Wankerbastards and summer sunshine will make us want the bloody wine. But tryers to be dryers won't give up, and ice cold becks blue we will sup.

[Frouby]

Thread 7 for the tryers.

Join us for tips and support for encouraging a more healthy relationship with alcohol. Whether you want to drink less, or not at all, stay in your units or just cut down this is the thread for friendship, support, tips and ideas.

Absolutely no judgements here, but there will possibly be swearing.

Other threads are dotted around but I have yet to master a clicky link.

Hmm well I now have a beautifully clear place to put bikes NC4 but they are still clogging my hall because I have no way to secure them outside. It's pretty inaccessible from anywhere but next door but one of them is currently in prison for burglary... Am also a lazy arse and you have to wheel them through the house via some steps down to kitchen. So beautifully clear space may have to stay beautifully clear till I get round to employing handy person to concrete in a rail in the front somewhere (sometime next century, probably).

In other news the lido is now adults only for the rest of the year, even though is lovely Autumn day. Girls not amused though placated them somewhat by hiring rowing boat in the park. Considering taking them to outdoor cinema thing in another park but not sure a late night is wise with dd2 starting school on Monday. Aunties now arriving v late so babysitting is off. May just sit in newly tidy garden.

Dion, sending much love and strength re DP. Xxx

Congrats to Water 4 days is brilliant, what I want. And NC4 and Senseless, 7 days, fantastic! I didn't manage even one last week.

NC4 A woodburner makes winter for me too. I always see more of the DC when it is lit, so another advantage (or not??) I think DD will miss that a lot now she is away at university. I love sheds too, I have a couple and a Dutch barn where I store all my wood, the tractor, trailer, and also a minidigger at the moment courtesy of DP. He is renovating another one.
Longest why no children at the lido? Is it health and safety?

I did my annual relay race again today, it is a race around all the villages in the commune, 75kms in total, split into 9 stages, run by teams. I'm the only woman in our team so did the female only stage, it was short, only 3.5kms but I finished 4th out of 19 despite being at least 20 years older than all the other girls and 30 years older than others. But thanks to thyroid and iron problems I'm definitely not as fast as last year . Still, it was good fun and the captain bought us all a beer after.
So not AF

madame you are so fit. I have done the school run this week without the car and that's knackered me out! It's 1.5km each way so 6km a day, but I definitely couldn't run it.

Not without dying at some point anyway.

Relatively dry. 1 glass of wine which was all that was left in the bottle, no wonder I had headache this morning. Dh been a picked a curry up and I am off to bed shortly. Have 2 new books downloaded (a new Adele Parks and a new Anne Cleeves) which I am desperate to read but am halfway through another book which is quite gripping. So don't want stop .

I would love a wood burner but this house is an eco house so ridiculously warm. We don't have a fire anywhere and I remember being worried when we moved in that it would be cold in the winter. I rarely even put the heating on never mind a wood burner.

That's great Frouby that it's so eco! Mine is a drafty Victorian terrace but I have no log burner either.

I dunno why no kids Mme - it seems to be just a Summer thing. I think it might be something to do with needing fewer lifeguards when it's lanes only. Mean though!

Well done on your race - fab! I rode my bike to the supermarket and rowed a boat round a pond. Oh and constructed a shed. That's my exercise for the day!

Mine’s a drafty Victorian terrace too, hence the wood burners. Bastard slugs are finding their way in from somewhere too. I’ve left a trail of salt by the back door but they keep coming in. DS girlfriend says we should make a beer trap, which isn’t a bad idea.

You’ve all been a damn sight more productive than me today.
I’m feeling a bit shit. I texted my best friend, the one who hasn’t spoken to me for three months, saying I hope her DS had a good first week at school and checking she got the money I transferred for K’s birthday.
She hasn’t replied. I went for a brew with K this afternoon and the three of them (we’re usually a four) are out for a meal tonight. I’ve not been invited.
I’m worried I’ll have to drop out of Ks birthday weekend away at the end of October. Crap.

No hope here.

My day:

DP, who is pretending I don't exist as his DSs are visiting, has blanked me. This hurts.

DS, who emailed me to ask for money.

DD, who rang me from town to ask for money.

DD, again, who wanted a lift, with a nanosecond's notice, to go to her best friend ever's house, five minutes ago, in order to be collected again at 10 o'clock. I.e. 45 minutes later. Friend lives a 20 minute drive away. Which would be ridiculous, even if I were sober (which I am not). She has not mentioned said "best friend" for about two years. I said no. I am therefore ruining her life.

That was my day. It occurs to me that I might as well get run over by a bus (which, btw, I almost did today), so everyone can just have their money and not bother with me as an intermediary.

