Beyond Dry January - moderators and 100 dayers DJ#3

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

New thread to take us beyond February. Pull up a chair, make yourselves comfortable...let's do this!

Morning all. Well done to everyone who is staying AF and those moderating. It's inspiring to hear about those who have managed this and the messages of "if I can do it, anyone can" as I sometimes feel I probably have the worst alcohol problem of everyone on this board!

I've been posting on various threads in Alcohol Support. Problem drinking for about 10 years now but the last two have been off the scale. Frequent 3 day binges, black outs, covered in bruises from walking into things etc. Managed dry January then 9 days AF earlier this month then had what I intend to be my last binge last weekend/into Tuesday. Family so pissed off they asked me to leave for a couple of days, which I did. Back home last Thursday.

Today is day 6 AF as I will not drink today. But I had a major wobble yesterday after being fine the previous 4 days. Triggered by DP's annoying sibling coming for dinner. DP had actually bought me several drinks (canned G&Ts) in case I "got desperate" and could then have one to take the edge off. He is supportive but doesn't understand my problem.

The only time I need one drink to take the edge off is when I've been on a binge and start to get withdrawals/hair of the dog needed. My problem is that I seek oblivion to forget my anxieties and history / family problems growing up and in later life. Then only a bottle of gin / vodka / anything will do. I felt this way yesterday afternoon. So so tempted to go "out a walk" and buy booze and drink it before coming home and then have one of my G&Ts in the house.

But.....I didn't and I am feeling so happy with myself this morning. Instead of going out, I went online and read about dealing with cravings, the impact of alcohol on the brain and liver, how feeding the cravings will just make them come back again, how I need to retrain my brain not to need alcohol to cope with everyday situations etc. Also read some texts I've been sending to myself to remind me of the negatives of drinking and the positives of staying AF.

So it worked yesterday and hopefully will work when the feeling arises again, as I know it will.

Next step is to lose 2 stone!!!

Hope everyone has a good day.

Wow I'm so impressed @Stuckhere2021and @MyGhastIsFlabbered. There's some serious willpower being flexed here!

I drank over the weekend - wish I hadn't but there was some unexpected very good news so the champagne came out - back to the wagon for the working week now.

@BananasAboutBananas I think you've got me confused with someone else - I've been rubbish and had no willpower at all.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I thought you had stayed dry during the week? When you’re having the week from hell that’s pretty impressive!

Yeah I was dry until Friday. 2 bottles of wine/champagne in total over the weekend. I got my 12 week reducer badge today too. Kind of wish it was 12 weeks dry but I'm not quite ready to go there yet.

Thanks @BananasAboutBananas - I feel I really have no choice but to get myself sorted. I simply cannot let my family down again. I’ve done worse than I did on my last binge but it was my rock bottom none the less. DP was back to work today ( was on holiday last week) which makes it easier as we won’t have to entertain his sibling and no alcohol will be consumed by anyone. Not that I have a huge problem being around others drinking in terms of wanting a drink (other than to drown out his bloody brother!!) but me not having a glass of wine reminds me of how I’ve screwed up my life, if that makes sense? But nearly bedtime and I’ve not been tempted at all today. KOKO everyone

Hi all. Checking in as a) I want to congratulate everyone and b) I need to keep myself accountable.

It does feel like this has been a long haul. I'm reflecting on how much I drank all through last spring, (50+ units a week) and pledging that I'm never going that way again. My wine witch has a variant that's like a naughty rebellious child, telling me that all the stuff about drinking too much is just boring, and it surfaces at times like this when I'm doing ok at moderating.

Well done to all the AF cohort and KOKO

Hi all xx I feel like my lockdown bubble is coming to an end and I'm going to be forced to socialize with people again this is actually making me feel a bit anxious!! I don't want to drink yet I want to get past 100 days and even further. I know i have willpower because I've proved that by not drinking But how I will get on with friends around ?!

It's not much longer Peachy. I went to a bbq with family I would always drink with on Monday and it was fine! I had AF kopperberg in the sunshine in a lovely glass with ice whilst others had a prosecco. Didn't even get a twinge I was missing out, come on, we're so close to the big 100 now, we can keep it up.

Hi all, still here too. Bring on 100 days and beyond.

I was concerned about eating out when restaurants open, as we do that a couple of times a week but am feeling fairly confident now. I am thinking that I'm in this for the long haul (can't actually believe I can even contemplate that!)

