Should I advise my friend?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I don't know whether it's any of my business but...
I have an ex-colleague who is now a friend. She is younger than me - 30 (I'm mid 40s).
She is currently online dating and met a man last weekend for the first time f2f for the day. He is 34 ish. She has already told me she wants to marry him pretty much!
Anyway, she messaged me this morning to say he has come over from his place (about 1 hr away) to stay at her flat. He was there last night and slept in the living room.
Perhaps I'm being old but I worry about inviting a virtual stranger into her home? She has no parents to guide her.
Should I say anything?

Does he sleep on women’s couches and eschew all advice?

I was 25,30,35,40 single, independent and happy to listen to advice. Grateful, even. Sometimes even took it.

I wouldn’t let my now husband pick me up for our first date. Had friends check him out thoroughly. Did my own due diligence.

Date was postponed for weeks due to our schedules so I did change my mind. Gave friends details. My friends even saw us out and later we met up with them. Became a big joke in the wedding toasts.

Not a virgin. 😂

She's 30! She doesn't need a parent to guide her, that comment makes it sound like you're talking about a teenager.

They all worked for the same institution so could easily confirm (legally) that he held the job he described, length of service, etc.

His job requires background checks so that helped, also.

He was meanwhile doing the same to me and found my photo age 4 in the newspaper of my hometown. 😂

You and your now husband had obviously had quite a horrific relationship history!

What an odd thing to say.

Goodness, what happened here?

What? She’s not your 16 year old child! Many people sleep with a guy on the first date, and she didn’t do that and you say he stayed in the suds second time. It’s not your business. Are you jealous?

Better safe than sorry.
When I started dating after my divorce there was absolutely no way I would have told a virtual stranger my home address, especially as I was living on my own. That was my "safe place" and doing so would have left me feeling very vulnerable indeed. I know we are all different, but she hasn't long moved and I want her to feel secure where she is now.
Thanks for the advice re my friend.
I've messaged her this morning to check in. Not heard yet but assuming she's at church.

Then she will say why didn't you warn me?

Well that's unhealthy, isn't it?

A grown woman thinking it's the job of another grown woman to 'warn her'?

Ridiculous.

With my friends, if us mentioned doing something unusual or risky the other would absolutely say, “Are you sure?”

No judgement. Not a big deal really. Normal conversation.

Actually one friend recently said she was traveling to another city pickup something she bought online from a stranger’s house. I said “is that safe?” And we talked about the safety of going to a stranger’s house. She wasn’t irritated by that. (And she had local friend meeting her there, anyway.)

I still asked her to call me when she got home
and she did.

I wish someone would have been looking out for me. And I was late 30s when I started dating again!

And did you accuse other grown women of not warning you about things you shouldn't have needed warning about as an adult?

Your posts seem rather hostile and aggressive.

Is this a personal subject for you?

Maybe, just maybe, you should be advising your friend that it is quite normal for people who like each other and are dating to have sex?

I didn't honestly think there were so many dangerous men out there. And so many very, very clever ones at playing the game. She has very little experience of dating and wants to keep herself for marriage so I just want her to go into this with her eyes wide open. Do I think it is safe to invite a virtual stranger into your flat when you live in your own? No.