Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

I’ve started on AF beer and not had a problem - like @Cyllie33 I was not a beer drinker, wine was my thing, but AF beer is a non sweet drink that feels like a treat. Works for me. Haven’t had AF wine and probably won’t, at least for a while.

I'm a big AF beer fan too. Love Brewdogs Nanny State, and Ilkley Brewerys Virgin Mary. I also love that they are a non-sugary cold drinks. I think they are also great for when you want those 'sitting in the sun, and having a relaxing moment' times. You can have all the benefits of those moments, with anything cold and yummy to drink, but you don't have to have the alcohol. It doesn't trigger wanting more for me, but I think it needs to be trial and error for everyone personally.

I second the being a better Mum without booze. I just have so much more patience and am calmer.

Yesterday the house was even more of a mess than usual and me being the only one who does something about it was getting to me. Without the booze, I am normal levels of irritated by this, instead of it actually getting me really down and ruining the whole day (which would have happened if I'd had even just one drink the day before). I love that.

BTW Nanny State and Virgin Mary are more like 'ales', and quite bitter, which I like. I find Becks Blue disgustingly sweet. We are all so different with tastes, and that's cool! It's nice to find your own personal special drink that you can turn to as a treat.

Thanks for all the beer recommendations. Off to the shop later 😂

When I first started AF I had lots of AF wine (frexinet the best I thought) and AF beef (moretti) just to help me get through and not feeling like I was missing out. I still like the odd AF beer as it's nice and I like the taste. It doesn't trigger me into wanting alcohol but instead helps me as it gets me thru the craving

Oldhabitsarehardtobreak AF drinks have helped me immensely. I don’t find them triggering, I have them at the end of a long day when I want to switch off and relax and they feel like a small grown up treat, more than opening a Coke etc does. I like Becks Blue, chilled to near freezing. I didn’t like Heineken 0 as too sweet and hoppy/malty(?). I love fizzy drinks and popping corks! I am going to cut down to fri & sat only on the AF drinks though as I think it’s encouraging my DH to keep drinking the alcoholic ones at our usual rate and I keep (silently) wishing he will cut back too for his health. Have a lovely weekend everyone, welcome newbies and well done Elvislives that’s amazing- 11months!

Wow! This thread is busy!!! Welcome newbies and congrats on the milestones reached everyone!

I bloody love not drinking at the moment, it’s great!

I hadn't any AF drinks until I started going out again. It's nice to have something a bit more grown up when I've been eating out and has so far I haven't felt like I'm missing out on having alcohol.

That said I'd be as happy to have a sparkling mineral water for the taste factor. I've noticed that I drink really quickly regardless if this has alcohol or not and a few glasses of AF wine gave may a funny aftertaste. At home I'm happy to have a cup of tea of an evening.

I've become quite the taxi driver as well since giving it up and I've not really minded, which is something I did before. It means my teenage daughter can get out and about - her social life is much better than mine . My family is really feeling a lot of the benefits of me giving up in the ways others have listed too.

Oldhabits I find Heineken zero tasty enough that it doesn't make me crave a beer BUT I tried an AF red and it made me miss the real thing as it was so bad. So for now I'm sticking to the Heineken, peroni AF is okay, I'm also loving the decadence of a full fat coke! Not something I'd normally have. In winter I think I'll treat myself to hot chocolate instead!

Back on day 1 today after deciding to treat myself on holiday.... absolute disaster and I’m back with all the shame and regret that got me here last time.
BUT no point trying to change the past so I’m going to try and learn from it and get back to it.
Hope everyone is having a relaxing Saturday evening!

Bad luck if

It's interesting isn't it, I think our brains will take a while to reprogram that alcohol is not a treat, it's an addictive poison.

The more we engage with this "active sobriety" and listen to our own narrative rather than society and the marketing companies, hopefully the sooner we will be in a position to not want to drink, and not see it as a good thing.

I really like an AF beer too. Usually Becks (anyone else notice Becks Blue smell strongly like cannabis!?). I like having something cold and fizzy that isn't pop. I've never felt triggered by it but then I was never a beer drinker. Wine and gin were my thing and I've not tried any AF wines. I did buy Seedlip during my last AF stint but it tasted like expensive clove water so I won't be bothering with that again.

Welcome back, @Ifnotnowthenwhen5. You're right, you can't change it, and it's all part of the journey. Onwards and upwards...

