Rules for being old

[TheFamousSix]

This is a bit mean spirited but I am writing myself a list of rules for when I am old based on the things I am struggling with regarding my own parents.

My list so far

Your kids do not care about your friends' illnesses (unless it impacts you eg your friend is dying or you are caring for them)

If you wouldn't say it to your daughter in law then don't say it to your daughter (eg judgement of parenting things)

Only offer food once, or twice max. It is not generous to offer a dozen times, just annoying.

Any others?

They tend to have large service charges

I presume some of the more unpleasant posters on here are like Benjamin Button and they won't be ageing, annoying, ever ill, widowed or lonely?

There are some pretty unpleasant posts on here and I do not know why they don't just tell their elderly parents to fuck off and leave them alone. Oh hang on, there's an inheritance to be had isn't there....

Good post Misschance, i might just try the fuck it, ive done all the others nearly,

Heavens.... I think that is the most unpleasant and ignorant post I have ever seen on.mumsnet, and that is saying something.
It shows a complete inability to understand the nature of the illness and an absence of humanity and compassion.

It makes me sad that some elderly are dependent on intolerant arseholes like the other poster.

Tell your children you definitely don’t want them to look after you as you age you’ll sort yourself out.
Clear out the house, stop buying useless stuff.

I am laughing inwardly at the thought of some of these ghastly posters becoming old. Or ill.

I am too!

Us older parents do our very best to not be a burden on our adult DCs and I know I'm not. But who knows what's round the corner. As I said in a previous post, I am a sounding board for all my DCs (in their 30s) worries, traumas, difficulties .. I am a good listener with sound advice. If I want a bit of advice from them, or to have a short whinge about something, I damn well will !!

I forgot to add:

Piss away your children's inheritance(AKA your actual fucking money) on a years-long drug-fuelled bender of majestic proportions.

Some more than others, but they do have the bonus that at 75% ownership you pay no rent - it’s called OPSO - and if you’ve banked some money from your house sale the interest will often cover off the service charge.

Can I join you?

I think a huge issue people don’t mention is this pushing by various influencers and people out there that you too can retire at 50 - as if it’s everyone’s right rather than an absolute luxury situation to be able to do so and the only reason ‘many’ can do it is via inheritance OR in some cases a large business sale and at 55 plus- inheritance plus private pensions:savings - I think it’s caused an unhealthy fixation on inheritance for some people.

Check your face in the magnifying mirror for random hairs sprouting where you don't want them. I have forgotten to do this on several occasions and then wondered how long I have been walking about with a rogue long hair on my skin!

@LlamasDramasto be fair, this applies from late 40s!

Us older parents do our very best to not be a burden on our adult DCs and I know I'm not.

This is true of course, but is worth analysing. Do our AC do their very best not to be a burden on us?

What I observe is that AC start off by behaving as though the care and concern we showered them with as children should continue: emotional, psychological and practical or even financial support. Gradually as they build their own lives this lessens to a degree but they always know that we are there for them.

Now I am and always have been very happy to offer all of this unconditionally - that is a given. And I do not see it as a burden - it is a loving exchange between family members.

But there comes a point where the parent needs to ask for help and support from their AC and apparently this ceases to be that loving exchange and metamorphoses into a burden. Why is this?

Absolutely, we have photos that my mum had from her and our dads parents and, grandparents aside, we have no real idea who they are, would be really nice to know.

Brilliant post

I agree
Luckily my adult children and their life partners are kind, caring individuals and help us out if we need it, but I rarely ask because I am still in nurturing mode and they lead such busy busy lives.

Maybe because I chose to have my children and they didn’t choose me. I definitely don’t want to be a burden but to help them live their own best lives. I realise that as I age they too are living their life and that’s what I want for them that makes me very happy.

Same!
Very happy to buy in any help I need -definitely don’t want them to curtail their lives. I have given them life and I want them to enjoy it as much as possible. Technology makes life much easier now for old people and I embrace it.
Massively rather now to do the sort of tasks that would have been onerous.
Online shopping/banking
Operate household devices from the phone apps.

Feel very sorry for those stubbornly resisting it.

Yes, it is galling to realise that instead of somebody thinking you look young for your age, they are fascinated by your senile rogue hairs, some of which may be inches long!

Don’t bother about the house, sorting it out is the price they pay for their massive inheritance, or alternatively, get the best care home you can and live as long as you can!

Why this spiteful desire to punish your kids?
I am decluttering unnecessary stuff so s to make it easier for them.

Er…tongue in cheek! I am kind to my kids!

But there comes a point where the parent needs to ask for help and support from their AC and apparently this ceases to be that loving exchange and metamorphoses into a burden. Why is this?

Maybe back to the Stoneage. If I am taking up space in the cave, I need to be culled.

I will lie down and wait to be culled!