The Freedom Thread (Continued) - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life *Title edited by MNHQ*

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Hello all,

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

I hope to see many familiar names on this thread, and some new ones too! We always welcome anyone to share their feelings, ask questions or simply “check in”🙂

I’d also like to thank @Breathmiller for hosting the last thread (and to ask for your forgiveness for shamelessly stealing your thread title😳) - Thank you @Breathmiller 💐

Thanks all!

Bunnies

The neighbour (who we don't know that well), has just text me to say that my DH has passed out on their sofa. We were invited over for a festive drink earlier, kids all played. DH stayed on for one more and look where we are now.

THIS is why we have stopped, the horror of it, absolutely mortifying.

I'd go and retrieve him but I'm in bed and this is his problem, right?!

Sorry post to soon
@indiesearcher hope he got home ! I do understand the “ his problem “ thought process , but i see the other side where my husband “ helped “ me the other night when I binged . If he’d have left me …. Well god knows really … but I completely get that that was also my problem to sort and my issue to then deal with .
Tbh their is no answer is their?? It’s so complicated

@Adm1010 I suppose you are right - I guess I haven't been that bad in over a decade and not since the children. It astonishes me that in his 50s he still behaves like this. Being sober myself put his slurring, bad manners and rolling eyes into even sharper focus. I'm so angry.

I don't know whether to talk to him (he's said once or twice before he knows he needs to drink less). I find it deeply unattractive. He's moved from our sofa to our DS room and now to DD room this morning as we all got up and started getting ready. DDs room is actually smelling of booze. I'm livid.

Anyway, it's a lot easier to deal with the kids single handed without a hangover of my own to nurse! Hoorah!

@indiesearcher I get it and you have every right to be angry xx

Also to add @indiesearcher my DH was furious with me the day after my binge

He didn’t have a go at me in an angry way but he did tell me how my behaviour made him feel and how he did not like what he saw . He described how I looked and how that made him feel . He told me my behaviour shocked him . But I needed to hear those things . I needed to know how my binge affected him and his perception of me . I apologised sincerely to him . But the real kicker going forward is learning from it .
Do you think your husband is ready to hear the dirty truth ?

He will tell me I'm overreacting and double down on the fact that it looks/feels worse because I am tee total now. He'll also blame the person pouring the drinks.

Gaslighter of the highest order I'm afraid when it comes to anything that involves booze/his 'downtime'.

There's a flippin good reason I ended up so deep in the habit myself....

Yikes @indiesearcher I wouldn’t like that neither. Though mind you - my partner has had to rescue me on many occasions… since I’ve quit he has drastically reduced as well, he barely drinks now (though he wasn’t a big drinker to begin with). He says drinking makes him feel like shit now.
I’m sure your neighbours won’t mind too much so try not to worry.

My 20 month milestone passed a few days ago. Still can’t believe it some days but here I am! Life is not perfect (currently glaring at messy house and piles of work to finish this week) but I feel happy and calm, and that’s all I can ask for really.

Keep going all!

50 days today here Running out the door but will catch up on posts later.I'm feeling pretty run down to be honest.Down to a cold coming or maybe it's the process of coming off alcohol.Had the odd urge but the thought of having a hangover /letting myself down stops me.

@indiesearcher he’s not ready then sadly . That’s very difficult . Xx

@Newmum738 - I’m the same. Once the hangxiety wears off alcohol becomes attractive again and l always think I’ll be able to moderate this time …… which I simply cannot. Good idea to read your notes and “play the tape forward” / read your posts here to remind you of how bad you felt.

@indiesearcher - sadly I was the one in our relationship doing the excessive drinking and being an embarrassment. DH is a really moderate drinker and on the rare occasions he overdoes it, he is nice but annoying - keeps repeating the same jokes, turns the music up too loud etc. I on the other hand was not very nice and abusive at times. I’m fortunate he has continued to support me and he has stopped drinking wine. As bunnies says, your neighbours will probably be ok about it unless it starts to become a regular thing. And I agree with @Adm1010 and you will know yourself - if he’s not ready, you have a problem on your hands which sadly there is no real solution and you must prioritise your own mental well-being.

Hope everyone has had a good day. Day 4 for me and I will not drink. Have also just joined the Dry January thread for support and accountability.

Checking in

@BunniesBunniesBunnies 20 months is amazing. I wish I had the brain power for a better word because it's nearly two bloody years woman!

Did you feel like a lot of us do a few days/weeks in, where you couldnt imagine making it that long? And moving on from a lifestyle soaked or punctuated with alcohol was really hard to imagine?

