Wankerbastards and summer sunshine will make us want the bloody wine. But tryers to be dryers won't give up, and ice cold becks blue we will sup.

[Frouby]

Thread 7 for the tryers.

Join us for tips and support for encouraging a more healthy relationship with alcohol. Whether you want to drink less, or not at all, stay in your units or just cut down this is the thread for friendship, support, tips and ideas.

Absolutely no judgements here, but there will possibly be swearing.

Other threads are dotted around but I have yet to master a clicky link.

MadameF, piggies are the best. I have some buried in my back garden too.

Longest, you do make me laugh so much. "Rocking quietly and ignoring them" did it for me today.

God, are we all ever sick of the school holidays. I have been two days out on DS's return, which has obviously been wishful thinking on my part. I felt like a good mother today simply because I collected DD from a friend's house after having been out all day. We have done absolutely sod all for the past nine weeks.

I feel sad too, NC4.

Also feel sad because DP is being a complete and utter knob. I am, as a result, completely soaking. I know this is not the answer, but it might get me through the evening. Passive aggressive/silent treatment doesn't work on him. He asks if I'm ok. I say yes (but in a way that means no, I'm not). He says: "ok, then." And that's that. The thing is: if I said anything other than yes, he'd say he cba with any of that stuff. So I'm stuck. One way or another, I have spent my entire adult life walking on eggshells, and now I'm doing it again.

Dion if he cba if you say no....go absent for a few weeks and I'm sure he will be arsed.
I'm really worried if Boris expels all the Europeans from the UK we will be expelled from France too. Although I think Macron is more intelligent and empathetic than Johnson. But I don't have French nationality and it is worrying.
Johnson will be shooting him self in the foot if he dies because most Europeans in the UK work and contribute and most British expats in Europe don't, they are retired and old and will cost the NHS a fortune if they return to the il. And there won't be any nurses left to nurse them as most are from Europe

Madame, you are so right about DSoddingP. You would not believe the imaginary conversations I had with him today. I have spent all day doing stuff for his benefit. He reminded me that I am paid to do it. True, but not to that extent. It is all far too muddled up emotionally and financially. I am a flipping doormat as well. I need to channel Frouby more. Meanwhile, I am mainlining wine. XH is also being knob, which is not helping! And then there's Boris Johnson and fucking Brexit. It is no wonder I am not dry.

Dion you certainly need to channel Frouby. You are too talented to be a doormat. You write so beautifully.
Please have confidence in yourself. He doesn't deserve you.
I'm sat outside with DP looking at the stars, I've seen two shooting stars. It sounds so boring but I love living in the countryside.

Madame, thank you for your lovely comments about my writing. I love the idea of you and DH looking at the shooting stars. Also aware that you met him after DP and I had been together for ages, and he is now your DH, whereas my DP is still being a wankerbastard (in Frouby parlance).

Back in the real, non shooting star world, I sat on the bed with DP this afternoon. I had been working all day and thought he might at least put his arm round me. He didn't. I felt completely crushed. However, I have to bear in mind the fact that he is probably autistic (I know the signs), so had not taken the 'sitting on the bed' signal to mean 'put your arm round girlfriend, even if you're not planning to ravish her'. I'd have settled for absolutely any sign of fondness. Sorry. This is all self-centred rambling.

Channel me Dion be more fishwive 😂😂😂.

Honestly I am awful to live with. I'm a control freak everything must be my way or don't bother. I control the finances of both the businesses and personal accounts and dh doesn't have access to the bank accounts. Because he's a fucking scattercash. We would be on holiday 3 times a year, drive flash cars and have £20 football accas all over while the bills went unpaid. He's not supposed to invite people over without clearing it with me first OR arrange anything else without asking me.

Poor fucker ruled 24/7 but he's the sort that does best with clear directions or gets himself in the shit. He occasionally rebels a bit and goes on a spending spree or arranges something or decides he's the man of the house and puts his foot down but I soon sort that shit out. If he doesn't like it the doors that way.

I didn't used to be like this though. It took a few years to realise if it was going to work it would be easier if I was just honest with him. He is a builder so works with men all day and he wasn't very in tune with the feminine vibe. Subtle sulking doesn't work, he needs an 'oi, knobhead' talk to take it in.

Tell your dp. He might not stay your dp but at least you will know one way or another. Better alone than a wankerbastards spare hand 😂😂😂.

Oh Frouby.

I wish I were you. Honestly. I need more of the fishwife stuff. Instead I am decorative and apologetic on the outside, while seething on the inside.

I am essentially a flappy apologetic sort (unless it is to do with the DC, when I am all backbone and big girl pants). The problem with my wankerbastard DP is that I love him to distraction. And given that I am about a gazillon years old and he is the only person I've ever loved apart from blood relations, this makes things hard.

XH just sent me a shitty message, and I wondered what to do with it. In the end, I just deleted it without comment.

So, so not dry.

There are loads of other people in the world to love though, not just this one. And you are supposed to be happy with the one you love, not apologetic for having feelings.

He might surprise you, you won't know til you try. But maybe not tonight while you are not dry 😁. You need to be calm and cool and collected. Just try saying no or that X is out of order.

