The Freedom Thread (Continued) - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life *Title edited by MNHQ*

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Hello all,

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

I hope to see many familiar names on this thread, and some new ones too! We always welcome anyone to share their feelings, ask questions or simply “check in”🙂

I’d also like to thank @Breathmiller for hosting the last thread (and to ask for your forgiveness for shamelessly stealing your thread title😳) - Thank you @Breathmiller 💐

Thanks all!

Bunnies

Checking in.

Have caved - had a fizz last night, it had been an awful day. Stopped at one which was great and I felt in control, but I'm annoyed with myself.

william porter a good read , changes your perspective , alcohol is a socially acceptable legal drug that is really poison but big alcohol want to keep that fact hidden they make too much money from alcohol , once you stop drinking you see it all clearly & all the lies & false advertising , there is nothing good about alcohol

So, more introspection today. It's no wonder my mental health is so terrible, I read that alcohol counteracts the benefits of my antidepressant venlaflaxine. Why didn't I realize this? When the psychiatrist prescribed them 3 years ago I was teetotal. I was teetotal because I had to give up alcohol because of dangerous binges.

Hi @Touty. I think you should look on your DH being teetotal as a huge benefit in your quest to stop. I’m envious of that. You now have an alcohol free home, a supportive husband, new HRT and hopefully your ADs will start working properly now. I know it’s not easy, but you can do this! I think they will give me the combined HRT pill too. I’d mentioned patches and gels at my first appointment but don’t think that was going to be a goer. I will see next week.
I’ve been out today to do the big Christmas food shop. I still have the whole house to clean for guest arriving tomorrow. CAN’T BE BOTHERED!!! 😩 😭

What are you going to do now @indiesearcher? Are you back AF? Did you just decide on the spot to have one? Or were you talked into it? I ask as I did that last year. Id stopped 3 months and then thought a wee mini fizz on a Friday and Saturday night would be a good idea as I thought I was a true ‘take to or leave it’ by then. No good came of it for me. It went from minis to half bottles to bottles!

@EssexSue agreed! This is also what stops me from drinking when I am tempted. Strip away the advertising and beautiful bottle ect and I imagine that is diluted methelated spirits in plain glass. Suddenly really not tempting.
It's works MOST of the time because that is basically is what alcoholic drinks are. Diluted poison

@SilverPeacock how are you doing? Good to see you checking in 🙌

Checking in! Good to read everyone’s updates. It’s a challenging time, for sure. Indiesearcher well done for stopping at one. Hope you’re ok and that whatever was causing your bad day is either resolved or under control now. I’m sorry, I can’t remember who posted about dancing in the kitchen , but I loved reading that. I always thought that alcohol was helpful for confidence, but there’s a whole other level of confidence and commitment to fun that comes with not drinking. Plus I remember it all afterwards! Touty it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I’ve found that not drinking has really helped with menopause. I’m on oestrogen patches and it’s much easier to keep an eye on how they’re doing when I’m not messing it all up with wine. Sleeping and hot flushes are both much improved. perfectharmony well done on stepping away when tempted! My toolbox includes telling myself that I can have a drink tomorrow if I still want one. Then I normally go off the idea in 10-15 minutes once I’m distracted by something else.

I have fixed the Christmas dessert issue by buying a huge M&S panettone which I will have with big mugs of tea or coffee and a bar of iced fruitcake which doesn’t seem to have alcohol in the ingredients. I also grumbled to dh about how every single sodding festive dessert has “infused with brandy” or “laced with cognac” or some such weasel wording on the packaging. Imagine if they said “spiked with cheap spirits”… Anyway, he got the point and is being very supportive. I’ve got a couple of bottles of Wilfred’s for when I want something that looks like a “proper” drink, but am honestly just looking forward to working through pots of tea.

Hi @Blackberryblossom @BunniesBunniesBunnies - I am definitely back in the AF wagon.

I had dreams about the fear!! I dreamt the couple we had over for festive nibbles and a drink got very upset with me for being drunk and told me I'd taken the chat way too far - just goes to show how deep seated the addiction/anxiety lay. It was of course great to wake from the dream and know it wasn't real, but still, that's how much I actually don't like drinking.

I had a brief moment where I almost topped up my glass but made a coffee instead and then I was ok again.