Back on board @Ifnotnowthenwhen5 and well said @Hangingover and @Teetotallyimperfect, I think few if any of us have got to the last stop first time - like anything else practice makes perfect 😎 Also welcome and congrats to @elvislives2012 - good to have you here! On we go 😀

Can i please join, today is my final day 1
During lockdown my drinking has increased, i am so ashamed, the thing is i don't even enjoy it, i just have a drink get grouchy and fall asleep. I have attempted to quit many times before but this time needs to be different. I took the brave step of telling my family this time. I have removed all alcohol from the house. I feel so scared that i cant do this because i know i need to. I am not going to think about the alcohol. My plan is deal with not buying in the first place.

I took the brave step of telling my family this time

This is great news because it means you've closed off your "way back". I found it so hard telling friends and family because I wanted to be able to go back to merrily drinking with them if I found quitting too hard. Now they know I think I have a problem, I can't put the genie back in the bottle and they'll likely feel uncomfortable or challenge me if I suggest going on the piss. Good work!

Hangingover thank you so much. Yes i tried to stop many times before but then my partner or friends would innocently suggest a drink or night out. That was excuse enough. Not now. They know now and have promised to help although they deny i have a problem but then i am a good liar.

I wish everyone on this group all the best and thanks for having me join.

Welcome @Justdonthavethefirstone, and well done for confiding in your family. Lots of well meaning people will try to tell you that you don't have a problem - don't listen. They're usually just trying to justify their own drinking - and if your drinking is a problem to you, then it is a problem.

Forgot to say @elvislives2012 - amazing! Can't wait to be where you are

Welcome @Justdonthavethefirstone. I’d highly recommend reading back through this thread and even more so the first thread, linked at the top, which have fantastic tips and advice in from people who have been there. It really can make the difference between success and failure - it’s not actually about will power, it’s about changing your mindset - you can do it 😎👍

Thank you. I have started reading over the threads and it’s really nice to know what I am feeling is similar to others. We are not alone in this. And it’s true it’s a change of mindset. It’s not about giving something up it’s about finding something new. I was brought up in a culture where alcohol was the norm. I want my children to see it differently and me rewarding myself with alcohol is not the message I want to give them.

@Teetotallyimperfect yes I agree that BB smells like cannabis! Bizarre. I like a Becks Blue but haven't had any for ages, I drank loads of it at the start of my AF life and it helped me in the tough early stages.

I'm back from my holiday! It was awesome and I didn't drink - of course. 😊 I'm now 7 months and a bit into my new life, I don't count days any more.

It's great to see the thread so busy, I need to go back a few pages and catch up properly. Welcome to the newbies and welcome back to the returners.

Well Dry July finished on Friday. I’m pleased to say that I currently have no interest in drinking. Saturday movie night went well, lubricated with some sparkling elderflower and we had healthy snacks, rather than “bar snacks”. Hoping for some of this promised weight loss soon .

Welcome back @Drybird2020! Hope you had a lovely holiday?!

16 weeks for me today🤩👍

May I please join? Today will be my day 1. I've come to realise most of my problems can be traced back to alcohol. I've previously done 3 weeks alcohol free at a time but want to quit for good this time.

Glad to hear you had an awesome AF holiday, @Drybird2020 .

Well done on Dry July, @rachelLyg. Keep going! And well done @BunniesBunniesBunnies on 16 weeks. Woohoo!

Welcome @noel66. I too was amazed just how many of my problems were linked to drinking. You won't regret you decision

My DH has been AF for 2 months now. It wasn't really a conscious decision but now I'm not drinking his has naturally petered out. When he was still drinking I suddenly noticed what an obnoxious arse he became after a few pints. So strange I'd never noticed it before (probably because I was doing the same ) so this is a great result.

Another thing I've noticed...Mondays aren't that bad any more. Because I have more time in the evenings now weekdays can be great too - instead of just getting through the week in a cycle of drinking and feeling rough.

Welcome @noel66, jump right in So glad you had a good holiday @Drybird2020 - I'm off on hols in a couple of weeks - can't wait, but it will be my first AF holiday in YEARS - I have high hopes (and am already planning what AF drinks to take!).
Congrats @BunniesBunniesBunnies - awesome number - I am far behind you but have my first 4 weeks under my belt at least!