Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

LOL

Boxers are absolutely dotey, they're soooo loyal IME. I never had one but someone I know did, he was slavishly in love with her.

Mine was a golden lab. To this day whenever I see and old boi chogging along I say to DP, "is there anything nicer than a fat Labrador?'.

Haha, that does work as DH is pretty similar in temperament!

Had a bit of a rubbish day today and I'll be honest the thought of heading home and sinking into wine was a thought.
But it's passed now. And there's
the realisation it wouldn't have changed what made my day rubbish but would have made my tomorrow feel even more rubbish.

Funny how I've been focusing on how good I am at not drinking on happy celebratory days. But i hadn't had such a crap day that it had crossed my mind. I am proud of myself that I didn't give in. But a real reminder not to get too complacent. It can hit anytime .

Well done Breathmiller the crap days can be the hardest so feel proud of yourself. Was it work that was rubbish?

Had a bit of a rubbish day today and I'll be honest the thought of heading home and sinking into wine was a thought

I had the same thought this weekend. But if you just delay the craving goes fairly quickly. Every time I get a craving for wine I get these idyllic pictures in my head of me sipping an ice cold Pinot Grigio in the sun. But I like the mantra “play the video until the end”. Then I force myself to watch the scenario play out to the end. So, one glass becomes two, two becomes a bottle. I wake up the next day with a splitting headache, after a nights sleep full of anxiety, waking up every hour, and feeling groggy and sweaty and panicky about what I did the night before. Once that panic has worn off then comes the crashing disappointment that I didn’t just bloody leave it and drink a coffee instead. Then the sinking feeling that I’m going to feel tired and grumpy all day knowing I’ve let myself down.

That always works as the antidote to that vision of the chilled glass of wine! 👍

@iamyourequal

Well done Breathmiller the crap days can be the hardest so feel proud of yourself. Was it work that was rubbish?

Thanks Iamyourequal No, not work. My mum went into a nursing home at the beginning of lockdown (Parkinsons and dementia) and I got only my second visit with her today. It wasn't such a good visit this time and it made me so sad to see her so frail. She wasn't really 'there' today. For some reason the fact she doesn't even understand its my birthday on Saturday has made me really upset. Not for my sake but for hers. She would be upset if she realised. It's her daughter's 50th and she is oblivious. She would hate that.

But yes russelbrandshair you are so right. It was a passing craving and I did follow the video to the end and I knew it wouldn't end well. I suppose, what hangingover said a few days ago came into my head as I drove the 2 hours home through tears. Why can't I be normal? Go home, cry into a glass or two of wine then that's it.

But actually I do feel better now. Cuddles from my youngest and a hug from Dh. And it's made me proud of the fact I don't drink now. I'm glad I don't have that crutch. Because it never was a very good crutch in the first place.

I wasn't a saint though...instead of falling into a vat of wine I fell into a massive mound of comforting mashed tatties that had been made for me. I'll take that.

And it's made me proud of the fact I don't drink now

You should be proud! It’s bloody amazing- alcohol is an addictive substance and you made a choice not to engage in it. You are strong and capable and you don’t need that poison! 👍

Btw have you read Alan Carr’s book? The easy way to control alcohol? (It’s not really about controlling it, it’s about being sober). That book completely changed how I view alcohol and made me question if any of us really are “normal” when it comes to alcohol, such a great book that really turns the idea of the “normal drinker” on its head.

That is a really upsetting day Breathmiller, dementia is a very cruel disease indeed. Hopefully your mum was just having a bad day of it today and she will be more lucid next time. I see you are Scottish too - lots of us on this thread but I always struggle remembering who. The tatties gave you away ! Btw, for anyone curious about covid (because there’s just not been enough of it in the media ) I have today completely lost my sense of smell. Food, disinfectant, strong bubble bath- can’t smell anything whatsoever!

Sorry about your mum @Breathmiller, that’s so tough. You are doing great staying sober!

Oh, yuck @iamyourequal, that sounds grim. I've heard that can go on a while but hoping yours improves quickly. I love food so much it would be devastating not to be able to taste!

Great advice from @Russellbrandshair, I try and do the same but must admit I am not really getting cravings so am hoping this is the next stage of being AF :-)

Well done for staying strong @Breathmiller, very upsetting for you, what a cruel disease. My mum is housebound at the mo but still has her marbles, thank goodness. Covid is causing no end of problems for the oldies and can't she that changing any time soon...

Sorry - see not she...

Thanks everyone. The support on here yesterday really helped.
(waves tartan rug at all the Scottish folk - offers round shortbread)

I haven't read any AF books yet but I have a few credits on my audible so I will look up that Alan Carr one - thanks Russellbrandshair

My own post got me to thinking. Maybe it isn't 'normal' to go home and cry into a few glasses of wine? Loads of people don't drink but must have sad days. And those that do have a drink when it happens, perhaps they too don't want to and have a similar problem with drinking.

So, it only feels normal because I ( or we collectively as a society) have normalised it. Are we afraid to be sad? Are we trying to hide away from all these emotions that are natural human emotions? I had a difficult day....I felt sad. 🤷‍♀️ Thats not unusual or something to hide away from. I had a wee (my tartan is showing again) cry to myself then picked myself up.

