Christmas survival thread

[Jellycatspyjamas]

So, I'm thinking we could do with a place to vent about the particular joys of parenting adopted children through the Christmas season. For my two it's our first Christmas together so knowing what Christmas "looks like" to them, minefields to side step and general sensory and emotional overload is stretching my patience to it's limits.

So far this week my 6 year old threw an almighty tantrum yesterday because she wanted a snack, didn't want a snack, wanted tv bit not that tv, had to wear uniform to school, didn't want breakfast but did want cereal. She also cried all the way home from school today for no apparent reason other than I hugged her back when she hugged me.

My 4 year old has asked about birth mum for the first time, his foster carers and "what happens when I need another new family".

I suspect it's the emotional onslaught that is Christmas but I could do with some humour to keep me sane.

What's the most endearing, funny, bizarre or just plain hard reaction you're dealing with. to those of us picking our way through the festive season.

My two are finally asleep having had a dress rehearsal at my sisters. They're both so very very excited - I hope we've got the right balance of what they wanted -v- keeping it a bit low key. Time will tell.

My gift? My daughter saying "before I came here and you had children, I still loved you".

My gift? My daughter saying "before I came here and you had children, I still loved you"

Happy Christmas !

Jelly that is so lovely.

Merrry Christmas one and all.

Best overheard... DS say aged 6 YOU can kiss me now your my Sister., nite!! nite!!
Happy Christmas every one.

Ahhh how lovely bet you both had a tear in your eye 😍

Happy Christmas, all.

Ah that same daughter is driving me absolutely batshit crazy - her "I'm going to do as I please" streak is running riot. Last night she painted the bathroom in bubble bath, filled and hid her water bottle in her room so she could drink at night meaning she's wet her bed (she knows we have a "no drink after bedtime" rule to help her stay dry at night), she ate a big tube of smarties after being told no chocolate before breakfast, broke her little brothers present from grandparents, and is generally doing the exact opposite of everything she's asked to do, usually looking me straight in the eye as she does. My patience is wearing very thin with her.

Dad has taken her brother to soft play as a treat, leaving her with me and we're going to do some jobs round the house together - a combination of chores as punishment and some time with mum. Not feeling my most therapeutic as a parent this morning.

Jelly
You might not be feeling therapeutic but you're doing all the right things by giving her time in with you.

What rain said.

It’s hard when you know they are doing it on purpose with that defiant look in their eyes.

Hope chores didn’t result in a meltdown.

From either of you.

It's so hard isn't it, sounds like she's a little overwhelmed. Time in sounds perfect. That look of defiance can make me want to scream at times!

My DS anxiety is through the roof today, keeps soiling himself and is so so so clingy and whiney and grumpy. If I said the sky was blue he'd argue that it was red, just no winning. He's had mega naps yesterday and today he's so exhausted, and early to bed each night as well, though it took about 3 hours for him to go to sleep tonight.

We really need a good physical day out to blow off the cobwebs tomorrow, today's trip to the park just wasn't enough.

4.30 am starts for the last few mornings are also a sure sign that he's a bit wobbly 😬

found him chomping his way through the secret stash of choc coins he sneaked into his room earlier!

After today it's just 6 more sleeps until normal service is resumed 🕰

Thanks folks, she is definitely overwhelmed and usually when she gives any ground in terms of relationship building there's a massive backlash in her behaviour so I'm not surprised to see her like this.

I've been struggling with a very heavy cold which impacted on Christmas prep and I'm feeling generally run down so I've much less capacity to cope with it. It's just hard work when you're fully fit, more so when you're ill - it'll settle once routines are back to normal...

How you getting on today jelly ?

We're having an old skool time in this afternoon and I've already poured a glass of red

Tried to keep today as boringly normal as possible. Laundry, supermarket quick visit to grandparents and a long walk. I've had to do some work from home today so he got to veg on the sofa in front of the tv a couple of times. Here's hoping tonight's bedtime is A LOT shorter than last night.

Lots of attitude and foot stamping from DS today.

5 more sleeps 😁

We had a chaotic day yesterday - our heating boiler was being replaced and the work took forever. So kids and I in one warm room for a good while.

