Less wets, more dry, sometimes damp. We are tryers to be dryers. Thread 3!

[Frouby]

New thread for those wanting to reduce alcohol. Always supportive and friendly. No judgements, just support to get to where we feel comfortable with our relationship with alcohol. All welcome.

Am a bit rubbish with clicky links but there are previous threads.

I find it easier not to drink when I am alone too Anglaise. Probably that fucker DH driving me to drink.

I am trying to be organised because if I am not, no one else does anything. Then they moan when it's not done. Have bollocked dh about 4 times yesterday about his lack of domestic help. I work between 30 and 50 hours a week, do 95% of the house, animals and childcare. Do all the cooking and shopping apart from saturday tea, which he does. Or is supposed to but usually really fancies a takeaway because he can't be arsed to cook.

Have asked him if it's his penis that gets in the way of the hoover or sink or just his entitled fucking manchild attitude. I earn decent money doing what I do but because it's inconsistent and not reliable he doesn't really give it any value unless I have a really good week. But to get the good week I have to do 3 weeks of grunt work. I can see the bigger picture but he doesn't see it.

Am just feeling really under pressure at the moment. I have 3 weeks before we go away and need to get some serious hours in, plus do everything else.

Todays bickering session will be sponsored by meal planning. Ffs. He 'doesn't like' most of the easy stuff I do. Spag bol is on his won't eat list, but he likes lasagne. He 'doesn't like' chilli con carne unless it's served with a fuckton of sides like some mexican sultans dinner, cottage pie is apparently 'boring'. He doesn't like oven chips anymore, he's 'not a fan' of jacket potatoes, or fajitas, or tacos.

He likes simple things like a roast dinner, homemade meat and potato pie, a mixed grill, steak with all the trimmings, homemade curry with sides and preferably a couple of starters.

You know, simple stuff that takes fucking hours to make, creates sinkfulls of pots and needs 47 ingredients.

Add to that a fussy vegetarian and a veg dodging almost 5 year old who doesn't like strong flavours and meal planning is more complicated than the bloody brexit deal.

I think I am just going to let DH do the meal planning and preparation this week. Will say I have too much work on, hide behind my laptop and leave him to it.

Oh Frouby, I snorted at Mexican sultan's dinner but I totally hear you! DH has a zillion and one dietary restrictions, the girls are fussy and getting fussier by the day. I just can't be arsed any more. I may have overreacted yesterday but I wasn't after actual gratitude or anything, just the absence of a lip curl and whine when I put the gazillionth nutritious meal on the table after a stressful week's work to pay for it. But then I feel like such a cliche. Kids are meant to be ungrateful brats are they not? It's part of the human condition. DH to be fair is not rude about food and would deny chauvinism but there's a fine line between illness and entitled twattery as previous posts have demonstrated.

Frouby...I hear and feel your pain!! My dh won’t eat a vegetable..seriously not one!! Then I’ve got dd1 who’s a vegetarian, who won’t eat a fucking vegetable either!! Oh I lie..she allows a red pepper to pass her lips!! Then there’s dd2 who wants to eat anything but is allergic to nuts and citrus and other random stuff. Then there’s me, who just wants to eat bloody healthily!! Add into the mix that the kids eat at 5, then the Flossie cafe reopens to cook a second sitting at 8pm when dh gets in!! Apparently the twat says the slow cooker produces shit food, and he refuses to eat food that’s warmed up!!
So what exactly is left for me to cook?!?!

Fucks knows Flossie. I bounced the meal planning onto DH this morning. We are having jacket spuds tomorrow after I suggested he make tea after swimming if he wanted something different, chicken curry Tuesday Chinese style which is pretty easy, stew and dumplings wednesday and take away of some sort thursday as I won't be home until late.

Am out at a kids party tonight til 6.30pm so pizzas tonight.

Am so bloody sick of thinking of meals. I don't actually mind cooking. But like you say you fuck about like Jamie Oliver for 2 fecking hours and it's like you have served a reheated shite sandwhich 😂😂😂

Frouby - all those meals sound great. Dh won’t even eat a bloody curry!! Ffs

You’re better women than me. If it takes longer than 20 minutes, I don’t bother.

I am reminded of how much I hate cooking.

That is all I can say at the mo, as am juggling things!!

The things include gin, unfortunately.

I actually quite like cooking and am a pretty good cook. I can follow recipes, substitute ingredients, deal with fuck ups, and cobble together some decent food. Only family cooking really but good family cooking.

Pity my family don't bloody appreciate it. And the fuckers rarely want a pub tea as I apparently do it better. But obviously not better enough to eat it.

Dion it's my dry night tonight but am seriously considering either a glass of wine or a gin. Am thinking just 1 would be medicinal. And all this talk of cooking has made me remember my oven is fooked. I need to buy a new one as Argos still haven't responded to my written complaint. Sigh.

I was going to get one via AO.com on interest free for 12 months but I suspect because I have just got around to changing my name my credit report will be all to cock. And I would rather do interest free than use savings. But I need to order soonor Christmas dinner will be slightly stressful.

There was some sort of AO discount code floating around the Christmas threads. Might be worth a look?

I have lost my debit card. Went online to cancel it and realised I'm £500 overdrawn. How do I manage to get through so much money? I actually earn an ok amount but every time I decide I can afford to buy the kids some clothes from the supermarket or something I end up running out of money. Sodding London living costs and my lack of willpower.

Am also freaking out about climate change after reading a thread on here and wondering how the hell to go vegan when none of the family will eat vegetables, and whether can manage without a car when DH has chronic fatigue.

Was going to be AF tonight but it's been a fairly joyless weekend overall and am feeling cheated.

