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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Newbies Part 2

440 replies

resipsa · 29/05/2014 11:18

Hello! I like starting threads - there are sadly too many of mine littered in conception, miscarriage and infertility.

My story? After two miscarriages in 5 months (both following donor egg IVF), my mind and body have had enough and my thoughts are turning to the idea of adoption because I want two children. DD (my and DH's BC) is 3.

We're at the thinking stage but I have registered my interest with my LA and a VA locally. But for DD, I would be pressing ahead at full speed but I worry about the potential negative impact on her. I never worried about how having another BC might affect her and so am unsure if I need to refocus on me and DH - we want another child - rather than concentrate on the sibling issue.

I hope there are others (Mersea, maybe?) in my shoes who will join me here in supporting each other through the process.

And to Italian - I love your story and hope to follow in your shoes!

OP posts:
dimples76 · 23/07/2014 19:44

Mine just seemed to go over the written references that my referees and asked them to give examples and clarify a few points. They were all surprised by how unchallenging it was -they (and I) thought it would be more probing. That said I seem to have more references than most, 6 (and I'm single) and all were visited.

CloserThanYesterday · 25/07/2014 08:02

Same here - they just went through the questionnaire and expanded on a few things. They said it was more of a chat than an interview really.

birdandbee · 03/08/2014 15:44

So we have our initial meeting with SW on Wednesday...

What sort of things are good to ask?

What sort of things will we be asked??

Choccyjules · 07/08/2014 18:13

Very, very cross Angry but saying too much will out me. Suffice to say that I took ten mins off from work today to cry/yell/mutter stuff.

Do people not realise this is Our Life they are messing with?!

Choccyjules · 07/08/2014 18:14

birdandbee sorry to jump over your post. You will find lots of threads about meeting SW on here Smile; apparently the most important thing is the choice of biscuits Wink

Choccyjules · 07/08/2014 18:15

Oh, it was yesterday. Hope it went well!

Italiangreyhound · 07/08/2014 21:47

birdandbee how did it go.

choccy huge hugs, try no to worry. I do know how you feel but try and stay calm.

CloserThanYesterday · 09/08/2014 10:36

Choccy - I can only imagine how you're feeling after 5 months of waiting. Sadly our lives are the least of their worries, and that feels really shit sometimes.

Just hold on to the knowledge that it will happen - and all this will all feel like a million years ago. Easier said than done, I know...

Wine Cake for you!

64x32x24 · 09/08/2014 16:20

Choccy we have had a few of those moments - and whilst I do feel the children's interests must come first, they absolutely needn't make it so sanity-destroyingly hard for the prospective adopters. There is common decency, having a shred of empathy, and treating prospective adopters as feeling human beings, who have lives to live. That would be a start. It makes me so cross that some SWs seem to think they can dispense with these things.

FWIW at some point we started talking to managers, and had immediate positive effects. Maybe an idea for you? It took us quite a while - quite a bit of 'it doesn't sound/feel right but we don't want to rock the boat' - but my SW aunt finally convinced me that things needn't and shouldn't be like that. She is disgusted at the 'ethics' of some of the people in her profession. She also said that seeing the process through our eyes really brought it home to her how different the experience is for adopters (life-long monumental decisions and events) compared to what it is like for SWs (a job, maybe a calling, maybe something you find yourself taking home with you, maybe something that haunts your dreams at times, but still not something that will affect you every day of the rest of your life).

Mersea · 11/08/2014 10:02

Hi

Sorry I've been away for a while and I've had very little time to catch up on all the posts, but will do with a glass of wine this evening. Well all 4 weeks of residentials done with teenagers, great fun but very tiring!!

In the meantime we got turned down by the 1st LA we went with, turns out because I work for them as a youth worker it is a conflict of interest!! So we have now had to apply with different LA and we have our first visit this Wednesday. What I found most frustrating was the 1st LA did not say anything about this on the phone or at the open event we went to. We took time off work and completed all the forms and now we have to start again.

Italiangreyhound · 11/08/2014 10:06

Mersea so sorry to hear this has been a hassle. Now you are getting signed up with a new agency hope all will go well.

MyPreciousRing · 28/08/2014 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tokoloshe · 01/09/2014 10:16

There's a range of resources on this forum, for anyone starting out (or finishing off!):
www.adopterssupportuk.freeforums.net/thread/291/essential-reading-assessment-preparation

MyPreciousRing · 01/09/2014 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2014 10:36

How are all you newbies doing?

ChoccyJules · 10/09/2014 14:08

Plod plod plod....

CloserThanYesterday · 10/09/2014 15:24

I'm with you, Choccy...

The legal wranglings around all the children are just nuts at the moment. The courts don't seem be brave enough to say 'enough is enough' and give a placement order - but neither do they think the children can go to the birth family - so they (and we I might add!) remain in limbo Sad

CloserThanYesterday · 10/09/2014 15:26

Sorry Italian, thanks for asking! Bet you wish you hadn't bothered now!! Blush

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2014 16:27

Choccy so sorry but really it is worth waiting for the right match. At times it is hard, especially with a birth child, and so you do need to know it is right. Keep plodding.

Closer I never regret asking if it helps to answer, Smile but I am very sorry you are feeling this way and I hope you get your match soon. I agree, personally, that sometimes decisions are not made fast enough.

ChoccyJules · 08/10/2014 14:49

A month later and my update is...no change. Still waiting for a match.

CloserThanYesterday · 08/10/2014 15:33

Sad Sorry to hear that Choccy. We're in the same boat if it helps. There are a couple of potential links, but a little older than we originally thought of, so we're weighing up how we feel about it - trying not to let our desperation to be a family become a factor!!

Keep plodding BrewCake

Italiangreyhound · 08/10/2014 17:37

Chocky and Closer so sorry Sad.

Hang on in there.

How long has it been?

We waited 5 months from approval to first word of the match who became our son and is sitting on our carpet at this very moment. It can feel very hard, but it is worth it. Good luck both of you. Smile.

CloserThanYesterday · 08/10/2014 21:46

Thanks Italian, it's only been just over 3 months since approval for us

  • not long at all in the great scheme.

To think one of the things people commented on in our reference was my patience!! Hmm

Italiangreyhound · 08/10/2014 22:49

Closer patience is a virtue, Lord give me patience but give me it NOW!

jazzsyncopation · 09/10/2014 02:15

good luck to y'all : am a big fan of adoption for family reasons, and o/p: dont worry about dd am sure it'll be good for her too