Less wets, more dry, sometimes damp. We are tryers to be dryers. Thread 3!

[Frouby]

New thread for those wanting to reduce alcohol. Always supportive and friendly. No judgements, just support to get to where we feel comfortable with our relationship with alcohol. All welcome.

Am a bit rubbish with clicky links but there are previous threads.

Don't beat yourselves up over dampish/wet nights. You are all doing an amazing thing. Being aware of the problem and being willing to take measures to change it is the stumbling block for most people. Actually looking at what you are drinking/when/how much/why is a real positive. Most people can tend to bury their heads in the sand and carry on.

Even if your end goal is not total sobriety, being honest with yourself about your drinking and being able to take action to moderate and evaluate shows a fantastic level of self awareness.
I was a head-in-sand drinker. I couldn't evaluate or moderate. For me, for now, quitting was the only way. Will I drink in the future? Who knows. I'm just content with the benefits of not drinking right now.
I suppose that's the thing really. Living each day for that day, without living in the past or fretting for the future. Don't worry about what you drank yesterday. Think not of what you might drink tonight until tonight arrives, and you can decide tonight if you are going to have a drink.

Dry tonight, looking forward to a lovely sleep. Have noticed the 3am beerfear creeping in again. Mainly when I drink lager.

Am swapping my working pattern around I think. If I work at night I don't drink. And can stay in bed a bit longer in a morning. Need to try and work 3 nights a week then with sundays being easily AF I might get a few more dry nights in.

And I definitely need to stay off the lager. Have a lovely beer belly

Can I join in? I feel absolutely dreadful. I’ve got into a bad wine habit and once I start I can’t seem to stop.
I’ve recently separated from my husband, moved house and changed jobs,
This week my teenager has been quite horrible, and last night I got totally smashed at a work thing.
I ended up having a complete drunken meltdown to my mum at home. I’m hungover, exhausted and feel absolutely wretched, like a coiled spring. I need to sleep but I can’t, for the tension, guilt and shame.
I don’t know what to do.

I loved that night too, Flossie!

Another wet one for me last night, as I went out with DP. So much for my three good days earlier this week - I have made up for them a thousand times over since then. FML.

Anglaise, MF aka DP sounds so fab.

Frouby, I hope you had your lovely sleep. I had a bad dose of beer fear at 3 AM. Ugh.

NC4Now, welcome! We are all works in progress, so you will find nothing evangelical here (we all know we should drink less, all know how much better/richer/thinner we would be, etc, etc - but still find it hard to put it into practice). Just lots of support and good advice.

Actually, NC4Now, that's not strictly true - Anglaise has managed to moderate successfully. But one of the many lovely things about her is that she is so generous with her experiences and is so completely un-preachy about what she has achieved. She is my inspiration, even if I'm not managing to put it into practice yet!

NC4Now - welcome. We’ve all been where you are now..many times. And I’m sure we still will have lots of nights and days like that too. As Dion says, we are works in progress, supporting each other through the things in our lives that make us reach for the booze. From my experience, if my life was a doddle, with minimal stress and a support network around me, then I’d find cutting down alcohol a complete breeze. Sadly it’s not like that in my world or many worlds on here, and so we reach for alcohol. Sounds like you’re having a crap time too. So please don’t feel guilt on top of that, it will accelerate things. First step is realisation. Second step is to give yourself a hug. Really truly. You deserve that.
And another thing Dion says is totally true..anglais is our shining light here. She’s not preachy or cocky, she’s kind and knowledgable. She will give you good warm advice. (When she gets back from her dirty days away with forest man!! ) Xx

Thank you so much. Your kindness has made me cry. God, what a mess.
I’ve given both my boys a hug today and we’re all good. They deserve better though, so I’ll be sticking round as a work in progress.

Did everyone here have a lightbulb moment, or was it a gradual realisation?

Mine was a lightbulb ‘oh shit what am I doing moment’. But to be honest I still feel that but continue to drink. Although I’m cutting down. It was always a full bottle of wine a night but I try and leave some in the bottom now for swampy. Last night I left half!! I rarely have dry nights as find it really difficult, although last week I managed. So although, it’s a lightbulb moment for me, it’s a major work in progress following!!

Wtf was ‘leave some in bottle for swampy’?! . No idea where that came from or why!!

I like leaving a bit for Swampy 🤣
That might be my new mantra.

I have known for the past 2 years I’m drinking too much. No lightbulb moment. I continually feel guilty/worried/Shame. And have finally taken a small step to change it. But less than 14 units per week currently just seems so Unachievable. It’s aconstant battle 😔

I feel your pain cheese.
My anxiety levels are through the roof today. I don’t know how to feel better, apart from not drinking. I won’t tonight, but I’m supposed to be going on a date on Saturday...

This is my first post on this thread and I’ve just name changed. Hello everyone, you are all very supportive which I’m really liking . Alcohol is my frenemy, I like the way it numbs my brain but dislike the guilt the next day.