Frouby, I had somehow decided that you were rather a decent cook. In fact, I was planning to invite myself to stay for a while. I will eat anything you make, I promise. 😁

I feel your pain with credit scores. Mine went down after I got divorced.

Longest, I shouldn't laugh, but you made it sound funny. I do sympathise, though.

My kids have noticed how full our cupboards are of tinned fruit, soup and beans. I told them I was stockpiling for when they close the borders. I was only half joking.

I’m af tonight but after going to my old house and collecting a load of stuff, including my wedding dress, I’m wavering.

I will no doubt drive round with my wedding dress in the boot for the next six months.

I am not AF. Instead, I am crying. FMhorribleL a thousand times over.

Oh Dion. What's making you cry?

So much heartache on this thread. And everyone is so lovely. It doesn't seem fair.

Why are you crying Dion? Absolutely what Longest said.
It’s no wonder we’re a bunch of old soaks really, is it?

dion don't cry lovely. Tell us whats made you cry. We might not be able to solve it but a problem shared and all that bollocks.

Want me to come round and twat some fucker? Then I will make you a cuppa and maybe some toast and you can tell me all about it xxx

Frouby. You are making me cry even more, but I can't tell you how much I would like toast (not burnt by me) and a sympathetic ear.

I find DP's non work-absences v hard. The more I think about it, the more I feel like a child standing outside a beautifully lit sweet/toy shop, watching all the loveliness that's going on inside - but unable to do anything other than watch with freezing hands and feet. This is how DP makes me feel. I would be more than happy for you to twat him, Frouby, if only because you are braver than I am (and it's also easier to see a CF from the outside).

I realise this is not right. Which is why I am drinking a ridiculous amount. My sensible self (the one that says he is a CF) needs to give the other self (the one that says I will do whatever it takes, even though it will be futile) a hearty slap. But drinking makes the whole problem go away, albeit temporarily.

Oh Dion. Have you told him how you feel? It’s bloody soul destroying loving someone who keeps you at arm’s length.
Can you think about what it is you need to feel loved and valued? Because you deserve to be both.
I’ll help Frouby if you like. I’m not very hard, but I’m done with cold and distant men.
Meanwhile, have and

Oh, NC4. What a lovely person you are. I have not told DP this. He would freak out and run a thousand miles. I have come to the conclusion relatively recently that he is on the spectrum. Various dealings with other people have suggested this very strongly. I evidently feel the need to look after someone with AS, in DS's absence.

The funny thing is that DP would have to do very little to make me feel loved/valued. Even the occasional kind word would work wonders. But he is in his own little world. He does, clearly , feel something for me as he wouldn't bother with me otherwise. But I want him to demonstrate/trumpet this from the top of a high building. Ah well.

I’m nodding along. That was my exH. All over. I AM better now, I really am, but for many years I fought and fought to get him to see and hear me.
When I broke down and cried about it he said it was all in my head.
It’s so sad, and I’m so sad for you to be in that situation. The thing that baffles me is that EH wore his heart on his sleeve the first year. Did your OH ever give you what you needed?
If it was me I’d just tell him. If he’s on the spectrum, it can help to spell it out. And he might not be but it can’t hurt, can it?

Dion. I agree with NC4. You'll have to be ready of course but it feels to me on the outside like you're heading to a conclusion one way or another. Telling him will bring things to a head but is that ultimately a bad thing? Xxxxxxxxxx

How's everyone doing today? Are you feeling any better Dion? How's the packing Flossie?
Frouby, what's for tea?

I got naff all sleep last night. I'm telling myself it isn't because I was AF. I'm in the danger zone now. It's teatime, and I've just sent a piece of work off that's been hanging over me for ages. I might get into my PJs to keep myself from going to the shop.

Longest someone I know posted that Guardian link on Facebook and I found it really interesting. I'm not sure my experiences count as trauma either, but they must have left their mark.
It's certainly food for thought... brought this meme to mind....

Hello! Ha I like that meme.

I'm a bit better today thanks. Am out at the theatre dahling, or will be when DH gets here. He tried to back out on health grounds but I gave him a cold stare. Cutting it a bit fine for a pre theatre drink and am undecided about the interval. I considered driving to the station but my environmental conscience won.

Trying to organise a few days away with dsis. That's perked me up as I love dsis, and those post Christmas days are normally the worst.

Dd1 has calmed down a bit and school are taking no action for now as she's not causing significant issues there so that's good I guess.

Oh and my debit card was handed in at the corner shop and can be unblocked. Hurrah.

Dion I hope you are feeling better today. I think it is your AF night tonight and I hope you are coping. Your situation is so complicated and there are no easy answers, you have a choice but when you love someone it is very difficult.
I drank too much last night. I won my race and in the evening there was a do at the running club to celebrate the 50 years of the club. It is the first time I've overdone drinking in 15 months and it was horrible. DP drank too and we ended up arguing. I didn't sleep although no hangover but it reminded me why I hate more than a couple of glasses of wine and how much I hate myself for overindulging.
I am AF tonight and will be having an early night! Hope everyone else was more moderate than me at the weekend.

I have been drinking 1/2 bottle of wine every night for the best part of a year. At the weekend its not unusual for me to drink a whole bottle and finish with a whisky.

I have built up a tolerance to a point that 1/2 a bottle doesn't even make me feel tipsy, and a whole bottle tipsy but not drunk. I don't seem to get hang-overs anymore.

I have decided that I want to stop or at least cut my consumption down to healthy. I am watching my brother slowly drink himself to death and I am unable to help him whilst I too am drinking heavily.

I am currently on evening 2 dry. Hope I might be able to help others as I did go several weeks sober in the summer but eventually backslid.