The Freedom Thread (Continued) - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life *Title edited by MNHQ*

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Hello all,

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

I hope to see many familiar names on this thread, and some new ones too! We always welcome anyone to share their feelings, ask questions or simply “check in”🙂

I’d also like to thank @Breathmiller for hosting the last thread (and to ask for your forgiveness for shamelessly stealing your thread title😳) - Thank you @Breathmiller 💐

Thanks all!

Bunnies

Aw, thanks @stonycove for your kind words 😀. And well done to you on your drinking night out - sounds like you did great. Seeing/smelling a chilled white when you can’t have one can be painful but hurrah for mocktails!
I’m finding the more ‘first-time without’ alcohol occasions I rack up the easier it gets. First dinner out, trip to pub, concert, etc were ok. For me, the hardest were: first take-away pizza; first time cooking steak & chips; First time decorating - not having a cold beer towards the end of painting the kitchen was a bit of a wobble indeed; first debrief with DH after kids parents evening…lol. That one always got a stiff drink in the past!!
Does anyone else have any weird ‘first times AF?’ I guess a holiday and Christmas are the ones I have left to crack. Let’s all try and stay strong.

Thanks @pantherinapantsuit!
Positive changes have been many, main ones:
Better sleep
clearer skin.
Not having acidy stomach in mornings and fuzzy tired head.
I feel I’m setting my kids a better example.
I’m definitely more productive at work.
But the biggest plus is how proud I feel of myself for managing to go AF. I don’t think others realized it was a problem for me. I wasn’t a binge drinker, but I drank far too often and always wanted one. It just loomed far too large in life.

Thanks for asking. It’s nice to get to talk about this stuff with folks in the same boat. How are you doing yourself?

Thank you both! I understand why I feel down. I do also feel relieved that I didn't drink and will feel good in the morning! I have another night out next week but that's with people I know better and one doesn't drink anyway and so will be ok I think.

So great to hear all those good things. I'm doing fine thanks, really trying to focus on what I'm gaining, and not dwelling on missing out. It's hard sometimes but I'm surprising myself I'm past 2 weeks now and not missing it as much as I thought. I've been sluggish though and not felt any real physical benefit yet (where's my magical lovely skin?!) Happy sober Friday everyone

@iamyourequal thank you, I know I’m not beyond being tempted. In September I had a month AF behind me and broke it to have a mouthful of a very luxe cocktail set my friend bought me for my bday and sent during lockdown. I’m not doing the same thing again. It’s insanity expecting different results by doing the same shit..

@SilverPeacock. Don’t feel bad after your lunch. People just don’t think. I can remember being one of those people always trying to make people have a drink when they didn’t want one. I was such a lush when out when I was younger. The concept of someone actually not wanting a drink was completely incomprehensible to me. Totally embarrassed thinking about how I used to be. Your night out with true friends will be much better. Good on you not caving today!
@pantherinapantsuit. I noticed my complexion was much better after about 3 weeks. Face looked firmer with pink cheeks. Before I often looked tired and saggy baggy faced. Your eyes become clearer too. Hang in in there!
@ Newmum29. I remember you posting about drinking the gift your friend sent at the time. My heart sank reading it as I knew that would be square one again for me. Glad you are back with us.

Wow @iamyourequal ! Amazing to get to 100 days! To infinity and beyond 💕🎉

Checking in on day 44.Going to a party tonight.Would feel more comfortable staying in watching a movie as it's with my oldest friends who I think will be supportive but who only know me as someone who drinks with them.It's what we do when we meet up.I'm actually an introvert sober and makes me wonder if anyone actually really knows me.Not going to drink though.Will take Sipsmith freeglider 'gin' which I really like and a couple of AF beers so I'm prepared.Will eat what I like when jormally I don't eat at parties because I'm chugging wine.Nervous though.Really helpful to have this thread to read through this morning and I'm inspired by you all.

@Chrispackhamspoodle good luck! You can do this!

