Less booze. More AF days. But still a bit damp. Not dry jan, but not a soggy summer. Support thread for reducing alcohol.

[Frouby]

New thread in case the other fills up while I am busy this weekend.

Did I mention I get married tomorrow? 😁

Rubbish at clicky links but sure someone clever will be along to link the last thread.

This is a support thread for those wanting to reduce the amount you drink. There is no judgement on here. We are all struggling along with our own problems and lives and looking to cut down. You might only want a couple of weekends off. Or reduce the amount of days you drink. Or the amount you drink. Or both.

Whatever your starting point and whatever your goal come and join us for friendly chat and support.

Sarah 18 days is fantastic. I'd be beside myself if I could manage that...

Water, you have cracked it if you can choose on which day you are not AF...

Day 2 in the bag and dutifully logged in my app.

Looks like a day 3 is compulsory tomorrow since I’ve offered to drive in the evening - I think that’s a positive step.

Diyonysa that’s not such a catastrophe :)

Sarah - I agree that 18 days is brilliant, and all the better that it didn’t go down too well!

Hi Hella hopefully if you manage to cut down on the booze you will lose weight too. As for the smoking, one thing at a time!
Sarah keep going, don't give in and buy booze
Frouby did you make it to day for or did Wednesday?
I had one glass of wine on Tuesday night at a resto with Forest man. Unfortunatley the little voice inside me which didn't trust him 100% (he never says when we will see each other, is in regular contact with several 'exes' has previously told me he had 2 women on the go at the same time) is getting louder and louder. Not sure what to do as I've been here before and maybe I'm just paranoid but my intuition is usually pretty accurate. I was going to see him last night but he was invited to dinner by friends at short notice. Hmm. But at least I didn't drown my sorrows and feel OK this morning.
I really don't know what to do though. Finish it and possibly chuck away a lovely man if he is what he SAYS he is or carry on and be unhappy when I'm not with him because I think he is with someone else, a real headfuck. I was really horrid to DD last night when she got back from the UK and she didn't deserve that

Ahhh Anglaise so sorry you are having doubts. Have you asked him outright? Would you be able to judge him enough to know if he is lying? Have you asked him why he thinks it is acceptable to cancel you because he got a better offer? Well done for not drinking in those circumstances. I am sure your dd will understand, give her a big hug and apologise later.

I broke last night. Mainly because Wednesday was spent shopping with the dcs for back to school stuff. A 4 year old and a 14 year old are not the easiest combination. But it was relatively painlesa all things considered. Treated them to Frankie and Bennies for lunch and then I just wasn't hungry at teatime.

Which meant I CBA to get busy prepping tea, opened a can of lager instead and had a fuck it moment. Has 3 cans which isn't horrendous and sent DH to the chip shop for tea.

Am ok with it. But tonight will be tough. I want to be sober because I am working first thing and will be setting the alarm for 5am. But because I have broken my dry run it will be easy to run into the weekend. So wish me luck.

Frouby stay strong and think of that 5am phone call!
As for FM, it wasn't just last night there are lots of other red flags and his behaviour strongly resembles a previous charming bastard who I dated so I'm not naive. I also have the memory of an elephant so it isn't easy to lie to me. In regular contact with exes who send flirty messages (he showed me 2), no details about what he has been doing, the fact he refers to me by calling me ma chérie or mon amour instead of by my name (I hate that!), he hasn't spoken to his children or friends about me, I could go on.
I've told him I have had trust issues with a previous relationship and ex girlfriends and he said not to worry but then he would, wouldn't he?
When I'm with him it is wonderful, but I'm only with him when he is available (not often).
I've learnt the hard way that when something seems too good to be true, it usually is...

Just try and emotionally detach then Angalise. Easier said than done I know. Voice of bitter experience.

Treat him like you would a fwb. And I always (now) trust my gut.

Had a few Charming Bastards. One who very nearly broke me. I moved away because of him, couldn't face seeing him by accident. Ended up in a rebound relationship and pg with dd. So not all bad I suppose tho rebound relationship was actually a charmless, woman hating psychopath.

The other one I was in an on off relationship with for many years was actually married. I didn't realise that until a few yeara ago. Utterly beautiful man. Very charming, very affectionate, claimed to worship me, was insanely jealous if he saw me out talking or with other men during off periods. But was often unavailable, didn't have a mobile phone, 'lived' with his mum and only really 'at home' on a Wednesday.

Married as fuck but I was young and daft.

So maybe just take things back to a dating only level. And see how he responds to that.

