Should I advise my friend?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I don't know whether it's any of my business but...
I have an ex-colleague who is now a friend. She is younger than me - 30 (I'm mid 40s).
She is currently online dating and met a man last weekend for the first time f2f for the day. He is 34 ish. She has already told me she wants to marry him pretty much!
Anyway, she messaged me this morning to say he has come over from his place (about 1 hr away) to stay at her flat. He was there last night and slept in the living room.
Perhaps I'm being old but I worry about inviting a virtual stranger into her home? She has no parents to guide her.
Should I say anything?

Plenty of assaults sadly occur from people who are known to an individual. Yes, someone new is a risk but that applies to an extent regardless how long someone is known.

I suppose as someone who had a really not really very nice experience with a seemingly "nice" man in the past it does worry me. Men can present as absolutely lovely, but then very quickly turn.

Totally agree. I speak from experience on that one.

I didn’t. The OP wrote this:

”However, she has also told me due to her faith she wants to only have an intimate relationship upon marriage.”

Well that makes no sense at all

Allowing a man to stay over, but doesnt want intimacy

Yes because he didn't overstep his lane. Yet.

You can express concern gently. She sounds like a nice person who values your friendship.

He has probably said he doesn't want it either. And she trusts that.
I wouldn't.

She is lovely. Vulnerable I would say, with little experience of men. Very trusting.

I can’t relate to the situation. I wouldn’t invite someone to stay over if l didn’t intend to sleep with them.

The thing is, I don't want to frighten her so would have to tone it down. And she may think I'm trying to sabotage?

I am going to assume you have some kind of trauma around a previous S.A.

And whilst it's very sensible and noble of you to care for OP... she is an adult.

The damage is already done now, in that he already knows where she lives this early on. That's potentially foolish if he turns out to be a nut job. However, let's hope and assume he is a decent guy.

Maybe drop it in that she is vulnerable letting him into her home, as she doesn't know him or what he's capable of.
However... it's a tricky one, as he could be genuinely wonderful and have no intention of anything until marriage either.

It's not ideal that it sounds like she gets infatuated quickly when meeting new men.

All you can do is be there as a friend and hope that she remains safe and respected by the people she meets.

That's not necessarily true.

That's all well and good unless something happens. Then she will say why didn't you warn me?

I believe you’ve answered your own q here 🤔 👍

I’ll get lambasted but talk to AI about how to have the conversation. You can workshop it there. It’s been very helpful with wording difficult things for me.

I would just keep it brief.

It’s subjective and is my considered opinion.

It is not something my husband would have done nor something he would condone his son doing so early in a relationship, either.

I am highly doubtful that a man who would agree to stay celibate until marriage would do this either. It’s really not a sign of respect for her safety or reputation.

She most certainly can tell her friend she thinks it’s not a great idea.

And your point about ONS is moot here.

In your place, I would certainly have a conversation with her regarding the mixed signals of not intending to have sex until marriage vs inviting a virtual male stranger to spend the night in her house.

I didn’t see if you answered my question about your familiarity with 30 year old voluntary virgins with a religious background?

Do you know any?