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"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

989 replies

Drybird2020 · 06/10/2020 21:13

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

OP posts:
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Breathmiller · 14/10/2020 12:22

Hi everyone
Thank you so much for all your messages over the last few days. It really has meant so much in a difficult time.
My boy is home. A sleepless night last night for me and his dad as we took turns to doze but stay alert and of course every noise we both jumped ready to go again.

But we had a seizure free night which is a good thing.

He has now been diagnosed with epilepsy which we have to adjust to and process and has been started on medication. He will be under the fantastic neurology team where we are.

He injured himself this time when in his first seizure then made it worse in the second one so he's in a bit of pain.

We are heartbroken for him, as he is already dealing with a life long learning disorder but it will be managed well I'm sure and he should live a normal life with some caveats and meds. I have know other people living with epilepsy but of course it hits hard when it's your child.

Seizures are scary to watch though, I don't ever want to see him go through that again so I hope the medication works. At least we are prepared now.

cyllie33 that looks a beautiful place to run. I might try to get out for a little walk later when dh finishes work. Being in hospital with someone is such a strange experience, equally energy sapping but not really doing anything for hours. We will all just be catching up on rest and sleep. My youngest went to emergency child care bubble to my older daughter's house for a few days to give him a break from it all so we can all just take today and tomorrow easy. I've cancelled my work so I can focus on my lad.

Thanks again you lovely people.

Cyllie33 · 14/10/2020 16:23

Ah @Breathmiller what a tough time you have been having. Glad you’re happy with the neurology team looking after your boy and know that he’s in good hands Flowers hope you got out for a bit of a walk, fresh air always makes me feel better, or at least are getting some rest (curling up and eating some good food always makes me feel better too).

@iamyourequal it is within jogging distance, I’ve taken it at quite a flattering angle but am lucky. I’m in a part of London that’s not very picturesque but Londoners are lucky with their parks! Glad I got out this morning as had a very unproductive day and eaten too many crisps.

Hangingover · 14/10/2020 16:42

Oh you poor thing breath - it's so bloody for you all. I'm in awe of your sobriety and attitude. Flowers

Awkward segue but has anyone used CBD gummies? I was wondering if they actually do anything for anxiety. I get they're good for some pain and certain types of seizures but I don't see how they can help anxiety if they don't have any psychoactive effects? I'm not really interested if they only "work" in that "hard to disprove but no more effective than a nice sit down" way. People go on and on and on about them on Facebook but when you click on the person they're always weird. I don't want to waste any more money on suppliments that do feck all.

Hangingover · 15/10/2020 09:14

Also, this.

"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊"  A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.
Breathmiller · 15/10/2020 09:46

@Hangingover

Also, this.
I LOVE this! All quiet on the Western Front here, time to step down the fear and relax, rest and recuperate.

Funny how booze hasn't even entered the equation. In fact, all that has happened over this week has strengthened my resolve. Before i may have thought, sod it i deserve a drink after the week I've had but actually i think that I've had enough going on without adding in the extra complication of alcohol to the mix. The title of the thread is perfect isn't it? Yes, it does get easier.

Ravenswick · 15/10/2020 10:26

@Breathmiller glad you've had a calmer day or so, that's really good news. Yes, I have the same feeling now - why on earth would I want to add booze and make a stressful, difficult situation worse, and make myself sleep worse and feel worse at the same time - complete insanity, looking back...
@Hangingover - brilliant, thank you. I needed to read that...

Hangingover · 15/10/2020 10:48

I'm making another sticky toffee apple pudding. I've got baking ingredients to use up before we leave Australia so I'm going to spend all that time baking and probably get so fat I'll be charged excess baggage.

I mentioned to my sober buddy that I was worried I'd spontaneously go to the bottleshop when DP is on his trip and buy enough wine to drink myself into a coma and he just goes, "naah you won't. Imagine how weird and horrible it'd feel to be drunk now". And I thought...yeah it probably would actually. I don think it'd relax me, I think it's feel out of control and crazy.

Breathmiller · 15/10/2020 15:47

When does he go away hangingover?

Hangingover · 15/10/2020 16:17

Saturday or Sunday he said, which means Saturday.

I know it's daft but I'm not coping that well.