Maybe I'll do the same on Christmas morning with a weak Buck's Fizz, maybe, I don't know yet. I'm trying not to plan beyond a day at a time but I order being in control and generally that's going to mean tee total.

Well done to everyone staying strong, it's really challenging edging through the holidays.

@Blackberryblossom your desert sounds great and really tasty!

@indiesearcher just a polite reminder (hope that’s okay!) that we really try and avoid talk of moderation on this thread. Unplanned slip ups do happen and posters are free to discuss them (in terms of how to avoid them in future), but your mention of a planned Buck’s Fizz may be triggering to some - especially this time of year when some of us may be struggling/feeling tempted.

Please do not worry about having mentioned it, and please keep posting, it’s really just a reminder to everyone old and new that this thread is free of moderation chat. I do hope that’s okay.

Cheers all!

@indiesearcher have you tried any of the alcohol free Proseccos? I think you could make an AF version with orange juice in the same kind of glass… I love Nozecco with Rose or Raspberry lemonade, it just looks like fun and tastes lovely. In fact you’ve reminded me to add those lemonades to the shopping list - thank you!

@iamyourequal it's Everol patches which is oestrogen only as I have a mineral coil in already.

Thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies - I'm really sorry I hadn't realised, I guess there's quite a lot of drink related chatter here I hadn't thought about triggering - sorry though.

I had some Nozeco Buck's Fizz the other day actually that my lovely aunt brought over with her because she knows I had stopped, and I was really impressed with it. Definitely on the food order!

Hi @iamyourequal yes you right he is supportive. I don't know how I would have ended up without someone watching me, hope you are getting on ok with the Xmas preparations

I just listened to a podcast by William Porter it was interesting he explains that there is a biochemical reason for over drinking or binge drinking. He explained that the initial buzz of a drink wears off in 15 mins but the intoxication does not. So after the buzz wears off we need another and another drink to feel the buzz and all the time intoxication is increasing

Checking in - feeling more positive about coping AF over the holidays now. Was invited to a new friend’s house for a meal and took AF with me, lovely food and company and none of the alcohol worries from the past. Great to meet new people and relax without the pressure of drink in the mix. I was quietly pleased with myself and now feel the coming weekend is doable!
Hope everyone is coping and dealing with issues in their own way - keep focused.

Hope those of you who been feeling unwell or under real pressures are okay too
@ChampooPapi 👍 good to see you posting and checking in.
Two more sleeps 🛌

A check in -26 days today and still loving my new sober self !

Thanks again @BunniesBunniesBunnies, i'm currently loving one of those very smug and contented, early- morning, hangover-free, tea-in- bed mornings

@Blackberryblossom 'big mugs of tea and M&S panettone' - your post made me shut my eyes and go 'mmmmmmm' !

@indiesearcher Weirdly, I keep having dreams where I am drunk and embarrassing too !

DH has been a little more supportive this week and has made an effort to pick up some new AF drinks for me to try each time he's been out (although he has also told me a few times that I could 'have a little drink' if I wanted to') 😂
My current drink is AF Guinness with Ribena

Re-reading chapters from ' The accidental Soberista' and 'This naked Mind' I highly recommend both of these and have downloaded them on kindle for the price of a couple of bottles of wine. I highlighted the bits of text that resonate the most for me and still have a quick read when I feel I need to.

Thanks for the Podcast recommendation @Touty and well done on your journey so far !
I'm listening to the 'love sober' podcasts this week. There are lots of interesting (sober) guests and some great stories, I've added it to my own sober toolkit as the episode list has titles including :
'When your partner still drinks' ' triggers' 'toolkits' and lots more.

I still feel a bit like I'm in a bit of a Honeymoon period at the moment, I've also got form for being very enthusiastic at the beginning of any new project or lifestyle change and then getting bored and moving onto something new and also waiting for something in my to go wrong in my life, I'm not wanting this to happen obviously but I want to make sure I'm fully prepared if it does. Did anyone else feel like this ?

Christmas Day is going to be a doddle I hope. I'm driving and we're spending the day with our sons family and very boisterous Grandkids -my weak point if there is one will be getting home and relaxing in front of the tv but as long as there's lots of choice of nice drinks in the fridge I'm sure I'll be ok.

Onwards and upwards everyone, Merry Sober Christmas to you all and thank you all so much for being here. I'm going to check in on the other side if the holiday and hope to see you all there xxx

diluted poison with fancy flavourings to make it taste good !!

