Wankerbastards and summer sunshine will make us want the bloody wine. But tryers to be dryers won't give up, and ice cold becks blue we will sup.

[Frouby]

Thread 7 for the tryers.

Join us for tips and support for encouraging a more healthy relationship with alcohol. Whether you want to drink less, or not at all, stay in your units or just cut down this is the thread for friendship, support, tips and ideas.

Absolutely no judgements here, but there will possibly be swearing.

Other threads are dotted around but I have yet to master a clicky link.

Well he sheepishly said he should have asked if she could stay, and I firmly said yes he should have, but then we went for a McDs and I told him about being a sneaky 17-year-old.
He’s hung over to high heaven today and said his girlfriend stayed to ‘look after him’!
Anyway, I’m not overly upset. I just said I want to know who’s in my house and I don’t want a string of girlfriends through the house.
He’s happy with that. This is one of those times I’m glad it’s all on me. XH would have hit the roof!!

Glad you are back, Water! It sounds as if your holiday wasn't too wet, so that is something to be proud of.

NC4, pink trainers sound like something from a Pulp lyric. But blimey. It sounds as if you said exactly the right thing to your DS. I am not sure what I'd say, but I hope I'd say something along those lines.

I'm digesting all the advice re DP. It's all good. I need to gather some strength from somewhere and try saying the occasional no.

Dry tonight after feeling sick and headachey and hungover all day. Plus I had to go to the cash and carry, which didn't help. Going to bed soon, thank God.

Gosh I probably was pink trainers "we just sort of fell asleep... again". I don't think my parents ever even pulled me up on it - but I do remember them looking kind of pained. It's a minefield eh?

Neighbour friend came round and then sh and I shared a bottle. Somehow there seem to be two empty bottles even though pregnant dsis has been here the whole time. Slightly shameful.

Better get off to bed as I'm on the early shift.

Glad to report mousey is safely home, though was dropped in a muddy puddle moments after arriving so also needed a spell in the washing machine poor love. Was actually a bit of a treat driving to fetch him. Dd2 insisted on coming but she and I sang along to nick cave and the bad seeds the whole way. She's more into music than dd1. Dd1 is more into books. She found this cool sign being doorstep recycled so is v chuffed.

Glad you got Mousey back. I was always terrified of mine having comforters. Dd developed her own one, a little fleece blanket she used to drag around that me it's end when she was 7 and it melted in front of the fire. Was a sad, sad day cutting the melted bit out of the middle. 😥.

Ds bloody threw up everywhere last night, luckily downstairs on the hard floors. He had a bag of sweets with dh from the shop while I was in the bath and suspect he ate far too many. He's a bit sickly generally, usually because he's been greedy with something sweet. So that was nice.

Not much on today. Starting to get ready for back to school next week. Big pile of ironing, changing beds, generally tidying round and getting stuff organised. Then a roast chicken later. Starting on the cabbage from the allotment which is ready. Dh at work in my car again so housebound apart from walking the dog.

Theres a definite nip to the air this morning but nice and bright and calm. Love this time of the year. It's been a bit of a shitty summer weather wise and am glad to see the back of it.

Gosh really Frouby? I am so sad about Summer ending! autumn is all dark nights and rain and everyone starts banging on about the extremely stressful C word. I've loved the weather this Summer. Last summer was far too hot and we had to spend most of the time inside. Perhaps it's been worse up North though?

Not sure what we are up to either. Dsis and DN are here and mil arrives this afternoon. May head into town and do something touristy with mil. We get free entry to tower of London so maybe that bit it'll be a bit of a flying visit and depends what time dsis is leaving. I have ordered some sticky name labels but that is the sum total of what I have done to get ready. Kids only really have a t shirt as uniform and you have to buy them from school. Will have a rummage and see if there are enough to fit each DD and bung an order in if not. Probably should get them new shoes as they only have sandals though they had new ones not long before the summer that might still fit. Am in denial that sandal season is nearly over anyway so may wait a couple of weeks. Bit worried about how much money I am burning through ATM. Had to transfer £3k from DH"s account as mine was massively overdrawn. It's all sort of shared really but normally mine lasts longer than that. Still have our menorca holiday balance to pay plus fees for whatever activities the kids are doing this year. Dd1 is lobbying to drop violin but I don't really want her to. I'd like dd2 to do swimming. Brownies and woodcraft folk are pretty cheap. Dd1 might do watersports and is angling after climbing if we can fit it in.

