Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

Thank you. I had horrific anxiety last night due to drinking to much and barely sleeping. Very much looking forward to not having to deal with that anymore! Using this thread for support and accountability if that's ok.

Hi this is only day 2 for me and I am struggling with the anxiety. Any advice on how to get through. I know within a few days it will subside but that’s what my anxiety is about. I know, I know, but I am on loop of worrying about how I fix my life when I no longer have alcohol to numb it

Justdonthavethefirstone no advice but a handhold as I'm going through the same. Hopefully someone will be along with some advice

Noel66 thankyou. So glad i am not on my own but so sad you are going through this too. We can do this. This is just a phase and it will pass.

I’m the same @Justdonthavethefirstone... very anxious. My plan is to check in later today (end of day 3). Not something I’d usually go in for but I wrote three affirmations this morning on a post it. Things along the lines of that I do have control etc that I keep glancing at. It’s my day 3 and trying to be positive. Massive hand hold!

It's really hard but we can do this. I've always used alcohol to cope but realised its not helping its making things worse. We can do this one day at a time.

@noel66 and @Justdonthavethefirstone its really important that you trust that it will get better and the horrible feelings you have over the first few days will improve quite quickly.

Two great books about how alcohol affects the mind and why anxiety and tough feelings are so much worse when we drink are The Naked Mind (Annie Grace) and Alcohol Explained (William Porter).

Feeling cravy and gloomy tonight. It's dawning on me that I'm running out of money and have to go back to the UK. The industry my job was in no longer exists - heartbroken at the idea of giving up my little flat in London I love it so much.

Thank you ravenswick will check out those books and try and trust things will get better

@Hangingover

Yes, it’s a tough time for a lot of people and tougher trying to navigate it without your usual numbing medicine. My tips are to read as much quit lit as you can to help you understand why you are feeling the way you are and take up something that distracts you when you have a craving. I usually go out for a walk but some people prefer crafting, puzzles, baking. Whatever works for you.

I may be misunderstanding your post. Are you leaving London to go to regional U.K., or are you leaving the U.K. altogether?

I’m going out tonight. We’re going to DDs favourite Indian restaurant. They’re are doing Eat out to Help out. I’ve volunteered to drive, so that I’m not tempted to have a beer with dinner.

I’m pleased that I’m driving and not drinking but I’ll be even happier when not drinking just comes naturally, rather than me having to put an obstacle in the way to prevent me from drinking.

I don’t think I’ve seen it mentioned yet (apologies if I missed it), but has anyone else read Blackout by Sarah Hepola? I’ve just finished it and I think it’s excellent.

Sorry I should have put the context in. I quit my job to go traveling with DP and my last day was about two weeks before everything started getting really bad.

We were meant to come home in April but we ended up staying in West Aus for the whole of lockdown and decided to stay a bit longer... But DPs visa is nearly up and I've been paying rent on my flat in London this whole time so soon it's time to go home and face the music. My job straddles two industries (large live events and celeb management) which have been wiped out by huge layoffs

Aah, get it. Yes, it’s affected people in different ways. I lost my job and we had to put house buying on hold as we need two salaries to get a mortgage. The recruitment market had started to pick up, over the last few weeks but seems to have gone quiet again now, what with talk of a second lockdown. I’ve struggled with unemployment and was drinking way too much at the beginning of lockdown, to block it all out.

WA not a bad place to spend lockdown, I guess? I know they had restrictions on travelling between states but Aus seemed to miss the first wave (I know Melbourne is bad now).

I’m just wondering what transferable skills you have - would Project Management be similar to Events Management?

@Hangingover, sounds really tough and shitty to be coming back to difficult decisions rather than something more positive

Feeling really anxious. I over shared some things I've been through to a family member last night and wish I hadn't. I know the feeling will pass in a few days and I'm sipping camomile tea but just feel really worried ☹️

Hi @noel66, we've all been there so you have my sympathy. It was one of the main reasons I stopped drinking in January but I'm here now in August with no alcohol since then ((except for one small glass of wine back in February). You can do it too and it will change your life for the better. It's a well worn phrase here but your one job is to not drink.

Be kind to yourself today. You've made the right decision.

You must be feeling really apprehensive about coming back to the UK @Hangingover. FWIW I think you have a fantastic writing style and turn of phrase and hope you land on your feet work wise.

Thanks lovely sober babes

Thank you ulsysses. I'm telling myself it will pass and be forgotten about hopefully and isn't something I am going to repeat as it was because of the drink and I can do this.

Stay with us and stay strong Justdonthavethefirstone, Ifnotnowthenwhen5 and Noel66. the anxiety will definitely get better the more time you put between yourself and your last drink. Be kind to yourself and just focus on today. Take a bath, make tea & toast and take yourself to bed with a good book. Or listen to a bit of Annie Grace explaining the anxiety /alcohol cycle. Keep posting to let us all know how you are doing. You can do this!

Thank you @iamyourequal and everyone for your encouragement and kind words. End of day 3 and I feel a bit more in control... I have a really horrible terror that I’ll accidentally have another drink or find myself in a situation where I end up drinking again ? Very strange, hope it will pass.

Good morning, @noel66 and @Ifnotnowthenwhen5, I hope the new day sees you feeling a bit better. Waking up hangover free is one of the first of many gifts you're giving yourself. And I hope that your anxiety and fears will reduce as mine have. It quickly became apparent that my frequent feelings of being out of control, or unable to cope, were directly related to my alcohol consumption.
The early days are tough but its so, so worth it. 😊

@Hangingover, that's a huge hulking storm cloud you've got looming on the horizon. I'm certain that you'll be able to weather it, look at what you have already done to protect yourself and your future! I agree with @Ulysses about your lively, characterful writing style. Does your job involve writing?

Wise words from @Drybird2020 and @iamyourequal - hope you got through yesterday ok, everyone, and that today feels brighter.

@Ifnotnowthenwhen5 I think that is quite natural; I have had a few dreams where I had a drink and woke up horrified and so relieved when I realised it wasn’t real!

Just checking in. That sounds tough @Hangingover, though what an adventure you’ve had...! I’m very jealous! Have you booked your flights back yet?

I have been running so much. Finally starting to see a real improvement in my fitness thanks to quitting drinking (and losing a few pounds). It’s hard to find the time for the longer runs (which I love the most) but even just a quick half hour really does so much for my mental health. Phew.

Hope you’re all hanging in there x