Well done fellow AF-ers, the thread has been so supportive. KOKO

@hohofortherobbers well done on keeping strong even on a lovely sunny eve with your family that's fab. @hepzibar you are right we can do this 😍

Hi all hope you are all enjoying the sunshine and the long weekend x I've been out working in the garden and then we just had a little BBQ for dinner. DH had a couple of beers and it smelt so strong to me, it didn't make me want to have any it actually made me feel a bit sick. It also struck me how much the kids must have smelt alcohol on me which has appalled me to be honest. I don't want them to associate the thought of stinky pub smells with their mum!

Well I got drunk for the first time on Thursday night. Usually that would be repeated but have gone straight back to not drinking and actually I had no urge to drink the next day. Am over the craving to drink but sadly not the one to keep eating crisps.

@tsbelliot hey that Amazing well done on being able to moderate that's what's it's all about isn't it xx and regarding the crisps well we all need to have something!!
I think that's what I'm worried about,that once i have a drink will I be able to moderate or will I think oh well i might as well have it again the next night as the bottle is already open, as it's that train of thought that I've always had in the past and I can't be doing with it again,

Cheers Peachey
Somehow not drinking has become the normal so the drinking is a choice Am more honest about health consequences and volumes and it really helps. Somehow I am drinking a fraction of previous years

Well done everyone who has stayed af. I have done what many of you dread-managed af jan and then started drinking again and have drink shit loads ever since-far more than in the preceding years tbh. I can’t moderate. I need to just stop. It’s very reassuring and inspiring to read your stories about success. I know I can do it. I have managed to improve my fitness-been doing couch to 5k. Will try again soon. Please keep posting everyone-I find this thread really helpful!

Well hagfish - at least you know what you need and your fitness has improved. It’s all steps in the right direction.

@haggisfish I found exercise really helped me at the start of my AF journey. It helped me keep focused, and it has the incentive that who wants to exercise when your feeling rough after drinking!?

Hey can I join please ? Im not sure if I have posted on this thread or not but if I did I wasn't ready to cut back and now I am I have too ! So this is day one for moderation, my rules I've set out for myself are

1. Only drink on weekends(fri&sat)
2. Never drink alone
3. Never drink when triggered emotionally(sad, angry)
4. Be kinder to myself

I am utterly miserable tonight feelin like a naughty school girl having something taken off me ! But also keep beating myself up that I let it come to this! I hope this feeling doesn't last !

Has anyone had any success moderating ? X

Welcome cocolady, do you think you'd benefit from a short spell AF first before moderating? Just as a bit of a reset? A month off?

Yes I will do! Just not ready yet I am thinking about doing a 10 day one from next Monday.. I know it's only a short one but I have to start somewhere!

Me n my partner actually had a lovely chilled night! We are in bed now n I feel proud that I've done day one! I was actually recognising that I was getting sick of drinking ! Hope every has had a good night xx

I've well and truly tumbled off the wagon and I hate myself for it. It's stupid but I feel like I've let you lot down. I'm so inordinately proud of those of you who are beating the 100 day mark and I wish I was with you. Even though I don't know if I want to give up completely. Even though I've fallen off the wagon I've been drinking a lot less which I suppose is a good thing.

Hello all. I went 'out with friends on Saturday. Lively evening around a firepit outside. A lovely evening with lots of drinking but not from me. I drove people home instead. I didn't miss it which was a relief. Just noticed I will shortly be reaching day 100. This isn't what I set out to do (dry January was the goal). Feeling pleased but still worried about whether I'll stick to it longterm.

Hi all 😘 @cocolady I think it's a Great idea giving your self mini goals to keep to. If you don't want to go completely AF but want to cut down that's really going to help isn't it. Maybe knowing that you will have a drink over the weekend will stop you from feeling like your missing out in the week.

@myghastisflabbered stop beating your self up!! the whole point of starting out on dry Jan was to cut back and step back from what was becoming a really bad habit, the fact that you have done that and cut down on how much you were drinking is fantastic, focus on what you are doing 😘
@cameocat that's great, how lovely knowing that you didn't feel like you were missing out on the fun when everyone else was having a drink,can I be nosy and ask what did you have to drink on Saturday night? 🥰

Hi all can I please join? I’ve decided to try to do 100 days AF from today. I’ve always (literally since mid teens when I started drinking) had a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol and it has cost me so much over the years.

But since Covid hit it has escalated largely driven by anxiety and of course boredom. I have put on a stone since December. Over the Easter bank holiday I drank a huge amount on the Friday night and Sunday night leading to my brother and parents making comments and expressing concern about my drinking. Nothing I’m not aware of myself but it has given me the jolt I have needed.

DH drinks moderately but our relationship is complex and I feel I need an external source of support and to be held to account. Hoping this might be the right forum, Mumsnet has helped me through many a tricky situation before!!