NC4, you asked what life would be like without DP, and just with the DC. I have thought about this a fair bit since you asked.

DS is barely here, as he is mostly 300 miles away. DD is here, and the honest answer is that I am not as psychologically present as she deserves. I am ashamed of this. I know I could do better, if I weren't running around after DP. But at the same time, I love him to distraction. I also had at least 10 years of celibacy when I was married to XH, and I so, so, so don't want to go back to that. I know it's easy for a woman to find someone willing to have a shag, but I'm a slow mover and need to be in love with someone for that (this is absolutely not a comment on anyone who would have casual sex - if anything, I'm envious of anyone who could do it). It's not so much the shagging, but the intimacy. I have that with DP, but it took us both about 7 years to get to that stage. I could just have a life with DD (and DS when he's at home), but I would crave the intimate bits. Though DP is so difficult that the intimacy thing is all on his terms anyway. Which makes it all even more difficult than it needs to be. FFS.

Sorry, that was rather a long and very boring answer.

Water, NC4 and Longest, I can't tell you how grateful I am for your very kind thoughts.

Madame, 4th is brilliant.

Dion - I agree, a decent shag, which involves intimacy, is definately important. Not just a shag for a shag.

Madame - I’m seriously in awe of you and your fitness!!

I’m sat on one sofa (with wine!) while dh lies on the other sofa, snorting/snoring his bloody head off!! I keep waking him up and telling him to shut the fuck up!! He then falls back asleep and snores again!! Last night he snored in bed so loud that I woke him up and told him if he continued, I’d smother him with his pillow!! Ffs!! I want bunk beds!!

Bunk beds are no good Flossie, you can hear them snoring but can't poke them to turn over. You want a super king size and a big stick.

I keep a slightly pointy little toenail for catching down dhs leg when he won't turn over, poke that in his shin and spins straight over 🤣.

Dion hugs. Sex with intimacy is good, but intimacy is more than just looking into someone's eyes while you are shagging. He wants that bit but not the boring, mundane, everyday stuff that actually does create intimacy. Next time he texts you, ignore the fucker.

Up early for dragonboating. Fml.

flossie if you were on the bottom bunk you could kick the mattress from below but frouby is right super king and stick is the way to go.

senseless I'm interested in your plan for the week. I only drunk twice so far in September but both times far far too much.
Have a nice Sunday everyone. I'm back at work. I'm being pretty hopeless and claim that if you don't grow up with a Sunday-Thursday week than you will always want to poke your eyes out come Sunday morning. Bloody wrong, so it is.

There’s definitely a difference between sex and intimacy. I’m not a casual sex type either. (I usually wait till at least date 3 😂)
But what Frouby says is right. Intimacy is about having each other’s backs, and knowing you can count on each other, to my mind at least.
I get you though. I really miss sex, and have regular fears that I may never have another good shag in my life.
It’s a big sacrifice to make, but I try and mitigate it by feeling independent and strong.

I’m feeling especially strong today, mind you. I feel like I’m being frozen out of my friends group. It’s my wedding anniversary tomorrow, and I’m feeling like having been frozen out of my marriage and my home my ‘friend’ sees fit to freeze me out further. I’ve got a cry hangover now.

Maybe a swim would make me feel better.

Oh NC4 that's so rubbish, I just want to give you a massive hug. Have you confronted mutual friends and asked wtf?

There's a street party going on in my street. There's plenty of wine and beer. I had a beer after vowing I wouldn't but am switching to coffee now as have piano later.

NC4 - what’s happened with the friend group?? Sending you a huge hug lovely xx

Omfg just picked up and tried on some clothes I’d ordered from
Next. Awful!! Now don’t know whether to have my jaw wired, or just eat cake!! 🙈

Thanks loves. It's too outing to go into detail but basically my best friend won't speak to me because of something I did in my work that she didn't like.

We're usually a group of four, but we can't be because of this awful situation. The other two are trying to stay impartial, but the three of them will arrange things together and either I'm not invited (I suspect these things are instigated by exF) or I don't feel I can go, because it's not fair to use an invitation from them as an opportunity to have it out with her. Doesn't stop her though.

TBH I wouldn't bother apart from the effect it has on the friends group. And the clock is ticking as we are all supposed to be going away for a big birthday next month.

It's just horrendous, and completely unnecessary as I didn't even do anything wrong. She has taken personal offence at something I did for work and is using it against me.

I just feel like actually, my self esteem doesn't need this kind of attack. I am OK most of the time, but I'm still licking my wounds from my marriage falling apart last year and having to uproot my kids etc. I need my friends and she's isolating me.

I might open Bar NC4 with free drinks for the lot of you. Who needs RL friends anyway?