😂😂 Priceless advice Frouby thankyou so much! I will indeed try and detach emotionally, I will certainly be unavailable for a while. I think I prefer to go the dating route than fwb. I had the usual goodnight text at 9.30am followed by another message so I'm sure he was with another woman as he clearly couldn't use his phone last night. Sadly my intuition is rarely wrong, like yours and I'm wary of en girlfriends where there is no reason to keep in contact. I'm in contact with a few exes but they are friends and there is never any suggestive texting on either side, so he must be encouraging the women to make them think they still have a chance. He told me how he dated 2 women at the same time for a few months so he is definitely adept at cheating!
I'll keep you posted, and won't use 🍷 to drown my sorrows. Just signed up to a little race on Sunday to ensure I don't give in to either him or alcohol!

Sorry to hear that Anglaise. Sounds suspect for sure.

But lol at 'married as fuck' - great expression

Day 31 here 🙂

And shudder at school clothes shopping with 4yo and 14 yo
Peak stroppiness I'm sure!

Oh... Too much to take in, here.

Anglaise, I am sending you very big hugs. Your posts about Forest Man ring many bells with me, as I think you will realise. I couldn't begin to do FWB, though can understand how other people could. If you are going to extricate yourself, the sooner the better. It isn't easy any which way. Funnily, my DD has just given her (toxic) BFF her marching orders. There are similarities in her relationship with said (ex) BFF and mine with DP. Only she is braver than I am.

Frouby, you are a sweetheart. Thank goodness you found a good 'un in the end.

Hopeless tonight, as exciting family news required a big celebration. Have felt crap all day, and feel better now . Plus DD had to go shopping, now, today, this minute, for school stuff, as it's only two weeks until they go back, and that is, like, not long enough to spend money on unnecessary crap get ready for school. FML.

Two 5 AM alarms here in the past two days, so 7 AM will be a lie-in.

Water: Day 31. I am seriously impressed.

What I wanted to ask you and Hella is how you cope on the days when life is unspeakably shit? This has been my undoing. I never drank before my horrendous divorce/DP and his strange ways...

Hi Dionysa, I haven't had any really terrible days in the past month but so far in the evenings I have watched trashy tv, read something (including sobriety blogs), texted or called friends, chatted to Dh.

When I come in I get clothes out for the morning, make food, put washing on, talk to my children, open post, get lunch ready for the next day etc. So I'm akways busy in the first hour home. And I've got out of the habit of wine with dinner, which was my thing.

I have got into the habit though of filling a huge jug with water, ice cubes and slices of either lemon or lime and taking it to bed with me (have a fab bedroom which is as much like a hotel as I can make it) and i read and watch tv in bed. The wine is now in the garage not the fridge also and I'm not remotely tempted by warm wine.

I have to say I'm feeling so great and clear headed that I'm really wondering whether I could do this longer term. I feel sharper and more present. My brain feels undulled and I wonder if really I've been a bit what's the word? Almost muffled in my thinking really. DH says I seem amazingly different and seem to have much more energy. I do look loads and loads better too. I'm paler although still more florid than I'd like.

DH was a fucker too back in the day Dion. Known him 20 years. We were FWB, dating, then not dating but not quite split, then he lived with someone but we still ran into each other occasionally, then I was in a serious relationship and still saw him occasionally.

Very sliding doors for about 4 years. Neither of us in the right place for a serious relationship. Then when dd was 2, so 12 years ago I found him outside a kebab shop while I was looking for chips and cheese 😂😂😂. I really didn't want a relationship but couldn't get rid of the fucker. I planned a lovely fwb thing eow while dd was at her dads.

Should have stuck to it, fucker snoring his head off tonight. Sigh.

Failed at dry tonight. 3 cans of lager. But I have been very productive today. Absolutely blitzed my kitchen with bleach, degreaser and elbow grease. Plus 3 hours on the allotment.

And now thanks to this thread I had a bizarre dream about Married As Fuck, me going on a girls holiday to Ibiza and leaving dh with lists, flying from Birmingham for some reason and Married As Fuck turning up at the airport.

Am sure there is some sort of meaning to all that lot but am not sure what.

Anyway. Not dry today. We are taking the dcs to the local pub, then for a curry at the local indian which is gorgeous.

Will definetly need a drink today. My lovely, lovely aunt who did my cake and flowers for my wedding has been to the hospital today for a CT scan. She has masses in both lungs. Referred for a PET scan next week sometime.

No one has said lung cancer yet but they have ruled out blood clots, scaring or infection. And the PET scan is to determine the size and position of cancers. Both lungs is stage 4. So not fucking good.