Sorry to hear your taste has gone so strongly iamyourequal that must be so strange. We do take our senses for granted don't we? I do a lot of work with withdrawing from the senses in meditation and this has really made me think about that.

Thich Nhat Hahn has a great talk on meditating on your non-tooth ache which always makes me smile. We don't notice when we don't have a toothache. We think our non-toothache is a neutral feeling. But when we have a toothache it's all we can think about. So we should celebrate our non-toothache. Then we realise how much we to be grateful for.

So today i will meditate on my working senses and hope yours comes back soon equal
And I will meditate on or celebrate my non-hangover today from my not-drinking last night.

Hey guys, can we talk about rage and irritability? Since quitting drinking I feel a lot more balanced (emotionally) and I get rage/cry a lot less, but sometimes I’m still overwhelmed by anger. I have disproportionate reactions to minor issues and they really affect how I communicate with people.

I also STILL have bad coping mechanisms. I’m so glad I no longer rely on booze or painkillers, but when I go through a bad phase I really restrict my eating, and I still struggle with smoking too.

Has anyone else replaced drinking with another terrible habit? If not, how did you give yourself better coping mechanisms? And has anyone found a fix for rage?

Me, bunnies. Except mine isn't rage it's anxiety and sulkiness, I get into grumps I just can't get out of. Exercise is all that solves it at the moment. When I'm being a bitch DP ultra casually goes, "did you want to go to this gym today?"

Consequently everything hurts all the time but at least I look fly

Well done Breathmiller it's so hard isn't it.

I was sober for 5 months during DMs decline due to cancer as I was also doing outpatient rehab for valium addiction. On the surface it sounds an insane time to eschew numbing substances but you actually cope so much better and you're a better carer for it too Sadly I think feeling the pain is critical to enduring it If we numb and defer and distract constantly it ends up coming out randomly and all of a sudden you're weeping on the floor of an M&S floodhall about a pack of biscuits.

@Hangingover thanks for the reply. For me anxiety plays a role too (this leads to not eating). Exercise is my happy place at the moment too! Running keeps me sane (and yeah my husband is prone to “suggesting” I go for a run, haha!) but between my job and having three small people I don’t have as much time for it as I would like😬😬😬

The exercise is also a double edged sword for me unfortunately as it does hugely lift me and calm my moods, but it also burns more calories (not my intention, I don’t work out for weight loss) which compounds the issues I’m currently having with food😭

hangingover

I do think my anxiety is much less. I have been feeling floored for about a week before my period which i know is a symptom of menopause. But this month it was non existent. To the point that I wondered if maybe I wasn't going to have a period.
I have a book called natural alternatives to HRT. And I feel that I do a lot of the things they suggest. I'm not a big coffee drinker, I obviously meditate and practise yoga daily, I dont eat red meat as I'm a vegan. It was like a tick box exercise so I couldn't understand why I was getting such a hard time going through perimenopause.
But as soon as I have knocked alcohol on the head it was like a switch. Yes, sad days, yes days where things are stressful and reacting to that. But not anger (or internalised anger as I think deep anxiety is like).

I've never been a particularly angry person apart from a time in my teens but I had felt rage at times to my fingertips due to the perimenopause. It was such a strange feeling. That passed fairly quickly thank goodness but the last year has been this deep physiological dip into darkness for the week before. Nothing I through at it, none of my usual tricks or tools worked.

But, whether or not its coincidence I don't know, but this month... none of it! All gone. I feel less clouded. More alert. The brain fog of menopause is a real thing and I don't think it has been so bad this last month.

And I do think exercise helps so much. I'm not a runner but I enjoy walking especially hillwalking. In fact this time last year I was setting off to trek the Himalayas. Now...that was a walk! And good for the soul

Wow @Breathmiller, inspiring post. Interesting to read about a sober menopause too, I have all that to look forward too😂

Thanks breath my non-toothache is going into my gratitude journal tonight

bunnies I am the opposite. When drinking at my most heaviest I had the most spasmodic episodes of rage that I just couldn't control. Luckily (?) DS was still very wee and was always in bed when they happened. I did manage to cut down on my drinking which helped manage the anger but the overwhelming "hangxiety" only got worse and worse, which is why I see sobriety as my only way forward. And fuck me it is working so far. I empathise with your rage though

I don't read the DM often because it makes me want to throw things but here's a semi-interesting read if you can get past the cutesy/minimizing headline. It does contain that bloody awful Shona Oversharer though; I cringe for her DC.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8736973/Confessions-corona-holics-writers-admit-theyve-hic-pandemic.html

Anyone see any of themselves in these accounts?

I find it interesting how they all pile the blame on themselves for their own weakness but never at the door of the substance!

Also there is no bloody "hic" in "pandemic"

Sorry me again.

I deserve a medal for not drinking today.

Go to Australia they said...it'll be FUN they said... you'd be so unlucky to end up anywhere NEAR A FUCKING BIG SHARK RIGHT BLOODY NEXT TO YOU they said...