Would you kick your kids out at 18 or let them stay as long as they want?

[Ursula14]

What’s your opinion on the meme that (white) British parents (in common with other North-Western European cultures like German, Scandinavian, Dutch etc and American, Canadian, Australian etc) kick out their children at age 18 and tell them to make their own life?

And that by contrast, Southern European/Eastern European cultures and Arab/Asian/African cultures seek to have their children live at home as long as possible?

Do you agree with this practice or not?

How can do many people say they have never heard of someone being kicked out at 18. I was born in the 70s it was done to me before that age I can instantly think of three other girls that also had to leave home. But if you ask the parents of these children they wouldn’t tell you that was what happened.

my mums narrative now on what happened, I broached the subject a few years ago, was I moved out to live with a boyfriend (I didn’t even have one). So my mum will tell everyone all her children stayed at home until they moved out to live with partner, but that’s not actually true.

My son has just turned 18 and I genuinely don’t k ow where he would go or if he’d even know what to do! He’s still at school doing a-levels and works part time, he’s welcome to stay at home for as long as he wants and the same goes for my dd (she’s 12 and I absolutely feel like chucking her out sometimes)!!

I don't know a single German kid who has been kicked out of their family's home at 18.

I know one woman who has 3 children. The eldest was kicked out at 18 because she was often arguing with her stepfather (father of the youngest). The second got pregnant at 18 and her mum kicked her out so she could get her own council flat. The youngest is now 16, her parents are no longer together and her mum has a new boyfriend- I do wonder what will happen to her!

My children can stay at home as long as they need too, they will also always be welcome back if needed.

Would you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life living with your adult children bearing in mind the lack of freedom for you and the lack of development for them ?

I'm not asking this to criticise you because such a set up might be your ideal. I'm genuinely surprised there are so many posters on this thread who are happy for their adult children to live with them for as long as they like (which could be decades/for ever)

I'm interested because to me that sounds like a nightmare I'd do almost anything to avoid.

I was told at 16 to get a job or get out. (Mid 1970s) back then 16 year olds could claim the dole. I signed on and got £9 a week, £7 of which i had to tip up for my board

I'd never kick my son out. How awful. Why would anyone do that? He did go to university overseas when he was 19, and then wanted to live alone when he came back. Which was fine as he was in his 20s.

He's always, always welcome here, but we now live in different cities on opposite ends of the UK, and he lives where his work is.

was That a short lived law? I claimed housing benefit when I was 16 long after 1990

I don't think that this "meme" exists

My oldest two are 20 and 18, still live at home. As far as I know neither has any plans to move out. They both know how to cook and clean. They cook one night a week and plan and buy ingredients for that meal. They also pay rent but obviously much cheaper than if they weren't living at home.
We've kept the rent they've paid separate and will give it to them in a lump sum when they move out. Plus they are both good savers.
My point is you can help your children become independent without kicking them out. I don't know any parents who kicked their child out at 18 or any age actually. I think that only happens in rare scenarios.

Well I started work on the Southbank in 1992 and the teenagers begging on the run up to my desk said this was why they were homeless- I counted one morning 23 between Embankment station and my desk in the National Theatre- maybe you are right and they were all lying.

Never! My house is their house. They can live here forever if they want. My eldest is currently away in uni and he is welcome to come home always. I will never let my children homeless.

Ours can live here as long as they wish, we don’t stop being their parents when they turn 18.

I’ve lived indepdently since I was 17, the only other people I know who moved out were those in the forces, so not at home, but still housed by someone else.

Somewhere in between….

I can’t imagine wanting to kick my kids out but I don’t think it would be in their best interests to stay for as long as they wanted either. I’d try to encourage and support them to become ready to move out and find their independence.

Same. I wouldn’t let them be homeless, but we loved having the house to ourselves. Kids need to learn independence and make their own way, not be cushioned and mollycoddled in their twenties, thirties and beyond. Can’t think of anything worse. If they’ve been brought up to be independent, why would they want to be living with Mum and Dad, apart from saving lots of money of course!

Mad….and soft!

I don't know anyone who has asked their kids to leave at 18. Most people I know had their kids living with them until their early/mid 20s and, even then, the kids left when they were ready to leave, not when they were kicked out. DH and I have two mid-20s kids living with us.

The eldest left when he was 25. In some parts of the south east of England, it is almost impossible for a young adult to move into either their own home or rented accommodation without significant financial help.

Neither my own kids or any of their friends were left to get on with it at 18! Sure they moved out for uni, but they bounced back on and off after graduation. DH and I both loved having them here

No I want them to have the freedom and confidence to live their own life. But no rush to move out. And I would never say this to them, but I’d love them to live reasonably close. My DM does now and it’s great.

i was struck in Croatia with multi-generation living. My point is really that I think our norm of geographically scattered families is not the best approach.

I wouldn't kick them out at 18, no. But I don't want to live with them indefinitely either.

Partly because I just don't want to - I didn't enjoy house sharing and that's what this would feel like.

Partly because we don't want to maintain a 4 bedroom house as we get older. We want to downsize before we are 70 into something smaller and more manageable and we will need the kids to leave by that point (their early 30s)

I also have absolutely no interest in having their partners move in or hang around all the time. Of course fine to come over sometimes but I am definitely not spending my 60s living with my kids and their partners.

I worked with a project that provided training in theatre and community arts for street homeless young people.

Many young men had been chucked out. often as young as 16. By Mums New Boyfriend, and especially if they were gay.

Not a model many MNers would wish to emulate, I think.

My opinion on the meme is that it sounds like bollocks designed to make people argue with each other, much like almost everything on social media.

I've no idea what meme you're talking about, and I've never known anyone who was kicked out at 18 or did so to their kids.

In fact, I'm mid 40s, parents are 70s, and they are currently building a house with bedrooms 'for' me and DB (as in, 'we've chosen carpet for Fred's bedroom') despite the fact we've not lived at home for 20 odd years.

Mine can stay as long as they want but they're to start saving immediately to put towards a house deposit. I've done my part with their child trust funds to give them a good start, they can get most of the rest together. We only take £40 a month lodge which most goes into a secret saving account that we'll give back to them too.

@Additup I'm happy for mine to live with me as long as they want to. We all get on brilliantly! Makes sense these days too, as none of us has a significant other. Keeps the cost of living down.