We are all really close. Her daughter is like my sister, there is only 4.months between us and we lived across the road from them for years. She currently lives 1.5 hours away, but we speak daily. Luckily she is buying a house around the corner from me, hoping to exchange today or early next week. Auntie lives 15 mins away from me. So at least cousin will be local.

Fucking horrible bastard cancer. It's not formally diagnosed yet but she has had some other symptoms too. And I can't think what else the masses could be other than what has been ruled out.

So tonight will be wet. Absolutely soaking wet. And I don't even care. My mam will be devastated, she is incredibly close to her sister.

Cousin done same googling as me and is in bits, but taking her mam to Manchester gay pride this weekend to take her mind off it all. Have phoned my mum and told her she has used all her data on her phone (I pay her contract) so she doesn't google as well. No good her worrying until it's confirmed.

Am bloody knackered too. Strange dreams, restless night and a 5am alarm. Tried to have a nan nap earlier while ds was on his tablet but he got his handcuffs and cuffed me to him. Fml.

I'm really sorry @Frouby - you don't know me but I feel I know you a little from reading this thread. Cancer is a shocker.

Can I join in please? I'm 52 and have been a wine drinker for decades. God how hideous it is to write that. Anyway the menopause and alcohol does not mix and I've tried unsuccessfully to cut down - in March I had 17 dry days then went on holiday and it went Pete tong. August I'm at 18 dry days today which I'm very proud of but I'm still exhausted and anxious. Least I don't have a hangover though. Anyway, @Anglaise1 you sound so lovely that I hope your chap isn't a player but you'll know what to do if he is as you're a strong woman, that's obvious. Everyone else thank you for sharing - it's so very helpful

Thanks awks abs welcome to the thread.

Taking aunt for her PET scan next week, on Wednesday. We won't get the results there and then, but hopefully within a few days. Just spoke to cousin, she in bits and quite drunk which is understandable. But she doesn't cope well with drink. So told her to stick the kettle on, make a brew and go to bed.

She is terrified. She had an older brother but he has his own problems and is more hindrance than help. She is frightened of being on her own, her dad died years ago. She ia married but her wife is a bit high maintenance and has a tendency to kick her out at the first sign of trouble.

Am glad she is moving near me. Will be able to help more if she is around the corner.

Not sober. But not horrendously drunk either. Glad of predictive text tho .

Frouby... I don't know what to say, other than how very sorry I am. I know there's nothing I can do, but I wish there were. Life just keeps on throwing crap stuff sometimes, and you wonder when it will stop. I am glad your cousin is moving near you. I imagine it will be a comfort for you both.

Thanks for sharing your story about your snoring fucker, too. I don't think I will end up married to mine for a whole variety of reasons, but it often feels as if I am anyway.

Water, your routine sounds fantastic. I know about the muffled thinking, as I suffer from it. I am quite convinced that I would have less need to drink if I had fewer troubles (autistic child, divorce, abusive XH, elusive DP, job worries, money worries, a barely habitable house etc). Just when I think things are on an even keel, something else happens. That's a major part of my problem. That, and habit.

Awks, please do join in. I am hurtling towards full-blown menopause too, and that's yet another reason to try to do something about my alcohol consumption.

I am going to bed very soon as I have to collect one of the DC early tomorrow morning. AF tonight, but am going to have a very small rum (40ml) as I've got a stinking cold and I am hoping it might help, even if just psychologically. Other than that, it has been Lemsip this evening.

Frouby, I'm so sorry about your aunt. Bastard cancer.
Welcome awks.

Frouby I'm so sorry about your aunt. I hope it isn't as bad as you think. And I'm sorry too for provoking dreams of your ex Charming Bastards!
Awks welcome, I'm 52 (nearly 53) and menopausal, I've been moderating for a year and feel a lot better for it. Menopause and alcohol definitely don't go together and as you can't give up the menopause there isn't a lot of choice in what to do!
Well, saw my Forest Man yesterday and confronted the issue, he was expecting it. Told him I knew he was seeing one of his exes but in fact it is more complicated than that. I know everyone will think I'm mad for believing his story but I do. He has been with a woman for a year, she has got severe psychological problems having been raped a lot by an uncle when she was young, her parents did nothing. According to him they had sex once and she couldn't cope with it, they are very close and he wants out but given her state it is difficult. He is in love with me and now has no choice but to leave her if he wants to stay with me, so we'll see if he does. She is extremely high maintenance, runs a haute couture clothes shop and a very beautiful but screwed up 57 yr old. I'm completely the opposite.
I think he is genuine yesterday I spent all day with him no sex he refused to stay over. He pays for everything. I know I'm probably a mug even as I'm writing it I find it hard to believe
Anyway we went over everything yesterday, it all ties up, I just hope there are no more lies.