Oh I suppose what I need to do is sit down with DH and work out how tf we are divvying things up. I told my boss I wanted to shift my hours around and he's ok with that but I am yet to get back to him about exactly how. Can't decide whether to ditch after school club altogether or whether to keep it as an option. You have to pay £300 a year YMCA membership and after that it's a tenner a session but very flexible. I think we can manage without it as we are both part time and mil is here once a fortnight but it is a handy back up. You can even ring them on the day if the trains are messed up or something and I am a bit worried about losing the option - though we do have a good network with other parents and help each other out. Sorry, stream of consciousness waffle.

Not AF last night but will be today. My mission is to get to Friday so five days in a row AF.

Period started today thank goodness, keep expecting the menopause but it seems I’m not there yet. I’m 53 so got to be soon, surely. I’d like to be thinner so I can go straight on HRT when needed so toying with doing the BSD again, we’ll see. Feel very fat and ugly atm.

I love autumn Longest, it's my favourite season, followed by spring, then summer then winter.

I do like summer, but by this time of year I am ready for putting the allotment to bed, tidying up the garden, getting the house cosy and getting the dcs back to school.

Summer has been hit and miss here. It took ages to get going with a cold, wet spring. Then a cool, wet summer mainly with the odd week that was ridiculously hot and then thunderstorms or strong wind.

Nothing on the allotment has done very well, I have had about a cereal bowl of tomatoes so far when usually I am inundated with them. Runners came, went stringy and went. French beans were down massively from last year. I haven't even been drowning in courgettes. Hoping for a bit of an Indian summer to get stuff over the line, but it's been cool, windy and squally here for the last few days so not optimistic.

I need to sit down and go through our finances. We have the car loan for my car finishing in November which will leave us £300 pcm better off which is nice. Got 2 credit cards with balances on though and 1 was an interest free off that I think has finished so need to see if I can transfer that to another deal and then use the extra £300 to blast it off.

Childcare is a minefield and it's difficult to know what to do for the best. I wouldn't be stuck I don't think if I couldn't pick ds up, my friend would grab him then dd would usually be home to take him. But I couldn't rely on that regularly.

I love Autumn too, the last burst of colour before winter arrives. It's easier to exercise outdoors, not too hot and still light enough in the evening.
Water I'm 53 and am 2 years into the menopause. I haven't suffered at all and so haven't taken any HRT. I was under the impression that you gained weight with it but I think unless you do a lot of sport or only eat one meal a day it is impossible not to gain weight once you are over 50.
So much for not feeling a little tearful with DD today. She got back from holiday at midnight, had lunch with us, is seeing her BF then off to University this evening for the week. I can't get that stupid Abba song Slipping through my Fingers out of my head. She will be back every weekend but I'll miss the 6am starts with her taking her to the bus and picking her up in the evening. It's ridiculous as I've hardly seen her the last 2 weeks and I haven't missed her then. I guess it is just a new chapter which is starting, end of the summer, back to school and work.

NC4 - I had similar with ds when he was 17. He went to a party. The next morning, dh went downstairs at 6am to let the dogs out for a wee in the front garden. The dogs ran to side gate barking madly. Dh went to investigate and came face to face with a young lady!! She was getting dressed!! Ds’s bedroom was on the ground floor. She’d obviously heard dh walk downstairs, climbed out the window and wasn’t expecting to meet dh in the front garden 😂😂😂😂

Madame - so sorry to hear you’re feeling emotional. But it’s massively normal. Despite me thinking it was time for ds to leave home, I was v sad that a new chapter had begun, and also apprehensive. Kind of vulnerable too. Sending you a huge hug. Sounds like you’ve set her up to be a strong young lady, she will do great I’m sure.

Water - well done on the af plan. Sounds like you’ve been moderating well too. Do you feel stronger for it?

Frouby - horrid re ds being sick, especially while you were trying to chill out in the bath!! Hope he’s ok today.

Longest - childcare is indeed a nightmare. I hated that element while I was working full time. It seemed dh was above trying to arrange/sort/implement such things so was left to me. Another headache not needed!! Your girls clubs sound full on but such adventures for them.

Dion - just read back about dh. I’m so sorry he makes you feel like this. Have you tried playing hard to get?? Would it make him sit up a bit more? Must be complicated though as you work together so therefore can’t go awol completely for a few days. Sending you strength and hugs.

As for me..contemplating the coming week and school beginning. I’m excited for dd1 to go back. She’s been ok over the summer but school is good for her and she enjoys it and needs the routine. Dd2 however feels me with dread again. That feeling of not being in control of her care, and not fully happy with the care she will be getting. They do a great job at school considering her needs, and their boundaries, but it’s still not her mummy there for her when she needs it most. Also, I tend to spend my whole time pacing while she’s there, not knowing if she’s ok. Every ambulance I hear, I feel the colour drain out of me.
However it’s something I need to man up about and get on with. We are hoping for her to go back full time. She hasn’t been full time for several years, but hopefully she now has care in place to allow it. It’s trial and error but fingers crossed. I just don’t know how I will fill my time...that’s a lot of pacing!! 😂

Bloody hell that was a long post!! Soz!! 😂

Sending hugs Flossie and Madame for different reasons. I hope school makes a success of full time for dd2 Flossie, and that your anxiety eases a little when she is settled back. Hugs Madame, it is a big adjustment, but you have done it and got her ready for independence - well done!

