Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

@MinnieJackson Yes that should work.

Hi all 😊

Well done on 11 days @MinnieJackson - and I'm pleased you're feeling the benefits!

I've chosen reduction this week, massive reduced ie 1 bottle of wine per week not per day..! So far all good. I'm out this evening so won't have any at all as driving.

Nothing planned for the weekend and tbh the habit and cravings have already waned a lot so I'm hoping in time it's not even going to be a bottle a week.

I feel far more in control this time. I'm doing gym every morning and starting C25K as well as I only do weights in the gym.

@CheesePlantMurderer well done! That's such a huge decrease! Have you noticed you're feeling better? I bet you feel richer too! I don't like wine (thank god) but I honestly don't think I could have a glass and put it back afterwards. So far for me apart from some agitation some days (well, only today so maybe pms ) and mild cravings I've only felt benefits. Sleeps still shit, but I can deal with that. My anxiety is still there, but it was before and maybe always will be, and that's just something I have to accept. Temporarily masking it with alcohol made it ten times worse.
Im still struggling with weekends, so need a hobby. I never used to watch tv, but I've started doing that but I feel a bit lazy. Whatever gets me through these early days though I'll do.

I don't feel richer yet but I will at the end of the month haha!

I feel so much more motivated though but feel I've had a few mild withdrawal symptoms too. So I'm really pleased I've cut down so hugely. It's not been too tricky as I'm keeping really busy.

I too never watched tv but Covid over Xmas pinned me to my bed or sofa and I learned to enjoy it again but I've watched SO MUCH in getting bored of it. Hence covering my sofa and exercising like a mad woman 😄

Weekends were no different for me really. I work at home and drank every night so it is just another day but a good idea to find a replacement "hobby". Good luck ☺️

Evening! Day 51 here. How is everyone doing? I've joined the gym and am taking drum lessons to keep busy

@teaandtoastwithmarmite you're doing amazingly well! Are you having lessons or teaching yourself? That's such a cool hobby! I can't wait til payday as I've paid off all money I borrowed from my dad, I owed about £100 on dresses for the funeral and meal, and trainers I don't need and make-up through klarna and my first ever bar tab (£70 for me and dh and a couple of his friends that had bought us pints!) Oh, and my mum lent me £60 for the meal and mil and fil paid for us, which I didn't mention to her because we went to a stupid disco thing after and spent it on drink. That's fucking shameful isn't it. I'm going to buy some succulents for my bedroom. I've got two at the minute and they're not dead! 😂

Insomnia strikes again. Every time I dream it has alcohol involved. Like me refusing alcohol (tonight's dream) or being in pubs and I wake up feeling all guilty like I have had a drink. My willpower is still at 100% though. My Dh had a vodka and coke tonight, my old favourite. I smelt the glass to see what I thought, smells like paint stripper.
But then I got annoyed for no reason, I didn't want a drink, I didn't want to get drunk, but I ended up sulking and telling him he was drinking something flammable Then I went into a weird hyperactive mood. Wtfs going on?! 😂

I do need to go out of the house soon, I haven't been out since the park day. I can't remember when that was now, but the forecast isn't looking too good the next few days. Stupid agoraphobia. Oh well, it will get easier in time.
What a vent that was

How's everyone doing? Hope you're all staying safe in the storm. Day 14 today! Sleeping much better the last couple of days which is nice.

@MinnieJackson you're doing amazingly well!! I'm back on the wagon now as I'm not that into drinking these days and would rather abstain if I can. Not sure what day I'm on tho but that's fine!

No storm here as yet and I'm still on the fitness thing and loving it so that's keeping me motivated. Sofa cushions all covered and the actual frame will be this weekend I hope....!!

Hope everyone is safe and well

@CheesePlantMurderer well done on the Reupholstering! What fabric are you using? The winds pretty bad here, we've lost six fence panels. We live near a field and I was having a cig outside and heard one of the really old massive trees fall down quite funny watching the poor sparrows though, they can't get anywhere they're trying to. I've got a bad craving I know it will pass though I hope. I think it's because my mum went and stocked up on 'essentials' for the storm and there was loads of beer and a bottle of vodka and everyone was talking about playing darts and cards tonight. Sigh. I don't really even drink at home. I think I'll just go to bed really early as I'm finding drunk people very tedious.
Oh well, you can't keep dancing with the devil and complain you're living in hell, as they say 😂

Hey all. Checking back in. I've been away for a week and although I did drink, I managed to moderate. I still don't like the way it makes me feel so I'm back on the wagon.

@MinnieJackson what a fabulous phrase!

I'm using bill denim in natural. It's heavy weight but a bit like calico? That colour anyway. May be a mistake with two hairy finger felines in residence 🤣

Anyway it's keeping me amused!

Currently having a kitchen disco while I'm cooking dinner with a glass of soda water and it feels fine ✌🏼

@Bizzywater very very well done on moderating! I love to moderate but I know I can't do it long-term. I don't know what I'm going to end up doing but I just need to kick the habit again that's how I feel at the moment anyway and then I can make a long-term decision.

@Bizzywater hi bizzy. It's weird isn't it, I think it was about a month ago I decided to try and moderate rather than abstain. I think I did it once then got pissed three times in quick succession because it was ok that one time. Did you have a good time away though?

