Do people actually use babysitters?

[Babyboomtastic]

Do people actually use babysitters? I don't mean a close family member or friend having the kids or coming over to babysit, but more in the old fashioned sense - hiring and paying someone to look after your child?

I see it mentioned on here a lot, but I've not known anyone IRL who has used a babysitter. One of my friends does some occasional babysitting (locally to her, not in my area) but it doesn't seem to be the done thing here.

So you are a person who is able to go out, maintain friendships, keep interests and make a risk assessment.

Not worth the risk.

K. It’s entirely up to you.

I was a babysitter age 15- 18 and it was mainly for middle class families. One couple (since separated) had a monthly date night. For others it was as-hoc meals out and seeing friends.
I’ve had babysitters but not many, probably due to the cost and hassle of getting them home (we’re quite rural), DH and I went out mainly separately for many years.
My DD now babysits for nieces/ nephews and neighbours.

I really don't.

I think I might genuinely live in a weird area though, my youngest is in year 2 and we still haven't reached drop-off parties 😂. Kids are quite slow to gain independence round here, parents seem extra cautious.

I think human behaviour and patterns are fascinating! So much of it is driven by our peers, in terms of what we see as normal as we navigate parenting.

I genuinely do not give a shit about whether parents use babysitters or not. I'm just interested from a psychology perspective of why there are certain clumps of people where it's common and certain clumps of people where it's not.

We’re a military family so babysitting as you can imagine was pretty prevalent around military bases, few of us had families around, lots of deployments etc, it was very normal.

So…my area is very affluent, most kids go to the private school, confidence levels are high, employment is easy to get, my town is always in the ‘top ten places to live in the UK lists’ and…
use of babysitters is absolutely the norm
drop off at parties from 4/5 yr old is the norm
going off to Europe with just friends at 16 is the norm. (Just thinking of a few things that I think of as normal but some people on mn do not)

I was a babysitter alongside being a school midday supervisor.
First aid trained, SEN trained, DBS check etc. (Most importantly, took no nonsense, perfected the raised eyebrow!)

I knew all the kids I sat for, not any of the parents. Was a really lucrative add on - used to do emergency pick up (walking) from school to their home, or evenings.
Now I'm retired (just) and can't run after little ones or get down to the floor easily, life is quieter!
There are a lot of the school ancillary staff who do babysitting as a second job.

It seems to be common in my London borough - parents are always asking for recommendations in the class Whatsapp groups, and Bubble seems to be popular. Cost isn't an issue for the parents here as it's an affluent area. We don't have any family in the area and it's the same for most families we know.

Personally we haven't used one, not out of principle, just don't like strangers being in our home without us, and we haven't felt the need for it, we tend to relax at home when the dcs have gone to bed.

I had to use babysitters for my DC as we didn't live near any family. We mostly used 6th form aged girls and then their sisters and then their friends and their sisters.

Most people we're friends with didn't have to use babysitters and just didn't go out if there was no family available to babysit, preferring not to pay. I was fairly annoyed with a friend like this, who, when it came to her DDs, used her school connections to get her DDs babysitting jobs but would never have paid for one herself.

I used only childcare from nursery or nanny recommended.

We’ve used hired sitters for our girls, but they’re not “random strangers”
2 were key workers from our DD’s nursery who knew the girls well and we knew them.
our current babysitter has been with us for 3.5 years now. We book her in at the start of the year for once a month, as well as ad hoc nights out that come up. The first time she came, she brought her DBS and insurance for us to see. I had already read references before she arrived and she spent time with our girls for an hour before we went out. She is a nanny “by trade”, and babysits in the evening. Our girls love when I say she’s coming to do bedtime.
she’s also looked after our girls overnight at our home so we could have a night away.

we do have family nearby who don’t want to help/babysit so it’s that or never have a night out together, and I don’t think that is healthy either, for us or the girls

You trust strangers with your kids in nursery or school?
do your kids go on play dates to a friends house?

School is completely different and I laugh when people compare it to a sitter from online 😂 not the same thing at all!

That's interesting. Our area is a small city, maybe a little more affluent than average but but extremely so. Very attachment parenting focused with lots of breastfeeding into toddlerhood (and beyond), sling use etc into toddlerhood. I'm guessing that focus might be correlated with babysitting being less common.

I’ve used recommended babysitters, not randoms. Our parents don’t help us. It’s a once-in-a-while thing, when we both need to attend an event. Very normal in London. If anything, we’re abnormal round here because we rarely using babysitters.

I also remember being paid a fiver to canoodle with my boyfriend look after the neighbours children as a teenager. It was nice work if you could get it, especially if the parents also left snacks and drinks 😁

I wouldn't use someone under 16. I have used family friends (free), older teen girls that the kids already know (paid), friend's au pair (paid), my own older DDs (paid). Ive never used a baby sitting service where I didn't know the person at all beforehand.

Fairly obviously if you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc within easy reach you may well belong to the never brigade. If a single parent or couple without close ( as in nearby and helpful) family ties then you are either condemning them to be hermits or social parhiahs , or obviously they will need to hire babysitters!! I know v few people in the first camp - but those that are have the luxury of never needing sitters ( even for much envied weekends away etc). For the majority of the others they use local teens where the families are known; or people whom they trust to look after their children in the day ( nursery, kids club etc). A minority may use an unknown but highly rated sitter from a nanny agency etc. short of people without support networks never going out at night for 14 years, not much alternative?!!

I do actually know a couple wbo went absolute years before having a night out together.
Gran would only take one child at a time.

Nope not once. And thinking about it, I don’t know anyone who does.

We have done before. But it’s tricky to find them and costs a small fortune

so hardly ever

I have in the past a lot, as did friends in London (about 15 yrs ago or so), less so out here in the shires. I think the problem is that it makes an evening out massively more expensive. People are more cautious about leaving kids with young people they don’t know well, there are better takeaway/posh meals at home options and I think in general there are less parties and dinner parties

IME my more wealthy friends (their kids go to private school) seem to easily procure paid help of this kind. I dont know how they do it. Maybe an agency?

I’ve always struggled to find a good sitter. They come once or twice ahd then seem to go to uni, get jobs so no longer interested

We used two of the key workers from DT’s nursery. One of them babysat at least once a week from when DT’s were six months old so DH and I could go out with friends, for a meal, the theatre etc. The same two babysat for years and they became good friends.