Wankerbastards move to 2020. With moderatin' a plenty. We rage against flouncers, strops and teens, and of dryness we have big dreams. We want teacups not fuckups!

[Frouby]

Thread 9 for the tryers to be dryers. Join us if you want some support to reduce alcohol. All welcome for support, laughs and moderating.

Will tag a few peoples name I can spell as I am useless at clicky links.

@flossie
@madameforest
@longestlurkerever
@dionoysa
@waterandlemonjuice

Oh madame am so very, very sorry. Biggest unmumsnetty hugs from here. Be kind to yourself xxxx

Not much news on auntie. They are suspecting some weird form of hepatitis, an autoimmune one. But also haven't fully ruled cancer out. Waiting for test results for the weird hepatitis to come back and if they are negative she's down for a biopsy on Thursday. Her enzyme levels have continued to rise despite being pumped full of all sorts to support her liver, but apparently this mornings results were the same as last nights so they are hoping that they are at least stopping them getting higher.

Madame, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m glad you were able to come over and see her before that.

Oh Madame. I am so, so sorry. My mum would say the same about not wanting to end up in a nursing home - but the shock for you must be awful. xxx

I'm sorry about your auntie too, Frouby.

Life is horrible sometimes.

Ah thanks everyone she was 82, so a good age. There is a lot to be said for going like that. I went to see DH's mother yesterday with him - she is in a sort of house share retirement home which is lovely, but when you look at everyone there, they are really not in a good state and some have been like that for years. At least for mum it was only a couple of weeks.
On the bright side, it will be nice to see family and old family friends again, just sad that it is under unfortunate circumstances. My half brother who doesn't know he is my half brother may also be there , his mother certainly will. At least my mum will never find out about that now.

Frouby I hope there is better news for your auntie soon.

Thank you madame so kind of you to think of me when you have just lost your mam. .

I know how your mum felt about long term care. My family work in care and I definitely don't want to end up in a home. Some are as good as they can be, but many are not. Not in the UK anyway.

Aunt is very poorly, it's so sad. But I think her issues are probably caused by being a long term alcoholic. She's been a functioning alcoholic for about 20 years I reckon, but before that since being 15 she was very not really functioning. So sad that so much life was wasted to alcohol. It's literally very sobering.

Had a nice first day of half term though. Pottered around and did housework this morning and an hours worth of work, then nipped up to my school mum friends house for a coffee so our ds's could have a play. Came home and pottered some more, made roast lamb for dinner with all the trimmings and had a chat with dh about house plans.

Have decided that we need to redecorate the bedrooms and that we need new furniture for ours and ds's rooms. And that while we are doing that we may as well replace the carpets and then do the stair carpet. Just need to earn some extra miney now to do it all with. Won't be straight away but nice to have a plan.

Feel very full now, absolutely love lamb and have eaten far too much. Wasn't dry, couple of beers but am OK with that because it's half term and I can have a lovely lie in tomorrow.

Oh and ds was very funny this morning. Opened the front door to go to friends house, he held back and said 'ladies first' 😂😂😂😂. He's only 6, think he's going to be a charmer.

Madame, a friend of mine says no matter when you lose your mum it’s hard: if you got on well with them you’ll desperately miss them and if you didn’t it doesn’t matter, it's still your mum and now you’ll never sort it out and anyway, it’s your mum...I’m sure she’s right. Her mum is dying now, at 77, and I’m sad for her. Look after yourself.

Not remotely AF but it’s half term. Ds is back at uni tomorrow and dd has a study day on Wednesday so will be out all day. Can’t wait tbh.

So sorry to read about your auntie too frouby, sobering is right.

Mild health anxiety going on here. Wondering if i have some kind of pelvic infection, but i don't feel very ill, just a combination of weird symptoms.

Also sick about these Andrew sabisky stories. No real interest in what one muppet has to say but what's so hard about releasing an official statement saying "we don't condone these views"? Resounding silence from the civil service too, am feeling very discombobulated. Giving them a couple of days to get their act together but honestly.

Managed to totally cock up childcare and dd1's workshop doesn't start till tomorrow! Luckily neighbours took her and even acted pleased to have the company for their dd, so extra glad i helped them out last week.

AF. But had unhealthy takeaway.

Mme, hugs, what you say sounds right but water's right, it's bound to be hard.

longest I agree with you, a statement saying that they dont support his views, quickly released would have been much better than the silence.

I have also been tagged about a million times in this stupid FB bollocks about 'ladies, adjust her crown' fucking wank meme. I was also shocked by CFs death and desperately sad for her and her family and friends. But she literally made her fame and fortune by presenting popularity competitions fuelled by the media. So many of those taking part in those shows will have opened their lives up to trolls and the media and she supported and encouraged that just by being a part of those shows. So while I am very saddened by her death and agree with the sentiment, I am finding it all a bit ironic.

