Less wets, more dry, sometimes damp. We are tryers to be dryers. Thread 3!

[Frouby]

New thread for those wanting to reduce alcohol. Always supportive and friendly. No judgements, just support to get to where we feel comfortable with our relationship with alcohol. All welcome.

Am a bit rubbish with clicky links but there are previous threads.

Oh dionysa. It sounds horrible tbh. How would your finances be if you left?

Just popping in...

Frouby - your idea of running with a sore arse from bum sex made me laugh out loud!!

Dion - want to send you a mahoosive hug. Love is a complete bastard!! Completely takes over your mind and heart and invades every vein. Sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes that’s toxic. Worse than alcohol. You’re reaching for alcohol to ease the pain of love. That’s utterly understandable in your situation. You’ve also got dc home for an eternity too. All this leaves you no time to think. Just want you to know, for what it’s worth, that I think you’re an amazing selfless woman. I mean that. As for your choice of whether you want to stop or moderate or continue..I’m with you there. If alcohol wasn’t carcinogenic, I’d continue to drink a bottle a night, guilt free!!

Ps soaking wet here, laden with guilt of the risks of cancer, but can’t stop. Fuck it button sat on!! Did what I could for everyone tonight. Dd home all day..intense. Then tonight dh and both dd’s whipped at me for one reason or another. I stayed silent. Don’t want to ruin the weekend and dh has every ability to sulk for two days easily!! So didn’t answer back. Just pissed off rhat I’ve done sooooo much for all of them individually today, and yet had nothing but shitty moaning back!! Fml

Thank you, NC4 and Haggis. You are both v kind.

Quick background is that I left XH four years ago once the DC were old enough (teen-ish) to decide when they wanted to see him. He was abusive to them. Not quite bad enough for him not to have unsupervised contact - but bad enough for me to think I had to stay with him because I couldn't trust him to be alone with the DC.

DP was my best friend. I fell in love with him while I was married, but nothing happened until I left XH.

DP is the greatest love of my life. But he is another very difficult man. Resists being tied down, resists loving anyone (due to his own past experiences), resists commitment, though evidently isn't looking for or at anyone else. He has just become used to being selfish, for want of a better word. I am slavishly devoted to him, undeserving twonk that he is.

Haggus, my finances took a massive hit when I left XH. We were reasonably well off when we were married. DC at independent schools, 7 bedroomed house with an acre of land, etc. But when we split up, we went for a clean break - meaning that I have the tiniest house known to mankind (I am unmortgageable as I gave up my job to look after the DC, not least as DC1 is autistic. Therein lies the breakdown of our marriage). DC have at least stayed at their schools, though I have no proper kitchen or bathroom in order to pay my share. We do have one loo, but I can't say how many times I have peed in a measuring jug because the loo is occupied by a teenager (the other house had 5 loos. Sigh. But at least I don't have to be married to XH any more).

NC4, it sounds as if you have had your own share of unhappiness. Hugs to you.

Crossed posts with Flossie, who has made me cry!! (But not in a bad way). Thank you, lovely. xxxxx

Dion -

Dion
I can relate to so much of that. I like this group and I suspect my story will come out in dregs as I heal.
Take care of yourself, and do try to put yourself first sometimes. It’s hard to find time but you need to

all round. I agree with NC4. I like this group, you're funny and warm and vulnerable and flawed - the best of humanity. My only worry is whether I need more scorn and judgment to make real progress...

But this week has been better than last. I have drunk about 1.5 bottles in total since last Saturday. That still sounds a lot, added together, but it's an improvement. And I am starting to get my head around the idea that life could be nicer, rather than just healthier, with less alcohol in it.

I'm hangover.. nothing constructive to add, but thread is a lovely read. Hope all have A good day.

Dion hope you are feeling better today.
I had half a bottle of red wine last night, usually a max of a third but my packet of crisps wasn't finished so I had more. Slept really badly and headache this morning. I used to be able to down a bottle without any problem at all. A year of moderating has made me a lightweight Hope everybody else is OK this morning and headaches had gone for those who were wet

Bottle sunk for me last night ...again!’ Hate myself for doing this to myself. I think it’s a kind of self harm to be honest. We away tonight with dc, a kind of spoiling couple
Of days as we all feel we need it. So absolutely will be soaked tonight!

Morning all.