NC I’m so sorry, that sounds so painful. Im in for the bar.

Ah that's rubbish NC4. I would stake your claim to your mutual friends and not stand back so much. You are too nice. There like a shot for bar NC4. Though am actually on my way out with real life friend. Bit apprehensive as know she's applying for promotion and we fell out last time because she was so demanding but am hoping we have both learned from that experience. Also hoping she is up for just a drink and chat. Dd2's first day at school tomorrow. Read her the Ahlberg starting school book. The illustrations evoke subconscious memories of 1980s infant classrooms!

NC4 I'm in for your bar too. You don't deserve that and need to rise above it but I know it it really hard to do, especially after your marriage falling apart last year. You are a strong person. I'm sure things will resolve themselves before the birthday next month. Big Hugs.
Flossie LOL for your Next clothes. I don't buy clothes anymore, just live in jeans and jumpers. It's one of the benefits of living in the country with no social pressure.
Dion I hope you are feeling better today. And haven't replied to DP's texts!

Woke up extremely late, 9am (I never wake up late) and after the dog run spent the afternoon cutting my laurel hedges in the beautiful September sunshine. 150m of them, so sort of deserve a drink and curry (homemade) this evening. DP was painting he mini digger, DS cut the grass with the tractor and DD is home for the weekend so all in all very happy. Also made a pear cake with the pears from the orchard. So pleased I don't have to work 9-5 Monday - Friday.

Flying by as my internet has been broken all day. Huge, huge hugs NC4. Will catch up properly tomorrow (need to deal with work-related emails and will be up at 5.30), but you are such a love and do not deserve shit from friends.

Thanks, everyone, for all the thoughts about DP. He's completely unfathomable. He's weirdly happy to do all the mundane stuff with me. It is absolutely like being married to him, but without him having told anyone.

Day One again, because hangover.

Well Bar NC4 is well and truly open. Place your orders!
I’m seeing each of the other two independently this week, so I’ll speak to them.
It riles because I have defended my friend to the hilt when people have been lining up to tell me how batshit she is. More fool me.
I never fall out with people. She does though, and I guess it’s my turn.

Madame your day sounds idyllic. Any chance you can make some cider with all those pears? Failing that, pear cake always welcome at Bar NC4. Lush!

Oh god nc-big slightly tipsy hugs. I don’t do falling out either-it would really unsettle me too. I’ve been crap again in terms of drinking although good in terms of life so not self flagellating too much tonight. Got shit loads done today. Hope everyone else wakes feeling less hungover tomorrow!

I’ll be hungover with you Haggis. Unsettled is right. After my six day streak I’ve gone a bit greedy this weekend. Polished off a bottle of rose this evening and am feeling like just one bottle with no extras is progress. The calories! FML

Morning all

Lovely if tiring day yesterday watching dd dragonboating. Was out the house for 7.45 and didn't get home until 6pm. Then fed my mam and auntie and took them home so 8.30pm by the time I was done. Club did really well, won 1 race, a couple of 2nds and 3rds and kept up all day, which is amazing considering they have only been a team for 6 weeks and the rest of the teams have been going for years. And they won their section overall, which is the novice section so they were chuffed to bits.

Dd also got talked into entering a junior race, a mishmash of all the juniors that were there and her boat won that section so she is very chuffed with that.

Was dry. Been a very moderate weekend. Drinks on friday, 1 glass of wine Saturday, dry yesterday.

Back later for a proper catch up.

NC4 I hope you feel OK this morning and manage Day 1 again today. I'm determined to have a few AF days this week. I need to lose my 2kgs
I have loads of apples too, just cider apples, but I've never made cider despite the fact that there is a cider press which visits the area each year.
Haggis it's always tempting to have a drink when you have a very productive day, the old reward syndrome again.
Dion well done on Day one. Even if it was hangover induced.

Ooh Madame you’ll have to give the cider press a go! I love cider. I don’t drink it often because of the calories but on a sunny day, you can’t beat a nice cold pint with ice.

There’s an autumnal nip in the air this morning. It’s too soon to put the heating on, but I’ve got my blanket on the sofa.
No hangover thankfully. I sensibly drank water in the night.

I think I’ll try and get to the gym at some point today. I felt loads better after my swim yesterday but in the shower I was wishing I’d lifted some weights. So I might.

Happy Monday’s tryers 🥰

Crap day, won’t be dry!! Grrr

Dont think I will be either. Been a shitty, bitty day. Seem to not have stopped but not got anything done and ds come out.of school in the vilest of moods.

Currently snacking him up in the hope it's just hangry.

Need to tackle the ironing pile then may reward myself with gin.