Dd has just shot out of the house with wet hair and a bloody tshirt on ffs. Off on a study day as well. I've got some work to do then a choice between cleaning inside the kitchen cupboards or decluttering ds bedroom. Think I am going to do the kitchen, if I try and declutter his room with him it will end up in a big debate about how much he needs to keep every last broken toy or bits of ripped up magazine. Plus he's got plenty of time this week to mess it up again.

I won't be dry cos half term. Looking to moderate though. Then come sunday start a good dry run. And seriously consider my relationship with alcohol. My aunt being so poorly has me worried. And spring isn't that far away so will be busier. BabyPony can come back into work after the big Cheltenham festival in March, need to start thinking about planting for the allotment, got projects in the house and the back garden to organise plus watersports will start again.

I was doing OK last year up until Christmas. I just need to focus again on why I need to moderate and how much better I feel when I am dry.

He's resigned now but still left some muddy waters imo and I am making a pest of myself with internal comms but getting nowhere. Fucksake.

Anyway, moderation. Know what you mean. After a couple of weeks of being more moderate than usual i have kind of tipped the other way as drinking some of dh's share. Last night i poured what i wanted then stoppered the bottle and put it away, which helped, so will go for that approach. Sunshine is back, which helps x

Yes have just seen his statement on the lunchtime news. It's very 'you are all picking on me' rather than acknowledging anything wrong with what he may have said.

Am halfway through blitzing the kitchen and reorganising all the cupboards. Now run out of energy after a cheese toastie and debating a cup of tea and a nan nap 😂😂😂.

Yes, which makes him look a wally, but more importantly means that DC and Boris still haven't answered the question "do you condemn the statements?" Which imo is not ok.

My position is that stuff like that is a breach of natural law falling outside of my political neutrality obligations and if asked (and i will be asked - i have a meeting with one of my team (who is from a BAME background) about it tomorrow) i am going to say that absolutely those views are abhorrent and are not compatible with civil service values and would result in disciplinary action if aired in the office.

But surely i should be backed up on this by my seniors? They've gone as quiet as DC when i have asked for clarification - or said they can't comment on political appointments. Quite fucked off tbh.

Well done on the housework! My garden wall etc is coming along nicely. Have said not to start on the floor and painting till kids are back at school.

I sacked it off watched Incredibles 2 with ds instead. Then DH phoned and his car isn't ready so another day tomorrow without a car as he will have to use mine. Ffs. Wanted to go to my mams and Ikea. But he can take us all Saturday morning instead, weather going to be dire so at least it's something indoors we can do.

Have got my smear and asthma review booked for 9.20am tomorrow as well. Will have to walk up, its a good 25 mins which is fine but worried about being all sweaty when I get there which is stupid I know. I could get a taxi but our local service isnt brilliant. Was going to ask cousin to nip me up but her wife has an important IVF appointment tomorrow and cousin sounds stressed to the max about her mum and then this big appointment so will just walk up.

Going to have a bath and a neaten up for the smear nurse .

I love the Incredibles. All of Pixar in fact.

Dd1 loved harry potter art workshop, phew. I brought her friend back with us, who is very sweet but was adopted and has a few behavioural issues which makes her kind of unpredictable so they're keeping me on my toes. Her dad should be here soon though.

Dd2 had a good time with her friend but is now glued to a screen. Not sure this is going to be the most memorable half term but looking at bbc weather it certainly could be worse. Quite grateful to dh's boss for kyboshing our lakes trip after all.

Dunno whether to be AF tonight. Could be, but dh is sick again so it feels a bit gloomy.

Frouby dd1 never dresses properly either. Will probably be done for neglect one day.

I love The Incredibles - the scene where Elastagirl is trying to save the world but is phoned by her son to ask where his socks are or something is 😂😂😂 (and depressingly true to life)

Frouby, those sound like annoying but important appointments tomorrow, hope they go ok.

Longest, fgs re internal comms, I think your approach is right. Sorry you’ve got some anxiety though, hope the symptoms go.

Kids have really irritated me today, just needing stuff. IABU but so what.

Wasn’t AF last night, am not tonight either, dh is cooking something nice as a surprise so I’m drinking wine (in another room) while he cooks and we’ve got a real fire so that’s nice too. Looking forward to child free day with dh tomorrow and then have an evening out tomorrow night with a friend and some acquaintances of hers. We suspect they might be annoying so we’re going to set up a codeword in case we want to leave early 😂

Lol at suspecting they might be annoying!

Am feeling better thanks but dh is now "dying" so perhaps it was a bug.

Ugh to needy kids. I feel like an in-house delivery service most of the time. Except in shops when i am a portable cash dispenser.

Frouby, i confess i had never heard of Caroline Flack till this week but agree it is odd how this event has prompted such an outpouring of guff. Would be nice to think it'll be a societal turning point but feels unlikely.

Nothing AF about me, yet again.

I had never heard of Caroline Flack either, Longest.

Frouby, good luck with the smear nurse. GP for me tomorrow, yet again, due to long-term problem. FML.