Long story but I think I have OCD due to my obsessing over intrusive thoughts, specifically that if I think about a bad thing happening, it will happen. I'll give myself a panic attack just by writing this but every time he drives off somewhere or goes on the water this narrator in my head goes, "she didn't realise, but that was the last time she would ever see him...". So I have to say certain things to him to make sure it doesn't happen and get stressed if I don't. I had the same thing about my Dad when I was little Sad

I have this dumb idea that DP will be safe if I'm watching out for him which is stupid because a) it's not true and b) he's going there with about five other very good windsurfers one of whom is a doctor so if anyone if going to be useful should he cone to harm it's them, not me! There's almost no signal there either so I can't even text to see if he's ok.

Basically, it's very, very good for my tolerance of uncertainty to stay here but I'm dreading it 😭

iamyourequal · 15/10/2020 19:32

That is good @Cyllie33 - city life but with a nice park is a fab combination.

@Breathmiller it sounds like you are coping really well. I have a family member with epilepsy and the seizures are very upsetting. I hope they get your son’s meds sorted quickly that will really make a difference.
@Hangingover I am the same, I especially worry sick when my family go anywhere in the car without me. It’s difficult to rein in the thoughts once they start but it’s what needs to be done. Get all your baking stuff at the ready to keep busy whilst he is away. Another idea might be to get yourself a nice notebook and pen and write a collection of all your fab baking recipes as a little project to keep busy. I’m doing this at the moment and experimenting with making all my favorite desserts in ramekin portions so that I know exactly what goes into each small portion and it means the kids and I can enjoy frequent puddings without me fretting over me gaining weight/ruining their health etc. just an idea.
I’m not doing great either. I’ve been so miserable and anxious since getting covid my heart hasn’t been fully into the sobriety journey but I am really trying my best again now. (I drank on my birthday this week 😢)x .

Teetotallyimperfect · 16/10/2020 07:36

Looks beautiful, @Cyllie33.
Hope you're catching your breath now, @Breathmiller.
@Hangingover, I hope it will be easier than you're imagining.

Teetotallyimperfect · 16/10/2020 07:44

Don't be too hard on yourself, @iamyourequal. You've been through a tricky time. Sending you a socially distanced hug and hoping you find your sober mojo Flowers

Breathmiller · 16/10/2020 07:55

hangingover that sounds really hard. Intrusive thoughts are not pleasant. Can you think of it like a story? A story that you are in control of. So, in the same way that we can play the video to the end if we have a craving for a drink, think about stopping or even just pausing the video to the story you've thought of.

It is JUST a thought which isn't to be flippant about it but it csn help take away its power.

There is a thing in the Yoga Sutras about seeds and when thoughts and emotions come up we can stop them when they are small much easier. So we all have the seeds of fear, anger, shame..etc in us but when they are at a sleeping stage they aren't an issue. When they awaken in a small way we often don't notice them as the seed is still small.
As they go through the different stages and grow they get harder to deal with and stop. So the idea about being aware of our thoughts are that they are much easier to deal with when they are small.

So, it's good that you are aware that this may happen and can find coping mechanisms to help.

For instance, in the wee small hours, my mind this week has been listening out for and jumping at every sound from my son's room. Understandable of course. But when I hear all is well, I can stand down. But my brain doesn't. It can quite easily start to follow a script and if I'm not careful it takes the story even further than what has actually happened this week. And then my brain and body start to react as if it is happening and I would go into panic. Basically, adrenaline would flow to deal with the (not real but perceived) situation. So, I need to pause or stop the video somehow. I need an easy tool that i have practiced many times that takes me out of that story.

Mine is my breath. So, a few hours ago my youngest crawled into bed scared- also understandable given the last week. He nodded off again but i was left awake with thoughts going through my head. I started to imagine another seizure then I noticed my thoughts going further. I came back to my breath. Breathing in, breathing out. I came back to the feeling of the duvet on me, my legs in contact with the bed. The beginnings of the sun starting to come up. I brought myself back to the present moment. And, I smiled as i breathed and thought "all is well" "all is well"

Now, my tool won't be everyone's choice but you need something that brings you back to the present moment. And usually that is something to do with the senses.

Try practising this today when you feel fine. Then it might come easily when you start to see the very beginnings of a thought.

What can you see around you? What can you hear, right now? Is there a smell? Taste in the mouth? What can you touch? Feet on ground. Clothing on skin. Chair, bed, earth....whatever is present.

