Day 4 of giving up alcohol

[Saltypotato]

Hi all,

I am on another thread that started in Jan and is still running. We all started together and the support was immense, it was the only thing that got me through the first month. At the end of Jan/beginning of Feb I started having 'just the one' and we all know how that goes if you have a problem. The group are now at 100 days and whilst I love checking in they aren't at the starting stage I am at the moment.

Lockdown has meant I am out of routine and haven't had a reason to keep my drinking under control (no work, not driving etc) so after drinking every night since it began I ended up passing my last full bottle of booze to a friend a few days ago and making an attempt to give up.

That was a few days ago, I am just starting my day 4. It's been easier than I thought as there isnt the option of just popping out to the shop so I'm not taunting myself. I have got a bottle of vodka and one of gin in my amazon cart that I keep hovering over buying but its on a few days lead time so I don't want it to arrive when I'm a week in and undo my hard work. That thought is stopping me.

But we have to go out today for essentials and tonight I have a zoom call with friends in the "pub". I am really tempted to get something whilst I'm out and my brain is doing the 'oh you deserve it, its a stressful time' and 'you can just have two to join in' (from experience, I can't)

If anyone else is feeling similar or just started their journey into the wonderful world of tonic water please join me. Strength in numbers, right?

For those of you who had slip ups on the path to bring alcohol free, did you find your body had changed its response to alcohol?
After feeling so positive on Friday, I slipped up last night (really need to beat that Saturday night 'why not' feeling!)
Thing is it wasn't a massive slip up, it's what many people would say they want to be able to do - I had two drinks, one large and one single spirit and mixer (both measured), so that's 3 units. I'd sat happily with DH while he was drinking and didn't feel bothered until about 9pm when I had my 'why not' moment. Drank them slowly, felt a bit underwhelmed, in bed before midnight (irritatingly when I started I felt quite pleasantly sleepy but the drink seemed to get rid of that)

I slept heavily, woke up late this morning and while I don't have a hangover as such, I feel generally grotty - grumpy, tired, and a slight background headache. I can't tell if I'm hyper aware of the after effects or if my body is reacting more strongly to alcohol after drinking less overall.

Either way, if this is the price for moderation it's definitely another bit of evidence as to why stopping completely is worth it. Those two drinks really didn't add anything to my night - maybe half an hour of a pleasant buzz, but nothing to write home about, barely felt tipsy - yet the price is losing a whole day to general shittiness. If I didn't know better I'd think it was PMT, that's the best way I can describe it.

Ugh. Why do we even think that there's a benefit to moderating? It's as daft as thinking moderating smoking would be something to aspire to!

@Threeflyingducks its probably a bit if both. I was much more aware of the effects after a 4 month break and felt them much more quickly. Also I've read that if you drink frequently your liver makes more enzymes in preparation. So maybe that too. It doesn't matter that you've had a slip - the important thing is to carry on

I'm at day 44 - I was feeling very tired last week and the week before so weeks 3/4. I was wondering if I had Covid!. Perhaps it was just my body adjusting, I feel better now.
People are talking about get togethers and bbqs once we can go out again. Hope I can be firm. The longer lockdown goes on and the more days I clock up the better my chances of avoiding the 'moderate drinking' illusion you talk about @Threeflyingducks, and resisting 'just the one'!

I'm a bit nervous about the post lockdown get togethers too @EdwinaMay. But like you say, hopefully by then we will be feeling resolute with a good few weeks under our belts!

Thanks for the encouragement, I've never heard of the enzyme thing, that's fascinating! When you think about how clever our bodies are it's amazing we'd put something so toxic into the mix.

@EdwinaMay it's a good point about post lockdown get togethers, I think that's going to need some planning. Though what lockdown has taught me is while I miss eating out, I don't miss pubs half as much as I thought I would. I'm hoping that post lockdown I can build up a social life that isn't centred around alcohol. We'll see.

Hi all
For me, I'm not too bothered about pubs and gatherings, because funnily enough I could always drink very moderately when I was out. So I think I'd be fine just having a coke or something. So, I could go out, drink soft drinks, get home, relax open a bottle of wine and enjoy it. Then perhaps (because all resolve has gone out of the window) I'd treat myself to a little brandy nightcap. None of my friends have a clue that I had (have) a problem, because when I'm with others, I hardly drink at all. So I think I'm perhaps struggling more now, because I have free reign to just drink when and what I want...

If any of you are interested in the way our body can react to drinking again (and I mean drinking a lot, not just a couple) after a period of sobriety, google 'kindling'. Scary stuff.

6 weeks today for me. This is the longest sober period since I was pregnant 11 years ago. I managed to stop drinking easily during both my pregnancies. I couldn’t wait to start again though once they were born. 😏
I managed 5 weeks Jan last year. The silly thing was I got used to not drinking, but I felt I should in social situations. I felt pressure to drink. I started to think I was missing out, so I started to drink again. I noticed that my usual lager tasted horrible after having a break. I complained at the bar that it tasted off. The replacement tasted just as bad. It was so strange, but instead of sticking to Becks Blue I persisted with finding another lager I could drink! I struggled to enjoy beer! I managed to get back to drinking by drinking alcoholic Becks. I’d got so used to Becks Blue I couldn’t enjoy any of my usual favourites. I eventually worked my way back to drinking Stella etc. I can’t believe I put that much effort into drinking again. How bloody stupid! I keep telling myself that it will all taste awful again now so there is no point.

