Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Alcoholic DP relapsed, threatened suicide and now not answering phone

110 replies

winoforever95 · 02/09/2019 23:20

I've been in a relationship for the last 8 months with an alcoholic who was in recovery and doing amazingly. We've known each other 16 years and it was a fantastic relationship full of respect, support and understanding of each other.

He has had 2 slips over the last six weeks, after the first he got back on track but was too embarrassed to go back to AA meetings but worked on his steps with an AA friend and meditated. The first happened whilst I was on holiday with my daughter and was due to various issues in his life, housing and problems with his business.

The second happened last week. I'd invited him camping but when I went to pick him up he'd been drinking so I told him he couldn't come. We talked a lot whilst i was away, some days he was sober, some days not. I was got home today, he seemed better and more positive. I told him I was going to go to my first al anon meeting tonight. He tried to get me to go before but I never saw the need when he was sober but I realised this week that I needed to do something for me as it was affecting me heavily.

The meeting was difficult and I'm not sure if it is for me but when I got out he text me and said he was saying goodbye, he was going to hang himself from a tree. That was nearly two hours ago and he's not replied to my texts or calls since. I have no idea where he is, if he's gone through with it and I feel so helpless.

OP posts:
Ornery · 03/09/2019 06:17

Bastard bastard alcohol.
Make sure you get support yourself. Alcohol is a selfish bastarding drug that wants all the attention. You need someone to talk to to process this. Don’t allow events to dictate your choices. He’s in the right place.

Ornery · 03/09/2019 06:21

As a point to note though, police for welfare check is always the right response. I’ve lost count of the number of times I or other friends have been on the receiving end of suicide threats/ final messages c/o alcohol. The police have always been amazing, and have a number of tools at their disposal to track vulnerable people down, whether they want to be found or not.

PavlovaFaith · 03/09/2019 06:25

Hand holding OP what an awful situation. Thanks

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 03/09/2019 06:32

I'm sorry this is happening. Please think carefully about where you want this relationship to go in the future and make sure your needs are being met as well.

The alcoholism can sometimes make you forget that.

justilou1 · 03/09/2019 08:54

Please remember to eat breakfast and shower before you rush off and get involved in the dramas of today. It will be hard to remember self-care while all this is going on.

Original poster
winoforever95 · 03/09/2019 09:15

Thank you for all your kind thoughts. Managed to sleep for an hour eventually but the feeling of waking up and remembering what's happened was probably worse than no sleep at all.

I just want him to survive, he is the kindest, gentlest man and is my best friend above all else.☹️

His mum text me first thing to ask how I was and to say she'd text me as soon as they had any news from the dr but to try and rest this morning and go this afternoon when hopefully they will have a better idea of what is happening. So kind of her to think of me when all this is going on with her son.

I've got my daughter breakfast and she's cuddled up in bed with me at the moment. Managed to juggle all my commitments this morning so I don't have to face anyone and can get to the hospital later but tomorrow will be a different story as I have to go back to work.

OP posts:
Fettuccinecarbonara · 03/09/2019 09:20

I think you ought to speak to your work today and explain the situation. Tell them you won’t be in this week, and book a doctors appointment for later on in the week when you know more about what is happening.

You can self-certify your sickness for 5 days. Even if your partner is fine at the end of the week, you may still need that appointment to talk through your feelings and look for support.

Original poster
winoforever95 · 03/09/2019 09:25

I can't not go in, long story but I'm a primary teacher and head is not the most sympathetic. Tomorrow is an inset day so I'll speak to them then but I've not done any planning except a topic plan and an English plan as that was my job for last night and today. Wishing I'd been more organised now.

OP posts:
Original poster
winoforever95 · 03/09/2019 16:43

He's been transferred to a bigger, better equipped hospital (which is much further away ☹️) due to his injuries, still sedated in a coma and I can't visit yet as the new hospital are still assessing him. Tried to keep busy, went and spoke to his colleagues to let them know what happened (haven't told them the circumstances as it's not something me or his family want to share at the moment).

After that I drove to where it happened and just sat in my car and cried.

My eldest daughter has been an absolute rock looking after her sister for me as and when I've needed.

Still doesn't feel real, keep expecting him to send me a text or call. Would give anything to be able to hug him right now.

OP posts:
Defeated10 · 03/09/2019 17:06

Oh OP big hugs to you. I'm so sorry this has happened. I guess you don't know what the outcome will be yet but try to stay positive as hard as that sounds. Do you have friends you can spend some time with?

wildflowersandweeds · 03/09/2019 20:57

I'm so sorry to hear this. Please look after yourself- eat and drink, even if you don't feel like it. Try to sleep- I know you'll want to be by his side, but the time when he'll need you is when he wakes up and during rehab. If you don't take care of yourself now, you'll be so rundown that you'll be sick and burnt out when he'd really benefit from your support.

Brenna24 · 04/09/2019 22:14

How are you doing today?

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 05/09/2019 08:13

Hi Op, I was just wondering how you are doing.
Sending best wishes.

Original poster
winoforever95 · 05/09/2019 22:24

Thanks for thinking of me, sorry I haven't updated but I've been all over the place and trying to work as well as be at the hospital. They put a drain in for the bleed yesterday but the scan today shows massive swelling in his brain. They are changing the medication to a stronger sedative that will also paralyse him to stop any involuntary movements that may be aggravating the brain swelling. It's not looking. Next day or so will be crucial to see what, if any difference it makes. I'm not going to work tomorrow as I need to be there if anything happens... I just want to wake up from this nightmare.

OP posts:
KatyaK · 05/09/2019 22:27

Oh OP I'm so sorry to read this. You are very brave, I wish you all the best Thanks

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 05/09/2019 22:57

You poor thing. I hope all goes well over the next day or two Flowers

Backintheclosit123 · 05/09/2019 23:06

Hugs OP. I'm a kiwi so awake if u need to offload xxx

justilou1 · 06/09/2019 02:52

Hi OP... another one on the other side of the planet checking in on you and DP.....

tryingtobebetterallthetime · 06/09/2019 03:00

Hi OP. I am in Canada and hoping beyond hope that your DP recovers. What an awful ordeal for you and how very sad. I hope your employer is more understanding. I also hope you are looking after yourself, and eating, drinking enough fluids and resting. If you can't sleep resting quietly is better than nothing. You will need your strength to handle the future, no matter what comes.

Thinking of you and DP. Thanks

Backintheclosit123 · 06/09/2019 04:15

Flowers Holding space with you OP.

1FineDane · 06/09/2019 04:26

That's awful. I hope the poor man pulls through.

AfterSchoolWorry · 06/09/2019 08:28

🙏

timetochangeagainforever · 06/09/2019 08:46

Sending love hope and prayers ❤️💐. I am a recovering alcoholic and feel so much for you, him and your family. I do so hope he pulls through and you can rebuild your lives

Original poster
winoforever95 · 06/09/2019 08:51

He's not had a good night, swelling still increasing, more scans at 5am, waiting for the neurosurgical team to see him today to see if they can suggest anything else.

I've just got my daughter off to school and going to head over to hospital again soon.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 06/09/2019 08:59

Oh OP :( sending love and thinking of you all Flowers