Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

You're thinking about ethics and values. The court will think about the law. I don't think you'll get the inheritance back if he's determined to have it. If your margins are that close that you might end up selling at a loss is there any realistic chance of getting it back anyway?

OP divorce is painful and expensive for many. And peace of mind is priceless. Have a think what will make things happen quickly for you. Do you have a good lawyer yet?

But legally he does have a point. Once inheritance is invested into a ‘joint pot’ (in this instance, your home) it becomes a martial asset and is no longer just yours. In addition, he has a point regarding making increased contributions. If he was fully financially supporting the household then this will be taken into account, the same way that you being a ‘homemaker’ will be taken into account. With all that considered I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up somewhere near 50/50 tbh

I get that but I have an asset and need to be able to house myself and our child. Sorry for what you went through.

I’m actually quite concerned at the high conflict nature of where OP has ended up. The stress is no good for her baby. There is nothing that’s been said that justifies the court ruling on every aspect of this divine.

Nobody is commenting on whether morally he should move out. NEITHER of them need to move out- they own the home jointly and that’s what you agree to. OP has asked whether her occupation order will be granted and it seems very unlikely.

He loves himself more than his child. Sadly many men do. Some women do but no comparison in numbers.

Morally yes. Legally he doesn't have to, and the court won't make him. Expecting the family or divorce court to work on the basis of ethics is pointless.

My sister and her 4 year old were made homeless by her abusive husband. He initially left the house after the police were called following him attacking her and then leaving and threatening suicide. He was told to leave the house and stay somewhere else for her safety.

He took an opportunity a few weeks later of her being out of town to go back to the house and wouldn't allow her back. My parents still had my other sister at home and things were tight as it is a 3 bed house where the third room is a 6ft x 6ft box. My sister and her 3 year old had one double, my parents had the other and my sister had the box room. I was at uni and when I returned I had to sleep on the sofa. It didn't make a difference, he had right to be in the house. She had a solicitor and she was told the best thing she could do is to move quickly through the divorce process. It was before no fault divorce and she was told her best bet was to include only enough details of the abuse (physical, emotional and sexual assault well as coercive control but that wasn't a crime at the time) to qualify but nothing excessive that he could deny as it would drag the process out. There was small amounts of DIY to finish which they paid for prior to sale. She didn't need to pay towards the house whilst not living there but as he didn't pay them at the point of divorce and sale of the house she ended up paying as they couldn't sell and complete the financial part of the divorce whilst they had bills in their joint name in debt.

What good people will do and what feels morally right and there is what happens in real life. Your best bet would be to focus on getting through the steps of divorce and division of assets and focus on how you want your new life to look. It might not be right but it's your best bet of freeing yourself from this marriage as much as you can whilst you will still be parenting together.

He also had very little to do with my niece until it came to finalising the child maintenance and he went from not seeing her for months and banning my sister and his daughter from the house every weekend, never doing any care to having her several times a week. I say him having her, his mum had her but that was his prerogative

Tbh you actually won’t get temporary accommodation because you have a house to live in

Contribution and conduct don’t matter. Finances will be decided on ensuring you both have what you need going forward in a fair way. I think you said you’ve been married for 5 years so you might be able to argue to keep it but as it was put into the matrimonial home it’s unlikely i think.

Be ready to let it go and then a different outcome is a bonus. You weren’t ’not working’ btw. You were providing childcare and domestic work so that he could work.

Absolutely this.

No you have a joint asset. And the court will see it as you’re chosing not to live there,

i really think it is best you start to accept this, and decide what you’re going to do after next week. The house needs to be sold and fast, the work isn’t major and won’t prevent a sale.

But that is the law, once the money goes into the marriage pot it is a marital asset, you can dislike it, and you can argue that you should get a different percentage split based on having your child more or having sacrificed you career development through being part time, but tough luck on the inheritence, that is why you always keep you inheritance/ pre-martial assests seperate (with the evidence to prove it) until they are matched £ for £ by your spouse.

Marriage isn't a pretty lovey dovey ceremony it is a complex financial contract.

he is meaning prior to having our child. I did do the domestic side of things though but no childcare. It was a choice we made together though.

OP, if you dropped those orders, do you think he might behave more reasonably re the inheritance etc? It sounds like those angered him and may make him fight you for everything now.

I agree with this. When someone is trying to use the court to refuse access of your child, your home, and refusing to progress the divorce by selling the house, it seems natural you would use what power you do have to make life as hard as possible for them- I’d do the same and I’m sure most would

I think the non mol etc and the accusations of abuse have made him dig his heels in,

this is clearly a very acrimonious divorce and no one will win, the op appears to think as she says he’s abusive and can get her mates to agree then rhe court would chuck him out and make him pay for her to live there,

it’s cloud cuckoo land,

I can’t drop the orders, it’s far too late this is next week. Plus I need somewhere to live until I get my share of the house. It will make no difference he was being unreasonable prior, hence me applying for the orders. I asked him for months nicely to move out and put our child first.

What about the financial orders and the custody case?

So does he 🤷‍♀️

And he’s correct that you’ll have a better chance of being housed than he has.

Or they might suggest the child goes back to live there but with him? Not sure if that’s a possibility but I guess unlikely as you’re breastfeeding.

It makes no difference anyway from what I’ve been told.

If you are fleeing domestic abuse you need to get yourself & your child away from him.

Unfortunately you will almost certainly lose money on the house.

An occupation order is possible but they will have to consider both your needs. They won't issue it for either parties financial gain.

A non molestation order will do more to keep you & your child safe from him.

You can usually get pro bono advice & representation for a non - mol through NCDV or FLOW.

You will lose money on the house but your safety & your child's needs to take priority

But the baby is still small right? So it sounds like she wasn't working and being financially supported by XH for many years beforehand?

OP you are mixing up what you believe to be morally right with what the law provides.

You cannot afford to live in the house on your own so therefore it will have to be sold. You might not like it but that's the situation that you're in.

You probably need to be more flexible with him and also get yourself some proper legal representation.

Those are his. He started those processes.