I know you have to stay vigilant and it is a constant process because of the temptations surrounding alcohol and the advertising. But you have cracked something, your a real inspiration

Ooo festive check-in

Checking in

@ChampooPapi oh god I really struggled in the early days…. Not so much with “missing booze” (though that too) but I was just an absolute mess physically and mentally after drowning my sorrows and numbing myself with booze for such a long time. There wasn’t really a pink cloud for me! I was just desperately trying to patch my life together and praying my “old self” was in there somewhere! It took me quite a long time to fight off the worst demons when I stopped drinking but I’m so glad I hang in there. I feel a thousand times better now.

I’m always impressed when I see newbies on this thread who are so full of enthusiasm and energy, I was a bloody self-pitying wreck in the early days😂😂😂 This thread saved my sanity though, big time, and it’s still a big inspiration to me now.

Hope you guys are all doing okay👍

How are you doing @Kindtomyself ? Just thinking of you, let us know your okay

@BunniesBunniesBunnies actually that's really good to hear as absolutely no pink cloud here and doubt there will be one! I just need and want to do this, and I feel like crap still, but I am determined. Have done a few smart meeting now and there's one at 8am tomorrow so going to that one as well

This thread saved my sanity

It's saving mine too 💜

@ChampooPapi "stay vigilant" and "it's a constant process" - that's what I have to keep reminding myself. Only Day 5, so not an issue yet, but I can imagine months and/or years down the line, you think you're safe, but you can't afford to let your guard down!

Congratulations on 20 months @BunniesBunniesBunnies - that’s truly amazing. And well done @Chrispackhamspoodle on 50days. ⭐️ Nothing to report here. Plodding along, trying to prep for Christmas after long days working, but super tired. Cannot wait for a week of long lies, old movies and puddings and chocolates!

Checking in ✅
hope everyone is okay 👍

@ChampooPapi

How are you doing *@Kindtomyself* ? Just thinking of you, let us know your okay

Hello I'm here and fine. I'm just going to read back on the thread and catch up

Tha ma @Adm1010 and @Stuckhere2021 I know that it could very easily have happened to me, age is irrelevant really when you've got a booze problem.

Having a very meh day and finding it hard to get into the Christmas spirit. Feeling like allowing myself a glass of red but I know I will want another and another, and then I know I don't want the hangover.

I snuggled up in DDs bed with her after a story tonight and cuddled her until she went off. She's been super upset about a beat friend leaving school and it was so nice to get in and just hold her while she cried (obviously not nice but you know what I mean).

I can't believe I used to try to be this present for them with a glass of wine in my hand most bedtimes. 😔

Morning all .

@BunniesBunniesBunnies great post about patching self together and hoping the old self is there . I totally get that

Having a family trip to the cinema later with all my sons ! Apparently they are never to old for Spider-Man !! having them all together is my Xmas gift . I don’t want anything else

20 months bunnies !!! 🤩🎊🥳

That's amazing! Congratulations. You always got such great advice for everyone and I've always felt inspired by you just up ahead of me. Thank you for holding the thread so well.

I know at the beginning I found it hard to imagine I would be like those that were months ahead, like bunnies but the days really do keep adding up to weeks then months and I can now even see the word years coming in to view on the horizon, albeit only being "one and a half years" at the moment. I'm still holding on to that word "years".

It does really get easier. It barely crosses my mind now whereas at the beginning the thought of not drinking was an all consuming thought throughout the day.

That doesn't mean to say that I'm not staying vigilant though.

blackberryblossom I hear you on what dh was saying to you.

I had similar thoughts myself a few months ago. "Well, I clearly don't have an issue because its been a year". But I've been here before and I know that that voice lies.

I actually went on another thread recently of people wanting to stop and it reminded me why I'm doing this. I don't want to go back there. And I would go back there if I started drinking again. Maybe not the first drink or the first week or so but it would slide again, I have no doubt about that.

Then I realised as well that it was the thought of not drinking that made me wobble rather than a craving for an actual drink. Now, when I think of my (heavy headache inducing) drink of choice, I in don't find it appealing. And i never thought I would say that.

Happy AF weekend everyone. I'm working a lot this weekend but then I finish on Sunday. And very much looking forward to my second AF Christmas.

20 months is brilliant @BunniesBunniesBunnies.

I've not been on this thread much recently because I'm very much using my time to unpick issues that have been around for a long, long period. It's definitely a journey with lots of ups and downs; some pain but also joy. I have so much more clarity since going AF and am facing things that I tried to push away with alcohol, it's not easy but it's bloody rewarding. I'm so much happier now than I was when drinking despite having lots of shit. I'm just getting better equipped to deal with things, I feel stronger and not as scared. It's bloody amazing!!!!

I've invited a few neighbours round for drinks later, I don't know them particularly well. What struck me was that 1. I wouldn't have invited them in the past and 2. if I had invited them I'd have been really anxious about it, wondering what I would say, looking forward to an excuse for a drink but worrying that I might make a tit of myself. I don't feel like that today, I'm just looking forward to catching up with them and wishing them well. It's like I had no control over alcohol, it was controlling me, which is true.