Bloody knackered today. Have been running around after three kids but can't help but think I would have slept better with less wine involved. No piano in the holidays so could go for a swim but not sure I have the energy. Back to work tomorrow. Ugh. Will not be able to bury head in sand any longer. At least mil is here to take care of DC for a couple of days so I only have to worry about getting myself out of the house.

I'm seconding Longest's hugs, Flossie and Madame. I wish you hadn't mentioned the Abba song, Madame, as I'm always singing it to myself about DD!!

DS and DD are so ready to go back to school. Or I am. They have spent the day fighting, quite vilely (I felt like a referee in a boxing ring). So I am on the wine. It's deliberate, really, as I need to get through the evening and then re-calibrate. Or so I hope.

Frouby, I hope your DS is ok today. One of mine vomiting would have sent me out to the shed with a bottle of gin.

Now worrying about being fat and 50, Madame. Maybe this is the big reason not to open bottle 2.

madame I cry at that song every time in Mama Mia, I so kwym. I really do love having both children at home and happy. They’ve both been truly lovely for quite a while now and so I don’t really want ds to go back to uni or dd to grow up any more at all! Despite thinking at various points that I can’t wait until it’s just me and dh I’m not so sure I won’t miss them a lot.

AF for the first time since 22nd August and going to sleep soon. My dry January app tells me I’ve had 100 AF days this year which is something I suppose, just checked and today is day 244 of 2019, but I’m still drinking too much on the days I do drink...

I am worrying about being fat too. Weigh in at fatclub tomorrow. Have not been on plan for weeks, know have put on and don't care. In fact I am thinking about the leftover roast potatoes in the fridge 😂😂😍.

Dd has been most helpful today. Unprompted she has tidied the shoe rack in the hall, sorted the coats out, cleaned the downstairs loo and absolutely blitzed her bedroom. Been muttering the last 2 days she is struggling with biology revision then casually asked when I was sorting out the cabinet in the living room, which has become a bit of a dumping ground.

Thought nothing of it really, wondered if wanted a lift to school on Tuesday. Then she casually asked if it was OK if kayaking lad popped around to help her with her biology. 😯😯😯.

Said as long as it wasn't practical that was fine. But no boys in her room so she would have to sit at kitchen table to revise and obviously me and ds would be here so not sure how helpful it would be.

Suggested she go over to the coffee shop across the road but she pulled a face so I won't interfere. Sigh. I know she is 15, and in year 11 and not a little girl anymore but she is still my little girl. And he's 17. A lovely lad, his dad is lovely too and they seem a decent family so it could be a lot worse.

But 17! Arrrrggggghhhhh.

Flossie, ha ha re the girl in the garden. I don’t feel great because although I didn't drink stupid amounts on holiday I did drink too much last night. I’m worse when I’m at home

Said as long as it wasn't practical that was fine

PMSL several times over.

My DD once invited a boy from school here. I said it was fine, so long as they stayed downstairs. She was furious with me. The house is so small that there is nowhere downstairs for anyone to get away from me. She has never asked again.

Omg frouby, I’d be the same, 17, eek. Lol at not practical biology. I suppose at least you can keep them where you can see them if they’re in your house.

Longest, good luck with being back at work tomorrow, I’m not looking forward to the alarm at all.

That's the plan dion. Ds will be fascinated by someone from kayaking turning up here. And probably pretty showy offy. I also really need to clean the fridge out so will be pottering around in there. It's not a bug kitchen either 😁.

I might possibly be outside with ds doing jobs if it looks as though they are actually revising. I suspect that it's more of an introduce my new boyfriend visit though.

Dh already puffing his chest out and quoting some daft film, is it Meet The Parents?, and asking what his dad does.

If it was some little 15 year old it would be easier. This lad is a big, strapping, fit, muscly 17 year old though.

Am hoping when she is back at school Tuesday she remembers her little cinema date friend.

Been dry tonight. Wish I had been on the wine now 🙈

Ah Frouby...I think you are doing the right thing by inviting the 17 yr old pretendant supervised. At least at the start. He sounds like a nice boy, if he is passionate about sport he hasn't got time to be passionate about drugs and alcohol. Although sports and alcohol are not mutually exclusive I love both. Or at least red wine, I can leave the rest.
My DD was 17, older than me. And she is still with her BF one year on. Ahhhh!
She has gone now. It wasn't too bad. It's not like it was when I went off to university, with no computer, no mobile, no easy way of contact. Just see you at Christmas. Things are indeed a lot easier now.

