxiety has literally gone, i still get a bit nervous about some things but thats normal and it doesn't run away with itself.
It's time for my chamomile tea and audio book which seems to have helped me drift off lately. Goodnight everyone

Hello op! So good to hear all your positive news😀 I’m laughing at how you wondered how you had time to be drunk. It’s true isn’t it, like you I’m suddenly less anxious and more energy. I looked at the broken blinds and tatty paint and saw them in colour as it were. There’s been no colour anywhere, just this struggle for booze to blank out existence and now, suddenly..I feel normal! I feel like I could slap some paint on and buy a blind and the Earth won’t fall in on me. I really hope it lasts.
Having said all that, succumbed to a lager tonight, it had been Dp and ds piling their anxieties on me. And I was knackered and hungry. Predictably it felt yuk and now cozied up in bed, not feeling half as cozy as last night but a bit blurgh. Lesson learnt!
I hope you not posting so much is a good sign! Well done. And well done all.

@cleanbedlinen12 yes it is a good sign I've not had time to post as much I've been too busy fixing all the areas of my life i have been neglecting. I still read posts every day. I wouldn't worry too much about one larger it sounds like you were mindful of the reasons and had the for thought not to escalate it.
Are you thinking of decorating? I'm looking to give my walls a refresh in the kitchen now the light nights are coming it will give me more time. I would usually think yay let's get pissed. I'm now obsessed with cleaning and home improvement.

Nice to hear from you! So good that you are able to work on other areas of your life now! It’s amazing isn’t it. Do you feel like you’ve sort of emerged from a gloomy dream?
That’s great about the kitchen, it’s going to be gorgeous!
Like you I finally have the mental energy to slap paint around ( redecorate sounds a bit cleverer than my skill set 😀. I went to a new friends house and realised how awful ours is. Not good for the kids. I’m trying the clean a room a day thing, and am trying to Chuck stuff.
This is so good, I wouldn’t have had this convo 2 months ago!
It sounds as if you have got a new lease of life, hurrah! And super well done 👍💐👍🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Just logging on to inspire me! And because I’ve eaten even more crisps. Insanity! Love to all 🥳

This last week I have enjoyed doing quite ordinary things without having had a drink. Driving my self whenever I feel like it. Sunday lunch with a friend, two social events, one an evening where most people were drinking. It all felt good & such a relief. I'm currently listening to the second book of Alcohol explained. A fuller life all round. I have more patience, feel & look better. It's like throwing off chains. I wanted to ask about AF wine as I've never tried them. Are they good? Don't you find your brain searching for that buzz note? I don't like cordials, sweet fizzy drinks but nice flavoured or even plain tonics are what I go for if we are out. I personally don't get the need for a pretend wine unless it tastes really good but that brings me back to the buzz question & whether or not that leads to craving the actual alcohol? I hope you are all doing well. Remembering how wretched I felt I'm amazed why I didn't reach out before. By that I mean confessing & confiding. I thoughtI I was an island. .

Hey everyone, not much going on here. Still AF now day 20. The ironic thing is that having liver damage is not only bad, but also good in the sense I know further drinking could be my slow death!!
I gave the Alcohol nurses a call about alcohol free stuff and as they still contain a tiny amount of alcohol they are also a no go for my liver..
Fever Tree drinks are going to be my way forward.
Whats odd is that the first flush of energy I had has now gone and I feel knackered. Anxiety is also back.
Stressing myself that I have buggered something else up.

Hello all, lovely to read all your messages and see how well everyone is doing. I have been exhausted recently so not posting as much. I had my blood tests yesterday so have to wait and see what happens there.

Day 33 now which feels crazy. Life is a bit relentless with something new every day. At least I am doing it sober.

@BraveFaceScaredInside I can sympathise with the exhaustion and anxiety. I get waves of it. Hence the blood tests as I snapped around about the day you are now and called the Doctor. I think it is probably our bodies healing, or I hope it is. I am very emotional today but think that is hormones.

Hello, just to say so nice to hear from you all. This thread is a bit of a life line tbh.it’s good to know you are all there!
Well done all. I didn’t know that about af drinks, thank you! I’m thinking of making some sort of tea with rosemary and sage..I think it might have that yum yum effect. I really don’t like sweet drinks.
Dittto to tiredness yet awake at night. I tried two duvets and something about the weight of them helped..marvellously snuggly! Might be worth a try..?
Agh, better get on with the dinner. It’s fart oo late to be cooking!