@CheesePlantMurderer haha im now imagining your cats with furry fingers 😂 my Dh had a couple of pints of Guinness then two vodkas, I think my mum had two brandies. My husband tipped his second vodka away as he said it felt stupid drinking on his own. Sorry sucker! I went to bed too early as I'm wide awake again now. It was really nice though, Dh gave me a massive hug and told me he's really proud of me which is nice.
My mood swings have been pretty bad when I get a craving and dh hasn't said much about me not drinking, I think it's making my family question why they drink aswell, which wasn't my intention as I'm being pretty selfish about my own sobriety and it is the most important thing to me at the minute and maybe it always will be. It changes a lot of dynamics Im finding. Like normally we'd always drink together on Friday night's, but the difference is they can stop and I can't. Or we both feel like having a drink in the pub and neither of us even has to actually say it to each other, we both just get the feeling and end up there without ever specifically saying we're going to the pub I do miss our little old man pub and the little old men, but I don't think I could stay sober in there. And they're all bloody alcoholics aswell 😂

This week has been super full on. Thursday, in particular, was stressful but I didn't touch a drop of wine. Proud of myself.
Yesterday, I had an urge for wine so thought, one glass. I regretted it immediately. Hated the fuzzy feeling. After two smallish glasses, I ended up throwing the rest away and switched to lemonade.

So day 1 again for me but I'm not going to beat myself up. Fever Tree Sicilian lemonade in the fridge to enjoy tonight

Hope everyone is doing well. I'll catch up later when breakfast madness is over

[quote MinnieJackson]@teaandtoastwithmarmite you're doing amazingly well! Are you having lessons or teaching yourself? That's such a cool hobby! I can't wait til payday as I've paid off all money I borrowed from my dad, I owed about £100 on dresses for the funeral and meal, and trainers I don't need and make-up through klarna and my first ever bar tab (£70 for me and dh and a couple of his friends that had bought us pints!) Oh, and my mum lent me £60 for the meal and mil and fil paid for us, which I didn't mention to her because we went to a stupid disco thing after and spent it on drink. That's fucking shameful isn't it. I'm going to buy some succulents for my bedroom. I've got two at the minute and they're not dead! 😂

Insomnia strikes again. Every time I dream it has alcohol involved. Like me refusing alcohol (tonight's dream) or being in pubs and I wake up feeling all guilty like I have had a drink. My willpower is still at 100% though. My Dh had a vodka and coke tonight, my old favourite. I smelt the glass to see what I thought, smells like paint stripper.
But then I got annoyed for no reason, I didn't want a drink, I didn't want to get drunk, but I ended up sulking and telling him he was drinking something flammable Then I went into a weird hyperactive mood. Wtfs going on?! 😂

I do need to go out of the house soon, I haven't been out since the park day. I can't remember when that was now, but the forecast isn't looking too good the next few days. Stupid agoraphobia. Oh well, it will get easier in time.
What a vent that was [/quote]
Hello! I'm having lessons and hoping to get a drum kit soon

@Thoughtsarrivelikebutterflies5 well done on switching to lemonade and for planning for tonight. I'm on Feragaia and tonic with lots of ice. It's quite nice, bitter like aperol without the orange. Spent all day deep cleaning and just made cannelloni for dinner. Trying to stay strong and not nip out for wine 'because I deserve it'
I deserve to sleep well and feel refreshed in the morning, not nauseous and angry at myself

Evening all, how's everyone doing?

@teaandtoastwithmarmite hi! Shocking here. Squabble with my partner led my resolve to weaken and I hit the gin.

Nothing too major tbh but cross with myself.

Still not drinking anything like what I was BUT I've noticed when I drink I get abdominal pain which makes me fear for my liver so that's me abstaining totally now, not moderating.

How are you doing?

@bizzywater
You've hit the nail on the head. You deserve to feel good and sleep well, not hungover. I love cannelloni, but can't eat it due to intolerances! Hope it was lovely
How are you doing now?

@CheesePlantMurderer
That must have been worrying effects after drinking alcohol. It has actually a gut irritant and can cause inflammation in the body (gluten does this for me) so I'm wondering if it could be something like that for you. It's probably the right decision to cut it out completely. Hope you're doing okay.

I'm doing okay (aside from a nasty cold right now). I have had a few late nights which is caused my staying up too late reading as opposed to just not being able to sleep from too much wine. Just self inflicted late right reading I've missed it though. I'm an avid reader and due to my health being up and down, I can't remember the last time I was able to do that.
Kids are in half term. Sunday night would've been a normal excuse for me to think "might as well as no school run tomorrow" but I didn't touch a drop so quite proud of myself for that.

@Thoughtsarrivelikebutterflies5 I've got back into reading loads too now. It was so annoying as I couldn't concentrate on anything. So good to be back at it. Mine are I half term aswell, I definitely would have been drinking Friday and Sunday, probably today aswell. 18days today

@CheesePlantMurderer oh I hope you're ok! You're doing so well. When I was drinking I always had diahrrea the morning after. It's scary isn't it.

I've currently got covid and I feel awful! It's like flu, my whole body is agony. I've only had one jab aswell because I worked myself up so much when I went I couldn't face going back. I'm not scared of needles, it was just the agoraphobia. On Friday I'll have only left the house once in three weeks that's so bad. When I feel better I'll try and get out.

@MinnieJackson oh no you don't sound well at all

Everyone else I love reading and find it helps a lot with my mental health. Reading Harry Potter at moment due to my dd loving it and me wanting to understand what she is on about 😊

@CheesePlantMurderer to add don't beat yourself up. At least you know how you feel now. And you have stopped again. Hope you're ok

Morning everyone. How's everyone doing?
I'm feeling a lot better this morning thank god! Not 100% but my bodies so much looser. Managed to climb in and out the bath last night and carry a load of washing down this morning.

Glad you're feeling better @MinnieJackson. I'm good. Just a bit tired.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite how many days are you now? must be 60 ish? Do you ever get cravings?

@MinnieJackson day 59 today. Yes I do but I will be cross with myself if I drink now. It's not easy though. I'm hoping if I keep going by the time I have a real challenge I just won't want to.