Menopause = middle age spread. I think you need around 200 cals less per day. Which for someone who doesn't do sport is around 1200 calories. So one meal a day (with wine). I don't help my cause because I eat probably 750g almonds and 500g cashew nuts a week as snacks. Hence all the sport.

Am hoping so Madame, doing the right thing wise. I remember getting up to all sorts with my first boyfriend when I was 15. He was my age but a scally. Still not sure if I would prefer a younger boy who I don't actually know, or this older, nice, sporty boy.

He's at the same school as dd so expecting a few 'sorry am late home, went to see Miss' excuses as well.

Am off out this morning with my cousin to pick some pallets up for her in my pick up. She's just started a new business making stuff out of pallets and a laser cutting printer. She's made my dog a little whipper cave already, it's very good! Then supervising Romeo and Juliet, and generally pottering around. Dd back at school tmrw and ds on Wednesday.

Fatclub tonight and hoping to be dry but not guaranteed as it's the last lie in day tomorrow, not that I get one because ds is up at sparrows fart generally.

Oh Frouby I have to admit I am very happy for your dd :)
Hi everyone

I looked at my drinkcoach app. I haven't been doing well. Over target every single week; the best weeks are the ones I have been with dds and bf only; the worst are the ones involving my family. I drink more than them - it isn't that I am drinking to keep up - it's that they make me a bit crazy.

I need help. People on another forum were talking about SMART. There is a meeting that I can go to after work on Tuesday - so I am plucking up my courage to try that. Then I'm trying to sort something house-related and someone suggested coming round Tuesday evening. My first thought was: oh bump SMART, have to do this now.

NO. NOTHING will change unless I make this a priority. I can keep pushing my own stuff to the bottom of the pile and stay fat and sad for ever; OR, I can make time for things I need.

I have this idea that I should be able to just be "normal" while fitting everything else in and it just isn't true. I have to make changes.

Sadly this attitude has put me on a very short fuse with the dds. I'm not putting up with any bullshit. I can't have them floating about all evening making demands on me and still be ok. I hope I'm not being too hard on them. I love them, but if I drink myself to death I'm no good to them.

Feeling this is crunch time. I could live another 20 or 30 years and be happy and functional, or I could be immobile in 5 and dead in 10.

Not that I can control all that obviously. But even if I get hit by a truck in 5 years, what do I want the next 5 years to look like?

Sorry if this all a bit dark for this time of the morning. I don't mean to be - I am trying to make positive changes.

I am horribly good at masking hangovers but it doesn't stop the damage being done.

I wrote 3 goals in my diary yesterday and I am going to try my damnedest to remember them while life is throwing endless fucking bullshit at me and telling me that I should fiddle about sorting out endless other people;s crap and then drink to stifle the rage and boredom. And I'm going to get some fucking help from other people. I'm going to stop trying to do everytjhing on my own. I'm going to check out this SMART thing and if it makes me worse - as so many things do - I'm going to find something else. And I am going to keep going until I've found it.

Afternoon all

After all that stress kayak boy didn't come lol. He txt her first thing though and said he had to look after his younger sister as his parents are both back at work and sister was supposed to be on a playdate but her playdate is ill so can't go. Sounds genuine enough and dd happy enough. She even mopped the floor and hoovered round still.

Had a busy day. Took cousin over to Sheffield for some pallets, dropped them at our allotment. Did some tidying and washing, went to tescos, went to chicken food shop, had a couple of hours on allotment with ds. Got a million corn on the cobs, some courgettes, cucumbers, few more tomatos, few raspberries and 4 cauliflowers I just caught before they blew.

Got fatclub at 5pm, then dropping dd at lake for 6pm for dragon boating. Dd back at school tomorrow and then ds Wednesday.

Not that I am counting down or anything 😁.

senseless my family make me crazy so I drink, god can I relate. My parents love the sauce, mum only the taste apparently. She drinks a lot less than dad but wine pretty much every night with dinner. We were all snorting at the table as she was all wide eyed “I just can’t imagine drinking to feel
different”. Okay mum sure. Dad on the other was always an unashamed jolly tipsy type. Ever considered a problem drinker that much to do with being a male of his generation. Now they are old and he is sick and miserable during the day. Gets bearable in the evening cause wine. At his age and circumstances honestly I think he is doing the right thing. I join in though. I can honestly say I was sick of wine when I left their place. Shame it only lasted a couple of days.

Never considered... that should read. Not that anyone told me that to my face either. I wonder who thinks it though or perhaps talks about it when I’m now around

Not around. give up can’t write.