Wankerbastards and summer sunshine will make us want the bloody wine. But tryers to be dryers won't give up, and ice cold becks blue we will sup.

[Frouby]

Thread 7 for the tryers.

Join us for tips and support for encouraging a more healthy relationship with alcohol. Whether you want to drink less, or not at all, stay in your units or just cut down this is the thread for friendship, support, tips and ideas.

Absolutely no judgements here, but there will possibly be swearing.

Other threads are dotted around but I have yet to master a clicky link.

Longest I hope you got your holiday sorted out, if the owner has double booked that's awful. Double booking guests is a recurring nightmare for me! Touch wood it only happened once and I found out way in advance of the stay so there wasn't too much of a problem, but very embarrassing and non professional nevertheless.

Frouby owning animals is a huge responsibility both in terms of time and money its a shame some people don't seem to realise this before getting them. Where I live there are some real horror stories, the British really are a nation of animal lovers compared to other countries.

Flossie big hugs. I can't believe that DH locked you out. Or that he has emotionally abused you again within a short period. It isn't normal - is there any way you can talk to him about it without him going off at the deep end? He can't treat you like this and you need to make it clear that you won't accept his behaviour, for the sake of both you and the DC. Ltb is easier said than done, especially considering the health of DD.

Still not AF, but not drinking too much, only one glass of wine last night because I was driving. Managed a 2km swim of crawl yesterday, god swimming is boring but I think there is finally some improvement.

Have a good (sunny) Bank holiday week-end, no Bhol here in France but then we do have far more than the UK in general so can't complain.

I stupidly emailed dh at 7am this morning, after he’d left for work. I told him how sorry I was to make him so cross and took all the blame. Why the fuck?!!! I feel so weak and vulnerable. So abused. But then I self doubt and wonder if he’s right. I’m head fucked over it all to be honest!! He’s played the sorry for himself card..so sorry for himself that I’ve added to his stress right now.

Cross with myself that I wrote that email so early. He checks his emails every five mins due to the nature of his job. Yet I’ve not had a reply. I’ve not heard from him since he stormed out angry with me this morning for alledgedly pulling a face at him while I made his breakfast!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve spent all morning walking round in a trance. Like a thick fog. Even talking has been hard. I just can’t process my life right now.

Flossie maybe he is too busy to reply. Just leave it until he gets home. You know you shouldn't have sent the email but it's a horrible situation to be in when someone walks out on you. You have a long weekend ahead, hopefully you can discuss things in between the rounds of golf and massages. Your DH really is an immature b***d.

Flossie this is absolutely NOT your fault for making him cross. Even if you had made him cross, locking you out and mocking you is not an acceptable way to deal with it. But you didn't do anything wrong.
Your expectations of your husband are entirely reasonable, but he isn't meeting them at all.
How hard is it to be kind to your wife?
I'm not surprised you feel muddled.
Is there anywhere you can go when he gets in? I wouldn't want to be around him, personally.

Apparently he ‘didn’t know I was out there’. Id clearly said I was going outside to get fresh air!!

And he had replied ‘fine’. So definately heard me

I’m just too emotionally exhausted to give him any bit of me

Flossie I am disgusted that even you apologising didn't prompt him to. Huge hugs my sweets. Build up some strength and then consider your options.

Mme it's ok turns out we are not double booked she just has someone coming to fix something (that we broke, ahem) tomorrow. She thought we would have left but it doesn't bother me.

When we were kids we used to do house swaps and once the family hadn't left when we got back! We had to crash with friends (descending on them late at night) but the we had a big lunch with house swap people and they became family friebds- their kids came back as teenagers to learn English.

Fab day today just doing more beach stuff but at a wavier beach. I love swimming Mme. I don't find it boring at all - more meditative. Maybe you get that from running but I am too unfit, I can think about nothing other than imminent death

Now failing at lighting sodding barbecue. This is where I regret not picking more of an old fashioned bloke.