DD was fine though, woke up all sweetness and light and stayed that way all day - so fairly easy for me and much more pleasant for her.

Schools here aren't back til the 8th so it's lots more than 5 sleeps for me - I'm avoiding mainlining wine so far

Is anyone else still suffering the after effects of the festive season? I'm currently on day 3 of epic bedtime meltdown and it is taking every last scrap of energy to try and parent therapeutically (which is what she needs) when my brain just wants to shout please go to bed calmly and fall asleep within 20 mins like everybody else's kids do rather than the two and a bit hours it takes us
Gah!!!

poppy 💐

I’ve booked mine into holiday club for the rest of the week, even though DH and I are both around. The lack of routine is killing us! (At least I think it’s that, rather than post Xmas anything.)

DC2 is still an absolute joy, DC1 seems determined to suck the joy out of everything.

Thanks fatberg. If it’s any consolation DD is also being a total mood hoover at the moment. Love her dearly but it’s exhausting.

Mood hoover

That’s the expression I never knew I needed til now. 😀

Ah yes, my DC are succeeding at driving me totally bonkers - they're both missing routine and have spent too long in each other's company than is good for anyone. Add in DS's toiletting has regressed somewhat and you'll understand why I'm hiding in the front room with a cup of tea ignoring any and all noise coming from the playroom.

Well our routine went back to normal on Tuesday, no protest bed shit tonight (first night in a while) so that's a positive and only wet himself once today.

Everything else seems to be ten steps back though. He is really holding it together at preschool so much so that at least 3 members of staff will tell me how good he's been, what a good day he's had etc etc at every pick up then he gets home and it's like the hulk has taken over. VERY angry, shouting, screaming hitting and pinching me. Some rather impressive foot stamping and growling. Then someone flicks a switch and he's hugging me and apologising and having snuggles.

I expect it's a combination of being knackered at getting back to preschool, fall out of therapy and if his Dan Dare trousers this morning are anything to go by a major growth spurt!

We'll be just about getting back to normal and it will be his birthday and this year he's having a proper party and is already getting excited for it 🤦🏻‍♀️

While I'm here having a whinge, who are these people that don't respond to a child's party invite arrrrggghh a simple no thanks would be lovely and I can invite someone else. I understand that I am totally paranoid that no one wants to be his friend so I may be over invested in checking my texts every five minutes for any replies. Consoling myself that we have 5 confirmed and five rude invitation ignoring poo poo heads

Yes! There are people who don’t reply!!! Why? Who does that?! (Though it turns out you can have a surprisingly good party with only a handful of littles.)

He's going to have an amazing time this is the first year he has an actual friend it melts my heart to see them together and they are both so happy to see each other at nursery and on their regular play dates 😍

On a positive note one of the mums who did reply got into a text chat and suggested a play date after the party as her LO is always talking about DS I'm assuming in a good way or maybe it's a trap and she wants a show down about my hooligan. I was rubbish at this as a kid, clearly no better as an adult 😂 I really need to stop doubting him, he's so lovely most of the time who wouldn't like him!

No violence so far today and everything calm so far. Clearing his room as it's getting 'done' as part of his big boy birthday and he's even agreed for some stuff to go to the charity shop!

We're still not in our usual routine and my DD is really struggling - behaviour is all over the place and then this morning she had a total meltdown, crying for all the people she's lost and misses. I suspect she's been working up to that for a while now and having had a good cry and cuddle with mum she's all sweetness and light again. Folk will never understand how bloody hard this time of year is for them.

Oh bless her jelly it's good that she can tell you though, not that it makes it any easier but talking about it can only help her xxxx

It is really hard to see them so upset jelly agree with minty though that's it's a really good sign she'll talk to you about it. I'm looking forward to the normality of back to school (though undoubtedly that will bring a whole host of new tribulations!)

I know, those little girl tears are so bloody sore and knowing she won't see those people again when in her mind they're all still alive so why not... bless her heart, at least she's able to talk about it sooner or later which is a very good thing. It ruined our morning plans but it's so much more important to attend to them when they need us.