I’ve had a tough couple of years and have just left my second marriage after discovering my H was cheating on me. So here I am in my late 50s single again. My problem is I still love my H but cheating ( not just the once ) is a deal breaker for me.

I’ve done 4 AF evenings this week but I need to learn to leave at least a third of a bottle for our friend Swampy when I do open a bottle of wine. I don’t want to be totally AF because in moderation it is something to look forward to but I aim for 3 consecutive dry days out the week

Flossie... So how come you have never mentioned Swampy before?!? [🤣🤣] I love it. I am going to try leaving some for Swampy. Anything that might help!!

NC4, I'm rather like Cheese, in that it was a gradual realisation. I just started to get fed up with myself for automatically reaching for the bottle every evening - and even more fed up with myself for the fact that I find it so hard not to. But at least acknowledging it is a start.

Beautifully, join the club of people who have had a tough couple of years. I was teetotal for years, and drank minimally until my marriage finally fell apart and lots of things went wrong. Like you, I am for moderation. I managed 3 consecutive days earlier this week, which is the best I have done in almost 3 years . But, as I say, have made up for it since...

😂😂 swampy and I are now going to be fighting over the dregs in the bottom of the bottle!!!!!!!

Swampy is a cunt, gets you to leave a bit, then stands you up.so you have to.drink some more!

Welcome NC4now and beautifully. Wr are good at supportive on here. And definetly not judgemental.

Not dry tonight. Currently on pink gin. Am not even ashamed either. It's been a bloody tough few weeks.

Hi everyone and welcome NC4 and Beautifully. It's a really friendly non judgemental thread here. Everyone has good intentions and knows what they should be doing but sometimes life gets in the way!
I haven't been very good this week, mainly due to family staying and DP over most nights, but I stop at 2 glasses of wine so it isn't too bad.
I had a sort of Eureka moment, I was fed up of drinking wine every night, alone, not sleeping well, the start of the menopause and I did a really awful half marathon (for me anyway 1H52) and that was really the moment I decided to try AF at least 4 nights a week with no more than 10 units over the weekend. I was also worried about starting to look like a drinker with puffy red yes and a face to match. Plus I wanted to lose a few kgs. Never wanted to give up wine completely as I love it, but just wanted to be more disciplined in my drinking. I live in France and French women generally don't drink so it was easier for me.
The key is to break the wine o'clock habit and find things to occupy you in your trigger time, I do sport, but cleaning cupboards or working is just as good! If you can manage at least 3 nights AF (preferably on the trot) you will sleep better and feel a lot less anxious. Good luck!

Thank you for my warm welcomes, I really appreciate it. Friends and family have said I don’t over drink and if it helps me get through this time it’s ok. It probably is but it’s how you feel in yourself and I don’t feel happy with myself when I’m drinking every night. After the demise of my first marriage ( I’m never getting married again ) I drank too much for a year and then I was able to drink moderately with no problems. This time it’s hit me harder, probably because I’m older and less resilient.

Dionysa sorry you’ve been through a bad time too. Likewise Frouby I’m sorry you’ve had a few tough weeks. Anglaise you’re doing wonderfully. Swampy is very sanctimonious thinking he can confiscate our wine dregs!

Frouby..I just nearly keeled over laughing at your description of swampy

Beautifully - my dh says the same to me about my drinking. If it helps me right now, then let it happen. My dd is seriously ill and we are currently selling our house (please god let it go through ok!! 😰). I have two other children too. Life is bloody tough. Wine makes me feel like it numbs the pain and blots the crap out. But I know deep down it adds to my guilt and feelings of failure. That’s why I’m trying to moderate. That first glass still numbs things..but it’s how many thereafter that’s my issue.

Happy Friday everyone x

Flossie I’m so very sorry your daughter is ill and life is tough

Yes the description of Swampy made me laugh too, I’m really glad I found this thread

My mum and my son have both told me they are worried about my drinking. I don’t drink every day, but when I start on wine, I just crave more.

This seems like a lovely, supportive thread. Flossie you’ve got a lot on your plate. It’s easy to get into the ‘I need this’ mindset when life is so bloody tough.

NC4Now please don’t be hard on yourself, you’ve been through a lot of changes recently. Moving house is tough isn’t it when you’ve split from H - I’ve been there, plus you’ve changed jobs too

Welcome to the new posters and happy weekend everyone. I started my weekend drinking on Thursday this week. Have next week off and going on holiday so warming up. I imagine I won't have any dry or moderate days... and I'll get back having fallen asleep on the sofa every evening.. puffy and a few pounds heavier! I know myself too well to think I will moderate on holiday. Does anyone else try?

Hi CottonSock no I don’t moderate on holiday and nor do I try. Holidays, to me, are an escape from normal routine and I allow myself to eat and drink anything I like

Well I was in bed at 10 last night, watched a bit of TV and slept right through till 9.15 this morning.
The guilt and dread of yesterday seem to have faded, and now I’m going to spend today making my house lovely and getting back on top of things.
I’ve got a date tonight, which I’m looking forward to, but thinking of a decent drinking strategy. Wine has to be out, I think.