I’m the same Longest. I sort all my thoughts out doing lengths of the pool. It takes me 10 minutes or so to get into the zone, then I could just plod along forever.
Running I can’t think of anything but whether my knees will go first or I’ll faint.

I love running and swimming. I felt so ghastly the other day I have had two more sober nights! I really feel I have turned a corner where the disadvantages of drinking far outweigh the (perceived) advantages. Flossie I’m so sorry you had such a rubbish evening. ‘D’ h sounds an utter knobber.

Flossie I hope everything is ok

Longest glad the accommodation is sorted!

Haggis 2 night again after last week you really are doing well.

NC4 I guess if you get into the mood swimming can work but I've never been one for meditation or relaxing. I get distracted by the discarded body bits and secretions that float around the bottom of the pool but they don't compare to the animals I see every day when I run or cycle, deer, squirrels, badgers, foxes - I even had a herd of wild boar cross a footpath in the woods less than 50m in front of me. It was amazing. Plus I can run and chat with friends, not so easy at he swimming pool. But all sports are good and I'm sure they go some way to mitigating the negative effects of booze.

Flossie. I still don't know what to say. I think Frouby is probably right with her analysis of your DH. I had thought similar, while thinking about it all day. I know it's easy to say LTB, but I also know how incredibly hard it is, especially given all the emotional and practical aspects of a child who has additional needs. Just sending you the biggest possible hugs. You are such a lovely, kind, selfless person. It radiates from everything you post on here. Your DH is the one who should be apologising, not you. Though I know you end up apologising, even if you're not in the wrong, just to try to get things back to normal. I do this with DP, so I know the drill.

Haggis, I want to turn that corner too, but have yet again failed tonight. Have given up for Bank Holiday. Absolutely no excuse. Today is making last night's half bottle of wine look reasonable, NC4. Fucking summer holidays. But they will go back to school at some point. Or so I gather.

However, I am enjoying my summer holiday vicariously via Longest. Glad you sorted out the accommodation problem.

I can't swim, but used to use walking as a way to get in the 'free thinking' zone. Now joint problems mean I can't walk. FML. I think I first started drinking to numb the joint pains.

How come your joints hurt Dion?
I have ehlers danlos syndrome/hypermobility, so often have joint problems. I’ve definitely drunk as pain relief before now. My joints are so much better when I lose weight though, so it’s counter productive.
Once more, I’m going to bed knowing I’ve overdone my calorie intake and underdone my exercise, and promising tomorrow will be better.
I know what it is I need to do. Doing it is a whole other matter. FML.

Flossie the pain is just radiating off you. I think a lot of us drink not just because of the shitty events we are going through but also because we are going through them alone with no support at all. I have had to provide support and practical help for years and have been asked by the doctor, counsellor and acupuncturist who supports me. Answer no one.

Morning, everyone

Flossie - big hugs to you. I am so sorry this is so painful and difficult right now. Sending you love and strength.

Hi hi everyone!

I've had mixed times. More AF days than not but insane over drinking on the odd days. It really takes it out of me. I was scheduled to do day 3 of c25k yesterday before or after working from home. It should have been effortless. But because of drinking on thursday (with a friend, and then alone afterwards) I couldn't do anything but work in a sitting position for the whole day.

Drinking (I mean over drinking) makes my ankles and feet a bit achey. I think it's inflammation, or some gout like thing maybe (pre-gout?) or it's the tightness or water retention making things feel wrong. I hate it - it make me feel old and as if I am ruining my body.

I need to get this in hand. It's the main thing in my life which is holding me back and it is entirely self inflicted. This year, I got a great new boss who restructured and gave me a great new job; my children are happy and doing well; my ex isn't being a problem, mostly, and I can handle him; I love my boyfriend, and he is good to me; the fucking bastard trains even are behaving themselves mostly! - why the fuck am I determined to fuck my life up?!

