Damn, I've got it! The solution to the name problem. It's been staring me in the face all along. I'm imagining trying to explain this to her.
"You need to give yourself a little symbol, like Prince."
"A li'l cymbal, pet? Like one of them things what yuz hits, like?"
"No, no, a symbol. Like a sign. It could be your insignia. Something people associate with you?"
"Are yuz tryna be foony, like?"
"No, seriously - just a symbol on your record sleeves, no name."
"Ah'm not shewer ah'm quite gettin' this, pet. What's people gonna call uzz? When they assk fer uzz records like?"
"Ah, well, again Prince thought of it first. You'd be 'The Artist Formerly Known As Cheryl Cole.' TAFKACC for short. Brilliant, eh?"
[Long silence]
"Thuh Artist Formally Knowwwn as Cheryl Cooole? What if they wanna call us somethin' informally, like?"
"No, not formally, Cheryl. Formerly. As in before, as in The Former Mrs Cole."
[Long silence]
"Ah'm not shewer I'm likin' that, pet. Would ah have to draw it on th'autographs and that?"
"Well, yes. But we'd try and keep it simple."