Would you kick your kids out at 18 or let them stay as long as they want?

[Ursula14]

What’s your opinion on the meme that (white) British parents (in common with other North-Western European cultures like German, Scandinavian, Dutch etc and American, Canadian, Australian etc) kick out their children at age 18 and tell them to make their own life?

And that by contrast, Southern European/Eastern European cultures and Arab/Asian/African cultures seek to have their children live at home as long as possible?

Do you agree with this practice or not?

I only know one person who was kicked out at 18. He had absolutely awful parents who just decided that when their youngest hit 18 they were done, despite the fact that he was in his last year of school at the time. He had no money and no where to go.

Everyone I know IRL is supporting their children through university including paying for their housing.

My daughter does know that when she finishes her education that living with us will be for the purposes of saving. We won’t charge her to live here, but we will write up an agreement about how much of her salary she is expected to save each month.

I wouldn't turn my children out into the street but I shudder at the thought of them all still living here/moving back in ad infinitum like some people on this thread seem happy with. In an ideal world they move out to uni, graduate and get a job and don't want/need to move back in.

I know of only I friend who is happy living with her adult child. The rest definitely want some freedom from parenting.

Surely your son contributes something towards household bills, food etc?

Mine are welcome as long as they want.
Our house now runs like a shared house - we're equals in decisions, bills and labour.
I can't help them financially to gain independence so I choose to give them what I can - which is as much freedom as possible.

He buys his own food and cooks it himself. That's it. And buys his own special toiletries.

He's saving though. And will shortly be moving into a houseshare, as is usual for Londoners.

My mum comes to stay- sometimes for a a month at a time- and if I asked her to pay towards groceries, she would probably expire of shock!

I have two DDs aged 25 and 27 and both still live at home. I'm widowed, I have plenty of room, so no need to be kicking them out of their home.

That's the biggest load of utter cobblers I've read all week.

I didn't enjoy living with my family so I was keen to move out at 18 and by age 19 I had my own council house.

I have a ds in his 20s now and he still lives at home. It's pretty convenient as it means there's another adult at home to receive deliveries, tradesmen etc. There's no real advantage to having him move out, except I suppose I could use his room as extra space for my hobbies/fitness.

I was kicked out at a younger age than that. I was just told you are to move out and given three days. I was hurt and confused as in my family and upbringing as far as I knew the kids stay at home until they marry move out etc. that’s how it was for my siblings.

My DC is in their 30s I’ve never done that. They’ve come and gone uni etc and I’ve moved house a few times. Currently in our spare room.

None of the white british parents I know have kicked their dc out aged 18.

If they pay a fair share of house bills-yes ( if the parents are kind enough / wealthy enough to save it for them fine, but don’t expect it!)
If they do their fair share of chores-yes
If they respect house rules-yes
Otherwise leave home and see how much they’ll have to pay for accommodation, food, maintenance etc!

I've told mine they may stay as long as they wish, but as there's 3 of them and I can't give them all their own bedroom, understand they may not want to. I am also encouraging them to explore other lovely parts of the world that are cheaper to live than our expensive city. I think there's fun to be had, that's much easier to have when you don't live with your mum.

I'm mid 30s and was always told 'when you're 18, you're out' which I did. But it made life harder. I'd like mine to know they always have the choice to stay.

It hasn't been the norm to kick your kids out at 18 for at least 2 generations in the UK. Around 1990 the law was changed so under 25's couldn't claim housing benefit, which also facilitated lower benefit rates for those under 25 and the shift towards staying at home started, it has gained a lot of momentum in the meantime meaning kicking your kids out at 18 is exceptionally rare in the UK.

Mine can stay as long as they want. I don’t think we put enough emphasis on family.

I don't know anybody who was kicked out at 18; not from my generation or from my kids' generation. Indeed, I think the British trend, particularly in major cities, is for young people to live with parents throughout their 20s and even into their 30s if they are saving for a deposit.

My DC are 22 (currently living away to do a masters) and 24 (currently at home after doing a Masters). Neither is working, neither is financially independent, both know they have a home here for as long as it suits. Both aspire to have good, grad jobs and being able to live out, but when renting a room costs a minimum of £800 to £1,000 plus bills here in London, they are going to have to be in stable employment and earning above the living wage to be able to do this.

I wish I could kick ds1 out. He’s 25 lives with us but won’t speak to us. It’s hard work. He came home from uni. went travelling for the best part of 3 years, he came back a completely different person, different views on life (for example he grew up on a beef farm and is now vegan and hates everything that farming stands for) I’d never throw him out. He’s lost all his friends too, including uni friends, so his attitude in general isn’t popular!

I don’t know a single Northern European who has kicked their kid out without it being due to a significant reason, usually the young person being out of control though I’ve always seen it being a blended family issue. My last dc left at 25 to live with her fiancé

In the 1960s I moved out at 22 to get my own place and would rather have cut my throat with a rusty saw than live with my parents again. Later I moved to another city to do a degree - first in family. When I rang my mother to tell her I had got a 1st her reply was "Well that's nice for you but don't think you can stay here for free while your looking for a flat."

She was quite miffed when I told her I was staying on at uni to do a masters. I never did go back to my home city. Finding jobs and somewhere to live was easy back then. I would never have wanted an adult child living with me.

No one I know has asked their children to leave home at 18. Or 28 come to think of it.

Our family home is just that, at any point they are welcome to leave and come back whenever they want or need.

Daft question. At 18 they would end up on the street given the high costs of renting. My 24 year old is still at home and probably will be for a while. He can't afford any other options.

Never heard of anyone being kicked out at 18.

I let my children stay as long as they wanted. It was there home. They both like independence though and although they came back after university they both had their own places by their early 20s.
I hope they know that they are always welcome though.
They don't automatically become responsible independent adults overnight when they turn 18! Young people still need a lot of support

I literally don’t know anybody who’s kicked their kids out at 18! I didn’t think this was a thing, more like kids still being at home in their 30s!