I've been trying really hard to stop drinking, I binge drink and when I do it's a lot. Last night was a prime example where I downed 2 bottles of wine, a small vodka and 3 guns. All while my children were up, I was trashed by 5pm and ended up getting cocaine which I don't remember doing. My friend was here and I was rude to her kids, had a panic attack and she left. I continued to get wasted while the kids were in bed. I can't tell my parents as they think I have stopped, I have gone to my local alcohol support group, I have counselling, I am on the right meds and am supposed to be stable. There is a lot going on in my life, very stressful situation with my ex but that's no excuse. I feel sick and ashamed and I'm desperate to stop drinking but I dont know how. I did it for 9 months last year, but I just can't seem to get back there. I just hate myself so much and drinking takes away the pain and hurt. I'm lucky nothing happened and my friend was here to help and I love my children to death and would be destroyed if I lost them. Everything is such a mess and I just don't know if my life is worth living.