Thanks @ChampooPapi!
Enjoy your night @Chrispackhamspoodle. Food really does get much more of a treat when you ditch the drink. I hope your party has a fab buffet with lots of lovely desserts (or whatever floats your boat!) .
I am meant to be shopping, putting up tree and then wrapping presents today. Lying in bed with blocked nose and banging sinuses and cannot face moving. Errghh!!!

@pantherinapantsuit I also don’t get on with kombucha and I’ve never liked AF wines. I do like AF beers though, there is so much excellent choice today. BrewDog is probably my favourite. In the early days I drank loads of AF beers. Now I often have herbal tea or sparkling water with lemon instead. The longer you are sober for the less you will feel the need for a “special drink”. Now relaxing on a Friday night for me is about baths, TV, nice food and maybe some chocolate. What I’m drinking doesn’t seem to matter so much anymore.

Hi, I’m new here, I’m 55 and have been lurking and reading all of your amazing stories for a couple of weeks now so thanks!
I’m giving up alcohol because I was a binge drinker- I would binge drink on 3/4 nights every week, the only nights I didn’t binge drink are when I have to get up to care for my DGD (3) (I’ve drunk on these nights too sometimes).

I can’t just have one glass of wine - I have to finish the whole bottle (and start a second bottle now too as my tolerance for alcohol has increased over the years).
Things I hate about my drinking habit:-
I hate waking up feeling like shit and craving (then eating) all of the bread and carbs’ -thousands of extra calories every week just to soak up the drinks - I can control my food intake on the days when I haven’t been drinking.
I hate wasting hours of the following day feeling sick and tired with chest pains and weird pains in my arms and legs and heart palpitations.
I’m good for nothing, unable to function, unable to even think about exercising or eating healthily.
Even when I do manage to get dressed and function I’m slow, sluggish, grumpy and achieve very little.
I hate the lack of sleep caused by the crippling anxiety I get through the nights when I’ve been drinking.
I hate counting the £cost of those empty bottles in the black bin every week. I hate looking fat, old and unattractive because of my tired looking skin and saggy body.

I joined the ‘dry January’ thread on here this year, full of enthusiasm I then failed after 1 week, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone so silently moved on, changed my username and never looked at the post again.

Saturday, November 27th 2021 was the last night of me drinking alcohol -ever !
Today is day 14 and I’m so happy to have made it this far.

My plan:
Read all of the quit lit' I can find.
Try lots of non-alcoholic substitutes to find what I really like to drink.
Join or even just lurk (more my style) a Facebook group and /or a Mumsnet group devoted to being alcohol free.
So far I have read ‘the accidental soberista’ and ‘This Naked Mind’ on kindle, both cheap to download, brilliant and a real help in the first week when I binge read some chapters over and over.
Thanks to everyone here for sharing stories that are hard to tell, I’ve a couple of (very) shameful ones that I will get around to sharing but I’m not quite there yet.

Welcome, @PerfectHarmony. You sound very well prepared and ready. 👍

Welcome @PerfectHarmony. Congrats on being 2 weeks under your belt! How have you found your first couple of weeks? Have you shared your plan with anyone in RL yet?

Thanks @iamyourequal and @SparklingLime,
I'm not sharing with anyone IRL, my husband drinks the same as I was although it doesn't seem to affect him as much, he will take offence if I tell him the real reason why I'm not drinking as would a lot of our family- there's a rich cultural background linked to alcohol on both sides and I've got form for being patronising and 'holier than thou' when I'm on a health kick anyway !
My plan is to blame the drugs that I'm taking for my joints, be the driver when we go out etc and generally drip- feed my new sober self into all situations until lo' and behold I've become a non- drinker and no one knew !

@PerfectHarmony your plan sounds very much like mine. Congratulations on your 14 days.I find reading the books and having AF drinks to hand helps too.Really happy as I'm in bed after getting in from a party where I was pretty sociable,laughed AND danced completely sober.Drank alcohol free gin.Drove everyone home.Being the driver really is the best plan.So relieved to find I can go out sober and have fun it's given me a massive boost.