Borrowbox I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you with your blood tests.

Cleanbedlinen12 Yeah it is most confusing and misleading that they can be labelled AF My daughter has a weighted blanket, which is supposed to be good for anxiety, maybe the two duvets work the same way?

Sat ruminating this evening about things I did while drunk and my behaviours while drunk..... Things I just passed off as oh well 'it was drunk me' so it doesn't count! And times I got hurt due to being drunk.

It's amazing what things I brushed off as not being an issue

Evening, checking in still sober. I said it felt a bit relentless atm, well my daughter now has covid. She is fine, just a cold, but obviously she will be at home now for a while. I haven't actually had covid yet and she was cuddling me and crying on me earlier so can't see me staying free of it. Will have to face that if it happens, current negative so that is something.

It was very hard to not just give in to the cravings earlier. It was the end of my working week and it felt like the kind of night to stay up late to wind down. I haven't though and am off to bed now.

I love the idea of a weighted blanket. I am in love with my heated throw and that is quite heavy.

Braveface I suspect it’s brilliant that you are recognising what you did when you were drunk. That sounds like a massive step forwards.
I think heavy duvets just make you feel all tucked up. Not surprised weighted blanket helps your dd, I hope she is ok.
Borrowbox, Good luck with the blood tests. That’s a lot to deal with.
Theoriginalchatelaine I think co op af g and t is ok, but still sweet. I think you make a good point in that it’s still ..how would you say.. encouraging the bit of your brain that’s been trained to think, ‘I’m giving up booze’ but is still focussing on booze, whereas if you just think, nope. It’s so much easier because you are not trying to recreate anything, which will fall short. When I’m cooking on gas, I find a jack kornfield or Tara brach meditation on insight timer is super cool, and calming. I do them in the lunch hour and, now, just before tea time when I can so I’m no longer knackered and grumpy ( in theory anyway)
Good luck all x

Good evening, interesting to read about the alcohol free drinks I've tried them in the past but they always lured me into a sense of false security. I mean if alcohol tastes like shit why am I looking to that as a substitute? The hot chocolate and lemonade are hitting the sugar spot for me, my favourite are the the hot water, lemon, ginger and basil brew... I may be turning all witchey .
@BraveFaceScaredInside you are doing the absolute best thing you can for your liver. Whatever damage you have will not be helped by imbibing alcohol. Ive not been brave enough to have tests so I could be unawares of my own health. We all know these facts but the cognitive disassociation is strong, hence the cravings. I just think every craving I beat is a score for my body repairing itself.
@borrowbox best of luck with the blood tests and I hope your daughter makes a speedy recovery. Covid spread through my house in February we were ill for a fortnight but all ok now except for taste buds lagging.
@Cleanbedlinen12 weighted blankets are amazing i bought one last year it just envelopes me like a hug. I dug my foot spa out of the shed and bought some essential oils bergamot is my favourite.
Alcohol still plays on my mind occasionally, it is the nature of the beast however I am still referring back to the book that brought me here and remembering that it is a false sense of being and happiness and that brief high will be paid thrice tomorrow.

Good morning everyone. My sympathy & understanding to those with health issues. We are doing the beat thing by ourselves in embracing an AF life. The benefits keep on coming. A quiet weekend here, weather permitting we hope to tidy up the garden & prune a tree. I'm finding I have a lot more time which I'm trying to put to good use & make new routines. I look back and see myself stuck in a rut, drinking alone & ruminating. The future looks more appealing without the fog of booze. The book is having a profound effect on me, I feel queasy at the thought of a drink. This feels fundamentally different from previous attempts to quit. I acknowledge I cannot moderate my drinking & that's it's all about the brain chemistry which I have control over by choosing not to have a first drink. Knowledge is power. All the best to you

Hello all, how are you? Day 36 here, plodding on. My lft are negative but completely exhausted so we haven't been doing much. My daughter seems to be improving already so hopeful she will be over it soon.

I agree @TheOriginalChatelaine that this book made a big difference. I have definitely feeling the temptation to try moderating again, but when I actually think of having that first drink I don't want it. I think I just like to imagine a future where I can drink. Maybe ODAAT is the best way for me.

Hope you are all doing OK.