Would you kick your kids out at 18 or let them stay as long as they want?

[Ursula14]

What’s your opinion on the meme that (white) British parents (in common with other North-Western European cultures like German, Scandinavian, Dutch etc and American, Canadian, Australian etc) kick out their children at age 18 and tell them to make their own life?

And that by contrast, Southern European/Eastern European cultures and Arab/Asian/African cultures seek to have their children live at home as long as possible?

Do you agree with this practice or not?

I don't think those are the only two options

I haven’t kicked mine out. The eldest moved into halls for a year but he’s now back. Why would I kick my children who I love out into the street? You can manage them to increase independence without doing that

Not seen that meme, but I don't agree with that at all.
It's their home, and no I wouldn't kick them out at 18. They'll go when they're ready and always welcome until then.

I’m in my 40s and only know of one person who left home at 18.

I think in years gone by young adults were keen to make their own lives and fly the nest but these days it is no longer as viable so I imagine a future of families all living together as they do in other cultures

I would let my DC stay but ensure they still 'launched' as adults. So they would pay their way, take on a fair share of all household duties such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, being responsible for one of the utilities. I wouldn't charge rent if they chipped in like this, but I would expect them to put a rent-equivalent chunk of money away into savings towards a house deposit.

And while I'd welcome their LTR partners, I'd still have strong house rules of no drugs, no ONSs, no anti-social noise etc. If they wanted different house rules, they would have to set up their own households.

Thinking back to my parents generation, in their early 80s now. My Mum’s Dad would only allowed to get married at 21 and not younger like she wanted to.

I don't know anyone who was kicked out at 18. Most of my friends moved back to their parents' after uni, at least briefly. The ones who didn't go to uni moved out when they could afford it, usually around 22/23. Admittedly mostly middle class households though, so enough space and money to accommodate adult children.

Most people don’t ’kick their kids out at 18’ but we don’t prevent them from spreading their wings if that’s what they want to do. My DD chose to go to uni overseas. My DS chose to live at home for his degree - both choices are absolutely fine by me. He’ll leave when he’s ready but I don’t feel the need to try to prevent him leaving when he wants to make a separate life for himself.

Of course i didn't kick my kids out at 18. They stayed home when In Further education and moved out when they were ready, in their 20s.

I bought a bigger house for myself and primary aged children. One of the main reasons was that having room to grow meant they wouldn’t be in a rush to leave/move out when older. I was paying rent and bills after my a levels and feel I could have saved that money if I was able to live at home. I had friends who were able to get onto the property ladder in their early 20s due to being able to save this way. Ultimately it’ll be my children’s decision, l’ll be glad that they have this option if they choose to. Once they are working I’d also expect them to contribute to shopping, cleaning, cooking etc.

I am Asian and have let my young adult kids stay with me as long as they want, rent free. We are in London so housing super expensive.They do their own chores and cooking. One is moving out shortly to a houseshare. He also buys his own food as he eats a different diet. The other eats what we do. I do NOT allow partners to stay over.

I do not judge those who do charge rent though. Some people need it, and some want to teach their kids to budget. There are many ways to raise good adults.

in my peer group at school only one was 'kicked out' at 18. they were in foster care and basically lost the place because they are now adult. during a-level exam period.

Neither option. They fledged when ready which in my two's case was the move to university. Neither returned permanently after that as they both met their future husbands and lived with them. However even now in their thirties they know that if the shit hit the fan, they always have a roof over their heads.

Well, in Australia, the housing supply is nonexistent. Therefore, rent is almost unavailable and mostly unaffordable.

So, one can drive around and see how many houses have caravans in their driveway or front yard and how many of those vans have an extension cord leading to it. The house around the corner from me has a kit home and two caravans in its front yard.

Or you can drive around those same suburbs and see how many cars are parked outside each house. The house at the end of my street has seven cars on its verge, what with work cars and personal cars.

These are all strong signs of families with adult children who are simply unable to move out. A lot of people will be on $150k but still unable to move out.

I don't know anyone whose kids left at 18, except for uni. Most in London seem to have their kids living at home till mid twenties even.

My two (adult) DC stayed until ready to leave.
DD was a boomerang child. Went to uni, came back, moved out and came back two more times. Another uni degree then moved out for the final time aged 30.
DS started work after 3 years at local college, saved for a house deposit and moved out aged 22.
I wouldn't have considered making them move out at any age.

My dc are welcome here as long as they want. I can't afford to give them money for a house deposit but I am more than happy for them to live here until they are ready to move out.

Wherever my sons are my home is their home. They can leave and return at any time. Home is where you go to and they always let you in x

It's not either/or, OP. Most young people who leave home at 18 do so for university, and are still part-funded by their parents; they often go back home in vacations.
However, I would expect an adult child who has completed their education to then get a job and - shortly after - to be making plans to live independently. I know that finances are a factor, but I don't think it's particularly healthy to still be living with one's parents at 25+. (And if still "at home", they need to be paying rent).
So, it's shades of grey, not black and white .....

As someone who at 18 family moved 400 miles away so I had an option of going with but leaving my siblings, dad, friends etc (parents had split up) or staying and they paid a deposit for a rental (but I was in full time education at the time so within 3 months then had to leave said rental and move in with friends then back to rental and gave up uni to work) it completely messed my life up, financially it took me until mid 20’s to sort myself out, job wise I had to quit uni and take a random job. I would never do it to my children, my brother is in such a better position, lived with dad until mid 20’s and now owns a house because he could save, went to uni that dad supported him with and so has a much better outcome and had more options. I am stuck in a rental trap paying nearly double what my brother does on his mortgage unable to save because of the prices and wondering how I will ever retire!

I don’t know ANY families that kicked out their Dc.

They moved out gradually post Uni when they got their first real jobs.

My Dc got a job in a different city the day after graduation so has been gone since then.

But if the next job is in London there may be a transitional return to my / our home.

I don’t know anyone who was ‘kicked out’ at 18. I left ‘home’ at 16, but ‘home’ was Local Authority care.

My DCs will always have a roof with me if they need it, though I did encourage them to become independent in their 20s and helped them financially. They had all bought homes by the time they were 25 (except for DD who is still 22 and is still at home). But if they ever needed it, they’d be welcomed home (while I suppressed a massive inward eye roll!).

Some of the named ones stay home longer because they don't cohabit before marriage or it is simply not done thing to live by yourself/houseshare.
They also often have houses set up for multigen living. Standard uk semi is not that

As someone who was told when I went to University 'you dont live here anymore so no need to come home in the holidays' I will never tell me children they are not welcome. They will always have a bed in my house.
That doesnt mean I don't want them to move out though! But with the price of renting, I am happy for them to stay with us to save up for a deposit etc if they wish. I can't give them a lump sum but I can let them live in an otherwise unused bedroom to save up themselves!
We live in a small town though so I think they may prefer to go live in the city, although we are commutable.