Anglaise you aren't a mug for believing him but you will be if you let it drag on as you'll begin to hate yourself. Give him a chance but set an internal deadline would be my advice - so hard to go though when you care.

Frouby hope the scan results are quick and better than you expect

Anglaise at least now you know the score and can plan accordingly. Set a time limit for him to extract himself from the situation, tell him the time limit, and if it comes and he is still with her call it a day.

I wouldn't let it be a long drawn out thing either. The longer you accept the other woman, the harder it will be to call it a day. If he doesn't end it, it's likely that he never will and you are better off saving your time and energy for someone else. I know if france it's common to have someone else but you don't want that so it's completely up to you to lay down rules.

I would question why he was OLD before ending it with her though.

Won't be dry today. Having a few glasses of wine later. Just been to M and S, taking ds and the dog out, feeding the chickens, picking feed and bedding up for them, then going to chill on the sofa for the afternoon.

Spoke to aunt this morning. She is very anxious but going to the seaside today with my cousin. Cousin had good news re house move yesterday and they should exchange tues and complete on friday so thats all good.

Have a good Saturday everyone. Whether wet or dry. I am having a wet bank holiday weekend and starting again next week.

Anglaise, I think you know I am the last person to offer any intelligence on this score, almost nine three years on.

Frouby, that is at least good news on the house front. Thinking of you.

Awks, how are you getting on?

Wet now. Sodding cold. I feel ill and miserable, so am having a very large medicinal brandy with Night Nurse to follow. Went to town with DD for school stuff today, which is enough to make anyone turn to drink ("OMG, like EVERYONE has like £90 trainers for hockey that nobody plays anyway, you can't seriously expect me to, like, wear PRIMARK ones - and I need a super-expensive hockey stick for the hockey I'm not playing, while we're, like, at it. And hockey shoes as well"). FML.

I might at one point have become a bit cross with her.

It was Primark trainers, btw, and no hockey equipment.

Dion I hope your DPidbt ruining your weekend toi much, how are you?
Frouby your advice is so good and a deadline of 2 weeks has been given. As it is the birthday of the Other Woman next Saturday he is hardly going to break up with her before. But I honestly don't know how I can ever trust him now and as he is unlikely to stop all contact with her as she has so many problems (hypochondria being one of them as far as I can tell) and it is quite likely that she will at least threaten suicide so it is just an impossible scenario to live with. Am trying to distance myself already, I've had a relationship where the highs when with the person were amazing but the lows when not with him and constantly wondering what he is up to and with whom and it was awful. I never want to go through that again.
On a brighter note I did a good 10k race this morning in 46 minutes and won my age category and 30€ will be damp this evening as usual and no bank holiday here in France to get carried away with!

Anglaise, you're a total babe! Well done. I think you're right on the man front, sadly.

Dionysa, ha ha re teen school shopping, been there. Like.

I'm on day 32 and even cooked a roast chicken last night and watched a film with Dh and wasn't tempted. So that's good. And I'm another 3lbs down this week so that's also good. LOADS to go but hey, it's still in the right direction.

Has anyone watched the Adrian Chiles programme? I might try to catch it later.

Afternoon all.

Have had a very lazy bank holiday sunday. Ds woke us up at 7am to go riding before it rains. Then his pony was a knobber to add insult to injury. So pony got a 10 minute hard workout on the lunge. I don't think he appreciated being dragged away from his breakfast hay so was silly when ds got on to get out of working.

Don't think he will do that again. He ended up working much harder for much longer. BabyPony was good though.

Then fed the chickens, had McDonalds for lunch and came upstairs to do some sorting out. Had a nan nap instead, then have sold my wedding dress (i think anyway, will see if she transfers the money) , and have read for an hour.

Had my pjs on since 2pm. Its so miserable.

Going to have a couple of glasses of wine. Make tea. And have a lovely evening reading. Bliss.

Anglaise, you are so wise, and you have done exactly the right thing. Better now than later. And if he chooses a high-maintenance type over you, no forest is worth that. Congrats on your run, as well.

Water, it will take me a while to recover from the school shopping. WTF does DD think she needs even more stationery? By contrast, teen boy school shopping is splendid. I just get "don't need anything" in response to any suggestion involving looking in shops.

Frouby, foul weather here too, and my cold continues. However, I am dragging myself out tonight regardless. It will be a wet one. Hope you have a lovely evening.