And then notice your breath, in and out....in..and out. The sensation of the breath in your nostrils perhaps, like a soft brushing sensation, or the gentle rise and fall of your collarbones, the rib cage expanding and contracting and then the belly gently blowing out as you breathe in and returning back to the spine as you breathe out.

And stay with the breath and smile until you soften again and return to the present moment.
All is well. All is well.

Breathmiller · 16/10/2020 08:11

I've mentioned this before now as well, perhaps on this thread perhaps on the dry January thread.
There is a meditation called
R.A I.N by Tara Brach.
Recognise
Allow
Investigate
Nurture

I did it earlier this year as part of her Radical Compassion 10 day course and I found it really helpful. I use it when a tricky emotion or thought comes up and teach it often to my students. It's about being compassionate to ourselves and all the thoughts and feelings that come up.

iamyourequal perhaps it will help you deal with your feelings about drinking this week. It's about not berating ourselves, but giving ourselves the same compassion we so readily give others. You can just Google it and it comes up in written form or on you tube. Tara Brach has great tools for living a more self accepting and self compassionate life. Her website is amazing.

Hangingover · 16/10/2020 11:53

Breathmiller I like that, I do something similar....I started to get really stressed about surfing after mister shork paid a visit so I picked a category in my head and tried to name something for every letter of the alphabet in that category. It does kind of work for me but my main problem isn't shutting the initial "bad scenario thought" down it's the fact my stupid OCD brain thinks that even having it flash through my mind mean it will now happen. I just can't teach my brain that that's not the case Sad

I've decided since everyone will be away and it's a detached house I'm going to work on my singing after they go!

Hangingover · 16/10/2020 12:10

Also, this.

"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊"  A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.
Breathmiller · 16/10/2020 13:27

my main problem isn't shutting the initial "bad scenario thought" down it's the fact my stupid OCD brain thinks that even having it flash through my mind mean it will now happen. I just can't teach my brain that that's not the case

That's really difficult. Would it help to think that that is 'just' another thought? It's just another level of the story. And a thought has no power.

I like the thing that goes .....

"Don't believe everything you think"
That helps me.

Singing will be good. Baking. Find a fun thread on here. I've just joined one about music lyrics. Kept my brain amused at 4 am this morning. Or start one. I love doing word games with the kids. Name something in a theme with every letter of the alphabet type games. We call it "we went on safari and took a...."
The first time dh and i got a weekend away we drove to our hotel playing the politics version,
the sweary version and the grown up version. WinkGrin t'was a laugh.

And keep posting when you need company. We're a bit in a different time zone but someone will be around I'm sure.
You've got this. And we've got you.

iamyourequal · 16/10/2020 19:16

Thanks for that Teetotallyimperfect Smile. And Breathmiller, lots of sound advice for keeping calm and coping. I will definitely try some of it out! Glad you have had no further scary incidents with your DS. Nice day here today, so I visited a lovely friend for coffee in her garden today and then pottered about in mine. Determined to have a calm and happy weekend before heading back to the dreaded work on Monday. Have a good weekend everyone.

Hangingover · 17/10/2020 09:18

Can we just have a collective sober gratitude moment of silence for being able to accept 9am hair appointments without even having to consider how hungover you'll be 🙏🏻

Breathmiller · 17/10/2020 11:11

💇‍♀️ hurrah for hangover free haircut.

I like the fact that I don't have to schedule in a hangover. How many times have you not planned something for a weekend because you know you were going to over do it on a Friday or Saturday night? How mad does that sound right now?

"I'm sorry, I can't take a hairdresser appointment in Saturday morning because I plan on making myself feel shit - it's in the diary"

Breathmiller · 17/10/2020 11:16

Woops, didn't mean the female sign, just the haircut emoji

Breathmiller · 17/10/2020 14:06

I am 10 weeks today which is 70 days!! 70 days AF!! Feels so good

Hangingover · 17/10/2020 16:35

Wooohooo high five Breathmiller I'm on 20 weeks today too so 140 days. Yippee for us!

Breathmiller · 18/10/2020 09:26

Well done hangingover 120 days is a good chunk of time.
Hows are you doing? How's the singing going?

SparklingLime · 18/10/2020 10:19

Hope Sunday is going OK there, @hangingover. Is the haircut still to come? I’m still DIYing mine with kitchen scissors and, erm, it shows!