Frouby, you are so right. I do know, intellectually, that there are a million people whom I might love and who might love me. You are also right, though, that nothing can be achieved by anyone who is not dry. Living in a small provincial place possibly doesn't help. But I feel completely incapable of saying no to him. I said no to him earlier, about a minor issue, and he didn't like it. FML.

he is the only person I've ever loved apart from blood relations, this makes things hard
Oh Dion if course it does. But you know you aren't a gazillion years old - I found DP at the grand old age of 52 and up til then Id never found someone I loved and who loved me back equally. Despite the problems at the start. It is never too late. Although Il sure that DP loved you too in his way. It is just that you deserve more. And most importantly you deserve to be happy not permanently driven to drink because of his un thoughtfulness

So true, Madame. He is inextricably linked to my problematic drinking. Very glad you found FM!

Enjoy the dragon boat festival Frouby. Hope they have some good curry stalls.

Dion I am sorry dp is making you feel this way. And if he wants to pay you for services rather than appreciate you properly send him a proper bill with overtime marked up.

Managed to tidy up a bit before Auntie's came - it was merely untidy rather than social services worthy by the time they arrived, and rustled up a passable risotto and crumble from the leftovers in the fridge and scavenged fruit from our day out.

They've left now to catch early Eurostar and dsis is arriving soon. Have promised to help her out with toddler DN as she's heavily pregnant now do it won't be a restful weekend for me! In fact need to go back to sodding activity farm first to rescue mousey who has been on an inadvertent sleepover. 1.5 hour round trip which I am thrilled to have inflicted upon myself but at least mouse is safe.

Neighbour friend has asked if she can come round for a drink and playdate while the footie is on(!). So chance of AF or moderate Saturday scuppered (quite glad to have an excuse)

Dion I know your DS has autism. I'd deploy the same strategies with DP as you do with him. No ambiguity - tell him exactly what you need and feel. You don't have to be arsey about it (although I probably would be).

I was miraculously dry last night. Only because I was pissed the night before and I am trying to limit it to two nights a week. Good job though, as a massive fire broke out and I had to upload some stories at midnight. I've done drunk reporting before but it's hard work!

I woke up at 3am wondering if DS1 was home from the party he'd been at. Went downstairs and his trainers were in the hall - along with a teeny tiny pair of pink trainers!!
I recognise them - they are his girlfriend's and she's lovely. I just hadn't expected a sleepover. I'm not sure how to handle it when they emerge. I'm erring on 'it's probably OK'.

Hello everyone, will read you later but hi, back from holiday, which was wonderful. Wasn’t hugely alcoholic either, which is good. Came back and drank less than a bottle last night, which is a win I think. Properly back to it next week.

Frouby babypony is GORGEOUS! Your dh was indeed being a pisstaker, I’m glad you didn't stand for it

NC4 pmsl at the cat putting the washing on

Dionysa yep, me too on the ‘why is there no milk?’ irritation - my kids do this too, use something and don’t tell me but expect it magically to be replaced.

madame lol at family allowance and pelvic floor ops. It’s great that your dd talks to you.

Dd is nearly 16 and, sadly, just had her first nasty experience of being intimidated by a man while we were on holiday. She went for a walk on her own, near our hotel and some fucking creep kept hassling her. She ignored him but he kept following her and cat calling. She is generally with us or ds (who is tall and brickshithouse like) so doesn’t normally get hassled. it really rattled her. She said at first she was upset but then later was angry. we so still need feminism.

puppysmum good for you. Your dh will cope, he’ll just have to. Good luck.

Omg Frouby about your poor dd thinking periods were a one off 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Flossie, teens can so sanctimonious EYE ROLL

madame I’m not a doctor but I REALLY doubt it’s alcohol - you've been moderate for ages and ages. It’s far more likely to be diet related. I hope it’s easily sorted 💐

Dionysa treat them mean and keep em keen works, though I hate to say it. So could you try that? Be busy , unavailable, happy. I’ve used this to great effect on various men.💐💐

And Madame and Dion and everyone, fucking, cunting Brexit and Johnson, ffs

NC4 ahhhh at tiny pink trainers, hope that went ok and I think your plan sounded good, hope it went ok. Well done on AF last night too 🙂

Just read NC4’s advice Dionysa and shes right and it’s much better than my advice, if he's a bit Aspergic or autistic then all the hints in the world won’t work, you need to tell him straight 💐

Afternoon all

Dragon boating was fun, but very cold and blustery and squally. Ds and the dog were cold and miserable by 12 oclock so we came home. Sadly before the food stalls opened properly so I missed out on curry. Left dd with cousin and her wife and my lovely auntie and she's gone to cousins to do some baking with them.

Took me an hour to warm up when I got home, my hands were freezing and tingly and my fingers had gone blue! Obviously I now have alcohol related circulatory issues. It won't stop me having a glass of wine later though.

Welcome back water. I am always pissed as a fart on holiday so you are doing well to be relatively moderate.

I am going to have a lovely soak in the bath, the have about half a bottle of wine so finishing that off, having dinner and an early night. Am bloody knackered and I don't know why. Am really looking forward to some normality next week when the dcs back at school.

Am thoroughly thoroughly people out.