@Chrispackhamspoodle your night sounds perfect ! I can't wait to go and try my plan out at a party - it actually feels a bit rebellious when you're one of the few not drinking.

We had friends over for a meal and drinks last week, I drank AF wine (I kept the label hidden) and they didn't notice !
I feel like I can keep this up forever, it's so easy just to say 'I'm not drinking tonight - it doesn't mix with the tablets I'm on at the moment' everyone just looks sad for you for a moment then the night carries on, did this at a restaurant on my first AF weekend, no awkward conversations ensued and I had the same amount of fun as usual, one of my friends got a bit rude and silly towards the end and I found that a bit irritating but that's another subject we can all discuss again.

@PerfectHarmony yes a couple of people felt sorry for me last night and I had a few 'can't you have just one?" .Saying I was driving and happy not drinking was fine though.Annoyingly I feel like I have a hangover today.Think it's the sugar from the AF drinks so need to think about that.

I wrote a big post out the other day but it got lost on the train and didn't post.

Main points were well done to all hitting new milestones and feeling better each day.

I got a fancy light up bottle of gin for Christmas. From my dad and step mum! Talk about being tone deaf. They know I'm not drinking but like me being vegan they like to make a point about how they don't approve of such nonesense. What a waste of money. Looks pretty though.
The funny thing is I saw these bottles in M&S and thought I'd get them one but then remembered they preferred wine so went through the wine aisle which is my nemesis and bought them an expensive bottle of white and red as that's what i know they like. One drinks red, one white. Seems they don't give me the same thought process. Hey ho. They're not going to change now.

Welcome
@PerfectHarmony, two weeks is amazing!

@Breathmiller what an assey thing to do, giving you a bottle of gin!!!🤬

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thanks! and thanks for the thread too, I'm so happy to have found such a lovely group of people to share this experience with.
@Breathmiller, I'd put the bottle in a Very prominent place every time they visit so that they ask and you reply 'yes I still don't drink but it's very pretty'

Well done @chrispackamdpoodle. Dancing sober is quite an experience.

I hope your plan works @Perfectharmony. I come from a family of drinkers too and it’s not easy.
Oh my goodness @Breathmiller. I thought you meant a lamp or something (awful In itself) but you actually mean gin? How could they be so thoughtless? That must be hurting a bit. Don’t let it get you down. I bet you will get lots of lovely presents from other family and friends!

The thing is I'm not actually bothered about presents. And he did also generously give a cheque. It's the insensitivity of it. I used to get perfume when he knows I can't use it due to allergies. Same thing.

perfectharmony they haven't visited my house in 8/9 years so that's not an option.

I've learned to say thanks and not let it get to me too much.

It is insensitive @Breathmiller but I admire your maturity in dealing with it! Definitely buy yourself something nice with that cheque!

Gutted to come here this morning to report I drank last night . Messily and excessively . I was day 98 and I’m gutted .

It’s been coming for a couple of weeks I think and a perfect storm happened . I’ve finished work for a weeks annual leave . I’m skint , like totally skint till payday which is worrying me . And me and my husband have been bickering for days , low level bickering which is just wearing me down . I was tired and I hadn’t eaten and we bickered again . It started to tip into an actual argument and I just grabbed the car keys , said fuck this , and drove to the Tesco metro that’s open late . Got two bottles of wine I can’t even afford ( so now even skinter )

I got back and he obviously tried to talk me out of it . I didn’t even take my coat off . I marched to the kitchen poured a glass and downed it in one in front of his face .

I then went upstairs put my earphones on and drank the lot in an hour whilst crying . He came up and found me slumped sideways on the bed drunk . He woke me to try and get me to drink some water etc . That’s when the vomiting started . Threw up lots . Cried lots more . Then got in bed ( in the spare room ) and slept .

Up now absolutely gutted about it all . Totally heartbroken . Two of my boys are home and heard all this . My husband as just said he’s hardly slept as he kept checking I was alive and not choking on vomit .

I knew it was coming. I couldn’t fight it