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Should I advise my friend?

141 replies

FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:26

I don't know whether it's any of my business but...
I have an ex-colleague who is now a friend. She is younger than me - 30 (I'm mid 40s).
She is currently online dating and met a man last weekend for the first time f2f for the day. He is 34 ish. She has already told me she wants to marry him pretty much!
Anyway, she messaged me this morning to say he has come over from his place (about 1 hr away) to stay at her flat. He was there last night and slept in the living room.
Perhaps I'm being old but I worry about inviting a virtual stranger into her home? She has no parents to guide her.
Should I say anything?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 31/10/2026 09:28

She may be younger than you but she is still an adult. She can make her own choices

brownbootsandhats · 31/10/2026 09:29

Ideally you should have his name and number and she should message you occasionally over the weekend

But do start with “oh this sounds fabulous and I know I am being a bit of a scaredy cat but …

FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:30

Sirzy · 31/10/2026 09:28

She may be younger than you but she is still an adult. She can make her own choices

She can. But if he assaults her?

OP posts:
FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:31

brownbootsandhats · 31/10/2026 09:29

Ideally you should have his name and number and she should message you occasionally over the weekend

But do start with “oh this sounds fabulous and I know I am being a bit of a scaredy cat but …

That's a good point but how would this help if he turned out not to "respectful" at all?

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Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 09:33

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Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 09:34

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FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:39

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Yes I guess I would with a man she barely knows. Especially in her own home. She is far too trusting.
However, she has also told me due to her faith she wants to only have an intimate relationship upon marriage.

OP posts:
OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 09:43

Yes, since she’s sharing details with you I would say “That doesn’t sound safe. You don’t know him.”

And ask questions to make her think.

Where does he live, work, etc.

No good man is sleeping on a strangers couch after one date.

Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 09:44

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FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:44

OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 09:43

Yes, since she’s sharing details with you I would say “That doesn’t sound safe. You don’t know him.”

And ask questions to make her think.

Where does he live, work, etc.

No good man is sleeping on a strangers couch after one date.

That's how I feel. She is emotionally quite vulnerable and "falls in love" very quickly.

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Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 09:45

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FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:46

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Quite a lot as she lives near. The biggest difference being I'm married with kids so of course that changes thing in terms of free time.

OP posts:
OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 09:47

FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:44

That's how I feel. She is emotionally quite vulnerable and "falls in love" very quickly.

Yes and she obviously thinks of you as a friend if she’s sharing the details of her dating life. So be her friend and don’t just pay lip service. Tell her you find it unusual and concerning.

Also, if she’s so strait-laced that she’s waiting for marriage, she may want to consider how it appears to have strange men sleeping over.

Are you married?

FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:49

OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 09:47

Yes and she obviously thinks of you as a friend if she’s sharing the details of her dating life. So be her friend and don’t just pay lip service. Tell her you find it unusual and concerning.

Also, if she’s so strait-laced that she’s waiting for marriage, she may want to consider how it appears to have strange men sleeping over.

Are you married?

Edited

Yes. Married. Three kids. I don't share her faith.

But is it my business? As others have said, she is an adult?

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OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 09:51

Does your husband have an opinion that you might share with her?

It sounds like you are good friends. It’s your job! Just be polite and delicate but let her know you don’t think it’s a great idea.

FunPartyIdeas · 31/10/2026 09:52

OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 09:51

Does your husband have an opinion that you might share with her?

It sounds like you are good friends. It’s your job! Just be polite and delicate but let her know you don’t think it’s a great idea.

He says she's a grown woman.
But then he's a man and has nevwr been assaulted.

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Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 09:55

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OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 09:55

She is a grown woman. But it’s OK to tell friends you are worried for them. If you don’t, who will?

Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and you don’t want to overstep but that it worries you.

Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 09:56

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whyohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy · 31/10/2026 09:57

She’s hardly a young naive teenager. Leave her to it.

Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 09:58

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OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 10:01

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It agree but I think it’s a “go with your gut” moment.

This woman does sound rather innocent. She’s 30 and unmarried and waiting for marriage. Not typical. It can’t hurt to express that you find it a little odd. At least it will ensure she’s gives it some thought.

Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 10:02

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OneSparklyGoat · 31/10/2026 10:10

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Do you know a bunch of 30 year old virgins?

I only ever met one person who both did that and discussed it openly. In my entire 50+ years.

Theundiplomat · 31/10/2026 10:18

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