It’s really okay @indiesearcher it is a fine line between talking about booze in terms of our alcohol free journey, and talking about booze in terms of moderating. We always have a few reminders in each thread to remind folks that talk of moderation might be triggering🙂

@AlloftheTime and @PerfectHarmony glad you are both feeling positive💪

Agh checking in as I'm starting to feel a bit stressed about Xmas! My mum and her partner brought over some wine this morning for a meal at our house tonight - actually I didn't invite anyone but the whole family decided to drop round at mine tonight and so now I have to get food as well, and I now have a bloody fridge full of wine which is making me feel really anxious - it's much easier to manage being AF when there's nothing in the house . I don't mind people dropping round unexpectedly in fact I like it normally but I'm feeling a bit put out at the thoughtless alcohol as they know I've given up (and I told them a health related reason due to a condition i have) so it just feels a bit rude to have turned up with 3 bottles at 10am for me to store! I know its down to me ultimately to stay sober but I can feel that tonight is going to be triggering ( people round, finishing work for Xmas, seeing people drinking). Any toolkit suggestions? Xxx

I’d be struggling a bit too panther. My suggestions are:
Give it all to your partner to look after for the day, if that’s an option?
Put it somewhere out of sight (garage? Shed?)
Ask your mum to collect it and keep it in her fridge and bring it over later?

I tend towards the blunt I’m afraid, and would probably be considering getting a takeout in rather than having to cook for everybody at such short notice. If she knows that you’re not drinking turning up with wine at 10am is inconsiderate at best. Though hopefully it’s just lack of thought. Is she worried that if you’re not drinking then there might not be any for anybody else? Can you ask her to bring an alcohol free bottle for you?

Good luck and let us know how you get on. 💐

I have just done the big supermarket shop. For the first time ever I think we had more AF than alcoholic drinks in the trolley. My dh still drinks, but much less than before. When I told him that I was stopping for good, in December last year, he said that he’d support me but not to expect him to stop too. But he’s probably drinking about a third to a quarter of what he used to and is feeling the benefits.

Sorry panther re toolbox suggestions - make sure you have something lovely for you to drink. If you log your dry days, remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Think about over times you’ve managed triggering situations.some people talk about “playing the tape forward” - what will you feel like tomorrow if you drink today? Or promise yourself that you won’t drink today but will think about a drink tomorrow if you still want one. Listen to an audio book or podcast on staying AF at Christmas.

Just realised that one of my toolbox suggestions could be triggering - apologies.

Thanks @Blackberryblossom I have just been to the supermarket and bought a good selection of AF drinks which I think I'll put out for myself with some nice glasses and napkins etc so there's a bit of ceremony- I think that's a trigger for me - alcohol being associated with rituals of good times, the service, popping the cork, fancy glasses, and there's no real reason why that can't be the same with AF drinks I just need to change my mindset so it doesn't feel 'less than' if that makes sense. Im also going to start my sober books I downloaded on recommendations here, as I have a quiet afternoon ahead.

My family have form for being a bit thoughtless and making some hurtful comments sometimes so I always feel a bit judged, hence why I've given medical reason for giving up alcohol rather than tell the truth. I choose to see these types of comments as thoughtless rather than deliberate as its just easier and nicer to think that than to overanalyse it and get upset. But I tend to limit personal information so they have no ammunition. I think me giving up alcohol is taken as some criticism of their own choices and lifestyle so they get a bit defensive. On MN it would probably be called toxic or narcissistic but in my world its just normal family dynamics

Thinking of everyone on here over the next few days, looking forward to us all feeling good and clear headed for the lovely Christmas mornings!

That sounds like a bunch of good choices @pantherinapantsuit (love the username!) You are right, it’s such a challenge to not see AF as “‘less than”. Perhaps they should sell AF as “hangover free” and “blackout free” or “regret free”…. it’s a far more positive choice than we give ourselves credit for.

Someone posted on here a while back about #reclaimtheglass - choosing to have AF drinks in lovely glassware. They don’t have to be exactly the same as the alcohol equivalent, just something that recognises that “you’re worth it” . To borrow a phrase. And yes, people do read that kind of choice as implicitly criticising their own choices so they bounce that perceived implicit criticism right back 🧐 even when there was none there to begin with.