Moderated OK last night, and 3 glasses of wine, though the gin was suspiciously strong as DH made it. But headachey this morning but am ok now.

Have loads to do today but really, really have no get up and go. That bug has really knocked me on my arse.

If anyone wants to come and tackle my cupboard of shite and the shed of doom I would be very grateful.

Don’t Frouby... you’ve reminded me about the loft and shed at my old house. There’s still loads of our stuff there. I have to navigate exH to get it and I’ve nowhere to put it, so I’m ignoring it....

Actually, sorting yours might be a distraction. Fancy a swap?

The port was a good tactic. I had a few glasses over the evening but it worked out at 4 units rather than the usual 10 in a bottle of wine. Win, I say!

Flossie don’t hate yourself. It won’t change anything. You’re an amazing woman who just slipped off the wagon, because you’re human.
Dust yourself off and try again when you’re ready, but don’t hate.

Anglaise are you feeling better now? I’m looking forward to being a lightweight again. The hangovers, less so.

Floss have a lovely weekend away and remember that sex is better sober.
Frouby would love to help but I have my own shed from hell that needs to be sorted first
NC yes thanks all better, I will stick to my 25cl next time!

Anglais..a premier inn family room allows for no sex, sober or drunk

Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible day. And the evening even worse.

DP was " busy", so I haven't seen him all day. I could just about bear this. But he has not rung me this evening either. I can't ring him as he will be cross with me for ringing when he's busy. His DC1 is there, and I think he might have friends coming over. But they are friends who don't know about me. I sent him a nice, friendly text about an hour ago, to which I have had sod all response.

Have been very wet, but have now given up with that, too, as it is not helping.

So I am sitting in bed, crying.

I hate my life.

I'm.in

Big hugs Dionysa. Was it a horrible say because of the above, or because of another reason and you want DP's support? Can you sleep, do you think?

Welcome Bella. I'm off to bed but would love to hear your story. Have drunk 1/2 bottle of wine but have resisted opening another. Have no idea at this point if that's a win or not.

Oh Dion 
I know you love him so you won't de this but maybe if you took a lover on the side you would feel better. DP won't change and even if you adore him and he is generally lovely the state he is leaving you in isn't. Put yourself first, you deserve it.

Longest, it was horrible because of the above. I have spent all day being a good mum, shopping with DD and watching her choice of crap on TV etc. While this has been tearing my heart out. I'd say half a bottle of wine was a win, sadly. It's better than I have done.

Anglaise, thank you. My chances of having anyone on the side are non-existent!! I am boringly faithful - and my life is devoted to the DC, work, and DP, which is not conducive to meeting anyone else. But you are right: I am allowing him to put me in a bad state. I did talk to the hypno yesterday about this, so will probably give it a go (despite the expense).

Flossie, I hope you enjoy your mini break. You deserve it.

Frouby, I'm really sorry about your bug. DD has had one too, and it is foul. Very hard to shake off. I hope you are back to yourself soon.

Hello, I’m back and feeling shit as drank loads last night and last week and on holiday and I need to get back to moderating. So today is day 1 again and I am not going to drink today. Dd is self harming so that’s been tough. Will read thread now.

Flossie sounds tough, hope you had your time to yourself (haven’t read full thread yet)

FroubyLOVE the fuckit chart, great idea!

Anglaise great pictures, you are an inspiration

HA - I like the phrase play the film to the end. It’s similar to what AA say I think about it being the first drink that’s the problem, I.e it’s never just one so don’t pick up the first one

NC4, wine is my drink too. Dry white. I mostly don’t even MEAN to drink so much, it’s just cold and wet and like water and it’s so easy to keep going.

I’m going to go back to huge jugs of water and ice and a slice of lemon like I did back in the summer when I did 44 days AF (sobs, seems a long time ago now)

dionysa I like the sound of the book about having one job, will look for that

Dionysa, sorry to read that about your dp.

It sounds as if you did so well to get out of your marriage, that took courage.

I have an Alisa Frank hypnotherapy session on my iPad, I might listen to that in a minute.

Dionysa. He clearly has a good life, eh? I like Anglaise's style, though I often wonder how people have the energy for affairs. I sometimes fantasise about cheating on my family with a week on a desert island.

Sorry to hear about DD, water. Teenage DDs are outside my frame of reference buy in my future.