I think there is a clear divide between the people who manage their lives and their feelings best by feeling busy and constantly engaged, and that is their happiness; and those who like to have good stuff going on but also need spaces in between to recharge. I think I need to be really honest with myself that I am not naturally a full on dynamic person; I can fake it when I have to but if I don't build in recovery, something will give, and it will involve over drinking.

Sorry that is very me me me me me.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

I’m sorry flossie xxx

I had 3 AF days this week so that’s better than nothing
On holiday now so all bets are off

Have read you all now. Flossie, he’s being a complete wankerbastard, I’m so sorry.

Frouby, yard woman sounds nuts

Madame, you are moderating, it doesn’t sound as if you ever completely fall into a bottle, impressive!

Dion, how’s it going with your dp?

Longest, sounds like a lovely holiday

Senseless, Ikwym

Btw I felt far, far worse after my AF nights than after my drinking night last week. Wtf is that about? And I looked worse too. Although I look shit generally, because of being fat and florid. All self inflicted, ffs.

Senseless building in recharging time sounds good to me. I long for that too sometimes.

Mme your wildlife spots sound amazing! Sadly you would not get that near me. Urban foxes are about as good as it gets. There are rumoured to be muntjac deer but I have never seen one.

DH now thinks he's broken his rib, sigh. DC are a bit feral and overtired but there's no way to rest them really. Chalet is baking hot and workman is coming. Would be a waste of loveliest day so far anyway. Will drive to st David's and hope they nap in car.

Dion you have nearly survived nearly twice as long school holidays as me. Hats off. The wheels always come off towards the end I find. When we get back I have one week at home with DC and then mil is coming to mind them for two days. Then dd1 goes back but I have a bit more juggling of dd2. From then on they will be in the same place for a few years though!

Afternoon all

Spectacular fail last night, neighbours came round, we had beer and curry. And today is a fail because we are having a bbq.

SenselessI totally get you with the recharging. Have had a nightmare morning, dh being a complete selfish, self absorbed wanker. Thinking about what he has to get done and prioritising that. So he got up at 7am, started fucking about outside moving bins and the bbq and generally cleaning outside but completely ignoring the mess in the kitchen and adding to it. Then fucked off to the butchers, then to the allotment for an hour. Meanwhile I am getting more and more annoyed as I couldn't find the backdoor key, dds wetshoes for training, or the shavings I bought yesterday and left in top of Guinea pig cage to use this morning. He had moved all 3 into completely tandom places.

Then he fucked off to chipshop just as I was going to set off shopping so had to wait for him to come back. Had tidied and mopped throughout and hes fucking about with hosepipe washing down decking, so then everyone treading water through.

Went to Tesco, got what I needed then bought a sarnie and sat and ate it in the car just so I could have 10 minutes peace!

Anyway, everything ready for bbq. It's only my lovely piratey friend and his lovely mrs that are coming so nice and relaxed. Ndn might pop round and cousin may come but that's it. Lovely.

Another spectacular fail here too for no reason at all, other than I'm sick of the school holidays. Will catch up when sober, in about a fortnight's time.

Hey, enough with the fail talk!! No failures round here - just lots of works in progress.
I’m right beside you Dion.

I absolutely agree-if we were failing we wouldn’t bat an eyelid at the amounts we are drinking. I have lapsed again and had a good wine schwally tonight but it’ll be ok!

Morning all

You are right NC we aren't failures at all. We are all reducing and moderating the best we can, and even keeping track is better than mindlessly quaffing the units!

Wasn't too bad yesterday. Probably had 6 or 7 bottles of beer from 3pm to 9pm, then made a brew. So feel ok today, tired because ds got up at 6am but not hungover. Had a lovely afternoon, my friend made a beautiful cake from our allotment courgettes. Have loads of bbq food left as well so probably have bbq for dinner today!

Dd got dragonboat training at 11, then want to go and bath BabyPony. We did LittlePony on Friday. Going to be scorching, dh mentioned going to the seaside (skegness or cleethorpes are closest) but it's still 90 minutes and the traffic will probably be bad. So vetoed that idea.