Sorry for the epic post! Waffled on a bit 😳😬

@SophieB100 I looked up kindling. I'd never heard of it before (beyond sticks for starting fires) and it's very scary indeed. Interesting though.

@heatseeker14 don't apologise - that's what we're here for. And I love reading about peoples experiences. I can relate to you persevering to find a beer you liked. The same happened to me and wine. I'd always loved wine but after my alcohol free break it never tasted the same again. I persevered with different wines and some became better with time but it was never quite the same again. Why did I even bother? Shame it didn't put me off a G&T too

Hoping for another productive day in the garden today. Although I'm aching from head to toe this morning from gardening yesterday. Have a great day everyone

@SophieB100

I am also more of an "alone" drinker, in fact sometimes I would avoid going out or leave early so I could go home to my bottle of wine! That way I could drink freely without worrying I'd embarrass myself or that others would notice how much I drink! Lockdown has been a nightmare for me. 😥

@TwistinMyMelon Yep, me too - I would get really anxious if I was out with 'normal' drinkers, who could make a glass of wine last an hour, when I was desperate to crack on and have a refill! So like you I'd avoid then have my own when I got him, with no one to judge me! How sad was I? Yes, lockdown is a challenge, I could so easily drink away all night every night, and no one would even know. I understand totally.

@Teetotallyimperfect I know of someone who experienced kindling, I'd never heard of it until our mutual friend explained it. It is scary, but makes sense. Another reason to avoid going back on wine! Enjoy your gardening, I'm so grateful for mine right now.

Hello everyone I’ve not had a great week in drinking terms still managed two af days. Am keeping going though and will try again from today.

Write it off @Haggisfish, and well done on managing two AF days. They count! This isn't always a straight road, we often go off on a detour, I know I have in the past. One day at a time.

Very bad day today agony with period pains pmt in bed most of it, had a codiene tablet today on dh instance I’ve had enough of this crap.

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time, @Holothane. How long have you had a coil? I was almost talked into having one of those. Glad I didn’t bother. Hope you are feeling better now you have had some pain relief. 💐
Keep going @Haggisfish, every time you slip you get confirmation of how alcohol lies to you. Alcohol is like a crappy relationship. It promises the earth but gives you very little in the end. Takes more than it could ever give back. You can do it just keep pushing forward.

I’ve had the coil six month at the end of July, feel a bit better now, dh has said we’ll get you some more bitter lemon which is my summer drink, everyone hugs.

Glad you're feeling a bit better @Holothane. I love bitter lemon too.

How is everyone doing?
I'm ok. A few wobbly moments but nothing too bad. Feeling a bit grouchy today but I think it's just that back to work feeling coupled with IT issues. I'll try and walk off the grouchiness later

Of course there are no " answers" to this dilema but since we are annonymous, I'll share my experience.

I have been drinking for close on 50 years now. When I say that , I mean weeks, months with out but its always been on the horizon. After the birth of my kids 26 years ago it became a pattern. Kids in bed, pour wine. It sort of bobbed along like that for a while. Big stress about 5 years ago, it ups itself.
I then engage with services. Its either a sort of full on abstinence thing, where I am lumped together with people with very very serious drug/alcohol issues or another service where at the beginning of lockdown I was haranged and bullied by an alcohol worker.

I am so weary of it all and sometimes feel the reaching out for help is more trouble than the problem.

thanks for listening.

So today is turning out to be a very stressful day at work. How else can I unwind when I get home?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Any tips?

What's your pattern Twistin and your aim? ( apologies if I'm not up to speed)

Welcome to the thread, Randomer. Doesn’t sound like you have had a very good start. We are a friendly bunch here for non-judgemental support. What is your plan going forward?
@TwistinMyMelon, I like to have a shower and get into my pjs when I feel stressed! I guess it depends on what time you get home. Might be a bit hot for pjs. 😂 I also like to walk in the fields close to our house. Audible has a free trial on Amazon at the moment. Might be worth trying a book on there if you haven’t already got the app. You could listen to a book with a glass of ice cold fancy cordial mixed with soda water/lemonade and have a favourite snack. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you manage to chill out later.

My plan, is to get a grip of the situation. I cannot imagine never not drinking. I wish to cut back to what I believe is a safe amount....2 bottles of wine per week. If I could achieve this I would be happy.

My tip to @Twistin would be, eat something very nice as soon as you get in. Drinking on stress is so bad.

Hi @randomer! Welcome aboard.
I tried to moderate (didn't go well) but I know some people manage it and that's great.

Sorry you had such a rough time, the last thing you need is feeling bullied when you reach out for support.
Talk to us, we get it, and we never judge!
Hope you managed to de-stress @TwistinMyMelon, we so often see a drink as a crutch, but (for me anyway) it's only a temporary fix, and the next day is made so much worse!
Drinking a lot of herbal tea at the moment, got some of those Tetley infusion things that you put in cold water, I almost freeze a bottle and it's ok.

Love to all

Hope you're feeling better @Holothane and you managed to walk off your grouchy mood @Teetotallyimperfect

Alcohol is like a crappy relationship. It promises the earth but gives you very little in the end. Ain't that the truth @heatseeker14

Thanks for the kind welcome and words of encouragement.