Glad you sound ok, Madame, but I am sure you need a hug anyway. xx

Madame I’m so sorry about your mum. 82 is indeed a good innings, but sad all the same. I’m glad you braved the storms to visit and were able to have a nice visit. Will you be back for the funeral?

Well I’m not dry either. It’s all kicked off in my house tonight. DS1 is in a bad way again. It’s DS2s birthday which has been totally overshadowed by his brother. I’m gutted for both of them.

Caroline Flack is very sad, but my lot are getting a lot of blame unduly. See also: CPS.
I don’t think she was under any more scrutiny than anyone else in a position like hers. I could go on and on but it would be churlish in light of her very sad death. I’ve realised how much misinformation there is about suicide and the way it’s reported after that Samaritans course I went on in December.

Anyway, Sauv Blanc tonight. Fuck it. Its kiddo’s birthday, and I am determined for him to have a nice hour at least.

I saw an article somewhere about how damaging the "if only they had someone to talk to" line can be, which made a lot of sense to me, NC4. Serious depression like that is rarely cured by a one-off opportunity to offload and is rather more deep seated and complex than that. I guess all of us here are familiar with the darker side of human emotion and can testify to that.

I am sorry things are difficult with ds1. Happy birthday ds2. It does not feel like a year since i last wrote that.

AF. But still a bit in turmoil over this work stuff. Am unlikely to sleep brilliantly, though totally knackered.

Indeed Longest. The darker side of human emotion is all too prevalent in this house right now. It’s quite scary. I’m struggling to help DS1. He doesn’t want my help, just to self implode.

The doctor has just rung with DS2 blood results. His Vit D is very low and his blood sugar is a bit high, which all explains the tiredness. I knew there was more going on than just being a growing boy. He’s getting some vitamins and more bloods to figure out the blood sugar issue - I’m just praying it’s not diabetes.

I’m swerving work today. The Sauv Blanc gave me a headache and I just want some time with my boys - even though they don’t really want me. Gutted I missed body combat last night, due to drama, so going to attempt to get a spin class in later. We’ll see...

Hope everyone’s having a better time of it!

Afternoon all

Am so sorry things are difficult NC for you and your boys. Does ds1 have an older friend or family member he looks up to? Maybe some time away for a few days would help? Especially with an older person who can talk to him about how he's feeling and where he wants to be in life. Would he join in a gym class with you maybe? Or is there a local gym or club he could join? Exercise and especially with friends is a brilliant way to let off steam.

Quite a productive day here, despite dh not going into work as he felt ill. Nothing wrong with him, he just felt a bit off so said he was taking a duvet day. Had my smear and asthma review first thing. Smear was as much fun as they always are, my cervix is high and I have a slightly tilted uterus so the nurse always has to have a good rummage. She's lovely though and we had a laugh and a chat as she did it so not too traumatic.

Then nipped to my mams with the kids, cleaned the fridge out with ds, the food cupboards and washed the throws from the sofa. Then went to pick dhs car up from the garage which was a good hour round trip.

Going to have a shower, get my pjs on and dh is picking McDonald's up for dinner as a half term treat for the kids (and him). I'm really not a fan, but it saves cooking. Tomorrow I am going to clean the sofas, deep clean the living room, do a food shop and if it's not pishing down with rain, clean the Guinea pigs and pigeon out. And make a meat lasagne and a veggie lasagne.

Won't be dry. Debating between opening a bottle of wine or having a gin.

Unfortunately DS1 hasn’t really got any older family members. Only me and his grandma and I don’t want to put this on her. His dad cares but doesn’t communicate.
It’s worse this time of year because he isn’t skating, and the whole skater crowd hibernate. He had a good day out with one of the skate lads the other day, when they went to an indoor park, but he’s not seen him since. And he did well when he helped out with his mate decorating the other day. It’s just not enough. I hope he can handle college when he starts back next week but I’m not sure.

I’m exhausted reading about your day Frouby. I’ve not done much, just hopped between boys having a shitty time. The Sauv Blanc gave me a headache too. FML 🙈

NC4, I'm so sorry about everything that's going on with your boys. You must wonder when things will take a turn for the better. I really hope it is soon.

I have achieved nothing today. DD is supposed to be "catching up on revision", after doing pretty indifferently in her mocks. However, she hasn't yet managed to get up before lunchtime.

Honestly Dion, I feel like every decision I’ve made has backfired. I’m sure it isn’t this hard for everyone.

Hugs NC4, it sounds so tough. I am glad you have got a lead on ds2"s tiredness though, that's one thing. So tough re ds1. Spring is nearly here surely? Hopefully that'll give him a boost. I'd reach out to his dad again though, sounds like a job to share.

Had a chat with boss about whole ethics thing and feel a bit better, though am talking to big boss tomorrow. Who terrifies me at the best of times, never mind when I'm annoying her with stuff she probably thinks is me making a fuss about nothing, and my kids will be in background. But i kind of need to get it sorted for my own peace of mind.

Saw what is effectively my dream job being advertised. Seriously attempted to apply but is a sideways move in terms of pay and more hours and responsibility, which is probably daft to contemplate.